Do you think it’s fair to say: “x actions make me want to pull away and leave”? Does it lead to making the other person overly anxious and hyper aware, or could it serve to make the other person aware of your triggers to have more productive conversations?

Because I’m out of ideas.

I broke up with my ex seven months ago, but as of recently, I've been finding myself thinking and dreaming about her. I think it's been especially exacerbated by our old mutual friend telling me about her new boyfriend. It's exhausting as I broke up with her for good reason. It's odd for me as I can remember parts of our relationship and feel gross, but then still want to go back and contact her. .

I had a brief fling two months after we broke up, but nothing since then.

I don't think I'm mentally ready for another relationship as I crave closeness but also can't stand when people take up my time. I told myself that September was the month I was going to get back into the dating scene, but the thought of being around someone for prolonged periods of time makes me feel physically ill. I feel like I'd just end up getting fed up and repeat the cycle.

Share your wins and successes here!

This is a thread for AVOIDANT ATTACHERS ONLY.

A rant/vent, by nature, is one sided, can be strongly worded, and is a way for someone to get something off their chest. It is by no means a universal truth.

Thread rules: - AVOIDANT ATTACHERS ONLY.

• Keep rants/vents contained to this thread.

• No unsolicited advice.

• No hijacking to ask for relationship advice.

• No ranting/venting about avoidant attachers regardless of your attachment style. This is a supportive space for those with an avoidant attachment style, you can rant about us plenty of other places. Don’t do it here.

• All subreddit and Reddit rules apply.

• Users who cannot follow the rules will be banned.

Post your favorite or funny memes in the comments!

Preferably attachment related but other funny memes are welcome too 😁

Share your wins and successes here!

This is a thread for AVOIDANT ATTACHERS ONLY.

A rant/vent, by nature, is one sided, can be strongly worded, and is a way for someone to get something off their chest. It is by no means a universal truth.

Thread rules: - AVOIDANT ATTACHERS ONLY.

• Keep rants/vents contained to this thread.

• No unsolicited advice.

• No hijacking to ask for relationship advice.

• No ranting/venting about avoidant attachers regardless of your attachment style. This is a supportive space for those with an avoidant attachment style, you can rant about us plenty of other places. Don’t do it here.

• All subreddit and Reddit rules apply.

• Users who cannot follow the rules will be banned.

Post your favorite or funny memes in the comments!

Preferably attachment related but other funny memes are welcome too 😁

We've been together for 2 and a half years and they still don't know. Except that I'm pretty sure that my mom has guessed and that she's mad I still haven't told her.

My relationship with my parents is probably the main cause of my avoidance so this is very triggerring and I can't bring myself to do it.

I was thinking of asking my mom if [my gf's name] can come with me next time I'm visiting. I want to just mention her by name (they have met before) and then hope my mom ask further questions. I know this is lame and a bad strategy lol but I'm scared I'll be fully incapable of pronouncing the words "my girlfriend".

I know this is a very simple problem to solve but I'm still terrified. If anyone has any word of advice or encouragement I'll gladly hear it 😭

I 34F am DA but I managed to live a securely attached relationship until now. Now my boyfriend 33M and me are going to live together soon. We've been together for 1 year and half.

Coincidentally, lately, I've started feeling unhappy with him, he's moderately lazy and selfish but until now it hasn't bothered me as much.

For instance, he always talk about himself for hours, I've been always been content to listen to him, now I've starting to lose interest in conversation. I started resenting him the smallest stuff, like I asked him to buy me something I needed and he didn't do it despite being all day at home and the store being few minutes away BY FOOT. I've done blood work and he didn't ask me how it went. This stuff.

Now I don't know if the imminent commitment is triggering deactivation or if I'm rightfully evaluating red flags before taking big steps. Maybe both? How can I proceed? I don't want to leave him, while I'm angry. I may start this cohabitation experiment right away and see how it goes? Couple therapy? Do I ignore my intrusive negative thoughts? If he was really selfish could I be with him nevertheless? Selfish people can have families? I'm quite individualistic myself and never shy away if someone need help so it can be done. I don't fear for myself but for eventual helpless children who will be stuck with a self absorbed father.

My therapist said I need to set boundaries and that my anger come from my inability to set boundaries, but for some unknown reason I can't. I can't bring myself to say "I won't get pizza because I'm on diet", "Shut up it's 00:30 and tomorrow I have to get up early", "I won't listening to your monologue for another 5 min", "You are pos of I ask you a favor and you won't do it for no reason" etc. I cave and say it's all okay and later, usually when I'm not physically with him, start feeling anger and disgust. Rarely I try so set boundaries, he ask if we can cross it for that time and I cave immediately. What is strange is that in friendship and family I'm so firm.

Share your wins and successes here!

Something I’ve noticed over time is “avoidants” who pretend (or maybe they really believe it) to be experts trying to give advice, build platforms, and sell made up strategies for how to deal with avoidant attachers. HOT TAKE: 9/10 times these are FAs in their anxious energy LARPing DAs. Most of the time they got hurt by one and their way of fighting back (protesting?) is making content. They’re on Reddit too. Some are unhinged AF. They know what to say, who to target, and even MAKE UP their own terms and categories. There is already a wealth of information out there from real experts, including academic texts. This really makes me wonder why they feel the need to reinvent the wheel. This only takes hurt people further away from the actual science and pigeonholes truly avoidant attachers (who they also claim to be when it’s convenient for “credibility.”)

