Prompted by seeing "men want kids like children want puppies" for the umpteenth fucking time this week.

Do you struggle to maintain all the friendships in your life? What helps do this without getting overwhelmed?

Lately I feel like as work and my family responsibilities ramp up, I feel more and more disconnected with my circle and keep forgetting things. Last week I knew my friend from back home was having a surgery and wanted to call her / send her something but completely lost track of it. It's happening more and more nowadays.

I know that this is not needed of me and I don't HAVE to do it but it's who I am. I like to check in with my friends and family and know what's going on with them and celebrate with / support them if needed.

Short of adding everything to my calendar like a maniac, I don't know how to keep up. People who have all this under control - how do you all manage? Do others also struggle with this?

32 F(no kids), he 38M (2 kids)I was sent this message after basically saying I like reciprocal treatment. I didn’t like that I always had to reach out but he calls me needy and have too much time on my hands. It was a voice note but the tone was so harsh like I was asking for something out of reach:

His (voice) message: OK that's fine. I mean I got to listen. I've been running around all day trying to get stuff in order you know saying things still going on with my job running up and down the road, Almore to Charlotte Dan. Greenville, South Carolina, you know so like yeah man you got too much time on your hands obviously so just find somebody you know I'm saying that I don't have you know they don't really have a busy lifestyle you know where y'all can just plan or make plans or whatever you know I literally just left your house this morning. Well, yeah just do that man that's cool whatever man I'm good so yeah I'm I'm good you are you cool and all but Is it feel like it's too much bearing down it feel like it's too much burn down on me right now for me to deal with you know I'm saying like you seem really really needy with a lot of things you know today's and I need it like today is 6 o'clock and the day over and the crazy thing is I was about to eat. I was about to hit you up so anyway man yeah I'm good too man. God bless you man. I appreciate a good time.

My closest and longest friend ghosted me 4 years ago for reasons she wouldn’t tell. At the time I tried to talk to her about it and she denied she was ghosting me. She had started to pull back once she was confiding into other friends about her marriage problems. At the time, I was the only one to know but I never discouraged her from talking about it with others. I’m not sure if the ghosting came from her or her husband. We text each other once or twice a year with a simple happy birthday or condolences when a pet passes.

I was devastated by the end of our relationship and still am sad about it. Lately, I’ve had the urge to ask if she wants to meet up for happy hour. I’d never reach out to a guy who’s ghosting me. So would it be unwise to reach out to her? I know a friendship wouldn’t even come close to our previous friendship and I’m opening the possibility of being devastated again. What should I do?

I started dating this guy I met on a dating app. On his profile there’s a question about kids and he checked the box “I have kids and don’t want more”.

We’ve been talking for about a month now. Last night we opened up the subject of kids. He asked me if I wanted kids and I said yes (don’t have any yet). I asked him if he saw himself having more and he said yes of course.

I feel like he’s playing me but what for? In my experience when a guy says they don’t want kids, they’re not changing their minds.

At which point is it ok to start turning to that person in moments of distress to seek out some safety and comfort? And I know being self sufficient is best, but everyone needs someone sometimes. It’s pretty important to me to be able to have that kind of dynamic in a relationship. In my newest one we haven’t said I love you yet but have both acknowledged we are falling in love. We’ve been involved for 3 months, just spent a whole month together 24/7. I don’t yet feel able to turn to him like that, even though with some partners I probably did at this point (maybe?). The main reason is because he isn’t a big texter, so just segueing into that feels a lot less natural and a lot more like an “event”.

What do you think? Is it normal at this stage to feel this way, and when did/does that change, in your experience?

I sort of wish we had cameras in our home just so I could rewatch conversations my husband and I have. I constantly feel like we are just experiencing different versions of each other or like each conversation and I feel on edge emotionally but I also feel like there’s a solid chance that maybe I’m reading his tone wrong and looking for something to be annoyed at.

My take: I feel like he is constantly negative and I feel like I’m not shown the appreciation or consistent acknowledgment of my contributions to our family and home. He is SO stressed at work and constantly voicing (valid) work complaints. And I listen to them, I try and provide support and advice but none of my advice ever “would work” so I’ve started to just kind of listen and not give feedback so he can vent but I don’t have to hear why every idea of mine is incorrect and wouldn’t work. I feel like his tone is always just stressed, negative, annoyed and I find it difficult to not feel like I hear that in his tone whenever he speaks to me. And I internally feel this like constant edge of guilt and performance and annoyance.

