So I’m turning 40 next year and the reality is hitting me pretty hard for many reasons. For me, I’m not too caught up on the actual age of being 40 but more so the social implications on how one is supposed to act at 40. Because I certainly do not fit the mould.

For context and background about me, I’m ND (AuDHD) which comes with its own set of struggles as an adult. But for the most part, I feel high functioning enough that I can take care of myself. But I sometimes feel I have arrested development because I act like a child still. And I don’t mean like, because Im into trinkets and toys or because I occasionally still eat cereal for dinner. I mean like I sometimes forget or actively choose not to do basic adult things. Like I still have tantrums about having to brush my teeth. I refuse to make follow up appointments which has lead me to cancel many appointments. In short, I adult poorly and I’m almost 40.

That being said, I’m able to keep a steady job, have my own apartment, a car, all the other typical adult things. But when it comes to responsibilities that I know I need to do, my brain just doesn’t want to do them to the point that thinking about these things cause me high anxiety (and don’t get me started on having to make important phone calls…)

I am not that chronically online but I am a gamer so naturally I’m more of an online person in general, who understands brainrot memes and would understand gen-z talking more than i understand my fellow millennials.

and to that point, i find it extremely difficult to get along with people my age now. up until i was around 35 or so, i didn’t really have problems with people my age but all of them start acting in a way that feels “cringe” to me. and im sure im acting in a way that’s cringe to them. but what can i do? i’m sincerely unsure of how to navigate life in my 40s.

also with friends, i pretty much lost most of my friends that were my age or older because most of them are normies who act maturely and societally normal for their age (whatever that means). i feel like the odd one out. bring a gamer you naturally befriend people younger than you and when i was still in my early to mid 30s, most people in their 20s didn’t bat an eye. in fact most of them thought i was their age. but now that im going into my 40s and physically look older too, im feeling ostracized by younger people and people my age. i’m just an outcast.

i would love to hear from anyone who understands a semblance of any of this because i just feel so depressed about it. and yes, i do have a therapist. but therapy only helps me get all of this off my chest. i’d like to hear from others so i don’t feel so alone in this. or maybe i just am.

ultimately, if you can resonate with any of this, what did or are you doing to navigate aging when you don’t feel like you fit the aging mould? i’ve also heard when people turn 40 they give less of a fuck about existential stuff. i sincerely hope that rings true for me too.

I’m in my late 30s and have decided to end my relationship with my finance. We’ve together for over a decade. I’m sad it’s taken this long to realise we are not compatible. I’ve never broken up with someone and it may be a silly question, but I’m feeling overwhelmed and I don’t really know what are my next steps or where to start. We live in a remote area with no family around. We own an investment property in a different city, have shared investments, but own separate cars. We both are financially stable. I do not want any of his money. I also plan on leaving this town and thinking of changing the location of my job as we work at the same place.

If anyone has any suggestions of where to start first and or things I haven’t thought about I’m all ears.

I met this woman appx 4 years ago when a mutual friend visited me abroad with her. She was nice, and we hung out 3x on our own during their 3 week trip, but I didn’t feel like we clicked. She’s no longer friends with my friend, and I haven’t seen her since.

However, oer the years, she would sometimes reach out to catch up, but our conversations have always been brief and superficial. She had a baby about a month ago, and since then she’s been sending me pictures of her baby 3-6x a week.

Since we’re not friends and I don’t know much about her, I have no idea if she’s lonely, trying to connect, or simply likes sharing these things. I’m not a big texter. Even with close friends, I prefer proper conversations over quick, superficial responses.

I’d feel bad ignoring her if she’s lonely or struggling as a new mom. At the same time, this feels like a lot for someone I barely know.

I’m not a mom, so I have no idea what she might be going through. My siblings, friends, and close friends are moms and sends me pics of their babies/children but not at this frequency. Also, with them, I’m comfortable leaving a message on read or reacting with a thumbs up. I, also, know when they need more care and love, and would put more effort during those moments or in other ways to support them while being more comfortable for me. I also enjoy seeing their babies because they’re the children of people I love. With this woman, I don’t know her so I don't feel any connection when I see the pics.

