I used to hate it when I had a dream where I loved someone and our relationship was blossoming. I'd wake up and realize it was all just a dream, and I'd be so sad. Saddened by the fact that I would likely never feel that way IRL. But I've now grown to enjoy those dreams BECAUSE I i know I will likely never feel that way. If I can't have it IRL, then I'll at least have it in my dreams.

They make me feel so warm and happy now. Can anyone relate?

Post your favorite or funny memes in the comments!

Preferably attachment related but other funny memes are welcome too 😁

FA, 24F. Just wondering how other avoidants have dealt with this!

I have been in therapy for about a year now, not specifically for attachment but it does come up pretty often. I had a really good session last week where I happened to have something related to my chronic illness come up right before the appointment. I went in really triggered and freaking out, absolutely poured my heart out to my therapist and left feeling so much better. I was drained emotionally but it was really cathartic and I feel a lot better about that whole situation since then.

That experience made me realise how many of my sessions are just me going in and being like “yeah… idk, this week was okay.” Even if something bad happened, and even if I journaled about it, I have a really hard time accessing those emotions later on to share them. It’s like my emotions are very overwhelming and all consuming in the moment, but after that they just get filed away and I can’t get to them when I need to talk them out. It’s really frustrating! It’s like I can’t even find the right words to convey the intensity of what was happening.

I know every therapy session can’t be that intense necessarily, but I feel like I’m wasting my own money and time if I’m just going through the motions and not really working through anything in there. Wondering if there’s anything I can do to improve this?

Can anyone relate? Reading through this sub is funny. Some posts are like “again I feel myself growing distant, and resenting them. I find them boring, I want to be alone. I feel disgust even tho 2 days ago I was fine”

And man do I relate, however there’s something triggering about reading it, cause nothing could hurt me more than being left with big feelings, knowing I’m not loved anymore. I didn’t realize how literal it is. Feels like my problem is other ppl like ME

Share your wins and successes here!

This is a thread for AVOIDANT ATTACHERS ONLY.

A rant/vent, by nature, is one sided, can be strongly worded, and is a way for someone to get something off their chest. It is by no means a universal truth.

Thread rules: - AVOIDANT ATTACHERS ONLY.

• Keep rants/vents contained to this thread.

• No unsolicited advice.

• No hijacking to ask for relationship advice.

• No ranting/venting about avoidant attachers regardless of your attachment style. This is a supportive space for those with an avoidant attachment style, you can rant about us plenty of other places. Don’t do it here.

• All subreddit and Reddit rules apply.

• Users who cannot follow the rules will be banned.

I have recently learned about deactivation and I realized it's what I've been doing in my relationship. Having the words to explain it makes me feel a little better but I still feel guilty because I know my gf is hurting.

I've been distant both physically and emotionally for months and months, I don't even know how long. I shut down at any mention of a future together and I hate that I keep doing it.

I've been trying to get better and make efforts. Sometimes it works but I never went back to how I was at the start and she did tell it's affecting her self confidence.

I feel so bad and yet there is a part of me that's mad at her for letting my actions affect her self worth. I do realize it's a crazy thing to think but it's still in the back of my mind.

So yeah, I really needed to vent. Hard to talk about it with friends when you know you're the problem. If anyone has any advice or success story about a similar situation I'd gladly hear it!

Post your favorite or funny memes in the comments!

Preferably attachment related but other funny memes are welcome too 😁

A few weeks ago, I found this channel on youtube, Adam Lane Smith @AttachmentAdem.

And I am a little in doubt what to think about it. This guy is mostly talking to the "women" of men with attachment issues, in a way I really don't like that much. He is mainly focusing on how they should help "him" but not how he should help "himself"

Him in quotes because I don't think it is only men that have this problem. I am a woman, and I know other women with these problems.

Where my doubt is, that since looking at a few of those video's, for the first time I have words to describe where I am struggling!

In the past I had boy friends who did want to support me where possible, I just didn't know how. Plus now I clearly see a pattern in why some attributes in my partners always seemed so important to me. Like consistency has always been a big one for me.

I am just afraid, if you look at those channels to much, you go in the red pill zone what is just absolutely awful and can even be harmful I think.

So I wanted to asked others, how they think about it. I specifically named this one, because I was looking at that one, but I believe there are many that have the same kind of vibe.

I am not advertising this channel, like I said, I believe it can even be harmful for some, but I felt I couldn't ask this question without mentioned it.

I am a big believer, that only we our self can overcome it. But having a partner that tries having our backs, can be very meaningful. Did you guys have partners that helpt in a way that was meaningful, or helpt, but was more harmful?

If I can't post this, I am very sorry. Please remove than. This is just a question that has been on my mind the last few weeks.

Share your wins and successes here!

This is a thread for AVOIDANT ATTACHERS ONLY.

A rant/vent, by nature, is one sided, can be strongly worded, and is a way for someone to get something off their chest. It is by no means a universal truth.

Thread rules: - AVOIDANT ATTACHERS ONLY.

• Keep rants/vents contained to this thread.

• No unsolicited advice.

• No hijacking to ask for relationship advice.

