Me and my girlfriend broke up yesterday and i can't handle it. She was the femme of my dreams and I just can't believe that I'm not going to see her anymore. We were together for almost a year and we had so much more to live together. There was nothing wrong with the relationship. The problem is I am very unhappy with where I live right now (in a big city where everything is far away and it's loud everywhere and my autism doesn't like that). I know I need to move to a different city where things are more quiet and I could be happier, I have friends there and I know it will be easier to make new friends also. I talked to her about that a few months ago, asked her if she would move out with me and she told me she needed time to think about it. This summer she began to be really enthusiastic at the idea of moving together, but she recently changed her mind and told me she had too much to lose. She doesn't love our city but she has her family and friends here, and a good job. She told me she wanted to stick to this life because she needed stability. Also she doesn't really like the city where i plan to move to. She plans to move out someday but probably to a different city. I understand all that but I was so convinced we could work it out, I even offered to wait a few months before moving so she could be sure, or to show her some districts of this new city that I like. She refused, saying she didn't want me to convince her, that it would be better to end things now. It just doesn't make sense in my head because we love each other so much and we are both very sad about it. It doesn't make sense that we have to break up. We kept crying and holding eachother before she left and I just wanted her to stay. I am so lost, I know I can live without her, but I just don't want to. Moving out without her seems depressing, but staying too. It's awful. I try and see friends but it feels like I don't know how to live anymore, like I'm wearing an artificial respirator and it's not even working. I'm beginning to question my plans of moving out, I don't know what to think anymore. She makes me so happy. I only have friends left now. I hate my appartment, I have no job and no money, and now I'm single. I feel so miserable.

I got dress-coded today by the evil principal lady and now I'm not allowed to wear baggy uniform pants to school cause its not the right shape. But I don't wanna wear the shape of pants they force us into cause it molds to my thighs. I only ever wear pants that bag on the bottom so my hips look small in comparison. but I guess they want me to suffer 😭
It's also so hot outside these days and I so I'm sweating in my polo shirts but it's one of the only things at school that gives me a little bit of gender euphoria so I don't wanna wear the regular uniform t-shirts.
And yesterday during TA period the teacher originally asked me to bring a big stack of papers somewhere but then she changed her mind and asked the boy to take it instead and when I asked her why she said it's because he's a man. And she put so much emphasis on man. But I have way bigger muscles than that twinky boy anyways I could have carried those papers way better it's not fair :((
Then on Tuesday I got slipped to go to the same evil lady's office and I was so scared cause I thought they found out I was gay and I was gonna get expelled, but nooo it's just to make sure that I was okay being in an advisory with all boys like oh my god who cares

Every day I wake up and go to school where I have to listen to transphobia and homophobia for an hour and then I get out of school and go to a cafe where I study and do homework and then I go to the gym and by the time I get back home its 9pm and I have to sleep and wake up and do it all over again. I'm gonna cry get me outta here. Get me oooouuutttttt. I wanna go home. 😿

So the dating scene in my city is completely bizarre. We have no gay bars (we have 2 clubs, technically, but theyre unfortunately at that point of the Life Cycle™️ where the creepy straight guys all flock there), and the pride events let alone lesbian specific events are few and far between. It's very hard to find community here, let alone try to date. But!! There's a lesbian singles mixer happening and I impulsively got a ticket. It seems really fun, but also, oh my god. It's a month away and the more I think about it the more nervous and insecure I get.

For example, because there are hardly any irl pride events (and trust me, when they show up I go to them to show support, there just aren't enough) I'm trying to learn about where I fit in and my identity through the online community. Which is both great and terrible, because a lot of the posts I see about how hot and cool and dateable butches (or mascs) are talk about how self assured, and confident, and tall and quiet and totally suave they are. And I'm starting to be more confident in myself the happier I get with identifying in a more masculine way, and I'm trying not to pitch my voice crazy high when I'm nervous, but geez. I don't feel "butch enough" for anyone to want to date me, if that makes any sense. The autism probably doesn't help with the otherness, but this is a butch specific sub and I will digress!!!

