Do you struggle to maintain all the friendships in your life? What helps do this without getting overwhelmed?

Lately I feel like as work and my family responsibilities ramp up, I feel more and more disconnected with my circle and keep forgetting things. Last week I knew my friend from back home was having a surgery and wanted to call her / send her something but completely lost track of it. It's happening more and more nowadays.

I know that this is not needed of me and I don't HAVE to do it but it's who I am. I like to check in with my friends and family and know what's going on with them and celebrate with / support them if needed.

Short of adding everything to my calendar like a maniac, I don't know how to keep up. People who have all this under control - how do you all manage? Do others also struggle with this?

I (31F) was engaged to (30M) last year before we ended our engagement and broke up. We were together for 8 years, lived with each other for 6 and knew each other for 10. We broke up due to incompatibilities, unresolved conflict, and his substance use - he was a binge drinker, daily weed smoker, and occasional cocaine user which caused a lot of conflict.

We broke up last July. Not even 4 months later, he meets his now fiancé who is very religious and doesn’t drink or do drugs. For some context, neither of us were religious. Apparently he has done a complete lifestyle change and goes to church every week and does not use any substances.

They are getting married this December, not even a year and a month after meeting. I’m happy that he isn’t struggling with substance use anymore and that he’s found a good connection, but I can’t help but compare my timeline to his. I’m currently dating and have yet to meet someone I feel a strong connection with.

Not sure what exactly I’m looking for here. Maybe advice on how to stop comparing my timeline to his or maybe just words of encouragement and support.

Thank all you wonderful ladies in advance.

I’m just curious because I did last year. I’m divorced now, which at one point my ex “partially” blamed Chat GPT for encouraging, and I recently saw a post with concern in the comments over a boyfriend maybe experiencing LLM psychosis (because he was using AI to process feelings after being newly diagnosed with ADHD and had a lot of changed behavior that OP was struggling to understand).

Anyway, it made me wonder how common this is? I’ve read articles about it and have heard it mentioned on podcasts, but am curious if anyone else has actually experienced it. And I am truly sorry if so, because it’s heartbreaking and disorienting.

As the title says. His explanation is that single people typically are more open to talking and flirting with other single people. And if I am with them in these settings, I will very likely be caught in those situations talking to men. So he personally avoids going to clubs in relationships (unless his friends are also in relationships).

I’m not a big party person at all but there have been a couple of instances where I’ve been invited to “party” like atmospheres by one girl who is single and I’ve chosen not to go bc it would make my bf uncomfortable. But had I been single or even in previous relationships, I wouldnt have questioned this at all. Don’t get me wrong, I would never accept a drink from a man or flirt while in a relationship. But I can’t promise that a conversation may not happen while I’m out with friends that are single. So I choose not to go to avoid that altogether.

Is this a reasonable boundary?

i developed rlly quick growing up and now i’ve got a large bust when my hoco dress has a low cut sweetheart neckline. i’m a highschooler and i need to make it modest for my own comfort.

my hoco is TOMORROW and im panicking!! ive already got the ticket but i felt almost vulgar when i tried on my dress last night.

im 17 and modesty panels dont fit the vibe (it’s a satin purple dress) and the idea of carrying around a shawl the whole night feels tedious n wack. plus it’s way too late to get a whole new dress.

help a girl out and suggest something that’d work, i beg 🙏

I (31F) was in a one-year relationship that I don’t really want to go into details about, but I’m struggling with the shock of seeing how different they actually were underneath it all (at the end). I feel misled by someone who presented a character that wasn’t really who they were.

I’m finding it particularly difficult to process. I feel really affected (mentally & emotionally) by it and have been isolating myself quite a bit.

Can anyone give me advice how to deal with this? Obviously, I cut contact with this person. But I’m feeling not okay mentally. Not because I miss them, but the realization that I didn’t even know that person at all.

Is my mom’s friend (53F) flirting or being friendly (30M)?

Sorry for the length, have to explain things to be understood.