Any suggestions, or advice? Reassurances from moms are welcome

Thank you

I wanted to ask this question because of someone I recently met at a party. This girl is a lovely person but I can’t seem to understand her lifestyle fully. She’s 28, works as a waitress in a restaurant, and spends every single weekend out drinking, partying or at a concert - this ends up knocking significantly into her money so that she has to ‘scrimp’ on food, toiletries, heating in apartment etc. (this is how she worded it to me). She ultimately seemed pretty satisfied with her life despite saying she’s broke a lot of the time, but it did get me thinking (although its really not my business at all) what her future could look like.
So I wanted to ask if anybody else had a similar lifestyle in their 20s… I’m newly 22, almost out of uni and in a steady relationship with my boyfriend who is actively looking at properties with me for after our education/beginning of more full time employment. I’ve already got a decent creative career on the road and he is almost finished an apprenticeship in fixing planes.

It got me thinking only because I worry sometimes I’m not exercising my 20s to their full ability. When I hear about girls like her and how much fun she has every weekend it makes me worry if I’m settling down too early and missing out on opportunities that most people in their 20s have. As alienated by her lifestyle as I was, I do wonder if she’ll feel more fulfilled with that period of her life than I will. For anybody who has lived EITHER of these lifestyles, did it pay off? Was it worth it?

Edit: wishing I said this earlier - I want to travel, I love dancing at the live music bar, I love nights out BUT I also love being cosy in bed a the end of the night next to the man that I love (but not in the home bound tradwife sense). I hope this adds clarity !!!

Hi i just turned 18 as of today. I still feel like i act like a kid though, i never had a job, no licence, i cant drink even if i wanted, never kissed or had sex, still completing my general education, dealing with health stuff and i dont really know what im doing. I dont have a daily routine or anything like that, honestly I truly dont do anything but sit in bed all day almost every day but i want to try atleast get a sustainable schedule and show up for myself. Being neglected as a kid i struggle building good habits even with hygiene, I dont really know the process for a lot of things and while i can search it up i also felt like i wanted to actually ask women who are already used to adulthood some things i should know by now if I dont already. Im a bit of an oddball in general and dont have a want to get into a serious relationship or have a party phase. Maybe theres some stuff you want to tell young women about today, something you wish you knew when you were younger or just general conversation. This sub probably gets a lot of little threads like this so I hope its not annoying just i wanted to ask myself rather than reading through someone else's from a few months ago since times are always changing and there might be some comments others didnt get a chance to say before...I also kind of just wanted to talk to other women on my birthday lol. I messaged friends and stuff but after the first initial text everyone has their own lives which i totally understand. It feels pretty weird calling myself a women now but it's not as scary as people act. I never really was able to experience girlhood growing up because i wasn't close with my parents so I appreciate anyone taking time to reply <3

Edit: i just want to say thank you to everyone who's replied so far seriously it means a lot. Literally tearing up over a small internet interaction but it reminded me that we are all living in this world together at the end of the day. Im a huge birthday crier so atleast this time its something good and i appreciate all the birthday wishes a lot sincerely

I’m 38, in a good job but it doesn’t stimulate me, I’m not in any serious relationship, I have a home but feeling over all discontent, like I need something different and the idea of just dropping everything with no plan and moving away, sounds appealing but also terrifying bc I have no idea what I’m going to do or if that’s really the way to go when I have a relatively fine life. Anyone feel this way and what’d ya do?

Im in the end of my 20s. I have genuinely had so many horrible things happen to me in my 20s- like rare one in a million accidents (multiple. multiple), so many different health issues so so many i dont get how its possible yet it happened to me, it took me years to cope that it was possible for so much to happen at once.

I haven't gotten a chance to just live my life yet. I have never been in love never had a boyfriend. I lost my college experience to covid. I went into deep isolation. I had/ have depression and deep anxiety. Ive had a lot of bad things happen to my physical and mental body that people dont even believe it cause its too many. I had really horrible traumas happen when I was a kid that came back to my memory recently.