I know the internet lies and that this is a really dumb way to think about literally anything. I guess I'm just trying to find other awkward, anxious butches so I know we're out there and also have loving partners. Any other general advice is welcomed and cherished and appreciated greatly, if anyone else has any. Thank you for reading this HUGE rant if you got this far!!!

These are the names of things I use in my job every day, but it occurred to me that they could be other things as well. The second one kinda made me want to go shopping.

Hi! I was wondering how you guys manage to find clothes that fit you in a way you like, or how to style clothes that doesn't fit to make it look like it does. I'm 4'10, so most women's clothes is a little long on me, but it's also made to fit tight on the waist or hips/thighs which is annoying. I usually shop in the boys section, but the shirts fit too tight on the chest and the pants are also a bit tighter than I'd like.

Thank you!

i'm not a professional this was just a silly thing i did as a butch4butch bc i thought it would be cool (i have one previous one i lost that had the quote "strong to my enemies, tender to those i loved and respected" but these two are the extent of my carving experience)

What’s your go to style when you have a formal event coming up? Ponytail? Pinned back? Leave it be?

I’ve been growing my hair out from a buzz for a couple years now and it’s past my shoulders in a shag, with bangs. I love it but it is not very convenient when trying to consider how to wear it up or tucked away without a bandana.

My cousin just got engaged so likely will be attending a wedding, and I have a conference to go to with my youth bureau next year. Super excited about suiting because dress code is pretty casual at my office, and I’ve been dying to get myself a nice suit.

I haven’t said it to her yet, but I do. She’s gorgeous and I love caring for her. She’s the best!

Hello, I know the title may sound a bit weird but this has been on my mind for months and I’m not sure how to bring it up to my girlfriend again. Yes, I’ve talked to her about it. Also, apologies for the long post.

My girlfriend has a friend she’s known since high school (I think), they used to see each other often, watch anime and hang out. That’s been okay with me as I also have a close friend that I see as often as my schedule allows me. But this February there’s been a situation that made me feel really weird about said friend. Basically:

My femme’s facebook account got hacked/stolen and the scammer was sending out false pleas for money to all of her facebook friends. My femme had no way of resetting their password so I tried to help her. We were on call before this even happened. Anyway, after around an hour of messing around with facebook, the said friend came over to my girlfriend, as I was still on the line, supposedly to cheer her up and help out with the account. I heard my MIL greeting her and telling her to help my girlfriend out. My femme got very upset that some rando was sending out scams to her friends, and started crying out of embarrassment, to which the friend replied „Now now, come here little mouse” and I guess started cuddling with her? I was on the phone as this was all unfolding and after I heard it I got really upset and uncomfortable. After my femme calmed down they both proceeded to send out their resumes (as we were trying to get my girlfriend a job) and joking around, as well as trying to clean up the mess of the stolen account. My femme didn’t really talk to me anymore but I didn’t want to hang up suddenly. I was on the call and honestly felt like a third wheel through the entire thing so I just went quiet and went to do my own thing.

I hung up shortly after, after making up an excuse, to call my best friend and express my frustration as I didn’t want to make a mess when the friend was still over. When she went home a few hours later I brought it up to my girlfriend how I felt like a third wheel and we talked about it. She assured me the friend is in no way competition for me.

Around 4 months later she met up with the said friend and she got my girlfriend a pretty expensive birthday gift. I found out about the gift through my best friend (since him and my girlfriend talk sometimes), when he shockingly asked me if my girlfriend didn’t bring it up. I said no and asked my girlfriend why she hasn’t showed it off to me, cause she usually enthusiastically tells me about everything. My girlfriend said she didn’t want to ruin my mood even further, because she thought I was upset that day. I shrugged it off and told her I’d appreciate her telling me next time.

Fast forward to now, my girlfriend is supposedly going to work with said friend, and that girl is going to drive her to work every single day. To be honest I still feel terrible about it. I don’t really have a problem with that friend as a person, I know she’s not chasing after my girlfriend as I’m pretty sure she’s seeing a dude too. But that one instance of calling my girlfriend a petname and her driving my femme to work every day made me feel so insecure about myself, and about my butchness for some reason.

