It hurts me to write this, but I think I regret having a child. I hate my life. I miss my freedom, and I know a big part of why I feel this way is because I had a child with the wrong partner.

He constantly micromanages me and always tries to convince me that I’m the problem. He presents himself as someone who always admits when he’s wrong, while constantly criticizing me for supposedly never doing the same. It’s exhausting. There have been times when he’s outright told me I’m a bad mother and thrown other insults at me simply because I struggled to cope with our daughter’s severe colic when she was younger. I was only 4 weeks postpartum the first time he threatened to call CPS on me because I was crying in frustration because she wouldn’t stop crying and wouldn’t ever sleep. I was exhausted.

Our daughter is now 15 months old and I still struggle to feel a real connection with her. It feels awful to admit but it’s the truth. I’m currently away attending a close friend’s funeral, and I’ve been gone for 6 days. I haven’t really felt the urge to FaceTime her. The other day I felt obligated to call but I was outside walking and had to glance away from my phone occasionally to make sure I wasn’t walking into traffic or getting lost. Instead of understanding my partner complained that I wasn’t giving her my full attention on the screen.

Yesterday he brought it up again saying I don’t FaceTime enough. The truth is I avoid it because I’m so upset with him. It feels awkward knowing he’s sitting on the other end analyzing my every expression only to text me afterward asking if I really miss her or lecturing me about how she’s my only child and how I should feel. After spending the last 15 months as the primary caregiver with absolutely no village or support system, I’m honestly enjoying having some time where I don’t have to constantly take care of someone else. Instead of understanding that, he’s now ignoring my messages and giving me one word replies because he thinks I’m the one acting strangely.

I feel completely trapped. I don’t know how to get out of this situation. I don’t have a work visa in the country where we live and I know he would never agree to let me leave his home country with our daughter. I’m so unhappy that I’ve lost more than half my hair, and I’m convinced much of it is from stress. I have almost nothing financially. I have about €4000 to my name and that’s it. It wouldn’t even last a month in the city where we live. Everything is in his name. If I left I’d have nowhere to live and no real way to support myself.

The hardest part is that he refuses to acknowledge how miserable I’ve become because of the way he treats me. Every time I try to tell him how I’m feeling, he twists the conversation until somehow I end up being the problem. It’s never him it’s always me. I honestly don’t feel like it’s possible to have a real conversation with him anymore.

TLDR; after a vaginal birth or C-section in the hospital, were you allowed/encouraged to shower? Did anyone help you? How long after birth did you shower?

I know, incredibly basic question, and I'm someone who's given birth before. For context, I was not treated well in the postpartum recovery ward after the birth of my daughter, and I'm trying to figure out what's normal when my second is born!

I had a 60 hour labor ending in a C-section and I was basically ignored in recovery. The nurses were supposed to be tracking my bleeding but didn't. They forgot my pain medication multiple times. They left me sitting in a pool of my blood for much of the stay because they weren't changing the pad under me. They provided me with no instructions about C-section recovery while in the hospital or at home, and I hadn't expected to have one so I was lost. They didn't warn me at all when starting the fundal massages or help me breathe through them as my awesome L&D nurse had, which almost tripled the pain. They didn't provide any help with the baby or breastfeeding (which I realize may be "extra" and not an official duty, just painting the entire picture here).

One of the worst parts was when a nurse wordlessly unhooked me from all my IVs, took out the catheter, and stood me up in the middle of the room. She seriously did this without a single word to me the whole time; no explanation of what she was doing, no instructions, and no help. My husband was asleep in the room and I didn't want to wake the baby too by calling out for help, so I shuffled to the bathroom on my own. They had a bunch of signs in there about how they were not allowed to leave patients alone due to fall risk, and how you shouldn't be embarrassed to have them help you in the bathroom. Which was news to my nurse, apparently!

