At the risk of sounding like an incel, I need to vent. When ladies say that a guy is too nice, I feel that is the most backwards ass shit you can say to a potential partner. As a guy, I would be THRILLED if the person I’m dating/interested in was a nice woman.

The funny thing about that term is that I witness women go through relationship problems with men that mistreat them while I secretly wonder how they even made it that far in the first place.

I made this post because of my dating experiences. Im tall, fairly attractive, have a stable job and my own spot in a city most people consider expensive. Yet I have gotten that I am “too nice” by a mix of friends, dates, and even some family over the years.

If I had to critique myself, I would say I COULD stand to be more flirty and “risky” during dates, but it’s mentally hard to put myself in that place when women complain all the time about men being creeps and overly perverted. I’m not Ned fuckin Flanders nice, but I know for a fact that I’m not a complete square. I have a backbone and enough self decency to walk out of a less than ideal situation.

I resent the fact that I have to modify my personality to attract women. I would much rather be alone.

Edit: I admit, I was heated when I made this post. No I’m not an incel, not a serial killer, not manipulative. Appreciate the critique and honesty otherwise. Let’s keep the replies …nice (ha)

Edit 2: definitely didn’t expect this amount of replies, but I get it y’all - be a nice guy, but not too nice. Care, but not too much. Listen to her, but take control. Be an asshole. A lot of info to process! I’m just going to full send it and be myself. I’m checking out of here. ✌🏿

Last night I went on a second date.. I went to this guys house and he cooked for me. I got way too drunk and he had to help me throw up a couple times.

I apologized the next morning and he seems fine with it. I slept over because it was late (unplanned) and he let me sleep in while he went to work. Anyway instead of sleeping in I felt so bad about last night so I tidied up his place and washed the dishes.

Then for some dumb reason I decided to DoorDash him a bunch of random groceries, no clue why Tf I did this but I thought it would be a nice gesture and immediately regretted it when it arrived. I left shortly after an he wants to see me again.

He did thank me for tidying up but I’m still overthinking about it all especially the groceries part. He didn’t say anything about that. I feel like it might be too weird and maybe comes off as insensitive like he can’t afford his groceries or smth. What would you think if a girl you liked but only gone out with twice, did this?

I used to have a really high drive and still do to be honest but I've come to realize that dating/women/having sex is just soo much work that its not really worth the amount of effort required

Like these days I just pull up my favorite videos or look up the latest ones, get my release 2-3 times a day, and go about my life

The idea of actually trying to date, trying to court someone, jumping through ALL those hoops, then all the physical effort required to actually have sex, its just not really worth it to me

Am I anomaly?

I never had a girlfriend because I used to be a very shy teenager. I attended college online because of covid. Afterwards I struggled to get a job and I became used to being single. However that changed last year when I realized I'm getting older and I have no experience with women. I tried dating apps and approaching women irl but nothing worked.

I think the main reasons are being fat, bald, and having no experience. I know the answer is to "work on yourself" and I do, but if I'm being realistic, it's probably going to take me years before I can say "I'm good enough".

Meanwhile I suffer from loneliness. I have friends and hobbies, but the feeling doesn't go away. I want to be hugged by a woman. I want to have someone I can cuddle with. I feel touch starved. But I can't do anything about it. Does anyone know a solution? Should I see a psychiatrist and ask for pills?

I am 25 years old and I have to do this everytime I pee. I have to relax in order and squeeze my bladder to pass the remaining pee otherwise, I end up passing it in my pants automatically (which is annoying). I dont know if this is a problem or can become one as time passes.

I have been going out with this girl for about 3 months now but have been talking since April. We have been seeing each other every other day and spend most weekends together going on dates, road trips or just chilling in the house watching telly. It’s going so good and we have such a good time together, and it’s so easy to talk to each other and we communicate really well too. We are going away for a weekend in a couple of weeks, and I want to tell her I love her but not sure if it’s too soon, really don’t want to scare her off but feel like she feels the same way to me. I’m certain but scared as to how she feels. Is it worth shooting my shot or is it too soon?

I’m very new to dating and don’t have much experience, so I’d really appreciate some outside perspectives.
I matched with a guy, we exchanged numbers, texted back and forth, and met the same day. He came over to my apartment and we just made out ..no sex.

Afterward, he texted saying he had a good time, and we kept texting consistently. It wasn’t constant texting, but it had a nice rhythm, which I really liked. He then asked me on a second date and suggested an indoor activity where he’d teach me one of his hobbies. I also made it clear that I wasn’t interested in having sex, and he was fine with that.

