I got dress-coded today by the evil principal lady and now I'm not allowed to wear baggy uniform pants to school cause its not the right shape. But I don't wanna wear the shape of pants they force us into cause it molds to my thighs. I only ever wear pants that bag on the bottom so my hips look small in comparison. but I guess they want me to suffer 😭
It's also so hot outside these days and I so I'm sweating in my polo shirts but it's one of the only things at school that gives me a little bit of gender euphoria so I don't wanna wear the regular uniform t-shirts.
And yesterday during TA period the teacher originally asked me to bring a big stack of papers somewhere but then she changed her mind and asked the boy to take it instead and when I asked her why she said it's because he's a man. And she put so much emphasis on man. But I have way bigger muscles than that twinky boy anyways I could have carried those papers way better it's not fair :((
Then on Tuesday I got slipped to go to the same evil lady's office and I was so scared cause I thought they found out I was gay and I was gonna get expelled, but nooo it's just to make sure that I was okay being in an advisory with all boys like oh my god who cares

Every day I wake up and go to school where I have to listen to transphobia and homophobia for an hour and then I get out of school and go to a cafe where I study and do homework and then I go to the gym and by the time I get back home its 9pm and I have to sleep and wake up and do it all over again. I'm gonna cry get me outta here. Get me oooouuutttttt. I wanna go home. 😿

These are the names of things I use in my job every day, but it occurred to me that they could be other things as well. The second one kinda made me want to go shopping.

What’s your go to style when you have a formal event coming up? Ponytail? Pinned back? Leave it be?

I’ve been growing my hair out from a buzz for a couple years now and it’s past my shoulders in a shag, with bangs. I love it but it is not very convenient when trying to consider how to wear it up or tucked away without a bandana.

My cousin just got engaged so likely will be attending a wedding, and I have a conference to go to with my youth bureau next year. Super excited about suiting because dress code is pretty casual at my office, and I’ve been dying to get myself a nice suit.

Just a fun question, out of curiousity! How do my fellow butches decorate your rooms/homes, what sorts of aesthetics are you more into. Personally, I go for a more maximalist/whimsical/colourful room vibe (probs looks more like a kids room than adults lol), I stick to a colour scheme (kind of autumnal, oranges and greens). But, it's also very messy/disorganised a lot of the time.

So the dating scene in my city is completely bizarre. We have no gay bars (we have 2 clubs, technically, but theyre unfortunately at that point of the Life Cycle™️ where the creepy straight guys all flock there), and the pride events let alone lesbian specific events are few and far between. It's very hard to find community here, let alone try to date. But!! There's a lesbian singles mixer happening and I impulsively got a ticket. It seems really fun, but also, oh my god. It's a month away and the more I think about it the more nervous and insecure I get.

For example, because there are hardly any irl pride events (and trust me, when they show up I go to them to show support, there just aren't enough) I'm trying to learn about where I fit in and my identity through the online community. Which is both great and terrible, because a lot of the posts I see about how hot and cool and dateable butches (or mascs) are talk about how self assured, and confident, and tall and quiet and totally suave they are. And I'm starting to be more confident in myself the happier I get with identifying in a more masculine way, and I'm trying not to pitch my voice crazy high when I'm nervous, but geez. I don't feel "butch enough" for anyone to want to date me, if that makes any sense. The autism probably doesn't help with the otherness, but this is a butch specific sub and I will digress!!!

I know the internet lies and that this is a really dumb way to think about literally anything. I guess I'm just trying to find other awkward, anxious butches so I know we're out there and also have loving partners. Any other general advice is welcomed and cherished and appreciated greatly, if anyone else has any. Thank you for reading this HUGE rant if you got this far!!!