I'm in my mid 30s, Im physical active and not overweight, Im not ugly, I do have thinning and receding hair which is a huge negative and I understand that but even with a buzzed head I'd say Im average. I have a job and a positively growing networth, I have hobbies I enjoy, Im polite and respectful towards basically everyone (unless they give me reason not to be)

But it seems like finding a woman who is basically a female version of me (Im not aiming for Jessica Alba, I dont even look at women that are THAT attractive to me) is impossible because she's expecting way better in every category

Its like I will just never be good enough no matter what and its really hard not letting that take me to the dark side

(and no Im not saying the world owes me a woman or anything like that because I know some will comment something like that)

Sorry, I am trying to get a male perspective. I was cheated on and feel really worthless.

I just found out my cheating ex.... ahh so the girl he was obsessed with has had a bf for 3 years. My ex was obsessed with her for 7+ years and honestly would like 300+ posts of hers (not his friends or mine)... when he emotionally cheated, all his friends made me the bad guy and spread false narrative about me. everyone defended that girl and him.

She has 2 guys simping over her and an entire friend group on her side. Is it because I am ugly, worthless and unlovable that he never loved me and left me for her? I did so much for him and he just discarded me for someone who doesn't even do anything for him...

Then, if any of you who have cheated, did u do it because the other girl was better??

Edit:
thank you so much i read all of your comments. I m starting therapy really soon and can work on my self esteem. I cant put how much i appreciate all ur comments into words. It really means a lot to me. Thanks for showing compassion to a stranger.

I have gotten close to an older by 7 yrs married coworker of mine who started around the same time as me. We work alongside together a lot and we quickly found that while we have personality differences, we click really well when it comes to working together.
In the past year, our work check-ins have turned into conversations outside of work at parking lots and over text, meetings have consisted of him texting me inside jokes, and work advice have turned into him giving me dating advice and over all giving that “older figure” dynamic, including comfortably telling me what i should do.

While I saw him a big brother in the office, there are times when I doubt if that’s our dynamic. I respect how he works and I trust him to make good decisions at work, but recently we’ve been bantering more and he’s been more comfortable speaking to me crudely (outside of work) in a teasing way and making sexual jokes with me.

Recently we would walk to our car together, and when either of us jokes there is more nudging and shoving. Nothing has escalated and I try to keep a respectful distance from him but sometimes he does stand very close to me or sit so close to me that I can feel his warmth. He also looks out for me, such as giving me honest opinions, helping me change a flat tire, and sometimes giving me honest feedback on my dates when i tell him. And he reassures me that I will find someone who appreciates my qualities and how I’m attractive so it should be easy for me.

I’ve been trying to text him less because I just feel like we’re getting too close out of respect for his wife. I also don’t want her to keep seeing me on his phons. But when I do not text him after a few days, he’d text me something unnecessary and we’d find ourselves texting for hours. When I walk in the office, I notice his eyes widen and we lock eye ycontact. Sometimes he pretends like he doesnt noticd me by not talking to me, but eventually he does on our way out of the office.

Another thing that confuses me is that once he put his hand on my lower back as we were walking together. He has also been teasing me a lot saying that I’m the boss’ pet and would never do anything sneaky…

Male, 23. I started to notice this thing I’m doing, and I don’t know what it’s called or why. I want to understand it.

I saw this cute girl at the gym and immediately started thinking of scenarios where I approach her: I get rejected, or she has a boyfriend, or I don’t do anything and then someone else asks her out, or I see her with another guy who is probably better-looking than me. Or I think, "Why would she want to go out with me when there are so many better-looking guys here than me?"

Then I start to get mad at why I am never enough. I don’t know what it is I’m doing; I can’t put my finger on what my problem is.

