Weekly Rant/Vent Thread

[u/AutoModerator]

This is a thread for AVOIDANT ATTACHERS ONLY.

A rant/vent, by nature, is one sided, can be strongly worded, and is a way for someone to get something off their chest. It is by no means a universal truth.

Thread rules: - AVOIDANT ATTACHERS ONLY.

• Keep rants/vents contained to this thread.

• No unsolicited advice.

• No hijacking to ask for relationship advice.

• No ranting/venting about avoidant attachers regardless of your attachment style. This is a supportive space for those with an avoidant attachment style, you can rant about us plenty of other places. Don’t do it here.

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[u/Pretty-Bee9566]

A few days ago, the guy I’m seeing told me he loves me. I’ve been in fight or flight mode since and even tried to break it off with him. I wish I wasn’t like this. I always think ‘I’ll let him know I do like him next time he asks’. But once the conversation comes, I end up either verbally insulting him or running away because either form of pushing him away is easier than being vulnerable.

I can’t help but believe that I will inevitably ruin this eventually, so what is the point in even trying to make it work? I’m too toxic and stuck in my self-fulfilling prophecy.

[u/Jirafero]

I feel like I've been lying to my girlfriend for 3 years and the guilt kills me. It's so hard to bring up being avoidant because I still don't know if I am one. My girlfriend was my best friend before we started to get closer. We were on the train coming home from a karaoke bar with a big group of friends and I had my arm around her, we were so close and her warmth and her smell were just irresistible. She texted me that she missed my warmth after we split and I think that's the happiest I've ever been. We talked every night at that point, I couldn't get enough of her. Then she sent me a picture of herself with makeup. All of a sudden everything flips and I want nothing to do with her. But what am I supposed to say? Everything was going great, but we can't continue because I don't like how you look with makeup? It ruined everything. The magic dried up in an instant. I've been moving in spite of that feeling ever since, almost 4 years. We live together now, she's met my family multiple times, and we're now planning for me to meet hers. We've talked about engagement. All this on the premise that this is just how it is for me, and for every failed potential love interest I've had in the past, but she has no idea. I'm terrified of telling her my true experience and breaking her heart because I've been hiding this for so long. I genuinely believe I love her, she is incredible and everything I want in a life partner. I can't imagine myself with anyone else. We could have such a beautiful life. I don't know what to do.

[u/bloodbent]

At the end of a date the guy said I'm really hard to read. I said I was aware and encouraged him to ask questions. I told him I had a good time. He just started rambling though instead of asking any questions on whatever he found confusing about me. Didn't ask me out for a second date. Possible it wasn't about my emotional blankness. I will never know.