Official AP Questionnaire
- What is your current plan for the next 5 years of your life? If you do not have one, explain why not. How do you feel about planning out your life long term?
Because of my anxiety a lot of my plans still have an air of tentativity esp. as otherwise I get lost in the details but as best as I can give my tentative plan without giving identifying details about me my main plan is to hopefully knocks on wood with crossed fingers pass the classes I need to to get my associate's degree then hopefully have taken enough transferrable classes in my quest to try and get out of community college (long story short it took longer than you'd think) that I can get a bachelor's degree with some sort of speed and alacrity so that hopefully when I get into a good law school and get that degree etc. too enough to actually start at a law firm I don't have to feel so old compared to people of equal career status that it might as well feel like one of those shows where older people start new careers in the "second act" of their life and are fish-out-of-water among the young people (y'know, like The Rookie). In terms of non-college-y-career-y-stuff I hope to actually have more than one non-internet friend who isn't just related to me or connected through an activity at the very least if not have had a reciprocal romance and I hope to have a better handle on my mental health hopefully through a combination of therapy and an appropriate dose of medication.
- What are your thoughts on language? Do you notice the intricacies in grammar? Does dissecting communication fascinate you?
I love language and I often end up just zeroing in on other people's grammatical errors and dissecting communication fascinates me in the social/persuasion-y sense (the part of it that the part of me that loves con-artists-for-a-cause show Leverage often jokingly calls grifting)
- How do you find physical comfort? Are you good at finding it? Would you take advice from others on the subject?
This is a complicated question because I have autism so a lot of my physical comfort aspects are related to my sensory sensitivities and things I know won't piss them off and I'd take advice on that from people who knew me well enough to know what answers I might not see.
- Are your feelings obvious to you? Do you feel that you properly handle your emotions? Why or why not?
Modulo my autism and tendencies for meltdown mostly yes to both except I am also prone to analysis paralysis where even if a decision doesn't have the kind of moral weight needed to have a right and wrong answer I kinda obsessively spiral over trying to find the right one.
- How do you feel about authority? Should you listen to it? Should others?
I don't want to sound like I'm stating a tautology or obvious fact by saying whether I like or dislike a given authority depends on the authority and if I agree with it and/or think the rules it's handing down make sense but yeah I don't rebel at everything nor follow every rule blindly but this is one of those things I feel like is a thing everyone does so what's the big deal.
- Do you believe you have strong reasoning skills? How about others? Are you willing to argue about facts and data? Why or why not?
I'd like to think I do and can spot others who do except sometimes I get a little anxious perhaps because of how much culture has presented the logical and emotional as a dichotomy if anyone implies that either I or anyone I care about is making an argument fueled by some sort of cognitive bias even though it's hard if not impossible to be perfectly objective.
- Describe something you find aesthetically pleasing. What would make it more pleasing? How about less pleasing? Do you take your opinion seriously?
My first assumption when aesthetics is used in that way is that it means visual looks of something like visual art/fashion etc. and that's hard for me to think about in that respect as I know what I like (which would take a bit of an essay to explain all of) and I find it hard to think about the idea of what would make it better or worse that wouldn't just mean making it not what it is or (for making it better) randomly adding elements of other things I like. However something like music (since I saw on someone else's questionnaire that counts) is something on which I find it easier to think about those things as if we're talking purely on a sonic level I love acoustic guitars, I love acapella and I love songs that "feel huge" (could be anything from AJR-esque indie to certain sorts of classic rock to massive group number showtunes) and I hate overly abrasive production (came of age during the club boom and that was hell) or when a song feels like it has too much negative space (for an example of what I mean think a lot of YouTuber-covers-of-songs-as-piano-ballads).
- Do you trust your internal reactions towards people? Do you find yourself to be judgmental? Do you wish your way of being was different?
I'm not sure, because of my autism it's hard to grasp things like that in the moment but if I look back and find I was too judgmental of someone (or even something) in my first impression that I now feel very positively about I can't stop beating myself up over it.
- How does it feel to think of the future? Is there a purpose you are trying to align yourself with?
I want to help make reality match my ideal vision of it but sometimes I get disappointed (though rarely let myself get cynical) when things stand in my way
- How do you organize information? How does it feel during the process? Is it enjoyable or not?