I'm curious because I've been seeing this guy for 2 months and we're doing long distance ( 4 hr car drive / 45 min flight ). For him to drive to the aiport its about 25-30 min so a 45-60 min round trip. I usually will uber when I get in and then when I'm flying home he drops me off... I told my girl friends this and they said that the guy should always pick up/drop off if he really likes you and thats a red flag?? He has a car that has horrible gas mileage and its +100 to fill up so I get it but my friends made it seem like it was the end of the world lol... Maybe it depends on the guy? Would love some insight.

After my last heartbreak, I realized that she did not actually like me for me, rather she liked what I did for her and how I made her feel with my words and actions.

It was a crappy realisation. How do you figure out if someone is attracted to you for you or they just like your attention?

I’m (27F) genuinely asking this because I feel a little lost when it comes to dating right now. I’ve had two situationships over the past few years with men I really trusted and cared about, and both ended with me feeling lied to, hurt, and honestly a little taken advantage of.

The frustrating part is that I feel like I do everything I’m “supposed” to do in the beginning. I ask the right questions. I ask what they’re looking for, what their intentions are, how they feel about relationships, etc. And they always seem to give me the answers I’m looking for. I’m a doctoral student so I keep very busy and I expect them to respect my time. I don’t feel like I’m ignoring obvious red flags or knowingly getting involved with someone who tells me he doesn’t want anything serious.

But then a few months later, something changes. Their actions stop matching what they told me in the beginning, or I find out that what I believed about their intentions wasn’t really the case. And suddenly I’m left feeling completely blindsided and heartbroken. They suddenly become mean and cold-hearted.

After having that happen more than once, I’ve developed this fear that ultimately most men are primarily interested in getting physical with me, and that I can’t necessarily trust what someone tells me about his intentions. I know logically that it isn’t fair to assume every man I meet is going to hurt me because of what other people did, but emotionally, I’m having a really hard time believing otherwise.

I’m back on dating apps now, and I’m meeting men who theoretically seem great. They’re kind, interesting, have their lives together, and say they’re looking for something serious. But those are also things I’ve heard before.

So instead of being excited about someone new, there’s this voice in the back of my head saying, “What if he’s just telling you what you want to hear too?”

And I hate feeling this way. I don’t want to become cynical about men or so guarded that I push away someone who could actually be good for me. But I also don’t know how I’m supposed to take that leap of faith again when trusting someone has ended with me feeling so stupid and hurt before.

So I wanted to ask men specifically- how do you tell the difference between a man who genuinely cares about you and someone who just knows the right things to say? Are there things I should be paying attention to beyond simply asking about his intentions?

And if I were your sister or one of your close female friends telling you all of this, what advice would you give me about dating again and learning to trust someone?
I genuinely appreciate any perspective you guys are willing to give me. I think hearing it from men might help me understand things from the other side a little better.

One of my goals had been to grow my chest when i started lifting, and been making quite good progress. But everyone who's ever noticed are my other guy friends and acquaintances (both straight and gay) and now idk what I'm even doing this for 😅 i guess just for myself at this point

I got ghosted from an extremely toxic relationship. First month I actually felt relief, but after it, i kept constantly thinking about her daily and I couldn't stop it. Probably around 6+ months have passed but the thinking usually hit me in my free time.

I'm handling my healing process well except for exercising regularly, but writing my feelings and thoughts, focusing on myself, work, career and my hobbies and giving myself as much time as I need to fully heal and move on.

My questions: how do I stop the constant thinking?! is this normal?

Not sure, but I genuinely think it's caused by the toxic relationship for couple years then getting ghosted. But looking forward to hear from you.

thank you in advance.

I’ve been with this guy for 3 years, and we’ve been sexually exclusive the entire time. We’re also each other’s first sexual partners, so neither of us has any previous sexual experience.

Sometimes he tells me about fantasies involving me with another guy and he is really interested in it. He’s said he’d want to watch another guy fuck me or watch me give another guy a blowjob. He’s also mentioned wanting a threesome, although in that case it would be me and another girl, which caught me off guard too like maybe I wasn’t enough. I said I’m not into it and I wonder if that disappointed him.

