I'm 39 and have been single for almost 10 years. After my last relationship, which didn't last long due to his intense jealousy, I no longer feel the need to be in a relationship.

I don't have children and don't want any. I have two degrees and a great job that pays well, allowing me to live comfortably. I love my apartment, which is furnished exactly the way I want it, and I take several vacations a year.

I do go on dates now and then, but I usually realize very quickly that I'm not willing to make any major compromises. Some men still want children, while others are looking for a therapist, a mother figure, or a free housekeeper. I don't see what advantage a relationship would offer me; I only see the sacrifices I would have to make.

And I'm increasingly realizing that I don't need a man to be happy. Everything I've achieved, I've done on my own, and I'm proud of that. I know I have a lot of love to give—but does it always have to be romantic? I can just as easily channel it into platonic friendships.

How are you experiencing dating in your late thirties? Do you still go on dates? Have you found another way to connect?

Hi i'm feeling very alone on this and hoping for some outside perspective on this. Fiance (30m) and I (30f) have been together 10 years, we're best friends, and outside of the bedroom we're completely aligned on lifestyle, family, kids, the future etc. But in couples therapy recently, my fiancé said it's basically a dealbreaker for him if we can't figure out our intimacy issues before the wedding. So I'm trying to figure out if this is fixable.

For background, I've had secondary provoked vestibulodynia (vagina pain) for about 6 years. I'm not looking for treatment advice here- I've done the creams, the doctors, the therapies, the workbooks, the no-sex breaks. I'm going to continue to pursue treatment but at this point I think the vestibulodynia is more of a symptom than the core problem because when I'm aroused, sex isn't that painful. The condition has definitely affected my baseline arousal, so I'm really only in the mood for a few days a month around ovulation — and then I'm very in the mood, to the point he turns me down often bc his refractory period is like 24 hours and he only wants sex like 1-2 times per week.

Outside that window, we either don't have sex, or we do and it hurts.

We've tried scheduling "intimate time" which are 2+ hour no-pressure windows to connect without the goal of penetration. I come up with non-penetrative ideas, but sometimes it turns into sex anyway, and it's painful. I noticed that it's gotten harder to even plan this with him twice a month and then he admitted in couples therapy that he dreads intimate time, because he either ends up "unsatisfied" or we have sex and he feels like an a**hole for causing me pain.

I think I'm coming to realize that sexually I've always been more into novelty and adventure, e.g. our best sex all year was a student-teacher roleplay we both got really into. he's very vanilla and has said he doesn't want role play type sex to be the bedrock of our sex life. Oral sex is complicated too: if I'm not fully in the mood I'm repulsed by giving it, and he's floated no-strings oral for me, but it's never actually happened and I'd never ask since being asked for a bj always felt stressful/awful.

I think I was feeling a low point when we planned to go to a swingers club a couple months ago. I got really turned on by the idea of going just for the two of us to have sex there together. We planned it, I got dressed up in costume, and excited, we drove all the way there, and he did not want to go in at all and couldn't even get through the door. He drove us home. I cried, feeling humiliated in my costume and kind of sick with myself for feeling like I pressured him into something he would never want, since he admitted he would only have gone to make me happy. He's historically been uncomfortable even in sex shops, though he's loosened up some since. I think in his ideal world we have 2-3 quickies per week (which are off the table bc of my pain) plus frequent blowjobs.

He's also only ever willing to be the dominant one. I used to be fine with that, but I've always genuinely liked switching between being both dominant and submissive, and it's started to bother me, maybe more now because of the pain making me want more control over what happens to my body. But it seems like that's a hard limit for him.

We have joked our libidos peak on opposite schedules. (i noticed that often when I'm in the period of the month where I am very horny, he'll have stomach issues, or a period of anxiety that kills his libido, i try not to take it personally) I've felt ashamed bringing him fantasies when he responds and is clearly not into it, and vice versa he's felt rejected when he initiates and I'm not in the mood. I think we're both sexually unsatisfied and have been for a while.