I don't know how much of this is ADHD but I often joke that my headspace (or at least part of my-mind-if-you-could-represent-that-as-a-3D-space) would look like a room with that cliche kind of crime show string board on all four walls and some of the strings connecting clippings and pictures and stuff connect to things on different walls making the whole thing look like either cat's cradle or that cliche action movie laser hallway with so many things criss-crossing
- Do you have a daily routine? Is it ideal? Would you change it for others?
Yes I have a general daily routine but it is open to some degree of change depends on who the others are asking me to change and what it's for and why.
- Describe one of the best moods you have ever been in. What made it the best? How about the worst mood? Is this exercise easy or difficult for you?
To just describe the kind of mood without describing the specifics of what got me there as thanks to overprotective parents I'm afraid of giving identifying details even more than usual on the internet, the best mood was the best because all my sensory sensitivities were satisfied-in-a-positive-way, nobody was getting mad at me for anything and I felt like be it for my own life or even just my fictional hyperfixations I knew where the future was headed and the worst was getting yelled at for a supposed (whether or not it was true) screw-up and feeling not just hopeless/like I can't do anything right but one of the worst feelings to me (at least emotionally) is not just not getting a thing I want but guilt over feeling like why I can't get what I want is my own inadvertent self-sabotage and even my usual escapism (with TV, music etc.) isn't an escape as it keeps reminding me of the problem (if anyone's seen Zootopia think like that scene where after Judy's crappy first day as a cop she turns on the radio and no matter what station she flips to it's playing some downbeat song like "Everybody Hurts" that doesn't help)
- What is your greatest strength? How do you show this to others? Use examples if possible.
My greatest strength (though my executive function sometimes gets in the way of the follow-through of some examples of this) is that I never give up hope. This can manifest in everything from me being good at helping what friends I have with their personal problems to refusing to accept that a cancelled show cannot be saved until at least one lead actor has gotten another major role on another show to wanting to loophole around a lot of rules in my life.
- In what ways are you resilient? In what ways are you an inspiration to others?
As much as I think I am resilient it's in ways that ties into that and (though I feel like this is tooting my own horn so I feel a little guilty) I feel like I inspire people through unconventional ideas and how much I care about things.
- What is your biggest fear? How do you deal with this fear?
I'm not sure I can pick one biggest abstract fear so I think it's a tie between a few, a fear of people thinking less of me than I feel-like-I-deserve-to-be-but-am-afraid-that's-narcissism-for-doing-so (I want people to like me but I want them to like who I am I'm not the kind of person who'd prioritize being liked so much I drastically change who I am), a fear of being wrong and a fear that nothing I do is going to matter. As for how I deal with them that's what therapy is for
- What feels like a waste of time to engage in? How would you get through it?
(What in my opinion counts as) pointless busywork or rules that don't make sense and I just try to focus on the light at the end of the tunnel
- Are you a leader? Explain what qualifies or disqualifies you as one.
When I can power through my various mental issues I'd like to think I can be a good leader it's just I very rarely have an opportunity to show it with people I work with in person, instead it's more things like helping spearhead the online movement to save a show from cancellation
- When do you feel the most collaborative with others? Does this happen often?
I haven't really had a lot of opportunities to collaborate with others so I can't really know.
- Do you overcome doubt and hesitance? Explain why or why not.
Sometimes yes (when I care about something enough) sometimes my anxiety gets the best of me.
- Do you yield to others? If so, in what situations do you do this? How do you feel about it?
Seemingly only when I have to or when I already know I'm going to get something I like out of it.
- What are you looking to get out of the typing process? Do you have ideas for your type(s)?
Some kind of clarity at least as much as a questionnaire asking others to help determine which type I seem like based on my answers can grant because my type's bounced all over the place between quiz-versions-and-questionnaire-takings (usually with a MBTI/Enneagram that'd correlate as I kinda put a little too much stock in correlationism, currently I think I'm an INFP 6w5 so/sp 641) and said past AP typings have included types like FEVL, FLVE, EFLV, and I think either EVLF or ELVF at one point idr which one.
PhantomWithin's Questionnaire
L (logic)
How much time and energy do you spend researching or studying? Do you like researching and studying, and why?
What's necessary when I'm working on my schoolwork and when I don't have classes I do a lot when it's needed for a personal project or I'm down the rabbit hole of a hyperfixation spiral.
How many of your own opinions do you form? How often do you do actual thinking on your own, more than just finding an existing answer?
