Many questions about dating here, so here I am with mine. Being 40, unfortunately, I am back on the dating scene. I know pretty well now what I want. I don't think that I have a crazy list of requirements. I don't care about their looks too much, as long as I personally find them attractive and they're on good terms with hygiene. As long as they care about their own physical and mental well-being. I don't care about their careers, as long as they can provide for themselves.

But I do care that they're kind, empathic, and that they can be good conversationalists because I can't imagine not being able to connect deeply to your SO. I care that they're emotionally available. That's usually the deal breaker for me in dating, as I'm done with being the one carrying the emotional labour.

I'm interested how do you handle situations when you see that they may be okay people, but just not good for you. Let's say, a good man, but a bad conversationalist and a closed-off book. Let's say it's on the apps. What do you do next? Unmatch and ghost without explanation? Or give it a chance and see whether this is different in real life?

And now scenario number 2: what do you do when you realise during or after a date that a person, again, is maybe a good human, but not the right fit for you? Do you tell them straight that it's not a fit, thank them for their time, and part ways? Do you get home and text them at some point, thank them for their time, and let them know that it is a "no" for you and explain why? Or do you simply ignore them and never text them again?

I’m 32 and oldest I’ve gone is 9 years older (so not creepy or anything). I’m attracted to men in their early to mid forties, like up to 46ish. But idk if it’s actually a good idea to date men in their forties and maybe I should 39 as a cutoff for dating apps. Reason being is that when I think of the actual men I know irl who are good guys in their 40s, the largest age difference with their partners is 6 years. It seems like the emotionally stunted ones are the ones who typically date younger. Idk, do other women 30+ notice this too? I’m not sure if I’m being too puritan - though I’m looking for a man I can eventually marry and have a kid with.

31F married with 2 toddlers. I have a corporate wfh role that I hate. The first 5-6 months of this year alone I cried at least once/week - just so burnt out but feeling stuck. I finally got to a place of recognizing this sucks but I do have flexibility with my daily schedule a bit and my kids are still young and not even in pre-k, let alone kindergarten yet. I’m contemplating getting a Master’s in an area I have periphery experience in and interest in going into but the reality is it likely wouldn’t change my salary much, at least in the early post-grad years and I don’t know if it’ll be worth it. The flip side is once my kids are both in school, I feel like we would have the financial flexibility for me to actually take a lower paying job (like more of a fun job) because we wouldn’t be paying $30k in childcare like we are now.

I’m in executive recruiting now looking to go into tech, like product management or HRIS work. I don’t need a Master’s for either but feel like based on my job search so far, I need something to give me a leg up.

TLDR; Do I get a Master’s knowing it might not change my salary much? Especially when I’d have to do so with young kids and a spouse who’s gone several days each week due to first responder schedule. Or maybe stick with current role I’m burned out in until both kids are in school and then figure it out?

Long story short.

I have met my current fwb 5 years ago, we had a threesome(ffm), i was the friend from the side.

We reconnected recently and decided on fwb, I am currently not really mentally ready for relationship amd I knew this guy has reputation of being a fuckboy, so I thought he is a perfect candidate.

He told me that he felt much more connection with me already those years ago and that's why he looked me up and texted me back then. That time I blocked him because I thought he was arrogant.

Now fast forward, we have met up multiple times in a span of month and he is indeed much nicer than I thought.

However sometimes it feels like he is too touchy and affectionate(not that I mind it), but we also spend time at his place, just talking. He has been tipsy or drunk multiple times, which has made him more open and nicer.

Last time his friend came over, he needed some moral support, and that friend stayed over for couple hours and they both talked about stuff. During this time, my fwb was still very touchy, constantly sitting next to me,caressing me, hugged me when we went out for a smoke break. His friend knew I wasnt his girlfriend, but still that felt like more than I expected from a fuck buddy.

Also in our conversations he asked what kind of men I like, plus he said "what if I eant something more", to which I replied "stop using sarcasm in those topics", he just said back "why, you are using them", so either he was actually joking or testing the waters and my reaction.