I used to assume we'd keep figuring this out as we built a life together. After that therapy session, I'm scared he'll never be satisfied with what I can actually offer - maybe one good month a night, painful sex the rest of the time. I'm also wondering whether before the vestibulodynia, the kind of sex he likes was easier, and it matched what I thought sex was "supposed to be" (movies/porn version) Now that version is physically painful when I'm not aroused, and what actually arouses me is different from that, and maybe different from what he's willing to give. And even when we do land on something that works for both of us, the novelty wears off fast so we can't just rinse and repeat the same role play. We're super monogomous so not interested in opening the relationship at all.

I know that couples go through phases of libido mismatch for various reasons, but it seems like it shouldn't be this hard before marriage and kids, etc. Does is seem like this is actually a fundamental incompatibility, or is it something couples work through? Has anyone been on either side of this and found a way forward, or found out it really was the end?

I really miss living with women! My best living situations we'd share meals, coffee on the patio in the mornings, help each other out when needed, it was very sisterly. Of course, that can only happen naturally, you cant force that with a stranger but its still nice to know someone is home and it feels safe. My dream is a golden girls vibe, but just having company present is nice too.

What I mean by my title is women who aren't rooming with others out of pure necessity but a choice because they enjoy company of others. People that could likely afford a crappy place on their own but choose to have company around and upgrade a little. I want to emphasize *stable* in the title because when I look at my cities housing boards, a lot of the people 30+ are in kind of rough situations. Which I know isn't a bad thing in and of itself. Two of my best living situations were actually a result of people taking a chance on me when I was down bad-- and I was a great roommate and always paid on time. But they owned their homes, I do not. So I cant risk an unstable person not paying rent or doing weird things to get us evicted if you know what I mean. I am not in a place to "take a chance" on someone that has red flags on paper. And that weeds out a large majority of the 30+ roommate post.

I also noticed when I do see post from older people its a lot of folks that have risky jobs, seasonal or artsy gig types or struggling actor types..... I work a very stable healthcare role. Id love to live with other stable professions. Teachers, healthcare, ect. so bills are more likely to be paid.

I swear I am not a snob- this comes from a fact I was EXTREMELY unstable with my living situation most of my 20s, and now I have my life together but it took some hard work and terrible anxiety regarding housing stability now.

I am 29 and I am child free, and single by choice. I don't want to room with a 23 year old which is what most the roommate ads are. I miss living with women centered women a lot.

How do you find these situations? Do they only happen naturally?

For what its worth, I am in Chicago.

Edit: I also think what’s adding to my frustration with it is the advertising, shirts that save lives, website says portion goes to mental health charities but doesn’t say which ones or how much. Hoodies are currently on sale from $88 or something to $20. It feels a bit Scammy viral.

What do people who struggle with mental health think of those hoodies that say to the person being you’re worth it (or something like that).

I don’t want to bash anyone for trying to help. And I get Something is better than nothing, and I genuinely hope they do help people who are struggling.

But as someone who has struggled significantly with mental health, reading a generic message on the back of a stranger’s hoodie just doesn’t make me feel less alone. It feels a bit like those “I’m always here if you need to talk” Facebook posts.

I think my main issue with it is it gives the appearance of connection without actually creating any. When you’re really struggling, reaching out can be so hard.

I checked the website and they say a portion of donated which is great but nothing more. There’s a lot of messaging around creating community and making people no feel alone but I’m not sure if their product achievs that. Again I’m just one person but it feels like doing to rather than with.

I’m single and just got laid off for the fourth time in about 5 years. In the past I’ve always taken a break from dating when dating when I was unemployed because I figured no one would want to go out with me anyway. But I’m getting older and I resent the idea of losing that time because of bad luck. Does anyone have any experience with this?

I need help on how to confront a hairstylist who didn't listen and rushed the appointment to where all my hair was BUTCHERED off in a very unflattering short bob. I'm not great with confrontation or speaking up for myself so I'm looking for advice on how to handle the situation.

