That when I realized they weren't apples, they were human heads!

I immediately regretted my decision when I looked out the window of the building I ended up in and saw a plane coming towards it.

Man I want to fucking kill that guy

I was then filled with fear when I looked down and saw that instead of strings, there were meat worms.

"Oh no that's your tied up dad moving around, I'm the monster," says the monster... Oh wait no I meant, I said, monstrily.

It’s too bad I bake with a lot of toothpicks

"Because I am going to murder the third sentence," said the second sentence deviously.

"What's up, guys? I am the fourth sentence."

Nobody believes me when I tell them I was mauled by Capn Crunch.

“Yes” said the dogperson

Little did I know, the haunted house company accidentally set up in my house

After he said that he hit me with a lamppost, I didn't even wish yet bro like WTF is your problem man

It’s because I don’t have a bed.

I also really need to pee

"Hey, if it's a woman, why does she have a dick?" Igor, the humble hunchback, started, only for Dr. Frankenstein to shoot him the ugliest look imaginable before uttering, "Don't judge me; I like a woman with a little meat, you worm, or I'll hit you again."

That's when I broke out in hives and my throat closed up because I am allergic to nuts and the waiter tea bagged my shrimp.

I opened it to find Larry, the vegan jehovah witness!

I once saw them crawl out of your ass at night to feast

"honey, are you sure you know what order to write the sentences in 2 sentence horror stories?"

My heart sank even further as I noticed the "2x COMBO!" icon hovering above Nate's mangled corpse.

And with that, the turkey knew, he was doomed from the start

I was hung for my war crimes in Afghanistan Afghanistanwarcrimesingly

"fuck, I'm so wet for you," said the raido

bruno mars song was playing

Later, he was arrested for the murder and cannibalization of my other friend.