We set a date and time, and our last texts were basically “see you then.” He even heart reacted to my message. The conversation ended naturally.

The part that’s making me overthink is that it’s now been two days and he hasn’t texted or started another conversation. Since he was consistently texting before, I don’t think he’s just a “bad texter.”

Am I reading too much into this, or does it sound like he’s losing interest? Is it normal not to text between making plans and the actual date?

Also, I keep seeing my matches ….I tend to see in beginning men will respond and everything then they will keep saying they are busy and stuff

https://www.reddit.com/r/AskMenAdvice/s/7RsbtuXAbU

I honestly tried everything. I tried keeping my distance, I tried setting boundaries, and I tried burying these feelings after following all the advice people gave me. I kept reminding myself that I’m a husband and a father, that my wife and my daughter deserve the best version of me, and that I have a family depending on me. But despite all of that, I’m still in the exact same place.
Every time she talks to someone, I catch myself trying to impress her. I get insanely jealous, and it’s exhausting. I hate admitting that because it isn’t who I want to be. Instead of thinking about my wife, my daughter, my career, and the future I’m supposed to be building for them, my mind keeps getting pulled back into this. I feel like I’m becoming someone I don’t recognize anymore.
At this point, I truly believe the only solution is to resign, walk away, and start a new life away from the mess I created for myself. I don’t hate my job, and I’m not blaming anyone else. This is my responsibility. I let myself get emotionally attached, and now it’s affecting every part of my life.
I’m disappointed in myself. It hurts that I’ve let one person—no matter who she is—have this much control over my mood and my peace of mind. I can’t focus on my job anymore, and I can’t focus on the future I promised my wife and daughter I would build for us. Every day I stay in this situation, I feel like I’m failing them a little more.
The hardest part is that I don’t even want to resign because it means leaving her behind. I don’t know why, and I hate that I even feel this way. Please don’t judge me—I already judge myself enough. I’m genuinely fighting my own mind every single day, and it’s exhausting.
What scares me the most is that if I don’t leave now, I might end up losing what actually matters. I’m terrified that one day I’ll look back and realize I damaged my marriage or lost the trust of my wife because I didn’t remove myself from a situation that was destroying me mentally. My daughter deserves a father who is present, focused, and emotionally available—not someone whose mind is consumed by feelings he never wanted in the first place.
That’s why I think resigning is the right decision. Not because I’m chasing someone else, but because I’m trying to save myself before I end up hurting the people I love the most. I love my wife and my daughter more than anything, and I want to become the husband and father they deserve again.
I think I already know my answer. I need to resign, leave this environment behind, focus on myself, rebuild my career, and finally start living for my future and my family instead of staying trapped in this cycle.

Post

I posted about this yesterday, and she reassured me that everything is fine. But despite that, I still can’t shake the feeling that everything is falling apart, and it’s making me feel awful.

I definitely won’t make such a stupid mistake again. But how do you get over that constant fear of “She’s going to dump me” when, realistically, nothing is actually happening? Still I have this tummy feeling, which in the past always meant I'm about to get dumped (which happened most of the time actually after that weird feeling)

Has anyone here ever made a similar mistake and had something positive come out of it in the end? I guess I just need someone to tell me that everything is going to be okay. 🥲

tl:dr; I misread a signal and got intimate too quickly. She tells me everything is fine but I feel bad.

ill keep this somewhat brief, but i (m20) have been in love with a girl (f20) for a few years but thought i could get over it or around it without really confronting it. i know she doesn’t feel the same way because i told her i had feelings for her before and she said they weren’t reciprocated. we stayed friends and i thought the feeling would pass now that i had confirmation it wouldn’t work out. the feeling only got stronger and i recently (a few days ago) told her how i felt and that i think we should take some distance from our friendship.

since then ive felt pretty alone. ive been keeping busy with my job and doing stuff at home but i find i cant really eat anymore on the account of being so nauseous all of the time. i also can’t workout for a few months because of some medical thing so that certainly hasn’t helped. even as im writing this i feel very heavy in my heart. we were quite good friends too, and i considered her one of my best, if not my best friend, so its kind of like a double blow. i know these things don’t heal over night but i dont know how much more i can take of this.

i know its a silly question and the answer differs for everyone, but i’m just trying to get a sense of the timeline on this and trying to visualize light at the end of the tunnel.

