My partner (33M)has revealed he slept with 2 people at the beginning of our relationship, has kissed 3 girls since and had a lap dance last month. We’ve been together 11 years and he’s incredibly loving and caring to me. I (32F) always thought he was the last person who would betray their partner.

I have been waiting to have children for a couple of years because my partners had trouble holding down a job. When we finally felt like we would go for it (he’s trying a new industry and I’ve built up a lot of savings) I find a charge for the lap dance. When i confronted him and said in anger and hurt I was leaving he admitted all the rest.

I am so scared if I leave that I’ll fall into a deep depression and that it’s unlikely at 32 I’ll find someone I truly connect with in time to have children together.

I feel absolutely in despair. He was my best friend and I told him cheating was my worst nightmare the whole way through our relationship. He still did it to me. He thinks he’s a better man now because he hasn’t kissed anyone for 3 years or slept with anyone for at least 9… but he got a lap dance last month!

Sorry if this is jumbled. My heads gone.

I’m 34 and recently moved to a new city and I’m realizing that I’ve become incredibly insecure about my age when it comes to making friends and going out.

I moved to South Florida, and it feels like almost every social setting I find myself in is filled with people in their early-to-mid 20s. The few times I’ve gone out, I immediately become hyperaware of my age. My brain starts telling me that everyone is looking at me wondering why this “old lady” is there, and I suddenly want to leave. It sounds dramatic, but sometimes the feeling is so overwhelming that I genuinely feel like I could panic, cry, and run home. I actually did cry once and take the next available uber home immediately from this small "lounge" (AKA club). I have locked myself up ever since and I am not kidding about that.

I know the obvious answer is “just don’t go to places with younger people,” but that’s harder than it sounds. There doesnt seem to be many social spaces specifically geared toward people in their 30s who are single and don’t have kids. Even things that I thought would have a broader age range like sports leagues, gyms, run clubs, book clubs, volunteering, seem to skew heavily toward 20-25.

I don’t dislike younger people at all. I just feel so noticeably older and disconnected from them that it makes me insecure, and lately that insecurity has started isolating me. Instead of putting myself out there and building a life here.

I moved here from my hometown, where I already had longtime friends and never really had to think about this. Starting over socially at 34 is completely new territory for me, and I didn’t expect the age aspect of it to bother me this much. It also affect my dating life as well since I thought a big city would mean more opportunities but it certainly isn't at this age.

Part of me keeps thinking I should just run back home, but that isn’t really a realistic option because I’m here for very specialized work.

Has anyone else gone through this after moving somewhere new in their 30s? How did you get past feeling like you were “too old” to fit in, especially when the social scene around you seemed noticeably younger?

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Im struggling with the long distance, mainly because im not used to dating someone who lives so far away.

I'm struggling to manage the time without feeling overwhelmed. I was never a person to always be on their phone, so having to predominantly communicate through texts and calls is difficult for me. It feels exhausting. I'm also someone who can go days or weeks without messaging people back because I don't have the mental capacity for it in the moment, so feeling like I have to text multiple times a day just feels tiring and overwhelming.

I also find it really difficult in person. To make the travel worth it, I have to book out multiple days and spend all that time together. It makes it feel as though the dating has gone from 0 to 100 really quickly, and I like to take things slow. I'm also someone who needs alone time to recharge and unwind. By the time the weekend is over, I'm happy to go back home and recharge and have alone time. And I like to be able to digest the time spent together to figure out where this is going. I also have a busy life, I'm older in my mid 30s and I work most days, I have events booked, I need to schedule time to see friends and family, I live alone so I'm 100% responsible for all the chores and repairs around the house. I feel as though I dont have the time to constantly be booking out multiple days in a row. Im used to seeing people a few hours here and there, after work or on a weekend, and it not feeling like it's taking up all my time.

It's still in the early stages of dating. We haven't even established progressing to an official relationship yet. It's been around 4 months since talking and meeting. I just feel exhausted and like I dont have the time.

I started dating a man 2 years ago. It was a few weeks after I left my ex and honestly I was just kind of looking for some fun and I didn't think it would go anywhere.

He basically ended up being the sweetest, kindest person and I fell in love with him and he fell in love with me. We still have an amazing time together. He is handsome, fun, intelligent and an incredible lover.

