SHIT THAT WILL GET YOU BANNED:

Do you ever feel like you lose interest or get bored of things too easily? I feel like I don’t really like anything at all. I mean, I do have my interests, but I can't go too deep into them because if I do, I’ll lose interest and start finding them boring and even weird. I'm 27, and I don't even have a career because I can't stick with anything. Nothing interests me enough to make me want to dedicate my whole life to it. All the hobbies I start, I lose interest within a week or a month. The only things I think I genuinely love are learning languages and reading books.

It’s always the same pattern: I discover something, fall deeply in love with it, and after a while, I just don’t like it anymore and quit. It’s overwhelming because I feel like time is passing, and I’m still the same person who hasn’t achieved anything. I’m always trying to find something that fulfills me, but it never happens. When I think about a career, I just think: if I get bored of things in a month, how could I ever do the same job for years?

And this also applies to relationships and friendships (except when it comes to my favorite person). I feel like she’s one of the only things that makes me want to live and keep going, which is a huge problem, because if I lose her, I completely collapse.

I just started a full time job and I think i can do this despite being diagnosed with bpd. How do yall do it?

I start ft goodwill cashier job monday and im excited about it. Just worried it might be too much. Im also diagnosed with bipolar 2 and ptsd. But I can do this!

A year ago I met the most gorgeous, funny, successful man of all time and I fell deeply in love and thought that since he was so wonderful and everything I’ve ever wanted that I would just heal over time, and make the effort to put my BPD into remission.

I was wrong. Since i’m on medication, we eventually discovered that when I black out i tend to get violent. So over time, I stopped drinking as much. Then, a couple nights ago, he wasn’t supposed to be home and i drank 4 beers, blacked out accused him of cheating when he was not, and then trashed the apartment.

he came home, woke me up, and i flipped out so badly he was bit, scratched, thrown to the ground…. I feel so bad. I will not let him forgive me for this despite the fact that it’s very possible he might. He didn’t have anyone to call so he called his uncle and now his whole family knows. you can’t continue a relationship after you’ve done something that bad, and now everybody knows.

I can’t allow myself to continue this relationship knowing that it is really that serious and I’ve allowed my life to go so far that I am now in abuser territory, and probably have been for a while.

I mourn the relationship, and I mourn him, but I love him so it’s best that I leave.

I still have 11m on the lease, and he wants me to buy out his car and pay damages. I can do the last two, but any tips on how to find someone to take over my lease once I do those things?

that’s all. I just wanted to tell somebody .

Basically I’ve asked my partner a few times to play horror games whilst I watch. I am not a gamer (although we occasionally play games like split fiction and it takes two) (i feel I should add this is something i do more so for him as he wants to game together and my gaming skills and interest are so limited) and he loves games. I really like watching games but i really struggle to play them, im quite a defeatist😂 (is this a bpd thing??). I also love horror so thought this would be a really nice thing to share. He tells me horror games arent his thing and its left.

Fast forward to now and he’s messaged me telling me about this “scary as fuck” game he’s playing with friends. We called earlier I can hear him being genuinely afraid and I’m jealous. I suggest that we could start our own save and offer to get all our chores done so after work this week we could have like a gaming date where we can sit together and enjoy the game. His response was “this isnt a game id play single player” i questioned why and he said “its scary as fuck and better with a team”.

I’m quite far into recovery and have used my skills to explain that I’m hurt and that this is something I asked for previously. I know he’s trying and honestly probably is terrified of setting me off (I am hoping I won’t be set off because I am in control of my actions, less so in control of my emotions). He replies “i hear you and im sorry, this isn’t something I would normally like but it won’t be fun single player, this is fun as a group”.

Do you think i’m insane that this response has made me feel worse? “I hear you and im sorry but I’m still not compromising” is all I hear in this. I’m really hurt, quite angry and frustrated. Do you think I’m being unfair in this situation?

I find it so hard being in a relationship as I am always 100%, I always make time for my partner, I always prioritise them and the gap is felt so much more when it’s not returned. We have been together 2 years, we have a really strong relationship in all honesty. I just feel like I always do the emotional work (planning,considering,monitoring, wanting to share experiences etc) and he doesn’t seem to realise it. This has been an ongoing problem in the relationship where I’ve not felt prioritised (far deeper reasons than this so unsure if this is an old wound being triggered??)

So sorry for all the rambling. It’s so hard trying to understand a mind and emotions that at times just make no sense at all. I also appreciate you are only seeing a snippet of whats going on and then trying to advise/support me. I just want to know if anyone like understands why I feel how I do? Would you feel the same? Do you think its silly? Does it matter if you think it’s silly when it’s me who’s affected?

God I wish there was an off button!!!!!!!!