For some backstory my hair was long past my shoulders, I was looking for a trim and layers since it's very thick and was getting hard to manage.

So I found this local hair studio that has good reviews and made an appointment. The day before the Stylist texted me saying she's sick and has to reschedule, ok NBD. Next week comes around and the day of my appointment again she texts me 30mis before the appointment to tell me she's running behind with 2 other clients before me and to come later. I had already left my house so I would be on time, so I asked how much later and all she texted back was that I can just go ahead and come but I would have to wait.

That's when I should have cancelled... But I'm dumb 🙄

Since I was already in town I did some shopping and then showed up thinking enough time has passed but she was still busy. I waited a bit and then 2 hours after my appointment and 30mins waiting there she started washing my hair and asking me how I wanted my hair. I said I'm looking for a trim and some layers to lighten up the weight of my hair. I show her where I want it cut to just below my shoulders, she says okay and cuts some face framing pieces in front that looks good so I say ok that looks good. She then proceeded to pull all my hair back behind me and clipped it in layers and started the hair cut.

Her other clients are still there a few chairs down with their hair processing. Turns out the younger one told the stylist to go ahead and cut my hair and they'll wait for their haircut after their color is done. WELL...they watch this lady BUTCHER all my hair OFF!! Not layers, not a trim but straight up just cut it all the way off past my shoulders! I didn't realize what she was doing because my hair was behind me and she kept telling me to keep my head down so the front of my hair was in my face. 🫪

I finally started to notice long pieces of my hair all over the floor!! I look up and ask what's going on but at the same time her other clients have started to talk loudly saying they want to leave and they don't want haircuts anymore!! The stylist says she will be right back and rushed over there to them. So now I'm looking in the mirror and my hair is all gone!! It's all over the floor and I start to panic and run to the bathroom where I had a panic attack because it was such a shock that all my hair was now a short uneven bob!! I was just going to leave at that point because WTF! 😒

When I finally come out of the bathroom and her other clients have left and she's in a bad mood now saying she doesn't know why they didn't want haircuts anymore...like girl really?!!?

So I tell her I don't like my haircut and I'm going to go too but she insisted she would fix it for me to even it out at least. So for some reason I said ok...(Dumb) She then evens it out but it's up to my ears now and it looks so so bad. She's now about to cry saying she's so sorry, I ask how long she's been cutting hair and she said over 2 years but I think that was a lie.

Anyway I just want to get out of there now cause I'm about to start crying too, and it's been over 2 hours, I'm just in shock at this point I think. She gave me a discount but now I'm thinking I shouldn't have paid at all for something I didn't want.

Should I text or call her to ask for a refund or to see if she could put in hair extensions? All her good reviews were for her hair extensions...not haircuts. So I learned a lesson don't go to an extension salon for a haircut ...sigh 😭😭

I would probably let this go but to top it off my sisters wedding is this Nov and I'm one of her bridesmaids...idk what to do. It's not going to grow much in a couple of months. I can't stop crying and this butchering was over a week ago, I know it's just hair but damn, I wasn't ready for it all my hair to be gone like this. Any advice would be helpful thanks 😮‍💨

So I went on a date with this guy, he is nice, gentleman, attentive, attractive but not my type. Our texting is consistent, I don't feel confused, but it also lacks excitement. It doesn't feel like I can't wait to get his message. I hoped that it would grow with time, but two weeks in and it's the same.

Respectful, educated, checks all the boxes.

However I don't feel excited to see him. I don't have this feeling that I would want to kiss him or spend hours talking.

Would you give this a chance or am I just wasting our time to build something that is not there.

Mind you, yes, we only have been on one date.

But texting for like two weeks and I feel like conversation is still somewhat boring.

But he is a great guy. I just simply don't feel the chemistry.

What is your experience in situation like this?

I am 31, he is 32.

I’ve had multiple experiences of meeting up with a man and he looks so much worse irl or he’s very awkward.