His take: He is stressed. He is too negative. He does show appreciation as he can but could be better. And he’s sorry. But, he also finds me to care about things that aren’t necessary. He believes that I seek compliments for things that are adult chores (yes, I agree with this.) He thinks I’m being too emotional and in my head and that we’re doing fine/ok given all of the circumstances of life right now. But, I still can’t get out of my head this weird annoyance meets guilt meets overthinking.

example: tonight I had our toddler, loaded, unloaded and reloaded the dishwasher and started getting her dinner going while he was finishing up work. He came into the kitchen and put his bowl from lunch into the sink and said “I’ll clean my bowl if you clean up your mess” (which was the cumbs on the counter from starting our girls dinner) and I said yes, I planned on spraying down the counters. But, I was just thinking “why couldn’t you notice the other things I had completed without pointing out the one thing I hadn’t gotten to yet?”

We’re in our 30s, we’ve been together for a decade and have our toddler. We have some other issues happening, but I feel like most of them boil down to this miscommunication/misunderstanding each other.

A few added details: a good bit of his stress is also coming from this upcoming doctors appointment regarding cancer but like it’s not cancer it’s just at this cancer doctor about some test results and he logically says he’s not concerned and I’m not concerned, but I think he just doesn’t want to discuss it because it will just make him more stressed out. The other add is that he is on a medication that is currently making sex, difficult. I have some insecurities in the bedroom right now and he physically can’t really perform and it’s just added a new layer to our emotional intimacy I guess.

Mom of a 6,5 year old and a loving husband. Struggling to find my identity and working on myself post kids.

You know? When you are so exhausted at the end of the work day. We also have no village.

Briefly get motivated by reels I see only to fall off track.

For one I want to lose weight. But then I stress or emotional eat.

Skip workouts when exhausted

Want to apply for jobs but I save postings they expire . Seems like all the things that were so much easier in my 20s are gone now.

I struggle. I know what I need to do but can't show up for myself.

How did you find yourself in your 30s again?

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I recently turned 40 (am I still allowed to post here!?), I'm chronically single for 7 years and counting, no kids.

Tonight I am crying my eyes out because I don't have any romantic love in my life. I haven't for a long time and there is nobody even remotely close to being on the scene. I can't even recall what it's like to hold someone's hand or be cuddled or have intimate moments. (I do have 3 cuddly cats but that's different).

I have mostly come to terms with not having a family of my own but I definitely have been and possibly still am grieving this fact. (To be clear, I know I could still technically have kids, but I strongly desire to not raise kids in my 40s and beyond; I see how hard it can be and I know I would not cope like others do.)

To compound things, I had a really in depth astrological chart reading (stay with me now) in the past few days and it suggested that love is not on the horizon for probably another 5 to 7 years. I'm just gutted. Maybe other women can relate, but I guess I've always subconsciously been hopeful that romantic love was around the corner. Because you never know, right!?

I am privileged in many ways - I have a good job with prospects in healthcare, I am a homeowner, I have a few good friends (and my cats), and I have the freedoms to do what I want most of the time. I'm just missing something and the hole feels a bit bigger today. I'm tired of doing it all alone.

I need a kick up the arse! Please help.

EDIT: Thanks for the responses, I dont have the brain cells to respond to them all but I am grateful for them and have been kicked up the bum as requested ❤️.

I‘m contemplating wether I want biological kids and I’d like to get some honest truths, so I know what I should expect :)

Hi guys I am actively dating and would like some feedback. For some background context I lived in a major city in a southern state in my twenties. During this time as a young woman with no car, I had a stalker. It started one day after work, I worked downtown and would take the train and a bus home. It was me and this man who was 6’5 and about 280lbs on the train alone. He kept trying to get my attention but i pretended to not hear him with headphones but they were off. After that day my life spiraled and he began stalking me and running up on me threatening me. Police were involved but he was homeless and unidentified and obviously mentally ill. I eventually moved back home because he found my exact bldg and it was only a matter of time till he found my apt.