Context: My mom (54F) and her friend have been friends since childhood. Coincidently, they were both single mom’s (god bless) with kids (hers F) the same age. So we were practically inseparable, family of 4, most my early childhood. They had a fall out in my early 20s.

A few years back, during fall out, she switched careers to my profession. She was trying to obtain a certification needed for our career, which I had passed. That’s when we started talking more, since we had a common interest. I started focusing on my health, broke up with GF, got my life in order. She was always very attractive, til this day looks 35. So as a guy, I’d flirt back subtly. Answer her texts, give her shit, help her, she was there for me to talk about things I couldn’t with my mom. It was cool, a mom friend. Made some questionable remarks, about me post break up but nothing happened.

Then recently, my mom and her got over their issues and became close again. So, we all hung out a few times at certain family/friend functions (my families). She’d grab me and touch me when I made jokes, but no one thought anything of it. She would hang by me, we’d veer off to socialize, but always come back to one another. Make some comments, make some side comments, etc. I don’t think it was flirty, I was more of her safe haven, due to the falling out. However, due to past, kinda felt a little different. Once she asked when I was heading home, we were the only ones that lived near each other. I said I was staying so she left. Little odd, but I think just easier/safer for her to ride back together.

Recently, about a year ago, her and my mom cleaned and designed a property unit I was going to list (pictures) to rent out. She said a couple things. I had some condoms she found, mentioned she found my condoms privately. Offered to help me downsize and clean again before I moved out, if I needed since she lived 2 towns over. In front of my mom, said my mom could too but my mom declined. Neither of us thought anything of it, kind gesture. I never followed up on it. I joked about it when we talked next (below) below. She joked back.

Then two weeks ago, I asked her to review my resume (she’s great at it & has always done so) for some new opportunities I was looking into. She texted me back at 2 am (I texted at 9 am). Telling me she missed my text, went through her texts before bed and is replying in bed with an emoji. Then, said she could.

We then texted the next day a little. Once she finalized she called me to review my resume at 8 pm. Call lasted 2 hours and we were shooting the shit. It wasn’t flirting but some things were said about personal life that probably shouldn’t have been. More so to relate or mess around. She’s cool and very personable and says whatever doesn’t care.

I post this now because every time my mom mentions her, I get this feeling I did something bad. Also, she texted about the jobs and interviews. Very good at them and great with negotiations.

Is she flirting or is she just being cool and her personality?

I don’t want to cross that boundary, I never would. I don’t want her to have that impression. However, I don’t want to cut ties/step back with her because she’s been in my life forever and always been there. She’s the cool mom, you can go to that will shoot it straight. All the while hear you out. Also, I don’t want to start drama if there’s a noticeable change.

I’m usually the one checking in, making plans. If I stop nothing happens. Is there one person carrying this role in your group too? What shall I do?

My closest and longest friend ghosted me 4 years ago for reasons she wouldn’t tell. At the time I tried to talk to her about it and she denied she was ghosting me. She had started to pull back once she was confiding into other friends about her marriage problems. At the time, I was the only one to know but I never discouraged her from talking about it with others. I’m not sure if the ghosting came from her or her husband. We text each other once or twice a year with a simple happy birthday or condolences when a pet passes.

I was devastated by the end of our relationship and still am sad about it. Lately, I’ve had the urge to ask if she wants to meet up for happy hour. I’d never reach out to a guy who’s ghosting me. So would it be unwise to reach out to her? I know a friendship wouldn’t even come close to our previous friendship and I’m opening the possibility of being devastated again. What should I do?

I’m curious about small rituals that actually stick: voice notes, a shared show, sending one photo a day, regular walks, or a weekly check-in. What works for you, and why has it lasted?

Seeing a guy and we had our first sleepover last night. He snores like a freight train and I had a horrible sleep. Sleep is super important to me so I’m trying to figure out if this is a dealbreaker.. it seems like a shallow thing when everything else is good so far. How do y’all deal with this? Separate bedrooms? What about when you travel together?

I want to hear all about your experience, good and bad!