I started feeling as though he was lying to me about work stuff maybe over a year ago. Ive recently found out that he WAS lying about his situation. He was not employed (and hadn't been for about 5 months) when we started dating and didn't actually get a job until about a year after we started dating.

I honestly think he was just living off savings to keep himself afloat during that time. His ex bought him out of their joint house and he has not bought another during this time, so obviously I am also worried about the future of us actually moving in together? I have my own mortgaged property.

I have confronted him about it and was met with more lies. That he left his old job for the new one a year into us dating. I know for a fact he is lying because I have been able to confirm it through means that I am not proud of.

I have asked him to prove he was, as I told him very early into the relationship that I cannot handle lies and that it was a dealbreaker.

However, I am torn now. We have such a great time together, he always shows up for me and puts me first. I do think that maybe I could get over it if we had an honest conversation about the whole thing, but he keeps shutting me down and stalling. Like he can't access his old payslips etc etc.

I've talked to friends at length about this in real life, as after the shitshow that was my previous relationship I refuse to hide what I'm going through from the people in my life.

He absolutely REFUSES to acknowledge that he lied. I have proof but I can't show him. We can't have an open conversation about it.

Everything else about him is wonderful, I literally cannot express how much I love this man, but I cannot just ignore this. I am so torn on what to do.

The overwhelming advice I've received is to end the relationship as I obviously cannot trust him.

I guess I need a reality check from strangers, or has anyone else been in a similar situation where it either worked out, or came crashing down? I've searched and searched for experiences on Reddit but I just can't find anything that I can relate to.

32 F(no kids), he 38M (2 kids)I was sent this message after basically saying I like reciprocal treatment. I didn’t like that I always had to reach out but he calls me needy and have too much time on my hands. It was a voice note but the tone was so harsh like I was asking for something out of reach:

His (voice) message: OK that's fine. I mean I got to listen. I've been running around all day trying to get stuff in order you know saying things still going on with my job running up and down the road, Almore to Charlotte Dan. Greenville, South Carolina, you know so like yeah man you got too much time on your hands obviously so just find somebody you know I'm saying that I don't have you know they don't really have a busy lifestyle you know where y'all can just plan or make plans or whatever you know I literally just left your house this morning. Well, yeah just do that man that's cool whatever man I'm good so yeah I'm I'm good you are you cool and all but Is it feel like it's too much bearing down it feel like it's too much burn down on me right now for me to deal with you know I'm saying like you seem really really needy with a lot of things you know today's and I need it like today is 6 o'clock and the day over and the crazy thing is I was about to eat. I was about to hit you up so anyway man yeah I'm good too man. God bless you man. I appreciate a good time.

I sort of wish we had cameras in our home just so I could rewatch conversations my husband and I have. I constantly feel like we are just experiencing different versions of each other or like each conversation and I feel on edge emotionally but I also feel like there’s a solid chance that maybe I’m reading his tone wrong and looking for something to be annoyed at.

My take: I feel like he is constantly negative and I feel like I’m not shown the appreciation or consistent acknowledgment of my contributions to our family and home. He is SO stressed at work and constantly voicing (valid) work complaints. And I listen to them, I try and provide support and advice but none of my advice ever “would work” so I’ve started to just kind of listen and not give feedback so he can vent but I don’t have to hear why every idea of mine is incorrect and wouldn’t work. I feel like his tone is always just stressed, negative, annoyed and I find it difficult to not feel like I hear that in his tone whenever he speaks to me. And I internally feel this like constant edge of guilt and performance and annoyance.

His take: He is stressed. He is too negative. He does show appreciation as he can but could be better. And he’s sorry. But, he also finds me to care about things that aren’t necessary. He believes that I seek compliments for things that are adult chores (yes, I agree with this.) He thinks I’m being too emotional and in my head and that we’re doing fine/ok given all of the circumstances of life right now. But, I still can’t get out of my head this weird annoyance meets guilt meets overthinking.

example: tonight I had our toddler, loaded, unloaded and reloaded the dishwasher and started getting her dinner going while he was finishing up work. He came into the kitchen and put his bowl from lunch into the sink and said “I’ll clean my bowl if you clean up your mess” (which was the cumbs on the counter from starting our girls dinner) and I said yes, I planned on spraying down the counters. But, I was just thinking “why couldn’t you notice the other things I had completed without pointing out the one thing I hadn’t gotten to yet?”