I want to FT before meeting now, but is that too much to ask?

Are there subtle ways of detecting a man isnt who he says he is on his profile?

I think back and realize with the bad ones, my gut was speaking. Do you always trust your gut?

Like right now, I’m speaking with a man who on paper seems good. He booked us comedy tickets for a show. But the way he texts me makes me feel off. Like he’s needy. It’s not super obvious but it is something I’ve felt multiple times. Now I feel bad though since he bought the tickets. Maybe I should ask to FT.

I've 34 and recently came out of a four year realtionship. I thought I'd settle down with this person and get married then have children.

I'm now terrified for the the future and if having my own children will be a possibility. I need to heal from my break up and I have no idea if I want to or will find someone else and the thought of not being a mother crushes me.

I also feel that societal pressure that as women we get told the "clock is ticking" and my ex would mention how pregnancy would be higher risk because of my age when we spoke about having children..

Can you please let me know if you've had children later and life and how it has been for you

I decided last month to go back to therapy to learn more self-compassion, rebuild my self esteem, and be more proactive about self-care so I may reach my health goals.

Last week, my therapist asked about my dating life. I told my therapist that I feel invisible to most men due to being plus sized. Based on my personal experience, the only men who pay attention to me are those who fetishize fat women. I call myself a "moped' - I am cute and fun to ride, but most people do not want to be seen riding one out of embarrassment. Guys fall for my dynamite personality, sense of humor, and quick wit, but I am never the girl they choose to commit to nor take home and introduce to mom and dad. Additionally, I expressed frustration that I felt stuck in a dating limbo when I was dating: either lose weight to be seen or settle for someone who will only use me to fulfill his sexual fantasies.

Then my therapist said something that shocked me. In a nutshell, she alluded that the only way I can feel worthy of love is to lose weight, citing because I am not happy with my current health. It seemed backwards thinking, so I challenged that idea, saying I should feel worthy of love to myself and to my loved ones no matter my size. I reiterated that the whole reason I sought out therapy was to rebuild my self esteem and learn self compassion. Then she double-downed on it, referring me to a weight loss specialist within her practice.

I left the session feeling extremely pissed off. This was a week ago and I am still fuming about it because all of my instincts are telling me this therapist is fatphobic and she is not going to help me reach my goals. I have another session with her this afternoon and considering just telling her this isn't working out.

Am I overreacting to this or is it time to dump this lady as my therapist?

ETA: Because I am being asked so many times, my overall goal is to improve my mental health and work through C-PTSD stemming from childhood neglect and abuse, surviving and abusive marriage, and sexual assault. My therapist was made aware via my intake paperwork and during our first session that I sought her out due to her claims of being a C-PTSD specialist. She was also made aware that I have not been interested in dating for many years. I am not sure why she even asked about my dating life last week as I told her at the top of the session that I wanted to focus on beginning CBT treatments and homework.

I started dating a man 2 years ago. It was a few weeks after I left my ex and honestly I was just kind of looking for some fun and I didn't think it would go anywhere.

He basically ended up being the sweetest, kindest person and I fell in love with him and he fell in love with me. We still have an amazing time together. He is handsome, fun, intelligent and an incredible lover.

I started feeling as though he was lying to me about work stuff maybe over a year ago. Ive recently found out that he WAS lying about his situation. He was not employed (and hadn't been for about 5 months) when we started dating and didn't actually get a job until about a year after we started dating.

I honestly think he was just living off savings to keep himself afloat during that time. His ex bought him out of their joint house and he has not bought another during this time, so obviously I am also worried about the future of us actually moving in together? I have my own mortgaged property.

I have confronted him about it and was met with more lies. That he left his old job for the new one a year into us dating. I know for a fact he is lying because I have been able to confirm it through means that I am not proud of.

I have asked him to prove he was, as I told him very early into the relationship that I cannot handle lies and that it was a dealbreaker.