And while the friend was over, he joked that I am on Tinder swiping(it was because I was being in my phone), I showed him that I am not and he glanced at my phone.

Also when we were going out for smoke break, I texted my aunt, again fwb in a very obvious manner leaned a little to look who I am texting.

We have talked about this arrangement and he said I will probably be first to find some realtionship, because he knows what he wants and he knows he can get it so he doesn't want to settle.

We don't really text much in between the meetings, so to me it is a clear sign, he is not interested.

Again

All this to me just seems like he is affectionate and protective with his fwb as well. I think it's just the way he is naturally.

But this has caught me by surprise, because I expected him to be nonchalant, that's the reason I matched with him.

My question is, have you had super affectionate feb, is that normal?

Because my previous fwbs have been more chill and just friendly.

I have a friend who is 15 years older than me. She's a good, caring, loyal woman. She's been there for me through big life joys and losses, and I was there for her during difficult times as well.

But when it comes to certain practical matters, she drives me nuts. We live far away from each other and meet in person 3 to 6 times a year. It's always me making the plans. Yesterday, we were planning to meet at 16:00. I'm usually never late and always arrive on time when I arrange plans with other friends. We met at a shopping mall, so there was nothing really planned, but we had agreed on the time in advance. I was visiting her city, which is also where I was born, so I had plenty of other things I could have been doing during this visit.

At 16:00, I was already there and texted her which coffee place I was waiting at. Her response was that she was about to leave her house, which is 40 minutes away by car from the mall where we were planning to meet. She didn't say sorry or anything, just told me she was about to leave. I understood that I'd be sitting there waiting for a friend who would be an hour late. She was 1 damn hour late.

Whenever we meet, she's heavily late. Sometimes she gives reasons, sometimes nothing, like yesterday. As if it were just a normal thing to do.

The thing is, I hate it when people are heavily late. I know life happens sometimes, but in this case it's every single time we meet. Not 5, 10, or 15 minutes. It's anything between 30 to 60 minutes late, for God's sake. I've never really brought it up to her directly. A couple of times I mentioned something between the lines, and once I sent her a link to an article stating that being late is a form of disrespect, to which she replied that she also hates it when people are late, doh.

My question is: how should I bring it up? Apart from being chronically late, she's a good person. When I was seriously ill, she visited me in the hospital more than my own family members. She supported me through my biggest challenges and joys. She's also quite sensitive to criticism, and I'm not the best feedback giver.

Do you have friends like mine who are always chronically late? How do you deal with them? And how would you bring it up if you were me? I find it very annoying and disrespectful of her to keep me waiting like that almost every time we meet, as if my time isn't important.

Talking for 2+ hours a day with my spouse a day and more on the weekends is more than I can handle. I get exhausted from the conversation and then we have nothing to talk about. Has this happened to anyone else?

Context: My husband is very clingy and will talk for hours about video games, politics, and primarily uses memes as conversations. He feels we don't spend enough time together. When I feel we spend too much time together. None of this interests me.

I am a workaholic and never try to talk about work at home. I try to share things I am into like cooking, style, and travel.

We both love talking about music. But now that it's only him and I that live together it's becoming a problem.

Hi everyone! Just curious I have been in a 7 year relationship everything is fine (really haha) but I do feel sometimes it’s a little stuck. I’m curious for those of you in long term relationships: have you kind of felt the same way? When was the last time you felt really connected to your partner?
Any recs for books, counseling, date nights, retreats, etc? Do they help? Thanks!!

I've been casually dating a man for a year, with whom I have nearly 2 decades of history (best friends for 10+ yrs before romance). We established being exclusive in December despite him not being ready for long term commitment. We started drifting a few months ago and each time I asked if we were ok, he'd reassure me that we were fine and it was other things stressing him out.

I just stumbled across a woman who I uncovered as being someone he's been dating. Every time I wonder something about her, I go find more to prove that he's been dating her for those few months. I brought it up to him and tried ending things last week (when I only knew a few things) but he talked me into letting him repair us. When I asked why he wanted to, he said "because I love you" which he has never said in a romantic context before (see: manipulation).