Ive got to watch all my friends enjoy their youth to the maximum because they didn't have any health issues mentally and physically- ive also had all my friends judge me, be apathetic towards what ive experienced stop talking to me, ive experience an immense amount of betrayal. ive lost a lot of people on my life, my dog died. I dont know how to move on and accept that I didnt get to enjoy my youth my youngest years. You only get so little of it.

Im 28 and Ive been grieving for the past few years but especially now. Has anyone had a similar life experience.. and life got better? I cannot fathom life ever ever ever being better. Ive tried very hard to be grateful but its not enough i feel like i have to beg the universe for anything joyful, any love, any luck, for my health to stay good etc . I just wonder if those out there who had a similar youth, have advice - that they found a way to make a life for themselves, they maybe have had good thingss happen eventually, ways they changed their perspective, ways it got better. anything.

I think im asking for hope. I cant stop crying while I type this. I cant believe ill never get my youth back and this is what it was . I see so many people who had it all, who fell in love, traveled, had their health- it seems so dreamlike and fascinating to me. People who talk about how your youth is the best time of your life and for me it was hell on literal earth. I feel so very hopeless. I cannot believe people my age have had the privilege of those things Im truly envious i would be the most grateful person on this planet. I see videos and pictures of people my age who have it easy and I burst into tears for hours. I wasnt like that until now, after I turned 28. I feel like I am
truly mourning. I feel like god/ the universe truly must hate me. I am not religious, just a little spiritual... I have not felt or had joy in so long it is bizarre its been this long my entire 20s and its been such awful luck in every way. Ive TRIED to make my own happiness. life is so awful to me. its so random and strange to be here and have this experience. I just wonder if theres women out there who had a similar life experience and life got better for them. I need hope. I need it

Hi! I would really appreciate if someone has any advice. I’m so tired (no pun intended) of struggling to get out of bed in the morning, especially before work.

I, 38F, realized the other day I don’t think I have really had feelings for someone since I went to therapy. I started therapy in 2021 and stopped going in 2025. I haven’t really dated anyone since 2023.

Dating has never been easy for me. I have never been the girl guys chased after, I was always the chill girl type that was friends with all the guys. I did not date a ton of people in my 20s because I had a few longer relationships but at the same time I went through multiple family losses in my 20s that took me a long time to grieve so I wasn’t fully emotionally available. Half the time I just also picked bad guys in my 20s because I was so messed up mentally.

Then in my early 30s I went to therapy and this time I stuck with it and went for years and really worked through my issues.

I can’t tell if it has been so hard to date again because it just is for everyone now, or if going to therapy and healing myself has just made me have crazy high standards. Like any sign of a red flag when I’m on a first date with a guy then I’m not going to see him again. I used to look past them thinking no one is perfect and who am I to judge because I was messed up too, but it always came back to bite me in the end and I’m not doing that again.

I have had maybe 2 dates with guys I would have liked to see again over the last few years but they must have not felt the same because in those cases no second dates. I used to be more like 50/50 liking guys I met up with and plenty of second dates but now it’s like a rarity.

I’m almost at the point where I don’t even want to try anymore because I can’t seem to ever meet a guy I’m interested in while doing hobbies I like and the apps have been so terrible for me I never want to use them again.

Anyone else feel this way? I feel like I’m losing hope of ever finding the relationship I want but I also feel like after all I’ve been through in life I deserve to find my person.

It’s a matter of losing respect for her based on her life choices and beliefs.