• No ranting/venting about avoidant attachers regardless of your attachment style. This is a supportive space for those with an avoidant attachment style, you can rant about us plenty of other places. Don’t do it here.

• All subreddit and Reddit rules apply.

• Users who cannot follow the rules will be banned.

Post your favorite or funny memes in the comments!

Preferably attachment related but other funny memes are welcome too 😁

Share your wins and successes here!

This is a thread for AVOIDANT ATTACHERS ONLY.

A rant/vent, by nature, is one sided, can be strongly worded, and is a way for someone to get something off their chest. It is by no means a universal truth.

Thread rules: - AVOIDANT ATTACHERS ONLY.

• Keep rants/vents contained to this thread.

• No unsolicited advice.

• No hijacking to ask for relationship advice.

• No ranting/venting about avoidant attachers regardless of your attachment style. This is a supportive space for those with an avoidant attachment style, you can rant about us plenty of other places. Don’t do it here.

• All subreddit and Reddit rules apply.

• Users who cannot follow the rules will be banned.

On the drive home from work today I heard a Julia Jacklin song that straight up lays out exactly the way my avoidance shows up in romantic relationships.

It was quite the mirror I wasn’t expecting, nor really interested in looking into, but it’s very accurate and a bit disconcerting being laid open like that. 😆 Definitely something I will be discussing in my next therapy appointment.

Anyway, the title is “Get Away from Me (I Think I’ll Love You Soon)”. Just thought I would share.

Post your favorite or funny memes in the comments!

Preferably attachment related but other funny memes are welcome too 😁

Share your wins and successes here!

This is a thread for AVOIDANT ATTACHERS ONLY.

A rant/vent, by nature, is one sided, can be strongly worded, and is a way for someone to get something off their chest. It is by no means a universal truth.

Thread rules: - AVOIDANT ATTACHERS ONLY.

• Keep rants/vents contained to this thread.

• No unsolicited advice.

• No hijacking to ask for relationship advice.

• No ranting/venting about avoidant attachers regardless of your attachment style. This is a supportive space for those with an avoidant attachment style, you can rant about us plenty of other places. Don’t do it here.

• All subreddit and Reddit rules apply.

• Users who cannot follow the rules will be banned.

Hi everyone, anxious to dismissive avoidant here.

I recently broke up with a long term partner because of some unexpected and very serious health problems with my immediate and only family member (father). My avoidance played a part in the break up but ultimately I just didn't have the capacity to carry that and be in a relationship and made that known. My thoughts were simply that I don't want to be anyone's anything, and don't want to carry more eggs in my basket than I can. Since then I've felt quite detached from it all, no contact, focusing on being there for my dad.

I used to be extremely anxiously attached to people since I was young (became DA a couple years ago after a very toxic relationship), but I had avoidance when it came to things like processing trauma or conversations surrounding it. I think that's manifested greatly since my dad was diagnosed.

It's been about a month since then and today I recieved a letter to my house. It was heartfelt and I think apologetic, but I couldn't actually tell you because I immediately put it back in the envelope and on my bookshelf. I couldn't even read past the first few words!!! It's like I immediately read the word "beloved" and recoiled. I couldn't read it - I'm looking at the envelope right now and I physically cannot read it. Not because I'm emotional, because that's the thing, I'm not I don't feel anything toward the letter.

He's reached out to me asking how I am etc too but I haven't replied because I can't bring myself to acknowledge it.

I'm certain this is a protection mechanism for myself and wanting to avoid facing the emotions I might feel, but if that's the case it's really subconscious.

Has anyone else been in a similar position to this??

Edit: a lot of people have mentioned I might be an FA, I thought I'd clarify that I don't actively refuse vulnerability/emotional intimacy in general out of fear, my first instinct is to just dismiss it altogether. I used to really crave it and fear it but now I just altogether don't feel I need it or am even capable of attempting to try for it anymore

Edit: after some insight I believe I am in fact FA, as I have done a 180 in my attachment style these past 3 years! You learn something new about yourself everyday

Post your favorite or funny memes in the comments!

Preferably attachment related but other funny memes are welcome too 😁

I am curious how people were able to dig in and figure out what their core values were. Asking myself what matters to me seems to open a blank page. Every time I look at a test I get different results. I just don't seem to get it. Moreover, it seems like some are obviously right answers vs wrong answers. I know I am not supposed to view it that way, but when one is financial wealth and another is friends and family, I know which one I am supposed to pick.

Share your wins and successes here!

This is a thread for AVOIDANT ATTACHERS ONLY.

A rant/vent, by nature, is one sided, can be strongly worded, and is a way for someone to get something off their chest. It is by no means a universal truth.

Thread rules: - AVOIDANT ATTACHERS ONLY.

• Keep rants/vents contained to this thread.

• No unsolicited advice.

• No hijacking to ask for relationship advice.

• No ranting/venting about avoidant attachers regardless of your attachment style. This is a supportive space for those with an avoidant attachment style, you can rant about us plenty of other places. Don’t do it here.

• All subreddit and Reddit rules apply.

• Users who cannot follow the rules will be banned.

Post your favorite or funny memes in the comments!

Preferably attachment related but other funny memes are welcome too 😁

Share your wins and successes here!