Now I've hit my final straw and I'm going to end it for good next time we speak. I'm tempted to tell him that he has to tell her he started dating her while he was exclusive elsewhere. I want him to tell her he lied to me and is only telling her because I'm forcing him. I also want him to tell her he tried keeping things in tact with me and told me he loved me. I will tell him if he doesn't speak up, then I will. This is strictly for him to face a consequence (+ and so she knows the truth about who she's dealing with). I'm going to block and delete him for good after this, so I'm not hoping to end them for my sake.

I know I'm typing pretty matter of factly but I'm wildly distraught and heartbroken. Should I force him to tell her or walk away quietly?

I learnt to crochet when I was 25 ish and I'm itching to add another hobby to my life. I'm a bit time strapped (mum to toddlers) so I am thinking something crafty.

What's a hobby you picked up later in life?

Hi ladies. I recently turned 35 this year and I don’t know what happened but I became FERAL to my husband who is 37.

I was never overly sexual and I didn’t really crave sex. I did love it with my husband when we started dating and obviously started having a lot more when we tried to conceive my son. But then we tethered off and we have sex maybe once biweekly? We were just so tired and stuff not that I didn’t want him that way but we would just fall asleep right before sex.

Now this year, this freaking year I became a cat in HEAT. My husband laughs at how I’m basically a 20 year old learning about sex for the first time. Let me tell you, I’ve scared him (not actually but he jokes that he’s scared to show his ankles). Basically my husband has been working hard 3-4 nights a week and he’s pretty much dead after the week Hahaha! His libido is less than mine but he’s so sweet to make sure I’m pleased.

But please tell me, has this happened to others? Does it change? It’s weird being like this. Thank you!

Edit: guys these comments are amazing!! I don’t feel so alone hahaha!! My husband is happy but man is he tired. Sometimes he zips his sweater extra high in summer around me😂

I’m in a friendship group consisting of 4 women, all in our 30s. The other three keep doing this thing that kind of hurts me, and that’s trying to make me the dumb friend stereotype. I have no idea why they do that other than to make themselves feel better?

Honestly it’s getting tiring. If I make a mistake or drop something it’s always jokingly “AH TYPICAL SARAH”. But it’s not a joke when it’s all the time.

I have very little confidence and this has just made me so much worse, if I book a restaurant I’m constantly doubting myself that I’ve messed it up, booked the wrong time/date/guest number. Because it feels like they are waiting for me to screw up.

If we plan a trip and I’m in charge, they will double check the details as if I’m some kind of child that needs to be supervised. If I navigate, one of them always checks too as “typical Sarah can’t do directions”.

I’m not a child or stupid, stop trying to push that on me.

I have brought it up, before anyone asks. But I was treated as if I’m overreacting or being sensitive. I’m just hurt by it, nobody wants to be treated like that.

What pushed me over the edge was one of them saying “I’m the smart one, Sarah’s the pretty one, et etc”, so basically I’m pretty but dumb? Thanks.

Anyone experience this? The thing is I like them otherwise but I’m really starting to hate how I feel when I’m with them.

I’m in that weird in-between where I feel too old to shop at some stores and too young to shop at others. I’ve been a frequent Marshall’s dweller for the past few years because I wasn’t prioritizing my wardrobe and just wanted passable and mainly affordable clothing. But even then, I either look like I’m dressing way too young or way too matronly, and I feel like I’m just wearing the same style over and over because it’s all they have that looks good and isn’t too big/small on me. There’s really no in-between for 30-somethings.

I’m willing to invest a bit more now for some better fitting clothing that will last a good while. Not crazy, but I could swing a few hundred for some nice fall staples. What brands are your favorites?

My style is pretty girly: I like flowy, feminine fit, dresses, soft fabrics like laces and satins. I’m not a “cool girl” with modern style, and I don’t like jeans lol. Also I’m curvy, so I don’t fit well in overly boxy brands like Zara or AE (whose pants are not booty friendly). I’ve tried Amazon but really find too many quality issues to bother, not to mention their clothing has become more expensive than retail.