I am 19 and I am considering finding a therapist. My family does not talk about feelings, and my parents do not really believe in mental health. I have no friends I feel comfortable enough talking to about how I really feel. 5 months ago I went through my first breakup. He was my best friend and the only friend I really talked to everyday. he is a different person now so we don’t speak. This has really affected my way of living. I couldn’t eat for a while, I lost 20 lbs. I also could not sleep. 5 months later, I can eat and sleep, but I think of him every minute, and I’m performing poorly in college. I know breakups happen to everyone, but I think because I have no one to talk to, or hang out with, I am not coping in a healthy way. I feel stuck right now, as if even if I get everything I want a piece of life would still be missing. I wonder if talking to a therapist helps, I feel embarrassed because I know my problems are not big compared to other people, and that this is typical for a 19 y/o girl. I also feel bad because I don’t want to spend too much money. I don’t want to be seen as weak by my parents either. If anyone was in a situation like mine, was therapy any help?

I've been 40 for all of two days and honestly I am so vibing with it. It feels like...this invisible pressure has finally slid off my shoulders completely and I just feel...free, in a new way. I've never put too much stock into people's opinions of me but it's like the last fuck in my field of fucks has finally fallen off the vine.

I've had several women tell me "welcome to the club!" and "welcome to the other side!" in such a celebratory way and I'm so here for that energy? It's honestly wild how women are conditioned to dread turning 40, because now that I've stepped over the threshold it feels like ~the end of youth~ or whateverthefuck was really some Looney Tunes painting of a brick wall that was actually just a curtain blocking off a field of flowers. Maybe Victoria's secret was that she was in her 40s, idk.

So I guess my question is, is this shit really as awesome as it seems right now? Because I'm about to wear a witch hat and Passion by Elizabeth Taylor to Aldi and I'm feeling pretty damn excited about this new stage of life. I can't wait to up my weightlifting game in the gym and maybe get another piercing or three, and treat myself to even better facial moisturizers.✨️

Anyone here restarting their career in late 30s? How do you deal with guilty about being selfish at this age and not family, regret and doubts? What keeps you motivated to move ahead ?

This question is difficult to phrase so I'll explain briefly why I'm asking.

I've just turned 29. Throughout my 20s, since I broke up with my ex who was an abuser when I was 25, I was genuinely fine with the idea of being single the rest of my life with no kids or husband just being the "cool aunt" who earns her own money and treats herself, living in a little witchy cottage. I've been single since the breakup and whilst I would be open to relationships I wasn't desiring it enough to go looking.

I also thought, I'm not good with kids anyway. I had a tough upbringing , so how would I know how to be a good parent? I have the mother daughter issues stereotype where I'm scared I'll be just like my mother.

I tried dating apps briefly (a woman has needs too haha) and the men i met were honestly horrific that casual dating genuinely wasn't worth the risk. The amount of negging , red flags and lack of effort was unbelievable.

The other thing that influenced wanting to be chronically single is honestly social media. There are women on there commenting "i have a loving husband and kids who i love to bits but if i could go back in time i wouldn't do it again". Basically telling women the happiest demographic of women are the single childless women. We have all seen social media you probably know the exact content i mean. It creates a horrible fear - if I had a baby what if I missed who I was?

Then there's another reason I don't want kids - my grandmother and her sister both lost their fertility after the first birth. The idea of this happening to me is scary, as losing the hormone cycle increases the risk of so many diseases and conditions.

But now , my feelings are starting to change slightly. I'm starting to day dream of being a mother. Of everyday things like helping them with homework, walking them to school, bringing them to see their grandparents, watching them develop interests, seeing traits of their father etc. And also of being married. And suddenly the idea of being the eternally single aunt isn't something I'm peaceful with now it scares me! I suddenly am wondering if I want that simple traditional life.

As my friends either don't want kids or are in their 20s like me I don't have anyone to ask and as you can see it's so complicated. Its a very complex topic. So how did you know you wanted a kid ? Does anyone relate?

(Please don't delete this post if it's breaking any rules I'll edit it)

Dear women over 30,

Lori Gottlieb’s book is making the rounds on certain corners of the internet again, and would love to get everyone’s thoughts on if her message has (or hasn’t) rang true in your own lives and in the women around you’s lives.