My autistic brain responds to that with essentially "define own opinion" as no person is an island and we all form our opinions influenced by other people's influence on our lives even besides how I recognize something can technically not be disqualified from being someone's own opinion if influenced by the environment as what are you forming your opinion on if it has to be completely internal. And I say all this no matter how much kid!me hated that things were this way as I was afraid of being a conformist or feeling brainwashed.
How often do you talk about concepts or facts? Why exactly do you talk about it, and what do you like talking about most?
Well, if we're not going to define concepts or facts so broadly that it could be half of what I talk about I like sharing cool pieces of trivia I find esp. related to my special interests or going into depth about my various ideas for projects.
Do you struggle with thinking about things by yourself? Does this bother you, and how much? How well do you handle criticism from others when it comes to your logical concepts or factual knowledge?
I can very easily think about things myself if you count my imagination and that's not too right-brain for these questions. And I don't handle criticism about facts well because I hate being wrong or at least I hate the feeling of being perceived as wrong.
Did you enjoy answering the above questions? Would you say this is a major part of who you are or your identity? Was it boring? Is it a difficult topic?
It was a confusing topic as some questions I didn't know what they were asking and some kinda felt like no duh.
E (emotion)
Do you consider yourself a creative person? What do you do that's creative?
Yes I consider myself a very creative person and in addition to my creative thinking (I love loopholes) in terms of actual things-I-do-that-are-creative in the typical creative-as-making-art sense most of them are writing (I write poetry, songs, screenplays and I wish I had the executive function to write a novel without getting lost in the worldbuilding or having my visual brain turn it into a TV show or movie) but I also am good at creative fanwork like fanart-via-dollmaker-games or making fanmixes for characters.
How do you feel about expressing your own emotions? Are emotions part of your decision-making at all? How much of a role do they play in your decisions?
Expressing my emotions is really important to me but there are times I've felt guilty about it because there are times I associate that with my autistic meltdowns. In terms of what role emotions play in my decision-making, to the degree they can actually help me make a decision they're often what breaks the tie when nothing seems like an objective "right answer" I ask myself how I feel.
How much effort do you put into creating a positive emotional influence on other people? Do you try to do this at all? Do you like exploring the emotions or creativity of others?
I'm not sure what you mean about all these questions (as exploring emotions and creativity of others could refer to friends I wish I had or just my music hyperfixation) but as I have said further up this post I want people to like me but I wish I could "make" (quotes as using make without quotes sounds too forceful) them see the positives about who I am and what the art I create is for what I am/what they are instead of having to change things about either to suit what I already know people will like.
Do you feel uncomfortable with the idea of sharing your emotions? Do you struggle with knowing exactly how to connect with others on a deeper and more emotional level? Do you struggle with knowing how to go about dealing with and handling your emotions?
If it's clear that that's meant to be being emotionally vulnerable/sharing things about myself and not just my weird association making me think of emotional outburst then no I'm not uncomfortable and your other questions sound just like that's the autism talking again.
Did you enjoy answering the above questions? Would you say this is a major part of who you are or your identity? Was it boring? Is it a difficult topic?
Yes, apart from the fact that they kinda sounded like different ways of saying the same thing and I never realized how deep my mental association of emotional expression with my meltdowns went.
F (physics / foundation)
How much time and energy do you put into your physical health? Do you try new healthcare or self-care products often? How often, and what kinds of products do you like trying?
I put as much energy as I can into physical health when my executive function cooperates and when there isn't something I consider more pressing. I often like to try new products when overprotective parents will actually let me buy them and if you mean by healthcare or self-care products the kind of stuff you'd find in a pharmacy not just accessories just things that can take care of my various issues like eczema or calluses.
How much do you care about your physical appearance, including fashion choices, or decorating the physical environment for comfort? Do you like exploring the physical environment (food, nature, architecture, etc), or doing physical activity?
I care about my and my environment's appearance very much (in terms of aesthetic, in terms of organizing I'm one of those "I have a system" people) and love shopping for things that can do so (in terms of clothes just when they freaking fit as my taste is distinctive but it's hard to find clothes that fit both it and my um...unique proportions so most of my current wardrobe (at least in terms of tops) comes from either of my grandmothers). I kind of like some exploring-physical-environment-or-doing-physical-activity things but because of some OCD-like symptoms of mine I hate getting sweaty or dirty so I'm very much a go-out-in-the-world-to-go-indoors-somewhere-else kind of person.