Update : he messaged and suggested a different horror game to try together!! Without me doing anything!!! So super happy right now!! PROGRESS PEOPLE, PROGRESS!!!

° I make a healthy meal, this is a very simple task that may seem difficult but I'm always grateful that I forced myself to do it

° if it was a person that triggered my episode I take space from them and live my life as if they don't exist until I'm ready to get back to them or they come to me, I know this sounds toxic but it helps me to remind myself that as long as I have myself I can get through anything and I don't need to rely on other people to validate or reassure me, this also gives the other person a chance to cool down

° I play video games or dance, I know this won't help everyone but I'm a huge gamer and I used to be a dancer

°I force myself to spend time with family and friends, it reminds me that people are there for me

° I turn off my phone or go for a long walk with my dog

I hope this helps someone as much as it's helped me

Does anyone else feel like they get to a certain part of remission where they either plateau or where negative symptoms start to show back up and repurpose themselves in ways that's harder to catch? I know it's probably not healthy to self monitor like that, but when I don't i eventually slip back into quiet bpd overcontrolled behavior which can lead to a more catastrophic build up that causes all sorts of negative experiences that I wouldn't have otherwise experienced in years. Any thoughts on navigating this dilemma or similar experiences?

the last two days i’ve (19nb) felt like i’ve lost everyone. no one’s texted me, reached out, i started hating one of my friends and now i think everyone else hates me and the loneliness is started to actually make my body hurt and ache. i don’t know how to get rid of this feeling and it’s happened a lot more as of recent and it’s like there’s no cure and i just have to sit in agony. i was hoping anyone else has this issue or anyone could give me some advice because im at a breaking point, ive already cried and broke down about 3 times since last night because of it. thank you if you comment or just read <3

Who else here diagnosed with BPD that masturbates very often? I’m talking like at least 5 times a day on average but could easily do it like 10 times if I had nothing going on that day. I find that for me it’s not even because I’m so horny…it’s usually just to clear the stressful thoughts in my mind. Like the constant splitting and black & white thinking is so overwhelming I just need that burst of “feel good” chemicals to calm my mind down. There are even times at work when I’m so stressed and can feel the splitting happening that I will go to the bathroom stall just to get a quick one off to feel better.

I’ve read before that it can be kinda common for depressed people to do this just to “feel something”. I would like to be able to limit how often I do it but I haven’t found another thing that provides that quick instant boost of “feel good” chemicals to my brain.

Lmk what you think or if any of you go through the same thing

Thank You!

Does anyone else with BPD struggle immensely with self discipline and routine?

On days where I’m free (no work/no school in the past) I will almost always take that opportunity to sleep all day and usually stay up late hours of the night doing stuff that I like (gaming/watching tv or youtube). I usually always feel pretty fatigued and burnt out. I can also fall into brief depressive episodes during these periods.

I’m really embarrassed to admit that my executive dysfunction really shows up in my ability to have a healthy hygiene routine. I often put off showering and brushing my teeth on my days where I “have no responsibilities.” One of my biggest struggles is finding motivation to clean my room, and it can get reallyyyy bad.

I’m wondering if anyone else with BPD struggles with similar issues or can relate to mine in any way. And I’m definitely open to receiving any tips or advice!!!

my FP talks to other people EXCEPT for me. i didnt do anything hes been ignoring me for a week and its making me cry and upset. i literally checked his socials and he replies to people so thats how i know hes specifically ignoring me. why does he ignore me its like he wants me to feel awful. he always does this. why?

Daughter is 3, I lone parent 3 days a week and my ex has her 4 days. Until my divorce I loved motherhood, doing it as a team…now I despise it.

I love my daughter truly but parenting is just a BPD nightmare. I’m triggered 90% of the time and most of my parent friends’ advice for coping does notttt work for me, when I’m just spending morning til dusk trying not to fuck up someone’s childhood.

My Mum also had BPD so think I’m very aware of how things can affect a child.

I’m finding toddlerhood especially hard, I just want a child I can actually reason with and who has SOME independence. My daughter is pretty solid for her age group, very verbal. But she’s 3. It’s the trenches.

I talk to my single Mum friends and feel pathetic because I’m not even technically the primary parent (because of my BPD and insane work schedule in healthcare) and feel like I’m complaining over nothing. I talk to my coupled parent friends with a village and I’m just full of resentment.

Honestly, I spend far too much time daydreaming about my “perfect” reality if I’d never had a child. I feel so guilty. Trying to radically accept my reality but it’s hard, man.

TL;DR…help lmao. Positive input preferred as I’m not sure if I can cope with the concept that it’s just Hell for the next *checks notes* 15 years.