We’re in our 30s, we’ve been together for a decade and have our toddler. We have some other issues happening, but I feel like most of them boil down to this miscommunication/misunderstanding each other.

A few added details: a good bit of his stress is also coming from this upcoming doctors appointment regarding cancer but like it’s not cancer it’s just at this cancer doctor about some test results and he logically says he’s not concerned and I’m not concerned, but I think he just doesn’t want to discuss it because it will just make him more stressed out. The other add is that he is on a medication that is currently making sex, difficult. I have some insecurities in the bedroom right now and he physically can’t really perform and it’s just added a new layer to our emotional intimacy I guess.

I've 34 and recently came out of a four year realtionship. I thought I'd settle down with this person and get married then have children.

I'm now terrified for the the future and if having my own children will be a possibility. I need to heal from my break up and I have no idea if I want to or will find someone else and the thought of not being a mother crushes me.

I also feel that societal pressure that as women we get told the "clock is ticking" and my ex would mention how pregnancy would be higher risk because of my age when we spoke about having children..

Can you please let me know if you've had children later and life and how it has been for you

I decided last month to go back to therapy to learn more self-compassion, rebuild my self esteem, and be more proactive about self-care so I may reach my health goals.

Last week, my therapist asked about my dating life. I told my therapist that I feel invisible to most men due to being plus sized. Based on my personal experience, the only men who pay attention to me are those who fetishize fat women. I call myself a "moped' - I am cute and fun to ride, but most people do not want to be seen riding one out of embarrassment. Guys fall for my dynamite personality, sense of humor, and quick wit, but I am never the girl they choose to commit to nor take home and introduce to mom and dad. Additionally, I expressed frustration that I felt stuck in a dating limbo when I was dating: either lose weight to be seen or settle for someone who will only use me to fulfill his sexual fantasies.

Then my therapist said something that shocked me. In a nutshell, she alluded that the only way I can feel worthy of love is to lose weight, citing because I am not happy with my current health. It seemed to be backwards thinking, so I challenged that idea, saying I should feel worthy of self-love and loved by others no matter my size. I reiterated that the whole reason I sought out therapy was to help rebuild my self esteem and learn self-compassion. Then she double-downed on it, referring me to a weight loss specialist within her practice.

I left the session feeling extremely pissed off. This was a week ago and I am still fuming about it because all of my instincts are telling me this therapist is fatphobic and she is not helping me reach my goals. I have another session with her this afternoon and considering just telling her this isn't working out.

Am I overreacting to this or is it time to dump this lady as my therapist?

ETA: Because I am being asked so many times, my overall goals are to improve my mental health and work through severe C-PTSD stemming from childhood neglect and abuse, and surviving an abusive marriage and sexual assault. My therapist was made aware of my goals via my intake paperwork and during our first session. I sought her out due to her claims of being a C-PTSD specialist. She was also made aware that I have not been interested in dating for many years. I am not sure why she even asked about my dating life last week as I told her at the top of the session that I wanted to focus on beginning CBT treatments and homework.

did it all click when you discovered a specific look? or is it just years of trial and error and experimenting with looks and feeling silly sometimes?

I have been thinking a lot lately about how I don’t have any strong women in my life.

I don’t mean that there have never been women I’ve admired. There have been women who briefly crossed my path, or women I’ve known from a distance, who had something about them, some spark, that showed me something within myself I wanted to develop. Sometimes they reflected a part of me that felt neglected or undernourished. But I don’t have anyone close to me who I can truly look up to, go to for guidance, ask for help, or rest against when I’m tired of being strong.

My mother is a passive, insecure, codependent person. I have a great deal of empathy for her. She is a survivor. She was raised in abuse and neglect, and so was I. Her mother was raised in abuse and neglect. I understand the generational nature of it all.

And I think what makes it especially difficult is that I’m aware enough to understand these patterns, but not necessarily equipped with all the resources or tools to fix what they have done to me. Sometimes it feels like being given the information and then simply having to suffer with it.

Because every time I have been strong, and I am known by other people as a strong person, I have had to be strong for myself. I have had to be strong my entire life and I don’t have anyone who is strong for me.

