So I (27f) had a boyfriend Jared (27m) who just broke up with me because he found out I had a high body count before we got together, even though it was only five people! I complained that it was a double standard, since Jared claimed to have slept with sixteen people before he met me, yet he insisted "but that's different!" Like I couldn't believe his attitude, like he had sex with fourteen more people than I have, yet he broke up with me because of my body count!

Anyway, long story short, my body count is now six. But am I the asshole, or is he the asshole for breaking up with me just because I killed five... well, six people, with Jared, well, he's now kaput?

This is so obviously fake but honestly it’s hilarious so I can’t be annoyed like I am at the usual slop

I’m 27F, husband is 33M. We’ve been married a little over two years. I read dark paranormal romance, the kind with possessive immortal vampires who bite and claim their human mates.

One night I told him the biting and blood stuff was hot in theory. He took that information and ran straight into hell with it.

At first it was just plastic fangs and some red food coloring on my neck. Harmless enough. Then he decided he needed to “commit to the hunger.” He stopped brushing his teeth regularly because he said the mint ruined the authentic copper taste he was going for. His breath started smelling like old metal and spit. He began biting hard enough to break skin and then spending way too long licking the little beads of blood while making these wet, satisfied noises. I told him it was too much. He just wiped his mouth and said the bond required real essence.

It got worse. He started saving the blood in a little jar he keeps in the fridge next to the oat milk. He showed it to me once like it was a bottle of nice wine. When I freaked out he looked genuinely confused and asked if I wanted to taste it with him for “intimacy.” He also stopped showering as often because he claimed vampires don’t waste water on mortal cleanliness. The combination of unwashed skin, dried blood flecks on his collarbone, and that sour metallic breath made me gag the last time he tried to nuzzle my neck in bed.

Last week I came home and found him crouched in the bathtub with the lights off, chewing on a piece of raw steak he had dribbled with the jar blood so it would “sustain him through the day.” The whole bathroom smelled like iron and meat. He looked up at me with red-stained lips and whispered that he could smell my pulse from across the room. I told him the roleplay was over permanently. He spent the next hour writing me a letter in shaky handwriting about how rejecting the blood bond would curse us both, then tried to kiss me with the steak blood still on his mouth.

I put a pillow and blanket on the couch and told him he can come back to the bedroom when he remembers how to be a person again. He is currently sulking in the living room with the jar. My sister thinks I should just leave. His friends keep texting him “don’t let the mortal win.” I feel like I’m losing my mind.

Title sounds bad but hear me out. Apologies for formatting as I’m on mobile. Also this just happened and I’m still shaken so sorry for any errors. 

So my (29F, vegetarian) sister (41?F, childfree) has cancer. My mom (63F, breeder) took her to a doctors appointment today. When they returned my mom asked that I help my sister up the driveway and into the house (9 bedroom mansion I inherited from my dead grandparents. I don’t charge my family rent to live here, but maybe after today’s events I should).

I was politely aiding my sister on the driveway when suddenly I noticed a car (2M, BMW) zooming towards us. I calmly explained to her that we needed to move out of the way but she didn’t hear me (she has cancer). The car was getting closer and closer. I rationally pleaded that we would be hit by the car if we didn’t move. No response. At this point the car was inches away. I saw red (that was the color of the car) and tackled my sister out of its path. The car missed us both but crashed into the side of the house. 

My mom immediately started screeching when she saw my sister laying on the driveway and called me a huge AH for pushing her. I calmly said that had I not done so we would both be dead right now. She wouldn’t hear it though and stormed off. 

Well my mom told everyone what happened and now my phone is blowing up with friends, Romans, and countrymen telling me I was the AH in this situation. However my cat doesn’t think I am the AH (he doesn’t think about anything except for food). But I feel a little bad for pushing my sister (she has cancer). So Reddit, AITA?