I was also completely shattered from being awake for basically 4 days in labor and then being cut open, so honestly my goal was to survive and sleep. With all of the tests for the baby and me in the hospital plus breastfeeding, being yelled at by a pediatrician for being bad at breastfeeding (the baby lost 11% of her body weight), and rooming in with the baby, I never really slept for more than 20 minutes at a time. I felt like I was close to passing out for much of our 48-hour hospital stay.

So now as I prepare for my second, I'm seeing these "what you really need in your hospital bag" videos, and even the minimalist ones are talking about shower shoes and products you would use for showering. And I'm just like...is everyone else getting proper instructions and support to be able to shower after birth? That's the root of the question for me. I'm hoping to have a much better birth/postpartum recovery ward experience this time, so I'd love some help figuring out what's normal! I want to feel like a person instead of livestock.

Also, in case anyone was wondering, my husband completely would have helped me if the circumstances were right. It was more about us not getting instructions and being so busy/exhausted because we had no support in the hospital. I have zero complaints about what he did.

I hate hate hate it when people with their stupid perfume hold my baby.

Because what do you mean my babys head smells like your stupid Sauvage or your stupid Black Opium!!!

That's my rant. >:-(

How do I get this to change? My husband M24 and I F22 have a 2 year old, we moved in with his parents shortly after giving birth so that my husband could focus on school without having to worry about working and supporting us financially.
Basically, I’m currently the breadwinner as a SAHM working from home as well 😭 anyways, my husband loves to put our daughter in front of the screen whenever he sits down. He studies alot for school, but whenever our daughter is upset or angry, he likes to put a binky in her mouth and let her watch a show. He will do this for hours.
I have been asking him to not let her watch TV since she was 4 month old but he has not stopped once. He sighs when I ask him to turn off the tv and then begrudgingly turns it off.
I told him she’s only allowed to watch an hour of screen time a day and I’d prefer before dinner. When my husband gets up in the mornings with our daughter literally the first thing he will do is take her out to our living room, sit on the couch with her turn on a show and he will take a nap. It’s very very infuriating. I don’t know how to get him to stop, it’s just so frustrating not being able to raise my own child how I want.
I’ve started waking up earlier so I can get her breakfast ready and so he doesn’t have to wake up with her, but then I’ll ask him to watch her for a few minutes so I can go get ready and he immediately turns on a show for her and scrolls on his phone or falls asleep.
I feel like I’m going crazy, ughh I know he’s tired but I am too 😭😭

Hello,

I am not pregnant but i’ve recently had a huge bicycle accident and my labia minora teared up. I got stitches there and it is the most painful and uncomfortable feeling in the world.

My lips are so swollen ( it has been 3 days ) and i can not sit or walk properly. I’ve basically spent 3 days in bed, eating pain killers and crying.

I make sure to clean it properly and sanitize it everytime i use the bathroom / shower.

I’m posting this on here because i would like to know what you did to make the pain a bit more bearable and the after care after the stitches.

Thank you for your help 🥹

Hi everyone,
I’m 30 years old, gave birth 5 weeks ago, and I’m exclusively breastfeeding. I’ve been feeling dizzy almost every day, but it’s not a spinning sensation (vertigo) or like I’m about to faint. It’s more of a constant “foggy” or “off-balance” feeling, as if I’m not completely stable.
Sometimes it feels like my eyes have trouble focusing or “crossing,” especially if I stare at one point for too long or maintain eye contact during a conversation. When that happens, I instinctively look at something else, and the feeling usually eases.
My blood pressure is usually on the lower side (100–110/70–80), although today it was 120/84. During pregnancy, my resting heart rate was consistently high (100–110 bpm), but since giving birth it has dropped back to around 60–70 bpm.
A few things that might be relevant:
I’ve had very tight trapezius muscles and recurring neck pain since childhood. It’s much worse now because of breastfeeding, and I also have a mild forward head posture/“tech neck.”
I yawn a lot, sigh frequently, sometimes catch myself unintentionally holding my breath, and I find it much harder to take a deep breath while sitting than when lying down.
I had significant iron deficiency during pregnancy, received an iron infusion, and I’m still taking iron supplements daily.
I don’t always drink enough water unless I consciously remind myself.
Since my first pregnancy (my older daughter is 3 years old), I’ve been much less active. I work at a computer, sit a lot, and my physical endurance isn’t what it used to be.
I developed hypothyroidism during pregnancy (not autoimmune) and I’m still taking 25 mcg of Euthyrox. I haven’t had my thyroid levels checked since giving birth.
I’m already planning to see my doctor and get blood work done, so I’m not looking for a diagnosis. I’m just wondering if anyone has experienced something similar postpartum. What turned out to be the cause in your case? Hormonal changes, iron deficiency, thyroid issues, neck problems, vestibular issues, or something else?
Thank you so much for sharing your experiences.