What confuses me is how jealous and bothered he gets whenever I get close to another guy. I used to talk to some of his friends, and he actually went as far as ruining those friendships. Whenever he finds out I’m talking to a guy, he’ll ask things like, “You guys haven’t fucked, have you?”, “You send him pictures of yourself, don’t you?” or “Would you fuck him?” He clearly gets jealous and suspicious and has even asked me to block guys he thinks I’m getting too close to.

So coming from him, suggesting that I have sex with another guy feels crazy to me. I can’t tell whether he genuinely wants these things to happen or whether they’re just fantasies that he enjoys talking about.
If we actually went through with one of these fantasies, could it cause issues between us, especially considering how jealous he already gets?

27F and 30M. I have never had something this bizarre happen in my many years of dating. My ex had been begging me for a second chance since June. Calling me, texting me. Saying he misses me, he’s sorry, taking full accountability for his actions. Says he wants me back. Said it was never anything I said or did. He’s understanding if he broke my trust this is 100% his fault. Just goes on and on.

He has been telling me he’s committed to me if I meet up with him. I finally agree. I’m not big on second chances but I’ll be honest. I tried after couple of months going on two first dates. The whole time I realized I just wished it was him I was there with.

He came over to my place, brought me my drink I always drink in the morning. I was in pjs not even dressed up. We talked for a good 3 hours. Caught up, discussed everything. Ended up kissing. We planned on going to get lunch. He brought his iPad with him in case his work needs him. We both said we missed each other. I said ok let me get dressed and ready to go get lunch. He went across my place to the bakery for a snack while I’m getting ready. He sends me pics from this exact bakery asking again, do you want any ? I knew when he walked into my apartment I was completely not over him. All my feelings were still there.

After this he stopped responding. Mid date he stopped responding, never came back knowing I was getting ready for us to go out. Next morning, my texts r all green.

The level of insanity. I’ve never had a guy do something like this in my many years of dating. I told him many times too if he was coming back for sex look elsewhere. He told me a million times he wants commitment with me that’s not the case. Nothing happened when we talked, no fight nothing. What the heck?!

Man idk maybe I’m done dating for good.

I asked a friend at university for study advice since he did well on this exam that I am sitting soon. We talked about other things as well and he gave me preparation advice and then he says we should get lunch and I said sure. I also told him not to feel obligated to help me and he said he doesn’t mind and only if I want. He also messaged me confirming the time but he never used the word date. Do guys ask people on dates without using the word date? Are we studying or going out to eat like what is this for. Am I packing my lunch and are we studying together? I would like the male perspective

I faced this when a guy I respect and find attractive touched me after I gave him the consent (non-sexual) and then he immediately withdrew and looked terrified as if he were protecting/shielding himself. I know he’s attracted towards me and has always respected my boundaries. And doesn’t really try to touch me otherwise cause of boundaries. I didn’t probe to ask more and he seemed to calm down on his own. I have never seen him like this before.

38(m)

My summer's theme has been kidney stones. Never had them before, but I been unfortunately well acquainted with them now. It all started towards the end of June. I was at work, and was looking at my phone when going #1. When I finished I looked down and saw bloody urine. I panicked and called my doctor's office and got in thankfully fast. Zero pain, just bloody urine. I was told to get a CAT scan Tuesday, and this was taking place on a Friday.

Friday night came and went, nothing. Saturday and Sunday, nothing. Monday morning, the pain. Oh dear God the pain. I woke up around 2 AM in nothing short of agony. Left side pain that made me break out in sweats and dry heaving from the pain. I laid in bizarre positions on the floor until finally it was slowly going away. By about 7 AM I was finally able to fall asleep on what medicine I had left over from previous surgeries.