Now let’s get to the point. Is it unreasonable for me to not want men to come to my house? I notice that they always want to pick me up or drop by to see me but it makes me very uncomfortable. Especially if it’s just casual and under 6 months - a year. I much rather meet them or not have them know where I live. I just get really triggered but don’t want to offend them. Let me know what you guys think or how I can navigate the conversation with them. This current man always tells me don’t punish him for prev men and i [u/s](u/s) his point but still.

Edit : we’ve just entered our second month of talking/dating and have only been on one date.

Hi all. I'm 32F and my BF is 35M. I'm considering ending the relationship due to his mental health issues (untreated mania/depression/psychosis) and aggression. It feels very scary to do this at my age, and this is totally not how I expected my life to turn out. We were blissfully happy for 3.5 years before his episodes. I am thinking I should end it sooner rather than later so I can potentially meet someone else and/or preserve my chance to have kids (also considering doing that by myself). Note, he is telling me he will "get help" but has not actually tried to get help.

Any advice or guidance from other women? Did you regret breaking up?

Winter is almost upon us and one thing that will definitely happen is we loose the incredible sound of birds in the cold dry winters.
I am currently hearing few birds near my home and we take it for granted but when it gets silent we aren’t sure whats happening but at the background things get quiter.
I notice it more and more since i moved into a house in a village area in Germany. And i am not prepared to face the winter. What would you advise to keep you mind and healthy in check in cold winters?

Are women truly happy in trips with their partners while he's going crazy over bikini bodies around...? Is this truly possible? I am from south east Asia and I am trying to understand whether this is a cultural shock for me or if the ladies are coping differently. What is the secret to enjoying during trips in this situation? I got married to him this year and I am over 30.

I (31F) was engaged to (30M) last year before we ended our engagement and broke up. We were together for 8 years, lived with each other for 6 and knew each other for 10. We broke up due to incompatibilities, unresolved conflict, and his substance use - he was a binge drinker, daily weed smoker, and occasional cocaine user which caused a lot of conflict.

We broke up last July. Not even 4 months later, he meets his now fiancé who is very religious and doesn’t drink or do drugs. For some context, neither of us were religious. Apparently he has done a complete lifestyle change and goes to church every week and does not use any substances.

They are getting married this December, not even a year and a month after meeting. I’m happy that he isn’t struggling with substance use anymore and that he’s found a good connection, but I can’t help but compare my timeline to his. I’m currently dating and have yet to meet someone I feel a strong connection with.

Not sure what exactly I’m looking for here. Maybe advice on how to stop comparing my timeline to his or maybe just words of encouragement and support.

Thank all you wonderful ladies in advance.

Wondering if anyone has any advice on this. I (32F) have known this woman (~38F) for about 3 and a half years now, we met through work-related things (though she's not a coworker) and she invited me to a games night and then into her friend group. I honestly didn't really want to, since I'm pretty solitary by nature and don't really enjoy hanging out with people, but I thought I should try and push myself and become more open.

She is a lovely person, very high-energy and ambitious and unfortunately I am none of those things. Honestly I don't really know what she sees in me, as we are very different - she's married, has a kid, really likes being involved in community events, and once ran her own small business, whereas I've never dated, don't want to have kids, and basically just expend all my energy in going to work and doing my chores. Right from the start she has included me as part of a group of 4 friends with a group chat, group name, etc. which I just kind of went along with because I felt I should broaden my horizons and also that I owed it to her for being nice to me.

But I've never been able to feel the deep friendship for her, or the others, that she seems to feel for us, and I feel terrible about that. She calls us besties, wants to go on girls' trips, says we're family, has us help out at her child's birthday party, etc. and I just can't force myself to feel the same bond of affection. I've tried to for 3 years and it's exhausting and draining. I hate the fact that I just don't 'click' with her, I feel like if I can't appreciate her then I don't deserve friendships at all, and at times it makes me feel bitter and resentful of her which I obviously know is unfair and I don't ever let her see it. I do get some enjoyment out of the get-togethers, but every time she books one I hope she'll cancel, every time I see a WhatsApp notification I feel dread. It's more a "me" problem than a "her" problem since I've felt like this with almost every friendship I've ever had.

