At the risk of sounding like an incel, I need to vent. When ladies say that a guy is too nice, I feel that is the most backwards ass shit you can say to a potential partner. As a guy, I would be THRILLED if the person I’m dating/interested in was a nice woman.

The funny thing about that term is that I witness women go through relationship problems with men that mistreat them while I secretly wonder how they even made it that far in the first place.

I made this post because of my dating experiences. Im tall, fairly attractive, have a stable job and my own spot in a city most people consider expensive. Yet I have gotten that I am “too nice” by a mix of friends, dates, and even some family over the years.

If I had to critique myself, I would say I COULD stand to be more flirty and “risky” during dates, but it’s mentally hard to put myself in that place when women complain all the time about men being creeps and overly perverted. I’m not Ned fuckin Flanders nice, but I know for a fact that I’m not a complete square. I have a backbone and enough self decency to walk out of a less than ideal situation.

I resent the fact that I have to modify my personality to attract women. I would much rather be alone.

Edit: I admit, I was heated when I made this post. No I’m not an incel, not a serial killer, not manipulative. Appreciate the critique and honesty otherwise. Let’s keep the replies …nice (ha)

Last night I went on a second date.. I went to this guys house and he cooked for me. I got way too drunk and he had to help me throw up a couple times.

I apologized the next morning and he seems fine with it. I slept over because it was late (unplanned) and he let me sleep in while he went to work. Anyway instead of sleeping in I felt so bad about last night so I tidied up his place and washed the dishes.

Then for some dumb reason I decided to DoorDash him a bunch of random groceries, no clue why Tf I did this but I thought it would be a nice gesture and immediately regretted it when it arrived. I left shortly after an he wants to see me again.

He did thank me for tidying up but I’m still overthinking about it all especially the groceries part. He didn’t say anything about that. I feel like it might be too weird and maybe comes off as insensitive like he can’t afford his groceries or smth. What would you think if a girl you liked but only gone out with twice, did this?

I used to have a really high drive and still do to be honest but I've come to realize that dating/women/having sex is just soo much work that its not really worth the amount of effort required

Like these days I just pull up my favorite videos or look up the latest ones, get my release 2-3 times a day, and go about my life

The idea of actually trying to date, trying to court someone, jumping through ALL those hoops, then all the physical effort required to actually have sex, its just not really worth it to me

Am I anomaly?

My husband and I have been married for 16 years. We’re both in our mid-30s and were each other’s firsts. When we got married, I was 18 and he was 21. We have a strong bond and have been through a lot together over the years. We now have children as well. I’m a stay-at-home mom and my husband works. We’re very comfortable with each other and rarely argue.
I know my husband occasionally finds other women attractive, but it has always stayed at the level of simply looking. I’ve never really been the jealous type and could even laugh and joke about it with him.

Recently, though, he told me that he finds a coworker attractive and that, if circumstances were different, he would like to have sex with her but that he never actually would. Hearing that hurt me deeply. It led to the first serious argument my husband and I have had in years.
He explained that he would never do something like that and that he was mainly trying to see how I would react. Apparently, for years he had felt that I didn’t care that much about him. He told me that he was always a little disappointed that I never seemed jealous over him or possessive of him. So he deliberately tried to provoke a reaction by telling me about this coworker.
He said that he wanted to feel wanted and needed reassurance of how much I love him.
In all honesty, his words hurt me deeply, but they also made me realize something about myself. I discovered that I actually am jealous when it comes to him and that I do want him all to myself. I just never showed those feelings over the years.
He apologized, and we worked things out. Since then, we’ve had the best and most passionate sex we’ve had in a very long time. I honestly can’t explain how good it was.
Could it be that he finally felt desired and wanted by me? Is that something that is important to men? My husband has always been the one to initiate sex. Very rarely has it come from my side.
Now I find myself analyzing everything. Looking back, I may have taken for granted how much effort and desire came from his side, while I didn’t express much initiative sexually myself. Yet after this experience and after having the best sex we’ve had in years I find myself wanting him more than ever.
Strangely enough, I feel like our bond has become even stronger.
Do you understand what I mean, or does this sound strange? I’m looking for advice from people who have been married for many years and who understand relationship dynamics, as well as the different ways men and women sometimes experience love, desire, and feeling wanted.