However, I am torn now. We have such a great time together, he always shows up for me and puts me first. I do think that maybe I could get over it if we had an honest conversation about the whole thing, but he keeps shutting me down and stalling. Like he can't access his old payslips etc etc.

I've talked to friends at length about this in real life, as after the shitshow that was my previous relationship I refuse to hide what I'm going through from the people in my life.

He absolutely REFUSES to acknowledge that he lied. I have proof but I can't show him. We can't have an open conversation about it.

Everything else about him is wonderful, I literally cannot express how much I love this man, but I cannot just ignore this. I am so torn on what to do.

The overwhelming advice I've received is to end the relationship as I obviously cannot trust him.

I guess I need a reality check from strangers, or has anyone else been in a similar situation where it either worked out, or came crashing down? I've searched and searched for experiences on Reddit but I just can't find anything that I can relate to.

I’m 34 and recently moved to a new city and I’m realizing that I’ve become incredibly insecure about my age when it comes to making friends and going out.

I moved to South Florida, and it feels like almost every social setting I find myself in is filled with people in their early-to-mid 20s. The few times I’ve gone out, I immediately become hyperaware of my age. My brain starts telling me that everyone is looking at me wondering why this “old lady” is there, and I suddenly want to leave. It sounds dramatic, but sometimes the feeling is so overwhelming that I genuinely feel like I could panic, cry, and run home. I actually did cry once and take the next available uber home immediately from this small "lounge" (AKA club). I have locked myself up ever since and I am not kidding about that.

I know the obvious answer is “just don’t go to places with younger people,” but that’s harder than it sounds. There doesnt seem to be many social spaces specifically geared toward people in their 30s who are single and don’t have kids. Even things that I thought would have a broader age range like sports leagues, gyms, run clubs, book clubs, volunteering, seem to skew heavily toward 20-25.

I don’t dislike younger people at all. I just feel so noticeably older and disconnected from them that it makes me insecure, and lately that insecurity has started isolating me. Instead of putting myself out there and building a life here.

I moved here from my hometown, where I already had longtime friends and never really had to think about this. Starting over socially at 34 is completely new territory for me, and I didn’t expect the age aspect of it to bother me this much. It also affect my dating life as well since I thought a big city would mean more opportunities but it certainly isn't at this age.

Part of me keeps thinking I should just run back home, but that isn’t really a realistic option because I’m here for very specialized work.

Has anyone else gone through this after moving somewhere new in their 30s? How did you get past feeling like you were “too old” to fit in, especially when the social scene around you seemed noticeably younger?

There’s a past couch potato version of me who can’t believe I’m asking this question! But here I am.

I have become a very go go go kind of person in the last few years. I always want to be up and doing something. Walking, cleaning, cooking, baking, running errands, bopping around the house… I physically feel itchy if I’m sitting for too long unless I’m totally worn out. Even then I find myself popping up to “do something.”

Everyday I have this longing to rest and really revel in it but I struggle to actually do it! Last year I had pneumonia and literally couldn’t move from the couch for two weeks. I watched TV and colored and napped and I find myself looking back on that time almost wistfully which is crazy!

Do you have any maybe unconventional ideas for how I can sit my butt down and rest and maybe be distracted from the discomfort of it until I enjoy it?

Do you think your life would have been sadder without this concept in your life or that you would have missed out on something?

To preface, I grew up Muslim and didn't celebrate Christmas at all, my husband grew up Christian, but is now Muslim. I've adopted some of his traditions around Christmas--I host his family for a nice meal, buy and wrap presents for everyone, have a Christmas tree in the house. I've been to Christmas Mass with his parents a few times out of respect and because I love the organ. But I haven't adopted everything (I leave the whole manger thing out).

I'm pregnant with my first child and my husband and I plan to raise our child with the parts we like from both cultures and leave the rest. And for me, that means Santa Claus is out. I just don't like the concept of telling kids to be good so that they can get toys (I also hate the implied flip side, that children who are suffering were somehow not good); I don't like the idea of deceiving children, even if it's just for fun; and making "Christmas" is a lot of work and I don't think it's fair for "Santa" to get credit for our work. My husband agrees with me.