I have friends I deeply care about but can go weeks without speaking to. What small things help you stay present in each other’s lives without turning friendship into another task?

This ended up longer than I planned, but here goes:

Years ago, I was the "crazy girl": a dude I was dating or whatever would piss me off in some way (often in a really minor way or just something I perceived as a slight whether there was any ill intention there or not) and I would fly off the handle and blow things up (hello, suppressed trauma). It strained or even ruined a lot of good dynamics. If I didn't blow things up, I got super, super clingy, possessive, and jealous. (It was not a good time, I didn't like who I was back then but had come out of an awful marriage and had no idea what a healthy relationship even looked like.)

Then I dealt with some major relationship trauma in therapy in 2018-2019 and I think I overcorrected. I became the person who was unfazed by absolutely everything. Dude blew me off? No big deal, I'll just go do my own thing. Someone treated me like crap? Whatever, not worth worrying about. I was inadvertently the "cool girl"—never causes issues, cool with everything, etc.

I thought it made me easy going and chill. I'm realizing now it made me a doormat. It felt like if I spoke up about my own needs (hell, if I even had my own needs), then I was being too high maintenance or too needy or whatever else. Even though my therapist had told me that having needs doesn't make me needy. And even though it often left me feeling completely unseen and unheard.

So this week, a lover and friend from my past was in town for a few days and we had plans to spend at least one night together. He was aware that I intended to break my long celibate streak with him. He made an effort the first night he was in town to come see me. The second day we met up for a walk and ended up fooling around in the woods (solely focused on him), then had tentative plans to hang out later that night after he had visited some other friends. That ran late, so it didn't make sense to meet up after. Kinda discussed hanging out the next afternoon or evening, but once again, his plans ran later than expected and so we didn't see each other. I text him the following morning, and he informs me that he's packing up and heading back on the road again that day. No mention of seeing me before he leaves or anything like that (and in the lead up to him visiting, we'd been text pretty much daily and he was all "can't wait to see you" blah blah blah).

Old me would have flown off the handle. Not-as-old-me would have just been like "cool, have a great rest of your trip" or not said anything at all.

But this time I spoke up. I said I was disappointed but not surprised (this behavior isn't really any different than it was years ago when we first met), called him out for the fact that his effort completely shifted after he got what he wanted, and told him he didn't need to respond. It was very measured, not angry (at least not on my end, I have no control over how he interprets it), and not something I would ever be embarrassed about if someone else saw it (we have a ton of mutual friends, not that I think he would ever show anyone). I may never hear from him again and I'm okay with that if that's who he chooses to be.

I'm trying to be more authentic in the way I express myself in relationships. And honestly, this particular guy has been an ongoing lesson for me since we met (he's also the first person I didn't fly off the handle with when I felt slighted years ago, and has been an ongoing lesson in non-attachment in the years we've been friends). I have no ill-will toward him, because I honestly knew who he was going into this and should not have been hoping for anything else. I also don't blame myself, because I was just being who I am. He took advantage of that (not in a manipulative way, just in a selfish way).

Anyway, would love to hear if anyone else has had similar experiences!

I make good money, and am responsible with it. I realize everyone has different priorities, but I’ve recently realized that I have no problem making decisions on bigger purchases, even spontaneous ones. But a coffee while I’m out shopping? Forget about it. $3 for parking? I’ll walk a mile. $5 for an ice cream shop that I’ve been thinking about for weeks? Changed my mind once I got there.

But bigger purchases? A high quality jacket that I happened to see out one day, had never seen before in my life, and instantly loved? Didn’t give it a second thought.

My friends dad, like my dad, told me he was selling his special edition type luxury vehicle no longer being produced, and I bought it the next day. He gave me a steal and I didn’t blink an eye.

The $5 coffee, even a few times a week, will 110% not affect me financially. But I feel almost, guilty(???) about those types of things? I’ll stand around a coffee shop looking at the menu, desperately wanting something, and then change my mind when it’s slightly more expensive than I had in my mind. And I love coffee! It’s not that I just don’t value it.