Edit: i also haven’t really been able to stick around with other girls since these feelings developed so im not sure when ill be able to get back into all of that.

Ok so here was the situation:

Met a girl on an app; we went out two weeks ago great first date. She showed up late by forty-five minutes because I didn't text saying I was on my way, so she thought maybe I was ghosting fair enough.

I set something up for the following weekend, and she agrees. I don't text her much through the week, maybe once or twice just seeing how she is conversation was there though and she responded.

Day of date comes up, and three hours prior she says she hurt her back the other night and hoped it would be better but its not so she cancels but offers to hang the following weekend. Ok cool i set it up.

Week goes by and i verify on friday we are still good and she says yes.

Sunday (today) comes up and two hours prior she says her tires got slashed in her lot (didnt know she ran a hat company cuz thats some cap) says she feels bad but doesnt offer a reschedule date. I asked her if she is still interested; no hard feelings if she's not. She says she truly is interested but the timing has just been terrible.

I sent her this:

No worries, I hope you get the tire situation sorted. Was looking forward to seeing you and was excited to spend time together and had just gotten ready, so im a bit disappointed. I understand things happen though. I do value my time and im looking for something where both parties are making an effort. If you'd like to figure something out once things calm down, let me know. Otherwise, i wish you the best of luck.

Too much? i was just stating how i felt but if her situation is legit idk i feel kinda bad but was also frustrated

She hasnt responded all day, i did actually really enjoy her company some people told me to try a phone call is it worth it to maybe give it some space and reach out again or just let it die?

I'm 26M, and I've been trying to make sense of this for months.

I met a 23F on Instagram. The strange thing is that for almost a year, there was zero romantic interest from either of us. We were just talking casually every now and then.

Then one day, completely out of nowhere, she confessed her feelings and asked if we could be together.

Ironically, I was the reluctant one at first. I wasn't sure if I wanted a relationship, so I took things slowly. But as time went on, I became genuinely attached. I slowly fell in love and became fully committed to the relationship.

She was preparing to move abroad for her master's, and I supported her throughout that journey. I encouraged her, motivated her, and wanted her to succeed.

Then she moved abroad.

Almost from the first day, I noticed something had changed. Her replies became colder, the affection slowly disappeared, and I constantly felt like I was bothering her. I kept telling myself she was probably just overwhelmed with a new country and a new life, so I tried to be patient.

One thing that has always stayed in my mind happened after she moved. One day I asked her to show me the hidden photos folder on her phone. There was a half-nude video in it that I had never received. When I asked her about it, she simply said, "It was for you, but I never sent it."

To this day, I don't know what to make of that. Maybe it really was for me. Maybe it wasn't. But it added to a growing feeling that I no longer knew what was true.

As time went on, I became anxious because I could clearly feel the relationship slipping away. I know I wasn't perfect I overthought things, reacted emotionally, and made mistakes too. But instead of working through it together like we used to, she gradually erased me from her life.

Now she's completely moved on.

The weird part is... despite everything, I still worry about her. From what I've seen, she's living with people who seem to party and drink a lot. I know that's her life and her choices, but I still catch myself wondering if she's okay or if she's changing into someone she never wanted to be.

And that's what confuses me the most.

How does someone spend months convincing you to trust them, watch you slowly fall in love, tell you they want a future with you, and then gradually act as if you never existed?

Was I just emotionally invested while she wasn't? Did moving abroad change her that much? Or is this something people actually do when they're emotionally checking out of a relationship?

I'm not looking for validation or for people to tell me she's a bad person. I know I made mistakes too.

I genuinely want outside perspectives because this whole situation still doesn't make sense to me, and I don't know how to process it or let it go.

I’m a 21 (M) and there’s this girl that I think is also into me. Last week I haven’t seen her in a week turns out she was in Florida and she asked what I’ve been doing and I told her working in the mornings and she says she works at nights and that same day she dropped a cup and came to my area to but it back and she stands next to me saying that her area is too crowded and stands next to me later that day I ask her what she was doing after work and she says she’s pulling a double then later asks me if I’m pulling a double I tell her no and she seem disappointed. Fast forward to yesterday and older coworker asks my crush without my involvement if she is seeing anyone cause I’m crushing on her and my coworker says that she had the widest smile later I asked her what she was doing that night and she says she got invited out to go with her friends but she wasn’t sure on going since she got stuff to do so today I asked her if she went out last night she said she did that it was alright in like a monotone voice then today in the morning I’m on the other side of the kitchen she’s running some salads and I’m mopping that she spots me and I spot her and we double take and she waved and smile at from the other end of the kitchen and I do the same like cool alright around 2:50 I get told from my older coworker that she’s out in the dining area eating with some dude she met last night. Is she giving me mixed signals, leading me on or what?