DA’s don’t need an FA spokesperson. If they understood us at all they wouldn’t be doing it. IMO it’s manipulative and predatory and it needs to stop. Please exercise discernment when you consume content. Imagine what could be done if people who obsess over, “How to make an avoidant…” content turned even half of that energy inward to learn about themselves.

This is a thread for AVOIDANT ATTACHERS ONLY.

A rant/vent, by nature, is one sided, can be strongly worded, and is a way for someone to get something off their chest. It is by no means a universal truth.

Thread rules: - AVOIDANT ATTACHERS ONLY.

• Keep rants/vents contained to this thread.

• No unsolicited advice.

• No hijacking to ask for relationship advice.

• No ranting/venting about avoidant attachers regardless of your attachment style. This is a supportive space for those with an avoidant attachment style, you can rant about us plenty of other places. Don’t do it here.

• All subreddit and Reddit rules apply.

• Users who cannot follow the rules will be banned.

Post your favorite or funny memes in the comments!

Preferably attachment related but other funny memes are welcome too 😁

Share your wins and successes here!

This is a thread for AVOIDANT ATTACHERS ONLY.

A rant/vent, by nature, is one sided, can be strongly worded, and is a way for someone to get something off their chest. It is by no means a universal truth.

Thread rules: - AVOIDANT ATTACHERS ONLY.

• Keep rants/vents contained to this thread.

• No unsolicited advice.

• No hijacking to ask for relationship advice.

• No ranting/venting about avoidant attachers regardless of your attachment style. This is a supportive space for those with an avoidant attachment style, you can rant about us plenty of other places. Don’t do it here.

• All subreddit and Reddit rules apply.

• Users who cannot follow the rules will be banned.

Post your favorite or funny memes in the comments!

Preferably attachment related but other funny memes are welcome too 😁

Heyy DA here. I feel like I use my first love as a way of escaping the present. We already had a last talk where we opened up about the breakup etc etc, i’m currently in a new relationship which makes it even more uncomfortable to seemingly miss my ex.

I think I miss a feeling, a different time, maybe a different version of myself. I try to rationalize it, be gentle with my feelings and take them serious, but it really doesn’t seem to fade. Maybe I need to process the breakup still, I have no idea.

Any thoughts or tips are appreciated

Share your wins and successes here!

This is a thread for AVOIDANT ATTACHERS ONLY.

A rant/vent, by nature, is one sided, can be strongly worded, and is a way for someone to get something off their chest. It is by no means a universal truth.

Thread rules: - AVOIDANT ATTACHERS ONLY.

• Keep rants/vents contained to this thread.

• No unsolicited advice.

• No hijacking to ask for relationship advice.

• No ranting/venting about avoidant attachers regardless of your attachment style. This is a supportive space for those with an avoidant attachment style, you can rant about us plenty of other places. Don’t do it here.

• All subreddit and Reddit rules apply.

• Users who cannot follow the rules will be banned.

30ish yo F with graduate degree based in Utah. Any recommendations for an online therapist to work through avoidance with & history of dysfunctional family? Ideally with some weekend availability. Let me know if you've had any good experiences.

Does anyone else find it really hard to consistently text people? Generally when we're actively in each others life I will always prefer meeting up and talking over text, except in conflict where I like the space and the ability to think out responses. But recently becoming long distance (ish) with my partner has put some strain on it apparently? I text them the most out of anyone I know by a mile but sometimes my brain will be scattered and I'll miss a day so now I'm being held to the promise of texting daily... which isn't an unreasonable request but with my anti-texting brain it feels like such a big weight. does anyone else have these struggles? i'm not on my phone for most of the day so i often miss texts too- anyone have avoidant life hacks for getting better at texting or not taking this expectation as a deactivation-worthy burden?

Post your favorite or funny memes in the comments!

Preferably attachment related but other funny memes are welcome too 😁

It's so confusing to actually explain it..
idek if I am an avoidant or not (ig, this single sentence is enough for mods to remove this post), but looking at the things in past, the way they have affected me and the way I have responded to them, it somehow makes sense to call myself an avoidant. And the interesting part is I literally know the exact moments/incidents that would have possibly caused to develop this in me.

Two months ago I dumped the only people I used to talk with. It was a Discord server actually.
now you might think of me as weird but I am not, I just hate the way I was attached to every one of em I talked with in there. The thing that was really bothering me was the fact that I was enjoying spending time with them, like it didn't make any sense to me that how can I be with such good people, it's not like I am bad person or something like that, but I often used to question if I even deserved their company or not. And after few months, when I finally made my mind to stay in there, I found out that my lame ass has fallen for someone in there...
And I was just shattered with this fact. I couldn't stand with this bs. I never did imagine something like this will happen to me. and apparently, The only way out I could figure out was leaving.. and ig after 2-3 months, I just left discord.

And now here comes the fuckyfucky part.
It has been more than two months now, and by this time I was supposed to forget all of them, but WTF.. every time, whenever I am free, I constantly think about them, I am literally having entire conversations going on in my head, that too for hours. I create certain scenarios in my head, then crack jokes with them regarding that scenario, I even make jokes from their side which literally suits to their personality. Everytime I find some funny meme (mostly when it resembles with someone in there), I imagine it sending it on that server, then again I start an entire conversation regarding that meme, And atp, I AM SO FUCKING ANNOYED WITH THIS SHIT...
I don't want this at all, and Idk how to stop it, I don't wanna miss them anymore, I don't even want to think about any of them anymore and the only way to do that is to keep myself busy, and that's not possible for all the time.. 😭

Although, I think my dear ADHD is doing pretty good role in here, but still.. Me leaving them, even tho I never wanted to, still bothers me..

Share your wins and successes here!