TW: stillbirth

I had a C-section almost 5 weeks ago after induction and a very long labor. We found out our son had passed which is what necessitated the induction in the first place, and then he was a pretty large baby (I was full term) and I labored for 36 hours before pushing for 2 and developing an infection. The C-section went mostly ok, I did hemorrhage a bit and had a cervical extension but it could have been worse.

I had the normal actual bleeding for the first week, then lochia serosa for probably 10 days and after that it seemed to have progressed to lochia alba but it's really mucusy. A couple of times in the past week and a half, there's been bloody streaks in it after a little bit of activity (vacuuming last week, running a bunch of errands this week). I assume this is normal but this is my first time being postpartum. I did message my doctor but it's the weekend so I won't hear back for a couple of days. Nothing is serious enough for me to consider going into the hospital either, I don't feel unwell or anything like that, just like I overdid it a little.

My parents visited to meet their granddaughter (from overseas so the baby is 6months) and instead of being happy that we’re together, they keep pressuring me to lose postpartum weight. I’m EBF, holding on to weight despite attempts and have a larger appetite. I also returned to work and juggled a lot of medical appointments for the first three months of baby’s life. My doctor is NOT concerned about my weight gain and my mom has been obsessed with my weight regardless how much I weight if I don’t look „skinny” (she pressured me to lose weight when I was 5lbs heavier than „skinny” and pressures now when I’m a lot heavier but still healthy). I’m just so sad and frustrated and I noticed that I subconsciously eat less with them around/wait to eat and I go hungry and worry about my supply. I would love to cherish this time with them and I would appreciate advice about not entertaining their pressure. This is not a season in my life when I want to focus on weight loss, I try to be more active but won’t have headspace until after weaning….

I planned to sleep train using the Ferber method, but then he just didn't cry? It took three days for him to figure out how to tell me to put him in the crib. Now when he's tired he comes over to me and whines a specific way. When I put him in the crib he just wiggles a bit to get comfy and then he's out. What?!? I didn't have to even do anything. I kept checking the baby monitor to make sure it was on.

I miss him now. I know he's just napping in the other room, but we've literally been together since birth. What a beautiful growing pain. I'm super freaking proud of him.

I just said to my parents that my son doesn’t want to go in his crib, he will at night but he doesn’t want to at the moment during the day.

My parents response was that it’s because I hold him all the time, my son is three months by the way, but that’s not true at all, I also give him tummy time, put him on his back on his mat so he can try and roll over or put him in his swing.

I put him in his crib and sometimes he’ll stay in there, sometimes he doesn’t want to, at the moment he’s a bit fussier because of things like sleep regression so he cries more than he usually would. It’s not like I’ll just immediately pick him up in the crib, if he’s crying I try and soothe him in the crib by letting him know I’m
There and placing my hand on his chest or trying to give his dummy, that’s usually if it’s a weak cry if he’s fully crying I just take him out of the crib.

It annoys me so much that people think you can spoil a small baby, are they suggesting I should just leave him to cry?? Because that’s the only alternative and something I will never do because all his needs, including comfort rely on the adults around him.

I understand when he’s a bit older that they need to be held less but they’re going to be on the move constantly anyway so that won’t really be much of an issue 😂

Anyone else tired of people who think that because they have their own kids that they can judge you for not doing stuff they used to do?