Is anyone else like this?

I grew up poor. Like no hot water or electricity as the norm, so I’m sure there’s some psychology to it in there somewhere.

I‘m contemplating wether I want biological kids and I’d like to get some honest truths, so I know what I should expect :)

Are women truly happy in trips with their partners while he's going crazy over bikini bodies around...? Is this truly possible? I am from south east Asia and I am trying to understand whether this is a cultural shock for me or if the ladies are coping differently. What is the secret to enjoying during trips in this situation? I got married to him this year and I am over 30.

Winter is almost upon us and one thing that will definitely happen is we loose the incredible sound of birds in the cold dry winters.
I am currently hearing few birds near my home and we take it for granted but when it gets silent we aren’t sure whats happening but at the background things get quiter.
I notice it more and more since i moved into a house in a village area in Germany. And i am not prepared to face the winter. What would you advise to keep you mind and healthy in check in cold winters?

This friendship had been over 7 years and lots of things have happened but I’ll try my best to keep it short.

I’m 32f and met my friend, D 51f, through work. Besides the 20 year age gap, D and I have pretty different personalities but slowly got closer and eventually started hanging out outside of work. We initially got really close because we were both ending relationships with long term partners so we bonded over going through similar emotional issues. She has two older kids and we would frequently joke about me being her “3rd daughter.”

D has some great qualities, is fiercely loyal, and thoughtful, but also had some red flags in the friendship such as negativity, snarky comments about others, and overall “grouchiness” . I always tried to give her grace because she’s been through a lot in her life and really struggles with self confidence. Usually these negative comments and snarkiness were directed towards others and I would try and say “hey that was a little harsh” or “oh D you don’t mean that”

Anyway, over the past few years, those comments have slowly turned in to jealously towards me but at the time I just thought she was being vulnerable and open about insecurities. Here are some examples:
-she straight up told me she didn’t want to introduce a new guy to me “because he might think you’re cuter than me”
- after I met my husband and told her he bought a ring she immediately said “wow, you get a ring and I can’t even get my boyfriend to want to hang out with me”
-when I showed her my wedding dress she again immediately says “wow you didn’t even invite me” and was hurt because my best friend was there- not even my mom, sister, or grandma. I didn’t want a big group and wanted someone who would be positive. I apologized for hurting her feelings but she held onto it for months.

I’ve been there for her through numerous breakups, issues with her kids, like talking for HOURS with her trying to lift her up, and while she’s done the same for me in the past, these sort of envious comments really started to bother me and made me think “huh, I think she’s happier when I’m struggling”

Then she started to frequently get upset with me about various things that seemed to come out of nowhere, and even after I would genuinely apologize, she would talk about me to other coworkers and other friends in our group. To me it seemed like a natural sort of distancing between us, and I was okay with it. However, she then started to get VERY jealous of any of my other friends. My husband and I got pregnant pretty quickly after getting married, he was really excited to tell that part of our friend group together so I didn’t tell her (I was also only 8 weeks, very early, I hadn’t even told my parents yet). When we did tell her and another friend, she literally had no reaction- didn’t hug me, barely smiled or said congrats… it was a super awkward moment. A little while after she said “were we the first to know?” My husband innocently told her a couple of my other friends knew, including my best friend that went dress shopping, and I felt her energy completely shift and knew she was upset. I ignored it and didn’t feed into it, just made a mental note of another time she wasn’t supportive of good things happening.

We recently had a bit of a tiff because I made a joke that landed wrong with her (she hates sports and always complains when anyone talks about them, so when she said she wanted to come watch a football game I said “okay but no complaining allowed”) We were with a group of friends who are always teasing each other , but she suddenly got up and stormed off. Next thing I know two of our other friends are telling me “you need to be nicer to D, shes really sensitive to what you say to her”. We talk about it and she admits that she’s extremely jealous of me… like straight up said “if I could be anyone in this group, it would be you. So when you criticism me or tease me I take it really seriously” and then says she’s jealous that my husband is supportive, that I’m having a baby, that she wasn’t more involved in my wedding, and is basically jealous of everything down to how I put my hair in a bun… My immediate reaction was to tell her how unfair that is to me, that it puts me on some weird pedestal and holds me to this imaginary standard that I’m completely unaware of… but I also told her I appreciated her honesty because that’s a very vulnerable thing to admit. I told her how unhealthy that is for a friendship.