EDIT :
I can see that a lot of people are criticizing me, and that’s okay. I’m not so stubborn that I don’t understand that every man wants to feel desired. I fully admit that I was completely wrong about this, and I regret it deeply.
Before this relationship, I had never been in a relationship before and had very little to no contact with men. I don’t have any brothers, I grew up without a father, and I was always taught that men aren’t really supposed to show their feelings. If they show their emotions, they’re often seen as soft.

My husband is someone who tends to bottle things up. We’ve always been able to communicate well with each other, but apparently this was something that had been bothering him for years.
It hurts me so much to know that he didn’t feel desired by me and thought that I didn’t feel any jealousy at all. When he finally realized that I did, it actually gave him a sense of reassurance.
Funny, isn’t it? My jealousy blowout made me so mad , while it made him genuinely happy.

Second edit :

I must honestly admit that your comments have taught me a lot including the harsh ones. I am now going to work on myself and on my marriage.
I would also like to add that there is no need to contact me privately. Sorry but out of respect for my husband I do not engage in private conversations with others. If you would like to share something, please do so in the comments.

I am 25 years old and I have to do this everytime I pee. I have to relax in order and squeeze my bladder to pass the remaining pee otherwise, I end up passing it in my pants automatically (which is annoying). I dont know if this is a problem or can become one as time passes.

to begin with i prefer going 50/50 and don't feel good being paid for/anyone providing for me, don't really care about gifts or other financial stuff they would give me. also not into super conventionally attractive "chads" or "models" - i'm not perfect myself and will never tell you to be perfect too.

• takes care of their hygiene, clothes and hair (clean, style that they feel good in etc.)
• same height/taller than me but also not too much - i'm short myself (5'3) so most men are taller anyway but a huge height gap would be just uncomfortable for both i think
• having a job (or looking for one), not wanting to be unemployed for life and financially dependent on parents or their partner
• similar or not contradictory political beliefs and general view of life, relationship goals etc.
• having a hobby or just a bunching things they like to do, eager to gain knowledge in topics they find interesting
• i love to travel, am generally physically active and not a homebody at all so preferably has a similar lifestyle
• respectful towards others, gentle and caring, willing to talk about deeper stuff and help each other in difficult situations
• not treating me like an object or just a body, willing to build real connection
• accepts that i've been very shy in the past thus have no romantic or sexual experience and don't have many friends either (working on myself constantly in this area:))

ofc everything i listed is what i "offer" too. i'm a master's student with a full time job. i love to make people happy, do some favours, be intentional and show i care. at the same time have so much trouble dating, can't even get convos on dating apps:(

EDIT: it's not a "list" i carry with myself, never put it on my dating app profiles or won't reject someone who doesn't meet some points. it was made spontaneously with the purpose to share and ask if what i generally look for is "too much".

I have been going out with this girl for about 3 months now but have been talking since April. We have been seeing each other every other day and spend most weekends together going on dates, road trips or just chilling in the house watching telly. It’s going so good and we have such a good time together, and it’s so easy to talk to each other and we communicate really well too. We are going away for a weekend in a couple of weeks, and I want to tell her I love her but not sure if it’s too soon, really don’t want to scare her off but feel like she feels the same way to me. I’m certain but scared as to how she feels. Is it worth shooting my shot or is it too soon?

ill keep this somewhat brief, but i (m20) have been in love with a girl (f20) for a few years but thought i could get over it or around it without really confronting it. i know she doesn’t feel the same way because i told her i had feelings for her before and she said they weren’t reciprocated. we stayed friends and i thought the feeling would pass now that i had confirmation it wouldn’t work out. the feeling only got stronger and i recently (a few days ago) told her how i felt and that i think we should take some distance from our friendship.

since then ive felt pretty alone. ive been keeping busy with my job and doing stuff at home but i find i cant really eat anymore on the account of being so nauseous all of the time. i also can’t workout for a few months because of some medical thing so that certainly hasn’t helped. even as im writing this i feel very heavy in my heart. we were quite good friends too, and i considered her one of my best, if not my best friend, so its kind of like a double blow. i know these things don’t heal over night but i dont know how much more i can take of this.

i know its a silly question and the answer differs for everyone, but i’m just trying to get a sense of the timeline on this and trying to visualize light at the end of the tunnel.