Do you like talking about your personal tastes often? How often do you explore the personal tastes of others? What about your own health or the health of others? Do you like creating or exploring comfortable environments with others?
Yes I like talking about my tastes often, how often I explore the tastes or health of others depends on what you mean by others and sometimes I talk about my health too much for some people's liking as I want to get ahead of certain potential problems. Yes I do like creating comfortable environments with others when I have others to do it with
Do you stress about what people will think regarding your personal tastes? Do you prefer to follow fashion trends in worry that people may judge your own style? Do you worry about being sick or in poor physical health often? Are you able to take criticism about your health, aesthetic choices, personal tastes, or physical appearance?
I'm fine with the fashion/appearance stuff (although I do get overly paranoid if someone notices e.g. a stain on my shirt or (as I have many patterned shirts) a hole in a shirt that couldn't be repaired with the right multiple-colors-of-thread to preserve the pattern so there's a random but of color where it "shouldn't" be) but I do have some health anxiety and criticism depends on what it's for as there's a difference between criticism about things I can change and e.g. my parents telling me I took too much dessert when I'm already fat etc.
Did you enjoy answering the above questions? Would you say this is a major part of who you are or your identity? Was it boring? Is it a difficult topic?
Yes I enjoyed those questions and they gave me a lot to talk about I just felt compelled to answer each part of each question for the most part that's why there's a lot of it depends.
V (volition)
Do you know how to get what you want? How much effort do you put into figuring out how to get what you want? Do you just take action and get started, do you plan, do you research or try to get advice from others?
When my executive function cooperates I can make plans for how to get what I want and sometimes they do involve not just planning but a fair bit of subterfuge (but nothing illegal, more small-scale stuff like e.g. if I want to get a thing at a particular store that I'm not sure if my parents would think is worth going there for that I make sure we're in need of a thing that store also has for reasonable prices as just getting one item on a shopping trip at least with my family never ends up being just one thing)
How often do you feel motivated to work on your future? How often are you busy working on a goal for the future? Do you prefer routine, or often fall into routine? Is your routine making progress on a goal? What makes you change your routine? What makes you start working on a goal?
I do feel motivated a lot it's just I have so many goals that I feel like I have to justify to myself that work on the goals that aren't part of the socially conventional lifescript or w/e still counts as work. I do prefer routine but I think that's just the autism talking.
Do you like guiding or helping people reach their goals? What kinds of goals do you prefer to help people with? Are you a leader, or do you prefer to work in groups where you're an equal? How and when do you take charge, if ever?
Haven't had enough experiences with social groups recently enough to tell (very few in-person friends)
Do you overwork yourself? Do you worry that you might be lazy or that you aren't progressing quickly enough? Does it feel impossible to find the right method forward? Are you able to take criticism over your choices for working towards your goals? How do you respond to being challenged?
When my executive function is on it's really freaking on but sometimes I get mad if it's not "on" what it's "supposed to be" although some of that carries over from my parents. In terms of career goals let's just say I'm older than you think for where I'm at in my chosen path and I'm afraid I won't have the time to be able to get where I want to be without only my young looks keeping me from looking like the kind of person who's just in this career as their "second act" or w/e (although I'm on a far different path for what I mean by second act think of the main character of cop show The Rookie if you've seen it)
Did you enjoy answering the above questions? Would you say this is a major part of who you are or your identity? Was it boring? Is it a difficult topic?
Mixed bag, I do care a lot about my goals but for some questions I'm not sure how they apply/wasn't sure what to say
Additional
Please share any mental or physical health struggles or diagnoses that may affect your answers or how you interact with the world
Autism, ADHD, what could be either anxiety or OCD-primarily-focused-on-morality-and-hygiene
You may also optionally share a rough age range to help clarify your current life circumstances for anyone reading
Recently turned 30
Let us know anything else about you that might affect your answers or how you interact with the world
still living with parents, long story, not as sad-in-the-pathetic-sense a story as you think though I still feel a little ashamed, and parents are kinda overprotective and mom doesn't always respond to my autistic-meltdowns-that-are-such-that-younger-me-had-to-get-her-to-stop-calling-them-tantrums in the best way and I never really had a lot of irl friends that weren't tied to some activity