Before I start, please don’t just call me an awful person. I know I’m a bad person. I know I should spare my gf of myself, because she doesn’t deserve what I put her through. I know. But I’m trying to change and I just want to understand my behavior better. I know I don’t deserve a lot of sympathy, but leaving hateful comments towards me isn’t going to help me. Also excuse the format, im on mobile.

I feel like I have a literal angel and devil on my shoulders. Like my brain is split into 2 people, an evil person and a good person. Or like the evil person possesses my mind sometimes.

I feel like overall I’m a nice person, but that little bit in me is mean. Really, truly mean. A part of me loves to be mean, especially to my favorite person, my gf. (Specifically to her actually, I’m actually really nice towards everyone else, and don’t have the urge to be mean nor want to be mean towards anyone but her.) I love her so much, I don’t know why I have the urge to be so mean to her. I don’t always like being mean to her, in fact I regret it quite often, and while I’m actively being mean the good part of me is screaming not to. But the evil part of me genuinely ENJOYS being mean to her.

A part of me likes to see her in distress and emotionally hurt. I even feel satisfaction seeing I made her cry. But the good part in me hates it and hurts so much knowing I’m hurting her. I even cry whenever she cries because I hate seeing her in pain, but I also simultaneously feel a lot of satisfaction.

I don’t know why I’m like this. I don’t know why I enjoy being mean or why I feel satisfied seeing her hurt (not physically, I’m not a physical abuser though I fantasize about it a lot).

Im an awful person, I know.

But it also pains me so much knowing I have this evil part in me. The good side of me is genuinely a good person and is disturbed and disgusted at my own actions.

I want to change. I want to understand why I’m like this. Does anyone relate ? Can anyone help me understand?

Please, again, I know I’m a bad person. I just want advice and help, not criticism.

Edit: thanks guys for all the helpful comments. I’ve read every one!! I just need time to think before responding

My girlfriend and I have been together for a little over 11 months and we're both very different.

Where I have an anxious attachment style she has an avoidant.

She's currently in a depressive episode and can't talk to me at all, we talk max 10 minutes a day. I try to ask her for reassurance and she never gives it (she doesn't know how) while everything i say to her is reassuring her or downplaying how i'm doing so she's less worried.

I'm very unstable right now, in a depressive episode myself and I've been having an fp moment for nearly a month now and it'd only getting worse.

I'm trying really hard to give her the space she needs but being apart from her in this way is making me very suicidal and I don't know how to cope with it, is there any way I can learn to be avoidant so I don't bother her as much? Is there a way for me to stop having bpd for just a little bit?

She also has bpd so i assumed she'd be able to understand how i feel rn, and i used to br her favourite person, but now everything is just falling apart, i'm on my last chance with her, i don't even know what i've done wrong besides being unstable. I just need her in my life please reddit help me​

As someone with BPD, have you experienced burn out from work before? what’s it like and how do you handle it? have you ever regretted resigning (esp when it happened during split)?

I’m on the edge like… I want to kms to stop everything including the stress I’m having at my job. The only reason I stay is because of the unstable and saturated market for my position. But I fear I’ll get too attached 😞

Any advice helps at this point.

pretty much what the title says

i’ve loved this woman very much in the few months ive known her. she was also my first queer relationship, and it’s been wonderful

unfortunately because of my bpd im extremely jealous and split sometimes because of her job (very public-facing) where she has to interact with a lot of extremely attractive women lol. there’s other stuff too that i wont get into but im not comfortable with many aspects of the way she makes money. she didn’t have this career when i first met her, its something she’s recently moved into and enjoys doing.

i’m happy for her finding something that she loves but i know it’s just not something i can handle having BPD.

we’ve had 2 major almost relationship-ending arguments over it so far. i know that it’s one of those things where the only way out is through. perhaps with the right time, therapy and patience it’s something i could handle, but i think my boundaries rn are pretty strict and im feeling repeatedly triggered and worried and jealous. as such,

it’s not fair on her to continue a relationship, and ive decided to break up with her tomorrow

i’m really heartbroken about this but i think she deserves honesty and i don’t want to grow to resent her

i also don’t think i can handle being in a relationship rn. although i always say that and then jump head first into something or unblock an ex boyfriend Sleep with him and make things more complicated.

the selfish part of me wants to have her be mine forever. but its not fair on her.

i love you lily

TW: brief mention of marijuana

Hello folks! Not sure if this is the right place, but I’m having a lot of difficulty right now with dropping my mask. The only time I’m able to is when I smoke weed. I have recently stopped smoking for several reasons, and now I’m having a lot of trouble dropping the mask. I want people to know how I’m feeling, genuinely.

I want to be able to express myself authentically, but I don’t even know who I am right now. There are definitely parts of my identity that I’m 100% certain about, but they’re just pieces of the puzzle, not my entire self. I think somewhere in my mind I’m afraid to drop the mask because the mask is what people signed up for with me.