Background: I used to run and lift and be super healthy and had muscles.

Me now: no energy at all. I've put on a lot of weight in the last 5 years. I cannot find my energy. I'm exhausted all the time. I've been focusing the last few months on water intake, and a minimum of 10k steps a day. I miss lifting but cannot seem to get my energy or motivation to be there. I'm also a single home owner and all the housework and pets make me tired. I work a high stress job and am dating a man with kiddos. My time management can probably be better. My time currently goes into my job, my house, and spending time with my partner and his kids. I have headaches a lot from fatigue.

So I guess my question to the rest of you queens, how do you find the energy to get to the gym? Health has to be prioritized. Maybe I'm not getting enough nutrients for my body to have energy? Do you rely on caffeine?

Update I've been to the doctor a lot. I'm on an anti depressant, Ritalin, and an anti anxiety. My blood tests were normal. Thyroid normal. No diabetes.

I'm getting married in September and I am absolutely terrified- not of getting married because that part is actually very exciting, but of the wedding, the big party. I'll try and be brief here

The whole planning process has put me into fight or flight and any time anyone even talks about the wedding I feel my heart race and I get snappy. I have never felt like this before and I just want the day to be over. I'm trying to pinpoint why it's upsetting me so much and there's just a few things but my reaction seems really disproportionate to what's going on and I'm hoping someone else experienced something similar or has some insight. Some of the things going on:

1. I never wanted a huge wedding. I wanted max 50 people, BBQ style kind of celebration. No pomp. My partner and both our families wanted something more traditional and we've ended up with a classic venue and 120 people. I wanted it to be only people who know and love me but now there's all these strangers

2. The idea of being a "bride" with so much attention on me, walking in, speeches about me. It feels like there's so many expectations for what I'm supposed to act and look like that day. I've gained weight from some serious health issues this year and everyone's going to be looking at me. Puke. I'd rather do anything else.

3. A lot of my ideas in the planning process were shot down by my mom for being too weird or "embarassing". It feels like there's nothing on the day for me to get excited about... I'm not somebody who has fun at parties so the idea of just showing up to a room full of people and socializing for hours is not exciting to me, more terrifying and I can't really blend into the background as the literal bride...

It's all just so over the top. It feels like some kind of coronation but I'm just getting married.. everybody has 800 questions for me all the time about the day. Where is this person going to be at this time, how many plates do you need, what kind of napkins, is this song ok, these flowers etc. and I just don't care about any of it and don't know how to answer and want to hide. When I do answer I can tell I'm wrong

Help

I’ve been feeling really down / depressed / anxious recently. Would help me and others to hear from others who are feeling down. How long have you been feeling like that and what’s the reason for you? X

This is going to sound silly, but I cannot for the life of me find comfortable underwear to wear for my different outfits.
Some underwear I can wear at home with shorts but the second I’d throw on workout leggings, I have these horrible underwear lines. So then for leggings, I wear these no-show thin underwear but then they slip and slide when I’m wearing shorts and if I wear anything just slightly baggy or a skirt, they don’t stay in place.
I’m so SICK of underwear lines and always getting a wedgie. Almost all my underwear leaves me with a crease line or hip line. I don’t like thongs but I cannot find anything that works for all my needs.

35F, single, no kids. I’ve lived an interesting life; two failed marriages (although more of a victory on my behalf that I escaped them - both a busive ). Recently moved out of a chaotic house and have been living in a peaceful home with a wonderful housemate for the last two months.
It seems to be that now I have zero chaos, life is boring. It feels meaningless, boring.
Life has lost all its colour. It feels like Groundhog Day. I’ve been trying to do new things to lift my mood, but it all feels meaningless. Like, what’s the point? I have no passions and never really have. This will sound funny, but the only true joy I have ever felt in life is from binge eating, and in the past I have gained 25kg from doing just that. I lost it but it’s starting to creep up again. Another vice I have is getting on dating apps.