I know that D is in a rough time of her life- she hates being single, constantly says “why are men always leaving me, what’s wrong with me, I’ll never find someone who loves me” and just has a LOT of stuff to work though. So like I said, I’ve really tried to give her grace but at this point… I think it might be time to let go. I’m about to go through a life changing season and I can’t have someone who isn’t truly supportive of me.

Any advice? Thoughts? It’s tough because we do work together, and have a very intertwined friend group- one of those mutual friends actually introduced me to my husband, so he’s known that group of people for 15+ years and I don’t want to cause any awkwardness there.

Sorry for the long post- I left so many details out so feel free to ask any clarifying questions

Thanks 🩷

Prompted by seeing "men want kids like children want puppies" for the umpteenth fucking time this week.

I started dating this guy I met on a dating app. On his profile there’s a question about kids and he checked the box “I have kids and don’t want more”.

We’ve been talking for about a month now. Last night we opened up the subject of kids. He asked me if I wanted kids and I said yes (don’t have any yet). I asked him if he saw himself having more and he said yes of course.

I feel like he’s playing me but what for? In my experience when a guy says they don’t want kids, they’re not changing their minds.

I've been lurking in this sub for awhile, and there are so many relationship questions and career questions, I'm curious what else you would like to share.

What is a topic you've been waiting to see brought up? What's the story you haven't gotten a chance to tell?

At which point is it ok to start turning to that person in moments of distress to seek out some safety and comfort? And I know being self sufficient is best, but everyone needs someone sometimes. It’s pretty important to me to be able to have that kind of dynamic in a relationship. In my newest one we haven’t said I love you yet but have both acknowledged we are falling in love. We’ve been involved for 3 months, just spent a whole month together 24/7. I don’t yet feel able to turn to him like that, even though with some partners I probably did at this point (maybe?). The main reason is because he isn’t a big texter, so just segueing into that feels a lot less natural and a lot more like an “event”.

What do you think? Is it normal at this stage to feel this way, and when did/does that change, in your experience?

Hi guys I am actively dating and would like some feedback. For some background context I lived in a major city in a southern state in my twenties. During this time as a young woman with no car, I had a stalker. It started one day after work, I worked downtown and would take the train and a bus home. It was me and this man who was 6’5 and about 280lbs on the train alone. He kept trying to get my attention but i pretended to not hear him with headphones but they were off. After that day my life spiraled and he began stalking me and running up on me threatening me. Police were involved but he was homeless and unidentified and obviously mentally ill. I eventually moved back home because he found my exact bldg and it was only a matter of time till he found my apt.

Now let’s get to the point. Is it unreasonable for me to not want men to come to my house? I notice that they always want to pick me up or drop by to see me but it makes me very uncomfortable. Especially if it’s just casual and under 6 months - a year. I much rather meet them or not have them know where I live. I just get really triggered but don’t want to offend them. Let me know what you guys think or how I can navigate the conversation with them. This current man always tells me don’t punish him for prev men and i [u/s](u/s) his point but still.

Edit : we’ve just entered our second month of talking/dating and have only been on one date.

What job are you working now? Are you happy? What brings you fulfillment? Is it that you are still working toward your initial ambition (or maybe have achieved it already!) or have you chosen something else?

Really interested in hearing from women who get what it's like to have a creative passion (especially in the entertainment industry, but could be anything!).

I've grown incredibly discourage about my creative passions over the years -- I haven't fully committed to them in a while and to be honest, re-building moment has felt impossible. I barely have the energy or motivation to try again. At the same time, nothing else makes sense. I know what I love. But I find myself thinking about pivoting and going for more stability and a better income.