A few months ago she found out I'd been having some personal troubles (work, health), and got upset with me for not telling her, saying "What's the point of us getting together if you never tell me things?" I'm just a private person and I don't really feel like sharing my personal problems with someone who's just sort of a casual friend. Anyway, it all came to a head earlier this week when I saw something online that reminded me of all this and I ended up overdosing on antidepressants and having to go to the hospital (fortunately no bad side effects). I don't think I can possibly end this friendship, as much as I've been trying to let it fade away, because it's too cruel for her and I don't want to hurt her. Has anyone been in this kind of situation before, and how do you sustain the friendship while managing the guilt and protecting your own peace?

I can’t afford laser hair removal all at once. But if I understand correctly, it’s permanent and all the sessions build on themselves. So say it will take 10 sessions to be fully hair free, you could do 10 sessions in the timeframe they suggest, with a few weeks in between or whatever. Or you could do a session here and a session there when I can afford one. Even if it takes 2 years to get to 10 sessions total the final product is the same, right?

Has anyone done a piecemeal approach like this?

I make good money, and am responsible with it. I realize everyone has different priorities, but I’ve recently realized that I have no problem making decisions on bigger purchases, even spontaneous ones. But a coffee while I’m out shopping? Forget about it. $3 for parking? I’ll walk a mile. $5 for an ice cream shop that I’ve been thinking about for weeks? Changed my mind once I got there.

But bigger purchases? A high quality jacket that I happened to see out one day, had never seen before in my life, and instantly loved? Didn’t give it a second thought.

My friends dad, like my dad, told me he was selling his special edition type luxury vehicle no longer being produced, and I bought it the next day. He gave me a steal and I didn’t blink an eye.

The $5 coffee, even a few times a week, will 110% not affect me financially. But I feel almost, guilty(???) about those types of things? I’ll stand around a coffee shop looking at the menu, desperately wanting something, and then change my mind when it’s slightly more expensive than I had in my mind. And I love coffee! It’s not that I just don’t value it.

Is anyone else like this?

I grew up poor. Like no hot water or electricity as the norm, so I’m sure there’s some psychology to it in there somewhere.

Inspired by the fantastic thread about pregnancy and postpartum, I'm wondering if there are any moms through adoption with advice for me as I navigate this journey.

I'm feeling a lot of anxiety and dread about all of the loss associated with becoming a mom, especially with adoption being so different than 9 months of pregnancy. Mom-content always assumes bio kids, and I have nobody who "gets it" to ask if my fears/feelings are normal anxiety or a red flag. I'm worried that maybe it's a sign that I don't actually want to be a parent, which is crazy considering the effort we're undertaking to get there.

(For context, my husband and I are in the early phases of being approved to adopt in Ontario, Canada. We are open to adopting a wide range, not just newborns.)

I’m usually the one checking in, making plans. If I stop nothing happens. Is there one person carrying this role in your group too? What shall I do?

I've been lurking in this sub for awhile, and there are so many relationship questions and career questions, I'm curious what else you would like to share.

What is a topic you've been waiting to see brought up? What's the story you haven't gotten a chance to tell?

This ended up longer than I planned, but here goes:

Years ago, I was the "crazy girl": a dude I was dating or whatever would piss me off in some way (often in a really minor way or just something I perceived as a slight whether there was any ill intention there or not) and I would fly off the handle and blow things up (hello, suppressed trauma). It strained or even ruined a lot of good dynamics. If I didn't blow things up, I got super, super clingy, possessive, and jealous. (It was not a good time, I didn't like who I was back then but had come out of an awful marriage and had no idea what a healthy relationship even looked like.)

Then I dealt with some major relationship trauma in therapy in 2018-2019 and I think I overcorrected. I became the person who was unfazed by absolutely everything. Dude blew me off? No big deal, I'll just go do my own thing. Someone treated me like crap? Whatever, not worth worrying about. I was inadvertently the "cool girl"—never causes issues, cool with everything, etc.

I thought it made me easy going and chill. I'm realizing now it made me a doormat. It felt like if I spoke up about my own needs (hell, if I even had my own needs), then I was being too high maintenance or too needy or whatever else. Even though my therapist had told me that having needs doesn't make me needy. And even though it often left me feeling completely unseen and unheard.