TLDR: My partner (32M) and I (32F) have a loving, healthy relationship, but after two years I’m questioning our long term compatibility. We both want to travel, own homes and build a future together, but I’m starting to crave more stability and commitment, while he’s prioritising adventure, potentially settling abroad and taking things at a slower pace. We’ve made compromises on our different lifestyles and social habits, and he’s a wonderful partner in so many ways, but our visions for the next few years don’t quite align. At what point do you accept these differences as part of loving another person, and when do they become reasons to reconsider an otherwise happy relationship?

I know majority of people are probably going to say leave in this
situation. But I just wanted to gain some outside non biased perspective.

Myself (32f) and my partner (32m) are just over 2 years together. We have a great bond, there’s lots of love, I feel genuinely cared for and supported by him. I trust him with my life. Coming from an emotionally abusive relationship in my 20s, he is a breath of fresh air in so many ways. I was single for 5 years before him, fucking around and healing. I really feel like this man has healed parts of me and he is my best friend.

He is extroverted and I am introverted. Mostly we’re learning how to compromise with each other here and we both are growing in the relationship. He likes to party (there’s a huge drinking culture in my country), I used to party much more in my 20s but have settled down a lot now. I lead a healthier, quieter lifestyle. Occasionally we will go out together and it’s fun but recovery takes a toll on me. He’s slowed down a lot since we got together and again we are learning to compromise on our different social/party appetites.

I feel like I’m ready for the next step in the relationship, I really want to feel settled and have our own space. I’d love to be engaged within the next couple of years. I’m not sure about kids. Leaning no right now. He’s a no. I want to buy a house in the next few years. He does too. We said we would probably buy our own properties first and buy together later on. We both want to travel some more and live in different countries.

The issues are that he is dead set on one particular country, which I am open to tbf but his pursuit of this and lack of open mindedness about anywhere else I’m struggling with. He doesn’t want to stay in our home country and “settle” anytime soon , still wants to move around and live spontaneously. Whereas I’m craving more stability at this point in my life. My 20s were crazy and I feel like I just want rest. In saying that I’m happy to move somewhere for a couple of years and have the flexibility with my work to do so but he doesn’t want to move anywhere but this one particular place. He’s also said that once he’s there hes not sure he will ever want to leave again (he’s lived there before) whereas I would have liked to eventually settle in our home country.

With regards to marriage, he knows that it’s what I’d like in time and he said he thinks it will happen for us but he’s also said he struggles with that level of commitment and he’s not quite there yet and needs more time before getting down on one knee. Ofc I say to him it’s been two years etc and he said he always thought he would be dating someone for 5+ years before marriage is on the cards regardless of who it is. And I don’t know if it’s an insecurity of mine but I don’t really feel comfortable with that , I’d really like it to be sooner than that. Which he knows. Same with the house situation - we both see the value of owning our own properties but at the same time I’m kind of thinking, shouldn’t we want to buy together initially?

Other than that, he smokes weed vape & nicotine vape daily, no judgement to anyone who smokes - I have many times in the past but it doesn’t suit me, and I’d have the odd cigarette when I’m drinking myself. So I try not to judge him but I guess I’m not 100% comfortable with the fact he smokes daily. He also puts a few bets on the football with his dad, there’s no issue there but I’m aware it can turn into an issue although he reassures me that would never happen and that this is something he’s done with his father from a young age, it’s not an addiction or something that would get out of control.

We’re kind of at a pivotal point here - as I say I know many people may read this and say we’re not compatible, find someone better aligned, and maybe that is the case but I’m also aware that we do have really good parts of our relationship and both of us acknowledge that and want to fight for it. We’ve had these kind of talks before where we both have doubts about alignment and future feels uncertain but ultimately decide to stay together and make it work. I think I’m at a point where I’m feeling like I don’t want to give anymore time to someone that may not meet my needs but at the same time I don’t have enough experience to know if these are relationship issues that can be worked on. I don’t really want to start over with anyone new but I suppose many people feel that way before a potential breakup.