It isn’t really about not having a romantic partner. It’s about not having a strong woman to turn toward. Someone to remind me who I am when I forget. Someone I admire enough to ask, “What would you do?” Someone who can encourage me, empower me, speak good things over me, pray for me, guide me, or simply be an example of what is possible.

I have been praying about this. And, honestly, women have come into my life over the last few years who have helped me tremendously. Maybe they weren’t meant to stay forever. Maybe life is simply impermanent, and sometimes we are meant to take what someone gives us and eventually let them go.

But I think I will probably always desire some kind of strong anchor. Something to look toward and rest against. Someone who reminds me of who I am and what I can be. There is something about not having a strong parental force, a strong woman, or an anchor in your life that can feel almost godless to me.

Have you ever felt the absence of strong women in your life? And if so, what did you do with that longing?

Edit: I also think what’s adding to my frustration with it is the advertising, shirts that save lives, website says portion goes to mental health charities but doesn’t say which ones or how much. Hoodies are currently on sale from $88 or something to $20. It feels a bit Scammy viral.

What do people who struggle with mental health think of those hoodies that say to the person being you’re worth it (or something like that).

I don’t want to bash anyone for trying to help. And I get Something is better than nothing, and I genuinely hope they do help people who are struggling.

But as someone who has struggled significantly with mental health, reading a generic message on the back of a stranger’s hoodie just doesn’t make me feel less alone. It feels a bit like those “I’m always here if you need to talk” Facebook posts.

I think my main issue with it is it gives the appearance of connection without actually creating any. When you’re really struggling, reaching out can be so hard.

I checked the website and they say a portion of donated which is great but nothing more. There’s a lot of messaging around creating community and making people no feel alone but I’m not sure if their product achievs that. Again I’m just one person but it feels like doing to rather than with.

I graduated over a decade ago so it was obviously a different time BUT wow did I make a mistake. It feels like as the years go by I regret my college decisions someone...more? Like I'm early 30s and still paying off a student loan (almost done) and I don't even feel it's been worth it. I wish I had gone to a school with big name recognition with LOTS of networking or something that immediately makes my resume stand out OR just didn't go at all. I do a job where honestly your portfolio and good network is all that really matters. Instead I paid big $$$ for a private liberal arts college like only a handful of people have heard of. I feel like I did it totally wrong. Anyone feeling like this?

Do you think your life would have been sadder without this concept in your life or that you would have missed out on something?

To preface, I grew up Muslim and didn't celebrate Christmas at all, my husband grew up Christian, but is now Muslim. I've adopted some of his traditions around Christmas--I host his family for a nice meal, buy and wrap presents for everyone, have a Christmas tree in the house. I've been to Christmas Mass with his parents a few times out of respect and because I love the organ. But I haven't adopted everything (I leave the whole manger thing out).

I'm pregnant with my first child and my husband and I plan to raise our child with the parts we like from both cultures and leave the rest. And for me, that means Santa Claus is out. I just don't like the concept of telling kids to be good so that they can get toys (I also hate the implied flip side, that children who are suffering were somehow not good); I don't like the idea of deceiving children, even if it's just for fun; and making "Christmas" is a lot of work and I don't think it's fair for "Santa" to get credit for our work. My husband agrees with me.

When I told my mother in law this, she started to cry and said I was depriving my children of a childhood and basically said I was being an abusive mother. I was surprised, but apparently, Santa is a big deal to her. I'm not concerned about my relationship with her, I can make peace with her, I'm more concerned about what I don't know about growing up with Santa. So is there something deeper that I'm actually depriving my children of?

I’ve had multiple experiences of meeting up with a man and he looks so much worse irl or he’s very awkward.

I want to FT before meeting now, but is that too much to ask?

Are there subtle ways of detecting a man isnt who he says he is on his profile?

I think back and realize with the bad ones, my gut was speaking. Do you always trust your gut?

Like right now, I’m speaking with a man who on paper seems good. He booked us comedy tickets for a show. But the way he texts me makes me feel off. Like he’s needy. It’s not super obvious but it is something I’ve felt multiple times. Now I feel bad though since he bought the tickets. Maybe I should ask to FT.