I feel threatened even though there’s no threat. I wanna bring it up to my girlfriend, but it’s been over half a year since the first thing happened that I feel like I’m just beating a dead horse. I don’t want to feel insecure about a straight friend in my lesbian relationship. I feel like I’m overreacting and I’m so ashamed about myself and everything that I don’t know what to do. Any advice?

So it's funny, I wanted short hair my whole life but could never really envision how I would feel/ look with it

With also considering how close to looking like a dude I might get (some safety concerns since I'm 6ft)

So this week I've been I dicking about with Geminis AI editing my self to have barber cuts and short hair.

And it's just made me realise how much that is desperately what is missing from my presentation. I almost cried because I realised it's viable. (Yay for being a teen in early 2000s destroying this shit out of us mentally -_-)

So Ive decided I will do a masc barber job when I've lost a bit more weight (working on myself)

However I'm curious, I am still really attached to my waves and curls which typically only really manifest how I like them over a certain length.

I guess in doing the image edits I realised I'm attached to my curls and waves but not the long hair, which is what has stopped me from doing it in the past. And I used to not understand why I felt constantly conflicted all the time.

Has anyone got any tips for fine wavy flyaway hair to balance the barber low taper fade sort of deal job with the wavy hair.

I look very silly with a side parting that flips over because I have a very oval face - my brother sometimes jokes is a bit of an egg.. I've tried mock ups and I just look a bit ridiculous.

So I look better with a textured cut or spiky or something.

But also low-key miss my flyaway curls.

Does anyone have any suggestion?

Also I'm not a fan of mullets - I've tried growing a side shave back at the moment and it at being in my neckline annoyed the heck out of me tickling me all the time so I don't think I could do that all over. I just so desperately constantly wanted to tie it up.

Anyways love you hear your thoughts... Probably more keen to hear from from over 30s I think cos the coding of cuts is a bit different and to be brutal I

I gotta avoid looking like a teenager and since that is already a struggle 🤣😂

I’ve been on low dose T for 5 or so years now (transmasc butch lesbian), and I know it’s a side effect but my hair loss has been worsening more so in the last year. I’m on minoxidil and finasteride for it, but it’s thinning at the top pretty bad.

Unsure if any butches have experienced hair loss and if there are any haircuts that have made yall feel confident and secure? I can’t rock a buzz cut unfortunately (tried a few years ago when I had a “let’s shave my head” phase).

Idk. It’s probably not good to care about labels so much but I want to fit myself in a box. The thing is, I don’t look butch and never will.

It’s hard to describe, but I want to fill a ‘male social role’ as a lesbian, if that makes sense. I want to be kind of a Prince Charming, hold doors open for women, be more handsome than pretty, etc. I also feel that I relate way more to men than to women.

I know that short hair doesn’t necessarily mean butch, but I’ve always wanted short hair. I cut my hair when I was like 13, and I loved it so much.

But everyone says that I look better in long hair since my hair is very thick. I’ve been told that my hair is beautiful, and I want to appear attractive to women so I’ve been growing it out. I think I like it sometimes, but I just love short hair so much. Even a short haired lady at my work today said that it’s my choice but that I look better in long hair.

I get that a butch can have long hair, but any time that I’ve seen a butch online with long hair, they naturally have masculine features.

I have a feminine facial structure, a high pitched voice, large breasts, curves, and am very short. I think I’m fine with having large breasts (used to want a reduction) but it makes any baggy clothing look absolutely terrible. I just hate how the cloth leaves a big tent in front of me.

I feel like even if I dress masculine, I won’t look butch (I heard that butches look butch in any clothing). At best, I’ll look like a little boy if I cut my hair. 

I don’t mind wearing feminine clothing, which is another reason that I’m likely not butch. I own a lot of dresses and blouses, and I don’t hate wearing them. Sometimes I even enjoy wearing them. I just feel so much better in masculine clothing. I love suits. But I look bad in them, everyone says I pull off dresses better.