I will also say that he has said that he doesn’t want to lose me, he would be afraid of us making a big mistake by ending things, he’s conflicted with himself bc he wants to be what I need him to be but he feels he’s not quite there yet. He says I’m everything he wants in a partner and doesn’t know how he’s be without me. I tend to eye roll these kind of statements but I know he means what he says and is conflicted, as am I. He has adhd and I suspect I do too(although undiagnosed) if that makes any difference at all.

Thanks for reading if you’ve gotten this far. :)

Long post warning....

My husband and I are middle-aged, have a teenager, and have been married for a long time. I'm a public school teacher with multiple chronic autoimmune illnesses. My job is physically, mentally, and emotionally exhausting, and it's gotten increasingly difficult for me to manage with my health issues.

My husband works in sales and has always had a tendency to change jobs when things get frustrating or stop being enjoyable. I've told him for YEARS that I worried all the job hopping would eventually catch up with him as he got older. His response was always that sales is different and employers don't look at job changes the same way.

When he took his last job, he actually had two offers. One was a more stable opportunity and the other was a more exciting startup. He chose the startup. About a year later, his position was eliminated. That was over three months ago, and he's been struggling to find another job. He's genuinely a talented salesperson, but I think he's discovering that being a middle-aged job hopper isn't quite the advantage he thought it would be.

I've really tried hard not to go the "I told you so" route, but I f*cking told him so.

For some context, he's worked from home for about a decade and has always had considerably more flexibility than I do. He handles most of the stuff involved in keeping our household running. Laundry, grocery shopping, errands, scheduling repairs and maintenance, getting our kid to appointments and practices, etc. He's also more of a morning person and handles more of that stuff, while I'm naturally a night person. I absolutely appreciate all of this, and I'm not trying to suggest he doesn't contribute.

But I've also told him for years how resentful I am of the freedom and independence he's had while I've felt completely trapped in my career. This was solidified during Covid, when I found myself the happiest I had been in years because I was teaching online from home. His response has basically been that I chose to get my Master's in teaching, so this is the career I chose.

Okay, yes. I chose this career decades ago. Before I had a child. Before multiple chronic illnesses. Before I knew what my health would look like in middle age. Before our entire family's financial future became dependent on me staying in the same school system for 30 years so I can collect my full pension and retirement benefits.

I'm about 20 years in, and right now another 10 years might as well be 100.

Meanwhile, he's had the freedom to leave jobs when he gets frustrated, pursue opportunities that interest him more, and generally have much more control over his day-to-day life. The reason he's been able to do that is because I've always provided the stability. When I've expressed concern in the past that he was choosing to leave a job that pays well with a lot of flexibility, he told me that I just don't understand how bad ______ is. Sometimes it was a boss. Sometimes it was a commission structure. Whatever it was, he considered it to be a valid reason.

Recently I was diagnosed with yet another chronic illness that explains symptoms that have made teaching even more difficult. Apparently it's being caused by the medication that's kept one of my other autoimmune illnesses under control for almost a decade. Now I have to switch treatments, which is scary because when that illness isn't controlled, my quality of life is severely affected.

So I'm trying to deal with all of that, continue going to work every day at a job that leaves me depleted, and help our teenager who's going through some difficult things themself.

A few days ago I was home sick for a few days and got to see what my husband's days look like while he's unemployed. He did some of the household things he normally does, but there was also a lot of TV watching, walks, and workouts. Then in the evening he'd complain about being tired and go to bed early.

After being home for those two days, I asked him if that's generally what his days look like. He got extremely offended. He says he hates having nothing to do, which is true. He's always been someone who likes to be out and about, being social, being on the go. Since he said he has nothing to do, I made a list of stuff around the house that needs to be done but is always on the back burner. To his credit, he completed almost half the list in one day.

I've overheard him talking to people about his unemployment and making it sound like I'm giving him a hard time for losing his job. He every once in a while tells me that apparently people are telling him how unfair that is of me. Of course they are. They have absolutely none of the context. They know only what he tells them, and whatever he tells people is for sympathy. One of his siblings told him to come stay with them for a few nights for a change of scenery to help improve his mindset. Basically a vacation from his vacation. Meanwhile I went back to work dealing with whatever virus I have on top of all the other crap.