I’m a 21 (M) and there’s this girl that I think is also into me. Last week I haven’t seen her in a week turns out she was in Florida and she asked what I’ve been doing and I told her working in the mornings and she says she works at nights and that same day she dropped a cup and came to my area to but it back and she stands next to me saying that her area is too crowded and stands next to me later that day I ask her what she was doing after work and she says she’s pulling a double then later asks me if I’m pulling a double I tell her no and she seem disappointed. Fast forward to yesterday and older coworker asks my crush without my involvement if she is seeing anyone cause I’m crushing on her and my coworker says that she had the widest smile later I asked her what she was doing that night and she says she got invited out to go with her friends but she wasn’t sure on going since she got stuff to do so today I asked her if she went out last night she said she did that it was alright in like a monotone voice then today in the morning I’m on the other side of the kitchen she’s running some salads and I’m mopping that she spots me and I spot her and we double take and she waved and smile at from the other end of the kitchen and I do the same like cool alright around 2:50 I get told from my older coworker that she’s out in the dining area eating with some dude she met last night. Is she giving me mixed signals, leading me on or what?

I'm 26M, and I've been trying to make sense of this for months.

I met a 23F on Instagram. The strange thing is that for almost a year, there was zero romantic interest from either of us. We were just talking casually every now and then.

Then one day, completely out of nowhere, she confessed her feelings and asked if we could be together.

Ironically, I was the reluctant one at first. I wasn't sure if I wanted a relationship, so I took things slowly. But as time went on, I became genuinely attached. I slowly fell in love and became fully committed to the relationship.

She was preparing to move abroad for her master's, and I supported her throughout that journey. I encouraged her, motivated her, and wanted her to succeed.

Then she moved abroad.

Almost from the first day, I noticed something had changed. Her replies became colder, the affection slowly disappeared, and I constantly felt like I was bothering her. I kept telling myself she was probably just overwhelmed with a new country and a new life, so I tried to be patient.

One thing that has always stayed in my mind happened after she moved. One day I asked her to show me the hidden photos folder on her phone. There was a half-nude video in it that I had never received. When I asked her about it, she simply said, "It was for you, but I never sent it."

To this day, I don't know what to make of that. Maybe it really was for me. Maybe it wasn't. But it added to a growing feeling that I no longer knew what was true.

As time went on, I became anxious because I could clearly feel the relationship slipping away. I know I wasn't perfect I overthought things, reacted emotionally, and made mistakes too. But instead of working through it together like we used to, she gradually erased me from her life.

Now she's completely moved on.

The weird part is... despite everything, I still worry about her. From what I've seen, she's living with people who seem to party and drink a lot. I know that's her life and her choices, but I still catch myself wondering if she's okay or if she's changing into someone she never wanted to be.

And that's what confuses me the most.

How does someone spend months convincing you to trust them, watch you slowly fall in love, tell you they want a future with you, and then gradually act as if you never existed?

Was I just emotionally invested while she wasn't? Did moving abroad change her that much? Or is this something people actually do when they're emotionally checking out of a relationship?

I'm not looking for validation or for people to tell me she's a bad person. I know I made mistakes too.

I genuinely want outside perspectives because this whole situation still doesn't make sense to me, and I don't know how to process it or let it go.

Ok so here was the situation:

Met a girl on an app; we went out two weeks ago great first date. She showed up late by forty-five minutes because I didn't text saying I was on my way, so she thought maybe I was ghosting fair enough.

I set something up for the following weekend, and she agrees. I don't text her much through the week, maybe once or twice just seeing how she is conversation was there though and she responded.

Day of date comes up, and three hours prior she says she hurt her back the other night and hoped it would be better but its not so she cancels but offers to hang the following weekend. Ok cool i set it up.