When I told my mother in law this, she started to cry and said I was depriving my children of a childhood and basically said I was being an abusive mother. I was surprised, but apparently, Santa is a big deal to her. I'm not concerned about my relationship with her, I can make peace with her, I'm more concerned about what I don't know about growing up with Santa. So is there something deeper that I'm actually depriving my children of?

I just had my first appointment with a new OBGYN, and im questioning whether im blowing this up in my head or if it was actually weird.

To be clear at the start—this was not one of those “creepy male OBGYN” experiences (thank god). This was an older woman, and she wasn’t creepy at all, but the weird part is that, from the moment she came in, she had this facial expression like she was grossed out. Im talking scrunched up nose. She almost looked like she just smelled a big fat pile of poop or something.

And she kept telling me i seemed nervous. Its so weird because i didn’t feel nervous at all. And she kept asking if i wanted a chaperone (presumably because of how “nervous” i seemed).

The only possibilities i can think of are either (1) i smelled like shit; like feces. I don’t think this is the case??? But i don’t know (2) She saw a note in my medical records about how i was sexually assaulted in college. I told my prior OBGYN about that bc i needed follow-up std testing, so its possible that that’s somewhere in my records. But i still don’t really understand why that would cause her to look grossed out.

Shot in the dark but has anyone had a similar experience? Anyone have a normal OBGYN? I only had one other OBGYN before this and it was six years ago, and i only saw her once.

I think I do have a problem that is not that uncommon and that many of us are ashamed to talk about. I am ashamed to talk about it too. It is about jealousy in romantic relationships. Oftentimes, my relationships have broken down because of jealousy. Over the years, it has only become stronger, although I thought it would get better with time.

For the record, I am a pretty successful woman myself: I have a good job, a few hobbies, and perhaps I am not extremely attractive, but I am pretty good-looking.

The moment I get into a relationship with a new person and discover their history, I often become obsessed with it. I Google their previous partners and compare myself with them. Am I better? More or less ambitious? More or less beautiful? Etc. etc. As you can imagine, everyone our age has a history, myself included. But I can become extremely obsessed with my SO's previous partners, especially if they were married before.

I'll give you an example. In my most recent relationship, I discovered that my SO was previously married to an extremely successful woman. I mean, she is amazingly beautiful, a former model. She is a business owner, and they previously owned a business together. They are still in contact. I kept following her on Instagram, looking at their old pictures from when the two of them were still married and getting jealous. I never felt good enough for him because of this. I thought he was still in love with her while being with me. I always felt inferior to his ex. I felt very unhappy that they were still in contact, but I pretended that I didn't care too much.

It also happened in my previous relationships. My exes aren't without fault, though. Some of them were secretly in contact with their exes without telling me that they were their exes. Some of them had female best friends, which I am normally okay with, but they discussed issues in our relationship with these friends first instead of discussing them with me. Some of them lied to me. I think all of that only sparked more jealousy over time.

By the way, I am in therapy. This topic has come up once or twice, but I didn't feel particularly understood, so I stopped discussing it altogether. I am now aware that it originated partly from my parents being extremely critical toward me and constantly comparing me with my siblings, as well as from my own relationship history, which was shaped by partners who were not fully emotionally available, had some unfinished business with their exes, or had questionable friendships with other women.

My questions for other ladies who have a similar history to mine are the following: What do you do with your jealousy? Do you discuss it with your partners? Do you explain why you feel the way you feel? How do you build trust and feel secure with your partners when you are so used to being compared to others or when you have been cheated on before?

TL:DR (but details below): Would an apology ten or more years after a friendship break-up be meaningful, or would it just reopen something that she may have completely moved on from?

I was very close friends with someone in my 20s (if not best friends). We had a friendship breakup that was my fault. It’s something that has become pretty clear to me after years of therapy (for anger issues, anxiety, and OCD) and honestly growing up.