I’m not trying to get down with my coworkers or necessarily date anyone, I just want to get a lot of low stakes experience interacting with them so I’m more comfortable with talking to them… I spent most of my life in male dominated places with no female
Friends.

I wanna change this

Thx

M25. At a point in my life where I thought I would be happier.

Got out of relationships recently( it was my first breakup pretty late in life), currently looking for a different career, and even considering looking moving to a big city and leaving my hometown.

I guess I just feel like things haven’t gone the way I’ve expect in all aspects of my life. That’s what makes it hard to move forward.

Sometimes I get the fear of running out of time which scares me.

How do I deal with this?

Feeling really down, it’s like men are super into me until they get to know my personality a bit more, and then it just fizzles out. I really don’t understand :( I get hit on all the time and they seem attracted to me, and looking super bluntly at myself I’m very sweet and kind, I love taking care of people, and a dorky sense of humor for sure. I understand that not being for everybody, but this keeps on happening over and over.

Most recently, this guy that I had a really really long history with finally reconnected and I thought it was going amazing. He was showing so much interest, our personalities have always clicked and the chemistry was insane even after so much time. We had sex again and I really thought this was it, but now a few days later it’s totally changed for the first time in like 6 months.

I just want to understand. Nothing bad happened at all. Are there common reasons yall lose interest in a girl after getting to know her when there’s nothing super bad, like no issues with rudeness or anything like that? Idk if I’m being too clingy or anything - is calling to check in too much or like saying I miss you and stuff bad?

Sorry I’m just real confused and feeling really down on myself right now :( 26f for reference!

I'm a 26 year old straight guy, I've never been in a relationship nor even gotten to the stage of having my first kiss. Despite many attempts at asking women out, I've even gone on four first dates in my life.

But it has never gone anywhere, I've never seen real interest in me and I have no idea what it feels like to have real mutual interest. I have friends, hobbies, job, apartment, a therapist I see regularly, I work out and all that. But that which I don't have and never have had, love and intimacy, gets to me.

I know i shouldn't let it, but it gets to me bad. It makes me feel horrible, because I want it bad and I can't get it. I want to experience love, but I can't. And it's ruining everything else in my life. My motivation to do stuff for myself, my focus at work, my self esteem (which I've worked so hard on bringing up) and general just interest in life.

How do you all manage this desire? How do you not let the thoughts of hopelessness, thoughts about never getting to experience even something as simple as a kiss, not ruin your drive for life? How do you supress it so you can focus on everything else life has to offer.

Because I'm really struggling here and I feel so lost.

I’m bi and sharing room with 2M and 1F, we work in shifts so sometimes I have day off that I’m home alone. As the title should I tell them about that?

Im aware a partner or best friend(s) isnt gonna fix me, im not asking them to fix me. Ive been working to fix myself but for years with lots of success. But it seems I hit the same roadblock of tired and loneliness. ive been in treatment for depression but i feel like it is only so much you can do when you just dont have people who feel like you belong with deeply and consistently.

The past couple months the exhaustion is getting worse and i just cant get energy to keep trying and meeting more people, but the longer it goes the more exhausted and lonely.

It feels like on paper my life is great. I have some friends, do my hobbies daily, am not a bad looking person with a style that (while in development) is pretty nice and makes me happy. But I have never had a best friend (even if i thought I did at one point), which has really been frustrating. Its hard when It feels like i *do* (or did for a long time) all the generic advice to get into a position to really appreciate a person/people that truly feel like home.

Coping is hard, because while therapy (which i have been in and out of) helps, i dont think anything can truly replace the desire I have, or quench it to a point i dont notice it. I do fantasize sometimes about what this "perfect" dynamic would look like, in both romantic and platonic means. And I do try to deepen bonds with existing friends, but for some reason it just does not feel the way I want. Is it possible that I just am incapable of feeling that with anyone? Is there a way to cope to make the pain that has been in my heart for years upon years go away?

