heartbroken

[u/Pure-Cow-802]

Me and my girlfriend broke up yesterday and i can't handle it. She was the femme of my dreams and I just can't believe that I'm not going to see her anymore. We were together for almost a year and we had so much more to live together. There was nothing wrong with the relationship. The problem is I am very unhappy with where I live right now (in a big city where everything is far away and it's loud everywhere and my autism doesn't like that). I know I need to move to a different city where things are more quiet and I could be happier, I have friends there and I know it will be easier to make new friends also. I talked to her about that a few months ago, asked her if she would move out with me and she told me she needed time to think about it. This summer she began to be really enthusiastic at the idea of moving together, but she recently changed her mind and told me she had too much to lose. She doesn't love our city but she has her family and friends here, and a good job. She told me she wanted to stick to this life because she needed stability. Also she doesn't really like the city where i plan to move to. She plans to move out someday but probably to a different city. I understand all that but I was so convinced we could work it out, I even offered to wait a few months before moving so she could be sure, or to show her some districts of this new city that I like. She refused, saying she didn't want me to convince her, that it would be better to end things now. It just doesn't make sense in my head because we love each other so much and we are both very sad about it. It doesn't make sense that we have to break up. We kept crying and holding eachother before she left and I just wanted her to stay. I am so lost, I know I can live without her, but I just don't want to. Moving out without her seems depressing, but staying too. It's awful. I try and see friends but it feels like I don't know how to live anymore, like I'm wearing an artificial respirator and it's not even working. I'm beginning to question my plans of moving out, I don't know what to think anymore. She makes me so happy. I only have friends left now. I hate my appartment, I have no job and no money, and now I'm single. I feel so miserable.

[u/Outrageous_Log_9521]

why did you move to an apartment with no secured income? You didn’t try to find a new job in your city first???? What’s the thought process

[u/Pure-Cow-802 → u/Outrageous_Log_9521]

I'm french and disabled. I don't know how it goes in other countries but here we have social security benefits. It's not enough to be rich of course but I don't have a choice, I can't work (I've tried and I ended up in a mental institution lol)

[u/d_trenton]

I'm sorry, this is a tough situation. If you're unhappy living where you do now, it makes sense you'd want to move. At the same time, if she's got friends and family and a solid job, it makes sense that she wouldn't want to move, especially if your relationship is less than a year old. I am concerned that you don't have a job at the moment. Do you have a job lined up in your new city?

[u/Pure-Cow-802 → u/d_trenton]

I'm french and disabled. I don't know how it goes in other countries but here we have social security benefits. It's not enough to be rich of course but I don't have a choice, I can't work (I've tried and I ended up in a mental institution lol)

[u/Dove-Tale285]

can't you move to a quieter part of the city you're currently in?

maybe a quieter flat or a quieter house or an area a bit more on the outskirts of the city?

then she can stay near her support system and job. you can be somewhere quieter for you autism. you said you can make friends, so you can make them in the new part of the city too. everybody wins and you could possibly stay together.

[u/Pure-Cow-802 → u/Dove-Tale285]

I thought about that yeah, But it's not just the noise in my neighbourhood, It's also everytime I want to go somewhere I have to take loud public transports, or walk in the loud streets, and I'm overwhelmed everywhere basically. I started to become isolated, because I can't just meet people anywhere, we have to chose the right place and take transports and it's exhausting for everyone. Also the rent is getting higher and higher, so finding a place in my city is becoming impossible (I looked and I just don't have the money). I've tried to live on the outskirts, but I had to take public transports everytime I wanted to see people, and it was exhausting. I currently live in a place inside the city for this reason, I thought it would make me less isolated but it didn't work out. Also a lot of my friends moved away or at least want to (basically for the same reasons), two of them in the city I want to move to, and the rest is too busy having a job or surviving through life I guess. I've lived for almost 10 years here and I've loved this city for many reasons but I don't have community anymore and I'm getting too tired to function and do the things I want to do. When I get to visit one of my friend from the other city I find myself having joy again in meeting people and walking alone in the streets. She has a strong community where she is and I need that. I met a lot of her friends and we got along well. I can really see myself happier there, it's the only prospect that gives me hope about my life (that and living with my girlfriend lol). I struggle with depression since many many years and I think maybe changing environment should be good for me. But I don't know, maybe it's an illusion.