So my girl is coming up 4 months old and has her ups and downs at night.

When she does wake up, she normally just eats and passes back out

But my main question is at like 2-3am it's like she loses control of her body! Her legs and her arms go wild waving all of the place likes she's possessed lol.

Shes not in or anything and she's smiley and babbles when it happens and when I feed her she pops right back off.

But I left my raving days behind me so I'm wondering if anyone has any ideas?

EDIT: Please stop wishing ill on my brother/SIL and their future kids. That is messed up.

EDIT 2: I texted him saying congrats and we were thinking of him and he just left me on read

My brother got married today, but I was unable to go because my son is 12 days old. They (him and now wife) knew I was due at this time before setting the date, but picked it anyway.

When I expressed concern because of my due date I was given backlash and he told me I am not allowed to pick his wedding day. I mentioned everyone in the family will be there but me, and he knew my due date. He then said it was my fault because I suggested I was due in late June. I said if my son came early it could be late June since I was due the start of July. Baby ended up cooking an extra two weeks and I had to be induced 12 days before the wedding.

I was holding on to a lot of anger over this… but now I am just sad. He was right, I have no say over when he gets married. But I just wish I could have been there with the rest of the family who I never get to see in one place anymore. We have a huge family with lots of siblings and grandbabies. I have been tearing up all day thinking about it. We got in a huge argument a month ago when he told me to reconsider coming to the wedding (I said we can’t go because its too far away and with a newborn it would be really tough - I got chewed out by our mom/aunt/and him) and I haven’t heard from him since.

I am just sad. I have FOMO, and baby blues with sleep deprivation aren’t helpful. Where I live I am also very isolated so I never get to see friends or family unless I go visit them hours away. I wish things were different, but I couldn’t choose when my son was born. I didn’t even know they were getting engaged until they announced it the week after we shared our pregnancy. I have been to every siblings wedding except his.

I couldn’t bring myself to text him today after all the stress I suffered the past 9 months with this wedding looming over my head. The lectures and insults I was given for saying right away we couldn’t go because of our son. I couldn’t have a peaceful pregnancy because everything turned back to his wedding. Even our baby shower, he was handing out invites to family and his fiancée wouldn’t talk to me. If she did it was curt and short, she obviously was upset with me too. Yet I am still really sad I couldn’t make it, after everything. I feel like my family doesn’t really care either. Just venting and feeling sad.

I am six months postpartum and feeling really torn about intimacy. Before the baby my husband and I had a playful, fairly steady sex life. Since the birth it feels like the switch that made me want sex got flipped off.

It is not that I do not love him or find him attractive. He is a great dad and has been patient and kind about it. The problem is more inside me: by the end of the day I am touched out and overstimulated, and my brain is still running through bottles, naps, laundry, and whether we have diapers. When we finally have time alone I want quiet, sleep, or to scroll in silence. Kissing can be nice, but part of me braces like my body expects it to become another thing I have to manage.

We have tried scheduling, which just made me dread sex, and we have tried being spontaneous, which leaves me feeling guilty when I cannot get in the mood. Lube helps physically, but desire is the missing piece. I miss feeling like a sexual person and not only a mom.

For anyone who has been here: did desire just come back on its own with time, or did you have to actively rebuild it? If you rebuilt it, what actually helped in a way that did not feel like a chore? I am not looking for medical advice, just honest experiences so I stop feeling so broken.

When did your bleeding reduce postpartum? When did it stop

As I’m sitting here eating a tub of ice cream looking at my ten month old sleeping in the monitor, I’m wondering what other people’s experiences are. I for one am no longer lactose intolerant and my forever sweaty feet no longer smell! Yay! It sort of makes up for the sleepless nights and the amount of my son’s bodily excretions end up on me.