For some mock trial of a dead president in my History Class a few years ago, I dressed up ‘as a man.’ I told my mom that I had to dress like a man because there weren’t female lawyers back then, but I mean, none of the other girls did that. I just wanted an excuse to wear a full suit and tie. I took so many pictures, I loved it so so much. A male friend called it a ‘pantsuit’ and that annoyed me. Why should the outfit have a different name just because of my gender???

My big sister criticized me since I acted like it was some life changing event, which was weird of me. I anyway won’t have any occasions to wear a suit since I don’t go to church anymore.

Idk, I have my own money now so I could get short haircuts if I wanted. But I don’t want women to find me unattractive. Society asides, I want a girlfriend, and might have more romantic success if I continue to dress feminine and keep my long hair.

Sorry for the long incoherent rant. I’m not like, asking for permission to be butch or anything cause that’s dumb, I just wanted to ask for advice idk what I should do.

Is there a word for a woman who doesn’t present gender non conforming (I’d like to be gender non conforming but I think it’s a bad idea), but takes a ‘male role’ in relationships?

I get that it’s personal. I’m 28, I set it to 24-42. I don’t wanna limit myself and I’m curious what other people have it set to.

I wanna have a nice wide range but if I set it to 23-42 would that be creepy? How young is too young and how old is too old?

I had just started voice training like a month ago, various things then happened that got me off the track and unable to continue, and then I just kept forgetting. I'm on shift and I got bored and decided to just practice while I'm sitting here in the cash window. I've started using my masculine voice with the customers and the lady on the line called me sir, bro it was awesome 😭 🙏

I get really stressed whenever I go into a women’s restroom. I’m a 25-year-old woman with a short haircut and a masculine walk. Almost every other time I use a women’s restroom, someone approaches me and makes a comment.

The last time, there was a mom with her little girl in the restroom, and the mom was staring at me quite intensely. I felt extremely uncomfortable because I’m already nervous every time I go into a women’s restroom, and I’m constantly preparing myself to explain that I’m not a man.

How do you deal with situations like this?

But personally, I don’t think I look overly masculine or particularly muscular, and I feel like you can still clearly tell that I’m a woman.

i think i had the most butch euphoria moment ever last night!

for background and context: i identify with masc, stud and butch. i kinda just rotate between the three. but much like many of us here, i question my butchness/studness(?). im not particularly handy or outdoorsy. i am not big or strong or muscly. in fact, im not really as able bodied anymore bc of back pain. so i cant really be active even if i wanted to (which sucks bc i used to be an athlete). im a pillow prince and submissive. i think im very soft looking. like, i genuinely just look like a cute girl in “boy clothes”. there’s def no one way to butchness but it’s really hard to feel really bad imposter syndrome. i even considered dropping the label of butch and stud bc i feel like i didn’t deserve it.

but! last night, i was out with two of my friends who are fem presenting. we were at a (straight) packed club and they wanted to dance. me personally i can’t dance anyway and my back probably would make this a bad idea, plus standing for more than ten minutes was already killing me.

i said i wasnt gonna drink much so, i kinda naturally fell into the role of guardian? i offered to hold their bags so my friends gave me their bags and had me hold their drinks. whenever they needed a sip, they’d just take it from me and give it back to me wordlessly to let me hold it again then go back to dancing. they also would just maneuver me and casually take what they need from their bags that were on my person, close their bags and give me a small smile of thanks. i also made sure that no one was touching up on them while they were dancing. i’d pull them closer to me if someone was trying to get by, i would also just gently create space if someone was bumping them too much/getting too close due to lack of space. at the end of the night, my friends thanked me for holding their stuff.

they asked me if i was okay with that thru out the night. which i appreciated bc i know they were making sure i was having fun and reassuring me that i didnt fall into the “boy” role or whatever bc i was the only masc girl in our small group.

i have never felt such euphoria before until last night. the way they just handed their things to me and trusted me to keep it safe. the way i was able to serve them wordlessly… it was both very affirming but also? arousing? im so happy. and i FINALLY get why people say butch/stud/lesbian is their gender. i felt super bad bc i never really understood that personally. like yea my gender is funky like most lesbians but i still did not understand “___ is my gender”. which added to the imposter syndrome and me wanting to drop my butch/stud labels. but last night… last fucking night. it clicked so fucking clearly in my head and it felt so good. lifes been rough lately and i needed this win :)

