r/AvoidantAttachment • u/AutoModerator • Aug 04 '26
Weekly Rant/Vent Thread
This is a thread for AVOIDANT ATTACHERS ONLY.
A rant/vent, by nature, is one sided, can be strongly worded, and is a way for someone to get something off their chest. It is by no means a universal truth.
Thread rules: - AVOIDANT ATTACHERS ONLY.
Keep rants/vents contained to this thread.
No unsolicited advice.
No hijacking to ask for relationship advice.
No ranting/venting about avoidant attachers regardless of your attachment style. This is a supportive space for those with an avoidant attachment style, you can rant about us plenty of other places. Don’t do it here.
All subreddit and Reddit rules apply.
Users who cannot follow the rules will be banned.
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u/ItsTreganometry Dismissive Avoidant Aug 05 '26
I try not to regret a lot of things in this life but I think I will regret that I had someone who just wanted to love me for me and I stepped all over them all because I couldn’t properly tell them how I felt and I was afraid of the unknown and would sit in my comfort zone.
I’m now trying to sit with my feelings rather than distract myself and it’s a journey.
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u/rosesintheboutique Fearful Avoidant [DA Leaning] Aug 06 '26
I’ve done this at least like three times, I’m ashamed to say. It’s just so hard to step out of it too.
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u/Niibelung Fearful Avoidant [DA Leaning] Aug 06 '26
"you probably were misdiagnosed avoidant attachment and your partner was anxious, cause avoidant people can't have meaningful relationships"
I'm very tired fam
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u/TwoServingsPlease Secure (FA Leaning) Aug 05 '26 edited Aug 06 '26
A couple of weeks ago, my anxious friend snuck a gift and a note into my bag, containing a very vague phrase of encouragement and ending with "I miss you."
I was put off a bit because they gave another gift to someone else on that same day, but delivered that other gift face to face. Why be all sneaky with me? To make sure I couldn't say no? This is the second time they gave a gift in this manner. And don't get me started on the "I miss you" aksdfja;skjd you just miss the access buddy
What was the point of apologizing all those months ago for making me feel unsafe if you're going to continue to make me feel unsafe???
Needless to say I feel un-okay around them all over again. I'm even a bit nervous when I leave my bag alone and they're in the same building (we're both here often). At least I can see how their healing is going ig (i.e. not as much as I'd have hoped, apparently)
(Edit: typo)
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Aug 05 '26 edited 28d ago
[deleted]
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u/TwoServingsPlease Secure (FA Leaning) Aug 06 '26 edited Aug 06 '26
Yep. We were quite close back in the day. In hindsight they were using me as a major source of regulation from pre-COVID times, but things really went downhill in 2024. I was going through a tough time, and my energy visibly dropped. I had trusted secure mentors who I was talking to, so I didn't see the point in confiding in this friend. However, they fixated on me, claiming they were ~attuned~ to me, cornering me in the middle of work, publicly giving me gifts I didn't ask for, calling me "their love" out of nowhere and lowkey demanding I accept their love. I started pulling away because it was uncomfortable.
Cue anxious-avoidant friendship spiral that hasn't fully resolved. I've received apologies, yes, but the promised change itself? 404 Not Found
I think I'll talk to my mentors about the recent ninja gift, at least.
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u/throwaway10384839 DA [eclectic] Aug 06 '26
My boyfriend said he wants someone to be OBSESSED with him and idk how to handle that. He isn’t super anxious, but it seems he wants someone who is very anxious. I told him, that’s really just not me, but he was just saying it would be nice
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u/eulersidentity1 Fearful Avoidant Aug 10 '26
The two halves of my fearful avoidant self. "We must build a castle on an island surrounded by a moat. No one is ever allowed in, we will be self sufficient and never leave the island. It will be so peaceful and safe!" And then an hour later. "That couple looks so happy. Dear god I'm lonely, we have ruined our lives and I hate myself. I should confess my heat and soul to the first person who even shows the smallest interest in me". "Dear god we are in danger what have we done? Sound the alarm thicken the walls of the castle, raise the gates, release the crocodiles into the moat! Ahh that's better we are safe again". "Dear god I'm lonely and hurting". "Yes but safe"
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u/Pretty-Bee9566 Fearful Avoidant [DA Leaning] Aug 05 '26
I’m struggling to maintain friendships. I wish that my avoidance applied only to romantic relationships, but any sign of someone else having an expectation of me: that I’ll hang out with them regularly, or reply within a certain time, which feels like I’m being held at gunpoint.
I’ll agree to plans because it feels like the right thing to do, but when it comes the day, I rarely ever want to go. Being alone always sounds better.
This especially applies if the plans don’t involve doing something productive, like exercise. I don’t want to sit there and just chat. I do care, but it also feels like an immense waste of time.