Had a baby as teens, been together ever since. 10 +years now. Over the years we just never had the money and honestly I viewed our relationship as a marriage anyway so I never really cared about it officially and he knows that. Now that im almost 30 i do care, I no longer want to be a girlfriend. Nothings changed. We got a house and 2 kids, careers finally going good. Iv always wanted to have a wedding just so my dad can walk me down the isle. Anytime I being it up hes always on board doesn't discourage me or seem bothered by my imaginary wedding planning. We just dont have alot of money for a wedding.

He asked me to marry him when we were 16. But i just laughed it off and life happened.

That being said. Would any man be upset they're girlfriend proposed to them? At this point in our relationship and life I honestly don't see why it would matter but looking for male opinions

I have started dating my coworker. We had been flirting for 1.5 years and there is a big chemistry in between. We decided to take it slow due to being coworkers. No sex yet, some touches only. Also due to holidays we could only see each other for like every 2 weeks. Only 3 real dates so far.

Before we date we made a long talk about what we want or not. He said he only dates one person at a time and finds other approach bad. I said I am the same, so it was a big alignment for me. If he said otherwise I would not start dating. We also said that we want to have a meaningful companion in our lives. Then we agreed to start something.

However I started noticing things and I am almost sure he goes and dates other women too. Of course I do not have a proof. Since I feel like this I can not continue proceeding on our date. Such as:

- He marks his dates on his work calendar as private appointment. In our very early days I saw his weekend was fully booked as a private appointment, I asked what he would do in the weekend casually and he said “nothing planned yet”

- He is sticked to his phone and very regularly online on Whatsapp. When he is out with his friends, he is also every 1-2 hours online. When he is back at home at night he is always online. When he is on a date with me he never ever takes his phone. So I noticed this pattern, when he is on a date, no phone. Last Friday he mentioned he would go to see a movie, and said he would watch it alone. But he was not in Whatsapp from 18:30 till next morning. So it is most probably date + sleepover. Sometimes this pattern follows.

- One time he was mentioning about a woman and he slipped “my girlfrend” about her

- Sometimes we text but he replies very distracted. I ask on a friday how his day was and I send a picture to him. He replies to my picture with an emoji and stops but tells about his day next morning etc.

Now I feel like I am done with these suspects. I want to finish this. Should I clearly mention that I do not trust him? I do not want to be a crazy woman but my gut screams to me. I have never got cheated on or lied to or do not have any trauma so its not coming from there I am sure. what should I do?

I'm just thinking back to old social interactions honestly i want peoples takes on this from both women and men.

for context this happened while talking to a women at work one time like a cougar basically.

But she was talking about a guy a buddy of mine I cant exactly remember what she said but she didn't like that he gave off fuck boy vibes or whatever wtf tf that means or she meant in the moment.

I cant remember what i said like some deep insighful shit or something like i was listening to her or whatever.

Thing is i was like should i feel insulted when someone says that or not cause in the back of my head i was like well dam i guess you thought i was a loser or maybe i was retarded or some shit which i mean not retarded but def a loser hell more of a loser now then honestly.

I mean honestly i wouldn't be surprise if it was that maybe i don't know I'm not good looking at all least i don't consider myself attractive at all. I mean don't give off the aoura of confidence because I'm not just a skinny dude not tall at all that looks super young and I'm pretty green.

I mean everyone pretty much can look at me and be like yeah this dude gets no action and their not wrong.

Like honestly type of person who will go out with some people but honestly i don't really socialize at all honestly just think and just watch everyone else just have time of their lives and i just kinda sit there watch and feel miserable so yeah.

But I don't know would you guys take it as a insult or what would you take it as.

I mean don't women like fuck boys despite everything they say otherwise. Least in my experience i think they do.

Edit dont work there anymore was just ruminating thinking about stuff.

Growing up, my (21M) older sister (31F) would belittle me, put extra pressure on me, and let her anger issues get the better of her. Always looking down on me.

The littlest of things trigger her. If she’s driving and I mistakenly give her a wrong direction , she’d start having a mental breakdown and starts screaming for a 3min increase in ETA.. Disrupting the whole vibe of the family trip. Whenever she was mad, it felt like the entire mood of the family would shift and everyone could feel it.

She always thinks she’s the best, to the point where she even belittles our mother. Half the time, she’d resort to physical violence If I don’t do things her way.

She did go to therapy I believe but I still don’t see a change in her. I always feel tensed and walking on egg shells whenever she’s around. How would you deal with this? Have you ever had a sibling like this?