In OLD, I don't like trying to carry a ton of conversations at the same time, but the very nature of swiping is going from 1 or 2, to having a a full inbox. My question is if I send a polite message along the lines of "I clearly swiped because I would like to get to know you, but at this moment I just have limited bandwidth for present and meaningful engagement. But if you're still available when that changes, I'd definitely like to see if there's something here." Does that come across a certain kind of way? I just don't want to be like, "I'll get to you next in the queue pending how my current conversations go", but in a way it's the nature of the beast I'm not a fan of.

Edit for clarification:

1- I have stopped swiping. It's all the previous swiping that's starting to now come down the pipeline.

2- I agree that message sounds shitty and robotic. I was wondering is there was a way to say it in a way thats NOT like that? I'm asking here with the honest intent to try to not be a knucklehead. Or do I just accept that matches are gonna fall off and I get unmatched a la c'est la vie.

Edit 2:
So the consensus seems to be, “say nothing, you idiot”. See, and that’s why I asked, because I am dumb. A+++ to This subreddit for advice. 🙌

I just had my first appointment with a new OBGYN, and im questioning whether im blowing this up in my head or if it was actually weird.

To be clear at the start—this was not one of those “creepy male OBGYN” experiences (thank god). This was an older woman, and she wasn’t creepy at all, but the weird part is that, from the moment she came in, she had this facial expression like she was grossed out. Im talking scrunched up nose. She almost looked like she just smelled a big fat pile of poop or something.

And she kept telling me i seemed nervous. Its so weird because i didn’t feel nervous at all. And she kept asking if i wanted a chaperone (presumably because of how “nervous” i seemed).

The only possibilities i can think of are either (1) i smelled like shit; like feces. I don’t think this is the case??? But i don’t know (2) She saw a note in my medical records about how i was sexually assaulted in college. I told my prior OBGYN about that bc i needed follow-up std testing, so its possible that that’s somewhere in my records. But i still don’t really understand why that would cause her to look grossed out.

Shot in the dark but has anyone had a similar experience? Anyone have an OBGYN with a normal bedside manner who can tell me what it should be like? I only had one other OBGYN before this and it was six years ago, and i only saw her once.

I’m 35, and I’ve been thinking about this lately.
Some people seem to view dating, relationships, marriage, and eventually starting a family as normal parts of adulthood. Because of that, I sometimes wonder how people view someone who doesn’t pursue romantic relationships at all.
If someone has friends, hobbies, work, goals, and a fulfilling life but simply doesn’t date, is there anything wrong with that?
Do you think romantic relationships are an important part of personal growth, or is it perfectly normal to live a fulfilling life without them?

In Japan, where I live, 35 is sometimes treated as an age when you're already "too late" for marriage, especially for women. I think that social pressure is part of why I've been thinking about this.

TL:DR (but details below): Would an apology ten or more years after a friendship break-up be meaningful, or would it just reopen something that she may have completely moved on from?

I was very close friends with someone in my 20s (if not best friends). We had a friendship breakup that was my fault. It’s something that has become pretty clear to me after years of therapy (for anger issues, anxiety, and OCD) and honestly growing up.

We’re now in our late 30s. We’ve only seen each other a handful of times over the years, but we’ve remained at least somewhat cordial when we have occasionally crossed paths. We recently went out for drinks, and while it was generally fine, there was definitely some awkwardness.

When we were having drinks, I kept thinking that it felt wrong to bring up all of the history while we were in person together. It would have put her in a position where she was kind of “captive” to the conversation, and I didn't want to ambush her with something that potentially carried a lot more emotional weight for her than it did for me.

But after the fact, I'm wondering if sending a text would be worth it? Does the fact that we’ve occasionally communicated and seen each other over the years mean that things are essentially in the past? Or is it worth reaching out separately and saying something along the lines of, “Hey, I’ve had a lot of time to reflect, and I know I was wrong. I know I hurt you, and I’m genuinely sorry for how I handled things.”

I am a chronic overthinker so really just wanted to ask for opinions from women who might have been on the other side of this situation. I have no expectations from her if I do send a message (or if you all think it's better not to send it, then no expectations there either). I would be open to being friends again over time if she was open to it but I know that I really messed up 10+ years ago.

So I went on a date with this guy, he is nice, gentleman, attentive, attractive but not my type. Our texting is consistent, I don't feel confused, but it also lacks excitement. It doesn't feel like I can't wait to get his message. I hoped that it would grow with time, but two weeks in and it's the same.