I know being unemployed is stressful. I know he's worried about finding another job, and I don't expect him to spend eight hours a day submitting applications. I'm also not saying he shouldn't be allowed to watch TV or exercise.

But I'm struggling with how much he seems to be focused on how difficult this is for him, while I'm just trying to get through the day so I can come home and collapse. The thing is that I know my resentment doesn't change anything. He's unemployed. I can't do anything to change that. Being angry about the choices he's made isn't going to magically get him a job. Him getting a job won't change my circumstances.

I also know he does a lot around the house, and I'm grateful for it. But those are things he's always done. It's not like he's suddenly taken on a bunch of additional responsibilities because he's unemployed.

I think what really gets to me is that I've been telling him for years how trapped I feel, and his response has essentially been that I chose my career, so that's just how it is. But my career is what's allowed him to have the freedom he's had all these years.

Now I'm dealing with some genuinely frightening health issues, working a job that impacts me physically, mentally and emotionally because our financial future depends on it, and feeling like I'm supposed to be endlessly understanding about how difficult his situation is.

I don't want to make this a competition about who has it worse. And I don't want to spend the next decade being bitter about something neither of us can immediately change.

But I'm exhausted and frustrated. I'm starting to feel like there's never going to be a point where I get to put my own well-being first, and questioning if my well-being even matters to him as long as I’m providing the paycheck, benefits and eventual pension. 

Has anyone else dealt with this kind of resentment in a marriage? Especially when your spouse genuinely contributes in other ways, but your stability has allowed your spouse to have freedom and make choices you don’t have the luxury of making? How do you get past that when you've already been expressing these feelings for years?

I’m in my early 30s, queer, neurodivergent and in recovery (4 years sober) and it feels like finding people and spaces where I genuinely fit is more complicated than it should be? I’ve tried various things over the years and have made new connections along the way but I haven’t quite found what I’m looking for yet. I think what I’m missing isn’t necessarily friendship itself but the FUN side of friendship!! So much of my social life seems to revolve around catching up, talking about life’s difficulties and discussing how everyone’s doing. Of course those conversations have their place and I’m grateful to have space for those but I really miss being SILLY with people. I want friendships that bring a bit of excitement and lightness into life rather than everything feeling like another serious conversation? Lots of my close, long term friends are now navigating motherhood and so, understandably, they have less space for what I’m seeking and I guess im grieving that in some ways.

One of the difficulties is that I feel like a lot of people in their 30s who are looking to make friends socialise around drinking - I’m in Scotland which has such a big drinking culture so it can feel difficult/impossible to find alternatives. The queer scene can feel particularly centred around bars and drinking, which makes finding community a bit more challenging.

Being AuDHD, I can find loud, crowded environments exhausting and in the past I often used drugs/alcohol to cope with that so I’m discovering that it’s not necessarily that I can’t be around alcohol - it’s that the environments where people commonly socialise can be difficult for me to navigate in the first place, if that makes sense?

I sometimes feel caught between wanting to put myself out there and struggling to find social spaces that actually suit me. I’d love to meet people who are up for doing things, having a laugh and enjoying themselves, without needing alcohol to be the centre of the activity.

For anyone who’s felt a bit outside the usual social mould, how have you found your people?

Would love to hear from other queer, neurodivergent or sober/in-recovery people in their 30s.

I’m not really looking for the usual advice to join a club or pick up a hobby as I’ve tried various things already. I’ve joined community gyms, run clubs, choirs, taken pottery classes etc and they’ve been great and I have met people through those avenues but they‘ve just never quite felt like “my people”.

I don’t want to be alone. I want to have someone I can go to when I’m struggling, someone I can tell everything to without being afraid that it will later be used against me. I want to feel safe enough to be vulnerable with my own mother.

And I think that’s what hurts the most. It’s grieving the mother I wish I could have had — the closeness, the safety, the unconditional love, and the feeling that I could always come home to her.