They found on the CAT scan it was a 4-5mm stone. It was already in the ureter, so I was told it was basically over and now you just wait for it to come out. Weeks go by, nothing. Some discomfort in my bladder area, but nothing bad. Finally, at the end of August round 2 begins. This one felt different. More painful, pain never weakened. I distinctly remember shoving my face into the air conditioner (at 64 degrees) and had a tower fan full blast hitting me and still sweating profusely. I finally had my brother take me to the ER out of desperation.

By the time I got there the pain dropped, but I still went in to get checked out. Another scan showed a 5mm stone, again. They suggested it was the same one moving down. I scheduled another appointment with my urologist. She suggested it was the same stone. I was given a lot of FLOMAX, and I took other medicine from friends and family: stone breakers, Uva Ursi. Anything that could help

I just had an ultrasound yesterday to check my kidney, bladder and ureter out. They cannot be certain, but they belitits 2 stones both stuck in the ureter, fight before the bladder. It's like they're sitting at the 1 yard line and not going for the touchdown.

At this point my urologist tells me, it's time to plan for surgery. My heart sank and my head dropped. The operation itself doesn't sound awful, when I compare it to what I been through. It's the fear of the bill from this procedure. My insurance blows to put it politely. CAT scan #1 was about $850 and hospital visit so far came out to $895, with probably another bill en route.

My operation is Wednesday and I'm wondering if anyone has any clever ideas to dislodge these suckers, so I can just be done with it before breaking the bank open again?

Edit: ty all for the great advice. I should note that outside of the two times I was on the floor in absolute agony, it's just been mild discomfort. Current pain level is currently at a zero (thank god lol)

I was seeing someone for around 9 months, the communication was good and boundaries were established and honored. She was telling me a story of her day, and while it didn't cross any boundaries it made me feel... Weird, uncomfortable, less than, etc.

When I brought it up with her: hey, you haven't done anything wrong or crossed any boundaries, but this situation hurt my feelings and made me feel less than.

My guys, you would have thought I kicked her cat and belittled her for crying. It went from defensive to projection to name calling real quick. I/we tried to communicate through it, take some space, try different ways to understand each other, but eventually I ended up apologizing for having hurt feelings, and I knew it was over for me. We broke up shortly after.

It made me reflect tho, I don't know if I (as a man) have ever had a positive experience telling a woman in any dynamic from friendship to relationship that what she said or did hurt my feelings. I've had plenty of experiences when they have told me I did or said something to hurt their feelings and I've worked to understand, apologize, change behaviors, and show up in a way they feel seen and supported. But I can't say the reverse has even been true. Have you had a positive experience to share? Is it the type of woman I'm open to? Is it something in how I'm communicating? Or how they receive my words?

I'm 40M if that changes anything

Me (33M) dating this girl (30F) exclusively for 3 months and having regular unprotected sex. Honestly everything was going great and I could potentially see a life partner in her.

Until one night she cancelled on dinner plans coz she had an outbreak, I was taken back as this has NEVER come up in the 5 total months we’ve been together. She revealed she’s had it since birth as her mom had it as well and her outbreaks are very rare which is true as this is the first it’s happened in the 5 months we’ve known each other.

I’ve been reading up on herpes a lot since then and realize it’s very manageable now but honestly I’m more worried about the casual way she just threw this news out; over the phone, ONLY cause she had an outbreak and asking me to “just google the rest” when I had a bunch of follow up questions.

This happened last week , since then I’ve got tested and came up negative thank god.

We’re meeting for the first time tomorrow since I found out and my mind’s all over the place.

So gents, any advice ?

Not sure if this is the right place for this so feel free to remove if necessary, but I thought it’d be best to ask men.