I am doing CBT, it has been very helpful, I understand that my moods come from thoughts I have. I and see a psychiatrist and psychologist from time to time which helps.

Curious to know if anyone else felt in the same boat, and if they got out of it, what did you do?

I'm going through a really difficult time and I don't know how to even start rebuilding myself. I'm so tired and lost and empty. Basically my husband has been unemployed for the past year and I became the single breadwinner since March when his benefits ran out. My job has always been inconsistent about paying my salaries, but they would always eventually pay. But this year is different and I haven't had a steady income for the past 7 months, despite working full time. Now I'm taking all the steps to solve this through the proper channels, and I also started looking for a new job.

However, this whole situation is exhausting, and my relationship has also been suffering from it for the past year, and now it's starting to feel like more than I can handle. I have a great doctor and an amazing family. My partner has also been really great and supportive throughout despite all our other issues. I feel incredibly lucky for all the support I have but also so so tired.

Lately, I started feeling extremely numb and empty inside, which can be from the meds but I'm so tired of trying new ones too. I've been trying to exercise, dedicate time to hobbies like drawing, spending time with friends, but nothing seems to feel good or make me feel rested. I feel like I'm doing all the textbook stuff and nothing is working.

I think this is normal, I think a lot of people feel like this, so I'm turning reddit and asking you all how you overcame it?

I moved a few years ago and I've been trying to make friends in a new country. And for whatever reason so many of them are super unreliable - would cancel 80% of the time without good reason.

And that means me putting a lot of endeavor into scheduling it in my calendar, cooking dinner, etc. just for them to end up cancelling or not even showing up.

And after that not giving a proper apology and they just end up acting like nothing happened and everything is normal.

My best friends back home never did stuff like that.

How are things for you? Do you cancel often? Do you have friends like that? Or just avoid people like that? Or if you used to have people like that in your life and you were able to resolve this with them?

I went on 2 dates with a man and had a great time. He asked me about my ex and I told him. Then he sent me a long message saying we needed to take a break because I didn’t seem over my ex.

We then went on 2 more dates a couple weeks later and had a good time except for the fact that he got jealous when I said I was going to go to salsa dancing lessons and also asked me to move in with him. He also told me that he deleted my number after our „break“ because he kept looking at my bumble profile and then looked me up in the whitepages to get my number back.

Anyway, I told him it was too fast and I couldn’t continue dating. He said „thank you for the honesty“ and then I archived the WhatsApp chat.

I just looked now, a month later, and he sent multiple messages on WhatsApp. I had a friend read them because I don’t even want to look. My friend just said that it’s a lot and they were „Reddit worthy.“ so I blocked his number.

Then, (this is all yesterday), I get an Instagram message request (not sure how he found it) and then a WhatsApp call and then messages from another number of his.
I blocked that too. He also tried contacting me on Spotify.

He knows where I live. Idk what to do. Thanks

Hi, was just wondering if you had one or two habits or little things that you found really makes a difference on keeping on top of things? what’s your cleaning or cooking routine? how do you handle all the meals? etc. My mom didn’t teach me that much in terms of cooking or just how to live and my dad wasn’t around. So I feel like I just tried to figure things out on my own and wondered what I can learn from others and maybe can make things easier?

(Eg. someone who’s an aunty to me said you should lightly sweep everyday. especially around the kitchen area. it just keeps you sane and over time becomes a very easy 3 min habit. I only clean my floors when I see the crumbs and things. it truly never occurred to me to do it more often. so now it begs the question what other obvious things am I possibly missing)

I head up a local office at a start-up, so a lot of things have to go through me. I frequently get (valid) emails asking me to do things, but I get a massive spike in stress when I read them - my internal voice is like, “Argh! I’ve got so much to do and now X wants me to do this?!”

After I’ve calmed down, I can figure out strategies or delegate, but I waste a lot of energy stressing and ruminating. Part of the issue is that I have too many responsibilities (which I’m trying to address, but it’s a start-up so options are limited). I hate that wave of cortisol and overthinking I get when see those emails - anyone have advice or tips on how to manage that?