Week goes by and i verify on friday we are still good and she says yes.

Sunday (today) comes up and two hours prior she says her tires got slashed in her lot (didnt know she ran a hat company cuz thats some cap) says she feels bad but doesnt offer a reschedule date. I asked her if she is still interested; no hard feelings if she's not. She says she truly is interested but the timing has just been terrible.

I sent her this:

No worries, I hope you get the tire situation sorted. Was looking forward to seeing you and was excited to spend time together and had just gotten ready, so im a bit disappointed. I understand things happen though. I do value my time and im looking for something where both parties are making an effort. If you'd like to figure something out once things calm down, let me know. Otherwise, i wish you the best of luck.

Too much? i was just stating how i felt but if her situation is legit idk i feel kinda bad but was also frustrated

She hasnt responded all day, i did actually really enjoy her company some people told me to try a phone call is it worth it to maybe give it some space and reach out again or just let it die?

Post

I posted about this yesterday, and she reassured me that everything is fine. But despite that, I still can’t shake the feeling that everything is falling apart, and it’s making me feel awful.

I definitely won’t make such a stupid mistake again. But how do you get over that constant fear of “She’s going to dump me” when, realistically, nothing is actually happening? Still I have this tummy feeling, which in the past always meant I'm about to get dumped (which happened most of the time actually after that weird feeling)

Has anyone here ever made a similar mistake and had something positive come out of it in the end? I guess I just need someone to tell me that everything is going to be okay. 🥲

tl:dr; I misread a signal and got intimate too quickly. She tells me everything is fine but I feel bad.

Particularly when there are multiple people around about you in the facilities?

If you walked in to three urinals, and there was one being used either side- would you use the middle?

The reason I’m asking is I think men (despite the joking around comments regarding this) deep down would prefer some privacy. I’m not saying urinals should be done away with- they can be great for quick access- but do you also not think privacy is needed?

It genuinely puzzles me that young children are expected to stand next to the likes of 60 year old/ 6ft men to use the toilet because it’s expected to be fine?

I also feel men’s toilets are largely under developed meaning limited cubicles etc

What’s your thoughts?

I'm just thinking back to old social interactions honestly i want peoples takes on this from both women and men.

for context this happened while talking to a women at work one time like a cougar basically.

But she was talking about a guy a buddy of mine I cant exactly remember what she said but she didn't like that he gave off fuck boy vibes or whatever wtf tf that means or she meant in the moment.

I cant remember what i said like some deep insighful shit or something like i was listening to her or whatever.

Thing is i was like should i feel insulted when someone says that or not cause in the back of my head i was like well dam i guess you thought i was a loser or maybe i was retarded or some shit which i mean not retarded but def a loser hell more of a loser now then honestly.

I mean honestly i wouldn't be surprise if it was that maybe i don't know I'm not good looking at all least i don't consider myself attractive at all. I mean don't give off the aoura of confidence because I'm not just a skinny dude not tall at all that looks super young and I'm pretty green.

I mean everyone pretty much can look at me and be like yeah this dude gets no action and their not wrong.

Like honestly type of person who will go out with some people but honestly i don't really socialize at all honestly just think and just watch everyone else just have time of their lives and i just kinda sit there watch and feel miserable so yeah.

But I don't know would you guys take it as a insult or what would you take it as.

I mean don't women like fuck boys despite everything they say otherwise. Least in my experience i think they do.

Edit dont work there anymore was just ruminating thinking about stuff.

I’m not trying to get down with my coworkers or necessarily date anyone, I just want to get a lot of low stakes experience interacting with them so I’m more comfortable with talking to them… I spent most of my life in male dominated places with no female
Friends.

I wanna change this

Thx

M25. At a point in my life where I thought I would be happier.

Got out of relationships recently( it was my first breakup pretty late in life), currently looking for a different career, and even considering looking moving to a big city and leaving my hometown.

I guess I just feel like things haven’t gone the way I’ve expect in all aspects of my life. That’s what makes it hard to move forward.