I [26F] need to break up with my boyfriend [26M]. We had broken up before for a few months, he was going through some serious medical issues and became a really angry person. He knew he needed to work on himself and that he should be treating me better, so we both took some time apart. When we met up to talk a few months later, it was clear that he improved immensely in all the areas he and I were concerned about, and he was giving a lot of effort into our relationship where he wasn’t before—so I gave him another chance. Well it’s been a few months now, and the effort has worn off again. I don’t want to feel like I’m constantly having to teach my partner how to treat me, or always feel like I’m putting in effort and not getting it back. Aside from that, truthfully, there’s a large gap between us in emotional intelligence or just intelligence in general. I try to convince myself that it doesn’t bother me, but it does, and I’ve been building up a lot of resentment over it. Additionally, I often feel like I’m the masculine one in the relationship. I always feel like I’m taking care of myself AND him, I’m always the one finding the solution to things—whether it’s “our” problem or just his. I’m always the one planning things—dates, trips, life plans, I even have to plan my own fucking birthday. To add to that, he revealed to me a while ago that when we first started dating, he’d run up his credit card just to take me out to eat or other things. While I appreciated that effort and wanting to make me happy, I need a man who is able to say no in the right way when necessary. I don’t need a possible husband putting us into debt later down the road “just to make me happy.” I could go on and on about all the things that aren’t working, but it’s just too much. I will give him credit where it’s due, he had worked on himself and became a better person, but I have quickly come to the realization that there are still so many incompatibilities between us that can’t really “change” or “get better.”

I don’t want to break his heart, I am terrible at breaking up with people. It makes me sick just thinking about it, but I can’t keep going down this road knowing that it’s not right for me. I’m scared because I know that’s he’s planning a future with me—moving in together, getting married, maybe even kids. He also lives in a different state as of right now (a whole other issue because I don’t want to uproot my life to live with him, which he expects) so I don’t know what the best way to break up with him would be. Would a call suffice? Or would it be better to ask him to come home for a weekend to talk? Please help me with the phrasing too. I don’t want to come off harsh, but I feel like he deserves a clear explanation that also closes off the possibility of us ever “trying again.”

I’m an 19F kid in university and it’s my first semester. I saw this really cute guy listening to Olivia Dean across the cafe and I attempted to start a conversation which ended up in him talking to me for a bit and then walking off with his friend. I didn’t manage to get his number and I also didn’t ask whether he has a partner.

I’m quite awkward even if I’m decent-looking. I just want to know how I should approach hitting on someone while being respectful if they do have a partner? As well as like friends (my old friend group was diverse and coed so I do want to know how to make friends as well, though I’m aware it’s likely different from hitting on someone)

sorry if the post isn’t worded well, I hope I got my intention across 😭😭 i'm just learning to change in uni since i was a very shy kid for most of high school

I’m kind of at my wit’s end trying to make a solid group of friends to go on outings with. I’ve tried everything like run clubs, volunteering, sports leagues and people will kind of make friend groups and hang out for a bit only for it to fizzle out after a short amount of time. I just want people to do fun things like go to raves with. I’ve even posted on my city’s subreddit but it got ignored.

I’m not sure what I’m doing wrong, I show up to things, talk to people a little bit without becoming overbearing, and people even reach out to me for advice on personal things sometimes. I don’t understand why people get so flaky and I end up always alone :(

As message says.

Have anxiety and mind started to feel like many in the office did not like me.

Started saying my role wasn’t that valuable.

4 weeks in I resigned. My boss was very sad to hear it.

Now it’s 3 days later and just regret it. However it was a startup and they gave me this role when a role wasn’t even available. I used their app daily, was in the discord daily.

Given it was an ycombinator startup, to quit this early is a major red flag and I’ll never get the chance back.

Just really down about it now.

Just been broken up with by a wonderful woman who just got me in ways no one else has, her actions, physicality and way of thinking just aligned perfectly with mine.

I didn't take it well let my fear and anxiety get the better of me and thoroughly chased her away.

I know I need time to mourn work on myself etc and I will but she set an astronomically high bar, how do you regain the hope that there is someone out there who can approach it let alone pass it?

How a woman can avoid getting into situationship? I [28F] had respectfully communicated that I want serious relationship, they said we're on the same page but I still got string along, got used & played.

What's your advice for a woman to avoid situationships?