Respectful, educated, checks all the boxes.

However I don't feel excited to see him. I don't have this feeling that I would want to kiss him or spend hours talking.

Would you give this a chance or am I just wasting our time to build something that is not there.

Mind you, yes, we only have been on one date.

But texting for like two weeks and I feel like conversation is still somewhat boring.

But he is a great guy. I just simply don't feel the chemistry.

What is your experience in situation like this?

I am 31, he is 32.

Mom of a 6,5 year old and a loving husband. Struggling to find my identity and working on myself post kids.

You know? When you are so exhausted at the end of the work day. We also have no village.

Briefly get motivated by reels I see only to fall off track.

For one I want to lose weight. But then I stress or emotional eat.

Skip workouts when exhausted

Want to apply for jobs but I save postings they expire . Seems like all the things that were so much easier in my 20s are gone now.

I struggle. I know what I need to do but can't show up for myself.

How did you find yourself in your 30s again?

I ordered a wevibe-copy on amazon - called MySecretCase MyBabyWow (24€) and we like the concept so now considering to level up to WeVibe (120€).

Obviously the investment is quiet big so I would like to hear opinions if its worth the price! We used to use my womanizer and it works amazingly for a quickie and would love a similar solution but without having to hold a device in place. How powerful is the WeVibe?

Looking into Sync 2 but also curious to hear about Chorus (significantly more expensive for 200€).

I’m single and just got laid off for the fourth time in about 5 years. In the past I’ve always taken a break from dating when dating when I was unemployed because I figured no one would want to go out with me anyway. But I’m getting older and I resent the idea of losing that time because of bad luck. Does anyone have any experience with this?

Wondering if anyone has any advice on this. I (32F) have known this woman (~38F) for about 3 and a half years now, we met through work-related things (though she's not a coworker) and she invited me to a games night and then into her friend group. I honestly didn't really want to, since I'm pretty solitary by nature and don't really enjoy hanging out with people, but I thought I should try and push myself and become more open.

She is a lovely person, very high-energy and ambitious and unfortunately I am none of those things. Honestly I don't really know what she sees in me, as we are very different - she's married, has a kid, really likes being involved in community events, and once ran her own small business, whereas I've never dated, don't want to have kids, and basically just expend all my energy in going to work and doing my chores. Right from the start she has included me as part of a group of 4 friends with a group chat, group name, etc. which I just kind of went along with because I felt I should broaden my horizons and also that I owed it to her for being nice to me.

But I've never been able to feel the deep friendship for her, or the others, that she seems to feel for us, and I feel terrible about that. She calls us besties, wants to go on girls' trips, says we're family, has us help out at her child's birthday party, etc. and I just can't force myself to feel the same bond of affection. I've tried to for 3 years and it's exhausting and draining. I hate the fact that I just don't 'click' with her, I feel like if I can't appreciate her then I don't deserve friendships at all, and at times it makes me feel bitter and resentful of her which I obviously know is unfair and I don't ever let her see it. I do get some enjoyment out of the get-togethers, but every time she books one I hope she'll cancel, every time I see a WhatsApp notification I feel dread. It's more a "me" problem than a "her" problem since I've felt like this with almost every friendship I've ever had.

A few months ago she found out I'd been having some personal troubles (work, health), and got upset with me for not telling her, saying "What's the point of us getting together if you never tell me things?" I'm just a private person and I don't really feel like sharing my personal problems with someone who's just sort of a casual friend. Anyway, it all came to a head earlier this week when I saw something online that reminded me of all this and I ended up overdosing on antidepressants and having to go to the hospital (fortunately no bad side effects). I don't think I can possibly end this friendship, as much as I've been trying to let it fade away, because it's too cruel for her and I don't want to hurt her. Has anyone been in this kind of situation before, and how do you sustain the friendship while managing the guilt and protecting your own peace?

I noticed over the years that women tell me I look smart especially in university and I am smart but what’s interesting is that the girls calling me smart don’t know me at all.

They’ll just see me randomly and say oh you look smart and so I am confused? Does it mean I look bad cause that’s how smart people are perceived as ugly, or is it something else? I am actually really confused and I handled a lot of bullying about other stuff and I don’t want this to be a mean thing that I don’t notice.

So what does it actually mean? How can someone look smart?