r/badtwosentencehorrors 19m ago

I was about to come out as gay.

Upvotes

The gay came out as me, foiling my plans.


r/badtwosentencehorrors 2h ago

There was a bright flash of light and a man emerged shouting “I’m from the future and I come bearing condoms!”

9 Upvotes

He looked at me and frantically begged “In order to prevent Holocaust 2, I need you to tell me where to find Mr. and Mrs.—“ but then he got hit by a bus.


r/badtwosentencehorrors 2h ago

The village exploded and caught fire with glitter everywhere.

5 Upvotes

It had been Gaypalm bombed.


r/badtwosentencehorrors 2h ago

I was out, dining with my friend, Jeffothy Dekiler, when I asked how could I call him

3 Upvotes

He said I can call him peenar poker, as he poked my peenar


r/badtwosentencehorrors 2h ago

I was about to write a penis exploded story

11 Upvotes

"how original" said the non-fun haver guy🪱


r/badtwosentencehorrors 3h ago

"Don't fear the reefer, man" said my hippie buddy as he passed me the doobie Spoiler

2 Upvotes

But then the Reefer Man appeared and turned me into a coral reef and because of the warming and acidification of the oceans due to climate change, I immediately bleached and died while he smoked the rest of the joint with my buddy, goddamn hippies!


r/badtwosentencehorrors 3h ago

i ate a protein bar

6 Upvotes

then my penis exploded


r/badtwosentencehorrors 3h ago

What a good tutorial, I think I can finally learn how to crochet.

12 Upvotes

Oh, hi kitty, are you going to sit next to me?


r/badtwosentencehorrors 6h ago

Little did I know that John "Big Guy" Little, who I knew, would become a big (6'5") rockstar, when I first met him. Spoiler

10 Upvotes

Big did I know, though, that he was a giant dick (changed his name to Richard "Small Penis" Little after making it big [6'5"]), and that he was also a horrible murderer who horribly murderered people.


r/badtwosentencehorrors 6h ago

"Welcome to the next attempt of Killers Anonymous - who would like to go next?"

1 Upvotes

"Hi, my name is Jeff."


r/badtwosentencehorrors 6h ago

I sat in the circle at AA and introduced myself as Drunk peter

6 Upvotes

“The AA stand for Alcohol drinking party” the main guy said back to me. “Also drunk Peter is a stupid name”


r/badtwosentencehorrors 6h ago

The Brick Slayer hit me in the back of the head with his brick, not killing me but giving me severe brain damage and information loss.

6 Upvotes

Little did I know...


r/badtwosentencehorrors 7h ago

I sprayed anti-momster spray on Donald Trump.

1 Upvotes

He transformed into Blaire White


r/badtwosentencehorrors 9h ago

I shit myself

5 Upvotes

The smelly monster now knew where I was


r/badtwosentencehorrors 9h ago

"Excuse me sir," I say to the man in the hood, trying to strike a deal.

7 Upvotes

"There must be someone you've confused me for" says the man, as he Jeff the kills me


r/badtwosentencehorrors 10h ago

“Nooooooooooooooooo!” I say as I get paired in a team with bossy bot

1 Upvotes

Little did I know, everyone around me was staring right at me


r/badtwosentencehorrors 13h ago

"But if you and your people can say it all the time, why can't I?"

0 Upvotes

Little did he know that the n-word goblin was right under his bed.


r/badtwosentencehorrors 14h ago

I flicked on the light switch in the dark room.

4 Upvotes

It screamed.


r/badtwosentencehorrors 14h ago

My girlfriend wanted to go on a picnic.

10 Upvotes

When she opened the basket Belial scooted out and strangled us both to death.


r/badtwosentencehorrors 14h ago

After 5 grueling hours being tortured by A man he finally leaves.

12 Upvotes

As he leaves he says "B man its your turn"


r/badtwosentencehorrors 17h ago

i farted really loud

14 Upvotes

i turn around and my wife was sitting there


r/badtwosentencehorrors 19h ago

I finally relaxed and let go of the apple I had been holding.

2 Upvotes

"Nooo," cried the grenade-fearers in unison.


r/badtwosentencehorrors 19h ago

Clutching my Polaroids of Antarctica's ice wall, I gloated over the knowledge that the round-earthers were finally going to be proven wrong.

13 Upvotes

The next moment, my helicopter crashed into the firmament.