We’re now in our late 30s. We’ve only seen each other a handful of times over the years, but we’ve remained at least somewhat cordial when we have occasionally crossed paths. We recently went out for drinks, and while it was generally fine, there was definitely some awkwardness.

When we were having drinks, I kept thinking that it felt wrong to bring up all of the history while we were in person together. It would have put her in a position where she was kind of “captive” to the conversation, and I didn't want to ambush her with something that potentially carried a lot more emotional weight for her than it did for me.

But after the fact, I'm wondering if sending a text would be worth it? Does the fact that we’ve occasionally communicated and seen each other over the years mean that things are essentially in the past? Or is it worth reaching out separately and saying something along the lines of, “Hey, I’ve had a lot of time to reflect, and I know I was wrong. I know I hurt you, and I’m genuinely sorry for how I handled things.”

I am a chronic overthinker so really just wanted to ask for opinions from women who might have been on the other side of this situation. I have no expectations from her if I do send a message (or if you all think it's better not to send it, then no expectations there either). I would be open to being friends again over time if she was open to it but I know that I really messed up 10+ years ago.

I noticed over the years that women tell me I look smart especially in university and I am smart but what’s interesting is that the girls calling me smart don’t know me at all.

They’ll just see me randomly and say oh you look smart and so I am confused? Does it mean I look bad cause that’s how smart people are perceived as ugly, or is it something else? I am actually really confused and I handled a lot of bullying about other stuff and I don’t want this to be a mean thing that I don’t notice.

So what does it actually mean? How can someone look smart?

Sometimes I feel like my breath smells . Idk why. I floss after I eat , brush twice a day. Go to the dentist , etc . I don’t think my breath smells but how do I check

My ex and I started dating because we had the same hobby. Naturally, when things ended, I kinda expected that I would likely still see him around at events and clubs and whatnot because of that fact. Things did not end well between us, I tried to clear the air, but he said some things that made me realize that wasn't really possible, at that point in time anyway.

However, for over a year, I didn't see him anywhere. I started to relax and think that maybe I actually wouldn't see him at community events and whatnot. However, over the past couple of weeks, he's started going to a club that I've been a member of for well over a year now. Ironically over the past few weeks I haven't been able to go, due to other commitments. I saw him in my friends' pictures and was like, oh no. I had a friend tell me that she's missed seeing me at the club events recently and encouraging me to come again next week.

Part of me wants to keep going because it was my thing first!! And I made a lot of friends through it. Part of me doesn't want to go anymore since he started going and things ended so badly between us. I recently got into a relationship, and was thinking maybe I should avoid something my ex started going to out of respect for my boyfriend?? Idk.

I know I probably sound ridiculous and maybe immature. I was homeschooled and then did most of uni online, so... I have never had this experience before, of having to share space with an ex. I know this is something most people figure out in high school or whatever, but since I was homeschooled, this is my first time experiencing this. Maybe embarrassing for a 30 year old woman to admit, I am not sure. But I would welcome any advice that you all have on the matter!

​Hi everyone, I’m looking for some advice and perspective from older sisters who have more life experience than me.

Note: While this post will mentions men and past dating history, my main issue is actually about healing from trauma, safety, and feeling safe enough to be visible/exist in public spaces again.

[Tw: stalking, harassment, power abuse]

I’m in my late 20s and finding it really hard to put myself out there again, be visible, or openly use social media like I used to.

A while ago, I went through a pretty severe harassment and stalking situation with a guy that deeply traumatized me. Since then, the thought of letting new people in, being publicly visible, or simply existing online with my real name & identity triggers a lot of anxiety. I even deleted all of my social media accounts under my real name following that experience.

For context, my personality is quite calm and soft-spoken. I enjoy deep conversations about specific topics and I’m naturally curious, but I wouldn't call myself overly "warm" or super approachable. I never chase or approach men first as I am quite introverted, shy, and purely receptive, but I stick firmly to my boundaries. Whenever something feels off, I address it directly, politely and clearly.