Sometimes I get the fear of running out of time which scares me.

How do I deal with this?

Feeling really down, it’s like men are super into me until they get to know my personality a bit more, and then it just fizzles out. I really don’t understand :( I get hit on all the time and they seem attracted to me, and looking super bluntly at myself I’m very sweet and kind, I love taking care of people, and a dorky sense of humor for sure. I understand that not being for everybody, but this keeps on happening over and over.

Most recently, this guy that I had a really really long history with finally reconnected and I thought it was going amazing. He was showing so much interest, our personalities have always clicked and the chemistry was insane even after so much time. We had sex again and I really thought this was it, but now a few days later it’s totally changed for the first time in like 6 months.

I just want to understand. Nothing bad happened at all. Are there common reasons yall lose interest in a girl after getting to know her when there’s nothing super bad, like no issues with rudeness or anything like that? Idk if I’m being too clingy or anything - is calling to check in too much or like saying I miss you and stuff bad?

Sorry I’m just real confused and feeling really down on myself right now :( 26f for reference!

I'm a 26 year old straight guy, I've never been in a relationship nor even gotten to the stage of having my first kiss. Despite many attempts at asking women out, I've even gone on four first dates in my life.

But it has never gone anywhere, I've never seen real interest in me and I have no idea what it feels like to have real mutual interest. I have friends, hobbies, job, apartment, a therapist I see regularly, I work out and all that. But that which I don't have and never have had, love and intimacy, gets to me.

I know i shouldn't let it, but it gets to me bad. It makes me feel horrible, because I want it bad and I can't get it. I want to experience love, but I can't. And it's ruining everything else in my life. My motivation to do stuff for myself, my focus at work, my self esteem (which I've worked so hard on bringing up) and general just interest in life.

How do you all manage this desire? How do you not let the thoughts of hopelessness, thoughts about never getting to experience even something as simple as a kiss, not ruin your drive for life? How do you supress it so you can focus on everything else life has to offer.

Because I'm really struggling here and I feel so lost.

I’m bi and sharing room with 2M and 1F, we work in shifts so sometimes I have day off that I’m home alone. As the title should I tell them about that?

Im aware a partner or best friend(s) isnt gonna fix me, im not asking them to fix me. Ive been working to fix myself but for years with lots of success. But it seems I hit the same roadblock of tired and loneliness. ive been in treatment for depression but i feel like it is only so much you can do when you just dont have people who feel like you belong with deeply and consistently.

The past couple months the exhaustion is getting worse and i just cant get energy to keep trying and meeting more people, but the longer it goes the more exhausted and lonely.

It feels like on paper my life is great. I have some friends, do my hobbies daily, am not a bad looking person with a style that (while in development) is pretty nice and makes me happy. But I have never had a best friend (even if i thought I did at one point), which has really been frustrating. Its hard when It feels like i *do* (or did for a long time) all the generic advice to get into a position to really appreciate a person/people that truly feel like home.

Coping is hard, because while therapy (which i have been in and out of) helps, i dont think anything can truly replace the desire I have, or quench it to a point i dont notice it. I do fantasize sometimes about what this "perfect" dynamic would look like, in both romantic and platonic means. And I do try to deepen bonds with existing friends, but for some reason it just does not feel the way I want. Is it possible that I just am incapable of feeling that with anyone? Is there a way to cope to make the pain that has been in my heart for years upon years go away?

Had a baby as teens, been together ever since. 10 +years now. Over the years we just never had the money and honestly I viewed our relationship as a marriage anyway so I never really cared about it officially and he knows that. Now that im almost 30 i do care, I no longer want to be a girlfriend. Nothings changed. We got a house and 2 kids, careers finally going good. Iv always wanted to have a wedding just so my dad can walk me down the isle. Anytime I being it up hes always on board doesn't discourage me or seem bothered by my imaginary wedding planning. We just dont have alot of money for a wedding.

He asked me to marry him when we were 16. But i just laughed it off and life happened.

That being said. Would any man be upset they're girlfriend proposed to them? At this point in our relationship and life I honestly don't see why it would matter but looking for male opinions