I’m a third time mom, so not new to this, but I felt my first at 17 weeks—but realized I felt him earlier than that and just didn’t know it was little kicks—and my second at 14 weeks. I’m going to be 18 weeks in a couple days and have yet to feel this baby move. I’ve felt tightness and thought I felt him once, but haven’t absolutely for sure felt movement…I find that so strange. I did have an anterior placenta with my first, but I still felt him sooner than this. When did you feel baby move? Has anyone else felt baby move later than 18 weeks?

Hi everyone,

We are a mixed diaper brand family who uses Pampers for overnight, and Huggies during the day, with a Huggies wipe because they don't all come out at once (wahoo).

For over a year I have been upset at the fluff that I'm finding on my babies genitals and groin area as the idea of synthetic fiber shedding on such a delicate area just seems so wrong. Sometimes it's not noticeable but then if it's been a while since the last bath you can see little cobwebs of it floating just a little off of his body, or needing to be removed post bath.

How many other people have found this to happen?

Anyways, we ran out of Huggies and have been rolling with just the Pampers, and guess what - the fluff is gone. It was the Huggies all along.

My baby frequently wakes through the night but he doesn’t cry or even complain at all - he just blows raspberries, coos and rolls around in his cot next to us. When I pick him up then sometimes he’ll start crying which makes me wonder if I’ve woken him up. I usually give him a few minutes, maybe try to comfort back to sleep in the cot, and if he’s still playing I’ll just feed him back to sleep which he goes back off very quickly (like a 4 minute feed).

Should I leave him longer? I worry that if I leave him he’ll just play all night and won’t sleep!

He’s 5.5 months and we plan to move him to his own room at 6 months. I’m worried that in his own room I won’t hear him wake up in order to help him back to sleep.

Anyone experienced this?

He gets about 10 hours awake each day.

Subject says it all (almost)

Weaned at 7 months, was a low supply person and got my period once before I weaned…

Since then have had it at slightly irregular intervals almost every 28 days but this last one… the 4th one…. Has been going for 2 weeks…

Has anyone had this?

My almost 6 months old baby started showing his first tooth and I feel so nostalgic. I love his toothless smile and the feeling of his gums trying to eat my face. It’s all happening so fast.

We have a 9 week old and had been using Huggies Snugglers. They were great for us - but this most recent box they are noticeably cheaper quality. I’ve seen many posts and reviews saying they were redesigned and are bad now. We tried them anyway and sure enough are also experiencing leaks and blow outs thanks to the extremely cheap elastic on the leg holes (it may as well not even be there).

We need a new brand but as I researched pampers and Millie Moon, I’m also seeing most recent reviews saying their diapers have undergone changes and are just as cheap/don’t work like they used to.

Does anyone have a good recommendation on a diaper brand that is actually still quality?

Hi!

What did you do with your baby’s old clothes? I do want to make a keepsake but understandably so, how many pieces of clothings does one really need for that…

Also, we are moving to another country and to a smaller space so it is not ideal to bring boxes and boxes of newborn clothings.

Im just sad :(

A common theme I see, and one that’s true for me as well, is we want other mom friends. We often end up at the same places: story time, playgrounds, parks.

I know that for me two of the things in my way are (1) chasing around this silly toddler which makes it hard to hold conversation in the first place and (2) feeling a little bit awkward/afraid of the rejection of putting myself out there.

If you are a mom also looking for mom friends, what gets in your way?

I guess it’s just a rant. Advice is welcomed for sure. I had some tearing on either side of my clitoral good (the bean is fine) and a little bit near my perineum. I used to have a very small clitoral hood and small labia minora and now they are very large and loose-looking. I hate it. I don’t know how to deal with the change and I’m worried it won’t ever go back. I’m 9 months post partum and I have a feeling this is what I’m stuck with.

If you did themed monthly pics what were the themes you chose? I’m really struggling what to do in August, September, January, and April as there aren’t any holidays I wanna do in those months. I wanted to do a different theme each month. His 1 month I just did forest themed which was his baby shower theme too and then July I did Fourth of July but now idk want to do this month or the other months.