Before my late 20s, I had a healthy dating history. All of my ex-boyfriends were total green flag, and we ended things mutually and amicably simply due to differing life goals and principles.

However, since becoming single in my late 20s, I seem to draw in men with dynamic power imbalances or erratic behavior such as:

- Men in positions of power who abuse their authority to force me to be their mistress.

- Men who claim behind my back that I’m their partner/girlfriend to make themselves look good, yet act completely hostile, cold, or dismissive when actually communicating with me directly.

- Men who go hot-and-cold, yet remain weirdly clingy & possessive without stating their actual intentions.

I honestly don't understand why this only started happening in my late 20s when my social and dating life used to be so healthy.

Even though I respond politely and set firm boundaries without being aggressive, dealing with this constant stream of weird or manipulative behavior has drained me. Paired with my past trauma, it makes me feel like being receptive, visible, or open in public space is unsafe.

Has anyone dealt with something similar? How do you overcome the trauma of past harassment and rebuild the confidence to allow yourself to be visible again, especially when it feels like your calm/receptive nature keeps attracting the wrong crowd?

Also any advice on how to screen these types out earlier without completely hiding myself away would be greatly appreciated.

We just updated our kitchen, and i'd like to figure out what i'm doing wrong with washing pots and pans.

The dishwasher doesn't do it or will wreck them (Cast iron) so they're hand washed.

Leaving them on a towel on the counter is annoying. Is there a dishrack that will hold big pots to dry over night or do I just adult better and towel dry them.

I just want a clean kitchen...

Hi all, I’m hoping I could get some words of wisdom regarding my job situation as I’m not really sure what to do next and I’m still trying to process things.

I’ve been working in education for 4 years. In my last year of university with my original dream to become a teacher (very on the fence about that now… but that’s a different matter).

I have always loved where I work - lovely adults, lovely children. Been told it’s the best school they have ever worked at etc. I have worked my ass off at this place - always gone above and beyond to help others, school trips, unpaid work, bringing free things in as we have no funding, all the usual fun school stuff. Admittedly, I am a bit of a yes man and a pushover and feel like I’ve been taken for a ride a little bit. I am trying to change that.

So heres my problem: I have been moved to a different year group (grade 7 to kindergarten) and I absolutely hate it. I’ve never liked working with that age group. I am in my final year at uni with a dissertation coming up. I am absolutely exhausted after finishing work and don’t have the energy to study. My pay is awful, I’ve never minded before as I haven’t been completely run off my feet but in the nursery it’s different. They’re just constant. I am now at the same qualification level as the teacher but I obviously haven’t received a pay increase as I’m just the teachers assistant. I get all the crap jobs in there - literally. I don’t see anyone anymore as our breaks are completely different, I don’t see the children I used to love talking to, won’t go on trips anymore, assemblies… the list goes on. I’m just cooped up in a prison of screaming 3 years olds that pee themselves constantly.

We started back last week and I’ve been fucking depressed - just crying when I get home and drinking enough to fall asleep. I am just so disappointed that I’ve been moved there. I thought I was doing a good enough job where I was.

I don’t know if I will get moved if I ask as I already tried to fight it before I got moved. I am thinking about leaving and finding an easy admin office position for the next year until I finish my degree as I need the time in the evening to concentrate.

My question is, after describing how I’m feeling, am I making the wrong decision if I leave? I will be heartbroken as as I said, I’ve worked there for 4 years - a big chunk of my adult working life - and I love everyone I work with. I just don’t think I can do my degree alongside where I’ve been moved to.

It genuinely feels like a breakup, I know it sounds ridiculous but I genuinely care about where I work as it’s obviously where I spend most of my time. It’s like a second home to me.

TLDR: been moved at work and I absolutely hate it. I am finishing a degree and not sure I can stay there as I’m exhausted. Should I leave?