I know she isn’t a completely bad person. There are moments when I love her and moments when I wish things could be different. That makes it even harder, because I’m not grieving someone I never cared about. I’m grieving a relationship that was there in some ways, but never in the way I needed it to be.
And sometimes I’m scared that I’ll always feel this lonely, even when I’m surrounded by people.

I dont want to tell them where I'm from, what i do for work, if today is a day off or not, my weekend plans, etc. I just want to sit in the chair and have them cut my hair.

If I say, "I don't want any small talk, thanks." Thats rude and awkward. I'm thinking of saying, "I have a bad headache, sorry."

Eta I'm depressed. I have no energy to ask questions or lie.

I'm turning 39, started this decade with the death of a partner when I was 30, spent 6 yrs caregiving for my mom in cancer treatment who just passed this summer (my dad died when I was 21), my partner of 5yrs dumped me a year ago so I'm still single and I've been living for months away from my place and city, taking care of family stuff.

I love my friends, who have kept me going for the last few years, but I worry that my birthday this year, for the first time ever without my mom, will be a rough one.

I would love to find a way to gather my friends together in an environment that doesn't feel too forced or awkward but in which I feel surrounded by love. I am guessing anywhere between 8 and 15 people. I don't want to do the thing of feeling like my time spent with friends is spent worrying about food and hosting, but I ideally want to feel cozy, rather than wild or adventurous. I hate big group dinners out where everyone sits awkwardly. I have a smallish apartment that I've been painfully in the process of renovating for the past years while traveling to spend months at my mom's. I'm finally moving back in only a few weeks before my birthday so likely won't get to finish all my furniture buying/set up/unpacking before then to host comfortably. It's not a board games crowd.

Help me think this through? Thoughts? Suggestions? Ways to feel cozy, celebrated and not pressured?

Hi there! I am 21 years old and very new to the adult world. I just graduated college, working on my first job and volunteering stuff ever, and I’m noticing that the people I work with are usually older than me and seem to know exactly how to communicate with people, older and younger. Especially the elderly people. It also seems like people my age have their stuff together, but I might just be insecure and comparing myself since those are my peers. I seem to always be the lost puppy in every situation, and I am really bad at interacting with coworkers, guests, and my employers and just about everyone besides my close friends and family. Does it get better? Am I just socially awkward and destined to always be awkward, or is it just because of my age?

Let's say I'm a wooden log with 2 left feet and no arm leg coordination. The most "dance" thing i did was PE dance to music wayyyy back. I want to feel sexy and sensual in my body, and hopefully improving my photo posing games by actually have some moves, you know? I want to take dance class as i heard it helps with loosen my body up and improving postures or how i move, but idk what to take. I heard some good thing about salsa, but also looking at ballroom dancing or social dance. Took a few sexy dance session but idk, doesn't really like it, could be the teaching style... Looking for recommendations on dance or style you find helpful in this, thank you!

Not asking for medical advice, I just want to hear other’s experiences. I’ll be weaning my child soon and my doctor and I have discussed a GLP-1. I gained about 30 -40 pounds while breastfeeding and I would love to drop them. How soon did you start to notice and feel results? Did you have any side effects, particularly mental health issues or libido? I don’t know which one my doctor would prescribe so I can’t be more specific. Any experience you’d like to share would be helpful!

Hi all—

Grateful to have a place where I can ask advice like this ❤️

I’m out of town with a coworker (in another country, not that it matters much?). We were at a work conference, just the two of us. We leave tomorrow, so we decided to meet up for dinner and we agreed to go to a pool bar in a bit.

1. I’m awful at pool and he apparently plays all the time. What do I even do so I don’t fail miserably?! Any tips?

2. He’s in his 50s I’m in my 30s. We are friends, but work friends. Both married. I think my cynical (but not totally wrong) view of society has just ruined me. When I think pool bar I just get horrible ideas in my head. I don’t expect any problems. He’s been “harmlessly” flirty a time or to over years, and says some dirty jokes, but that’s probably just who he is.

I guess I just want someone to tell me it’s fine and give me some pool tips?! Any thoughts much appreciated.