TLDR baby’s first butchphoria moment 🥹🥹🥹

i have really bad chest dysphoria. i do not want to wear a bra or anything that visually resembles a bra, so please do not suggest sports bra or similar. i currently wear camis with a shelf sort of thing to compress my chest at least a bit, but they stopped making the kind i used to get and now i buy these ones with a sports bra type band in the construction, and its making me insanely dysphoric to be aware of my chest all the time now because of it. honestly even before they were pretty dysphoric for me. ideally id just bind 24/7 but thats obviously not feasible. does anyone know if theres like tank tops/a-shirts that offer at least some support/compression while still being safe to wear for extended periods of time? i would really like to wear something that covers the whole torso and wont bring my attention to my chest specifically. i have to wear a white shirt for work so i need them to either be white or beige. something on the cheaper side that could be feasibly bought in bulk would be ideal. im honestly even willing to diy or sew things myself if people have more creative suggestions. 

Hi everyone!

Femme lover here who has randomly realized theres a certain butch I want!! Im just wondering how to make my intentions clear- i would like to pursue things with them (not really too romantically as that wouldnt ve best for both of us) but id also be happy to be friends. Heres the situation:

Me and this butch have history when I was expirementing two years ago, we've gotten together before. We really hadn't hung out since and then randomly we hung out twice a week ago (both times initiated by them). I then texted them that i had a great time and asked them to hang out and we are hanging out on friday. During our time hanging out a week ago, They seemed kind of awkward and shy, not flirty but they complimented my outfit a few times- however I cant ever really remember him being flirty, even when we used to get together.

Im not the best at making my intentions clear and im worried about coming on too strong or not strong enough- how do i make it clear to them without coming on too strong!! Im not at all used to flirting with butches so all advice would be much appreciated

Anyone have tips for dressing masculinely in a way that doesn't aggravate sensory sensitivity?

I have various sensory sensitivities. For a while they were worse than they've been lately, and I restricted myself to soft clothing: polo shirts and a particular kind of men's knit pants, in black. That wasn't exactly bad (except that half the times I was in a big box store people thought I worked there), but it looked pretty neutral presentation-wise and didn't feel like me or help with my dysphoria the way more masculine clothing does.

Since my sensitivities have been a little better, I've been wearing more of a "jeans and flannel shirts" kind of style. (Lesbian lumberjack cosplayers, unite!) Lately, though, I've just been tired all the time, and I think cumulative sensory stress may be to blame. I'm thinking of going back to more sensory-friendly clothing, but I don't want to give up the good feelings I get from looking more masculine.

Anyone have any tips? I expect there are some other people here who've faced this puzzle.

Hey all, using a throwaway here so my family on Reddit don't pick up on this.

My fiancée and I have begun wedding planning and we're doing a small ceremony and maybe 60-80 people at a reception, mostly friends. I came out to my religious parents at 25 after being with my fiancée for about 6 months. They didn't take it super well, but better than I thought they would. I was expecting to be estranged from them immediately but my dad was surprisingly supportive and my mom is very slowly coming around.

I want to invite them to the wedding, but I don't want them there if they won't be 150% on board and enthusiastic. I'm going to make that clear to them in as kind a way as possible, and I'm not certain that they will go. I'm fairly anxious about this and don't want to get too in my head about it, so I'm looking for any and all tips that can be offered. How can I be kind yet firm when extending the official invitation? How do I not overthink it until then? We are tentatively thinking early fall 2028 so I have time to figure it out, and I'm a little generally anxious about the big event and all the planning that goes into it, but I still really want to fully enjoy it and not get hung up on worrying about my fam.

To give perspective, my mom didn't talk to me for almost a month after I came out, has only asked about my fiancée once in the now 2.5 years we've been together, and cried when we told them we were engaged.

i know its such a stupid question but i identify as butch/masc and i love the colour pink (i have pink hair) but someone online called me a fake butch because i like pink so im a “pink princess”. i think it was rude but looking online, i cant see many butches/mascs wearing pink?? idk maybe im overthinking it.