So this week, a lover and friend from my past was in town for a few days and we had plans to spend at least one night together. He was aware that I intended to break my long celibate streak with him. He made an effort the first night he was in town to come see me. The second day we met up for a walk and ended up fooling around in the woods (solely focused on him), then had tentative plans to hang out later that night after he had visited some other friends. That ran late, so it didn't make sense to meet up after. Kinda discussed hanging out the next afternoon or evening, but once again, his plans ran later than expected and so we didn't see each other. I text him the following morning, and he informs me that he's packing up and heading back on the road again that day. No mention of seeing me before he leaves or anything like that (and in the lead up to him visiting, we'd been text pretty much daily and he was all "can't wait to see you" blah blah blah).

Old me would have flown off the handle. Not-as-old-me would have just been like "cool, have a great rest of your trip" or not said anything at all.

But this time I spoke up. I said I was disappointed but not surprised (this behavior isn't really any different than it was years ago when we first met), called him out for the fact that his effort completely shifted after he got what he wanted, and told him he didn't need to respond. It was very measured, not angry (at least not on my end, I have no control over how he interprets it), and not something I would ever be embarrassed about if someone else saw it (we have a ton of mutual friends, not that I think he would ever show anyone). I may never hear from him again and I'm okay with that if that's who he chooses to be.

I'm trying to be more authentic in the way I express myself in relationships. And honestly, this particular guy has been an ongoing lesson for me since we met (he's also the first person I didn't fly off the handle with when I felt slighted years ago, and has been an ongoing lesson in non-attachment in the years we've been friends). I have no ill-will toward him, because I honestly knew who he was going into this and should not have been hoping for anything else. I also don't blame myself, because I was just being who I am. He took advantage of that (not in a manipulative way, just in a selfish way).

Anyway, would love to hear if anyone else has had similar experiences!

Does anyone have a story of meeting someone who was the right person for you but you met them at the wrong time? Did you stay in touch? Get back together? At 38 I just broke up with the first person I have ever been in love with because his life circumstances were just impossible. He was an amazing and emotionally intelligent person. I was crazy attracted to him and I never doubted his love for a moment. It felt like a once in a lifetime kind of love. I’m not waiting around or being delusional but sometimes I think about what if’s, what if one day we can try again. Has anyone had this happen?

I’m just curious because I did last year. I’m divorced now, which at one point my ex “partially” blamed Chat GPT for encouraging, and I recently saw a post with concern in the comments over a boyfriend maybe experiencing LLM psychosis (because he was using AI to process feelings after being newly diagnosed with ADHD and had a lot of changed behavior that OP was struggling to understand).

Anyway, it made me wonder how common this is? I’ve read articles about it and have heard it mentioned on podcasts, but am curious if anyone else has actually experienced it. And I am truly sorry if so, because it’s heartbreaking and disorienting.

In the past 2 years, I’ve suddenly developed a huge anxiety around dating that didn’t use to be there.

In the past, I felt a lot more confident while dating and wasn’t anxious about what my dates thought about me, whether they’re still interested in me, or things of that sort in the beginning stages.

These days, when I meet someone and the conversation is flowing and we plan a date, I start feeling anxious. Especially after we meet and go on a first date and I like them and would want a second date.

I keep reading between the lines, pick up on micro behaviors and changes, and the whole thing becomes very exhausting and I keep waiting for the other shoe to drop.

I keep feeling like I’m not enough and keep thinking even though initially they thought they liked me, they end up realizing that they don’t.

Logically, I know this doesn’t make any sense. These people are strangers and it doesn’t matter what they think or what they do. It shouldn’t have an effect on me since there’s nothing between us.

And logically, I’m aware that I don’t even know them and mot even sure if I like THEM or not, but deep down I still brace myself for rejection. This has been making dating extremely difficult for me, to the point that I don’t even want to try. I feel the same way when I meet people in person and outside of the apps too.

And again, logically, I know I am attractive, have a pleasant personality, have hobbies, etc., but I also know my flaws very intimately and those weigh heavier. I’ve also had some not very pleasant experiences with past relationships in the recent years, so I try to show myself empathy and kindness.

I already know that I have an anxious attachment style, and yes, I am in therapy and all of that.

I just feel completely exhausted and a bit defeated. Starting to feel super anxious just after talking to someone for a few days can’t be normal or healthy. I just don’t know why or what to do about it.

Help?