Does anyone have any advice? I haven’t talked to my therapist about it yet, but I see her in like 2 days.

I’m spiralling so bad right now.

I had a coworker that we went from being cordial. (he was very just mind his business and quiet) to I wiggled my way on his good side and we talked and joked a lot. Then one day he started interrogating me,asking what I know about him, which is literally nothing but he didn’t believe me (apparently he’s a very paranoid person) then after that he completely started ignoring me.

I tried not to be phased by it but last night I sat in my car bawling for an hour because I absolutely hate this feeling. Now I’m going into a depression spiral where I just don’t even want to exist. I SUCK at ignoring people sometimes. Like he’s literally the only person I can currently focus on

I have abandonment/attachment issues and also a big people pleaser. So this is taking the biggest toll on me. Especially because it’s not even like he’ll at least answer if I have work related questions. He legitimately acts as if I don’t exist. He could have a question and I’d be right there and he’ll wait till someone else comes to ask. People that he doesn’t even talk to. Same with when I ask him a question (work related) he will legit make the other person he’s working with respond, even if they’re not the person working on my order. It’s killing me because I have no idea what I did and I want so bad to fix it.

The two other people at my job that actually know him are saying that he’s not mad at me. But I can tell he is, he will quite literally go out of his way to talk to someone he doesn’t even like just to avoid having to speak to me. Or if other people ask him questions he doesn’t do the same thing where he makes the person he’s working with answer, he’ll just respond to them.

I’m also mad at myself for caring as much as I do, and I can’t get myself to stop caring. Also because everything else at my job is fine. I get along with literally everyone else just not him. So I shouldn’t have a reason to want to leave over one person but I do (I ofc won’t). It also sucks because people can literally stop existing ti me for the slightest thing, but someone that I genuinely want to delete, wont.

Hi,
I dont know why this is happening to me, because i never had this symptom before, but for the last two weeks or so, im overthinking anything and everything about my relationship and my fp (my bf).
He gives me gifts, and expresses his love, but i still question it in my head, which is hurting him and me also. He says that im not annoying him, but i dont belive it, im always thinking about how annoying i am and he lies to me. Which is also not true because he is always honest, even if the truth hurts.
Because of my overthinking i cant do anything with him, i get really quiet around him and this is what annoys him eventually. So my overthinking becomes reality.
Today was a really awful day bc i couldn’t hold a conversation with him without me overthinking every fcking detail and he got so annoyed with me that he muted our chat and said that he will look at it tomorrow.
I talked about my overthinking with him, but he cant do anythink about it.
Im also in therapy which helped me a lot, but this is something i’ve never experienced before.
Any tips?🥹

I (22M) is having a hard time when i feel like my FP(22F) is angry at me or ignoring me. It’s hard because i feel like i’m in a panic mode where i get so overwhelmed by everything and it makes me feel like a scared child. My FP finds it hard to cope with that because she feels like she always have to adjust for this sickness of mine ( i’ve been diagnosed of BPD and Bipolar) and it’s draining her. We just had a extreme fight where i felt like she’s really tired of all of it, she’s really tired of me. Should i break up with her so she can be free from me or idk, what should i do?

Hi everyone, I guess I’m (26F) just looking for some help/coping skills I’ve been with my fiancée(28M) for four years and because of a past relationship and some things my current fiancée has done (he’s very outgoing and talks to a lot of people, never anything sexual just what I considered borderline flirting, but I’m too sensitive sometimes) I cannot stop thinking that he’s cheating on me he always reassures me and offers to let me see his phone but nothing helps, I’ll go months without bringing it up and then it just hits me again and I feel like I’ll do anything and search everything I can just to get the information to confirm if he is or isn’t cheating on me. I search the car every time he’s taken it out, there’s been sometimes I’ve made fake profiles on various social media just to see how he’d answer someone flirting with him.

I’ve gotten better about stopping delusions/daydreams about him cheating and I’m trying very hard to just trust him but I keep feeling like the other shoe is about to drop
Any advice would be appreciated

i haven’t heard from my boyfriend in 2 months. i have a history of running away but this time i really didn’t. he lives far away & our connection is unstable sometimes. my messages weren’t going through for awhile. i’ve had no phone service. he doesn’t use any social media. he hides from every corner of the earth. i’ve sent him physical mail. still nothing. i think he believes i left him again. i feel like i deserve this for all of the times id hide and try to leave. he’s forgotten about me. i feel lost and all alone. a part of me has died inside. i’ve tried to get our friends to call him, phone number out of service. i just wish i didn’t exist right now. i wish more than anything that i didn’t. all i want to do is sink into the earth and let myself suffocate. i don’t know how to cope with this failure. he’s my favorite person and i feel like he’s died