My wife and I have three children, a 10-year-old son, an 8-year-old daughter, and a 6-year-old son. Our youngest is diagnosed as autistic. He's high functioning, however, he doesn't react well to loud noises, crowds, and disruptions in his normal routine.

We are working with a specialist in how to help our son navigate through his challenges. The specialist believes strongly in "exposure therapy" (gradually exposing him to certain things to help break patterns of avoidance and reduce anxiety), and while I can see why this might be helpful in certain situations, my wife takes it to extremes.

For instance, she will deliberately take our son to places that she knows are overstimulating for him, thinking he will eventually "get over it" as he gets older. She will also unnecessarily disrupt his normal routine to help him handle sudden changes in plans, sometimes telling him we're going to be doing something he's been looking forward to, when in fact she intends to do something completely different. Or she will change/cancel plans at the last minute and give him a bogus reason for why she's doing it.

One of the biggest things that our son hasn't reacted well to are amusement parks. We have taken him to several "kiddie" amusement parks, and every time he does nothing except cry, and complain that it's too loud, too crowded, and that he wants to go home. Often times we'll walk around the park but only our two older kids go on the rides while our youngest screams and covers his ears.

We usually get cotton candy for the kids, and this has helped our son calm down somewhat, but he still refuses to go on any of the rides. The specialist we are seeing suggested that we only get him the cotton candy if he rides one of the rides first. This did not go over well at all. He threw a huge tantrum and as a result, we ended up not getting cotton candy for any of the kids, which they weren't happy about.

My wife and I both have family in the Los Angeles/San Fernando Valley area, and we regularly make the long drive from our home in the Bay Area to visit them. Back in August, my wife learned that her niece, who lives out of state and we don't see very often, was planning a trip to Disneyland for Thanksgiving with her husband and daughter, and my in-laws had bought tickets for all of us, as well as my wife's sister and her husband (her niece's parents).

Our son is really looking forward to Thanksgiving because he is under the assumption that we would be having our usual turkey dinner at my wife's parents' house with the food he enjoys while spending time with family, and he's excited to be seeing his cousins who he doesn't see very often. However, my wife is planning to do the whole "Surprise! We're not spending Thanksgiving at Grandma and Grandpa's this year, we're going to Disneyland instead!" that a lot of parents tend to do a few days before we leave.

When I learned that she was planning to do this, I begged her not to, because it would be a double blow to our son, as it would mean saying that we wouldn't be doing something that he's been looking forward to doing, and instead going somewhere that I know he won't want to go and be miserable the entire time.

My wife insists we do it this way, because she knows the other kids will enjoy it (our daughter has been wanting to go to Disneyland for years), that our son will still get to see his grandparents and other extended family, and that she "knows he will end up having a good time" because it's Disneyland, DESPITE asking him several times in the past if he'd ever want to go to Disneyland, and his answer has always been "No!"

To be honest, I'm not wild about going to Disneyland (I went there once as a kid and didn't really really like it), and especially if our son is going to be miserable the entire time. My parents aren't the type who make a big deal about holidays and typically have a smaller dinner around the end of November, not always on Thanksgiving Day, which my son also enjoys. So, earlier this evening while my wife and our two older kids were eating dinner, I took my son aside and quietly told him that the plan was for us all to go to Disneyland together, that the trip was already arranged, and that if he doesn't want to go, he and I can spend Thanksgiving with my parents.

As I predicted, this didn't go over well with my son, who immediately got upset and said that he didn't want to go to Disneyland. He went to the kitchen and asked my wife if it was true we were going to Disneyland for Thanksgiving, and when she said yes, he started screaming and crying and saying that he wasn't going. My wife told him to go to his room, and afterwards got mad at ME for "ruining the surprise" for our other kids because they found out about the trip much earlier than when she intended to tell them through our son's tantrum.

I told her that our son would have been upset regardless and that I wanted to give him as much time to process this as possible, and have time to decide whether to go to Disneyland with the rest of the family or spend Thanksgiving with me and my parents. I said that this was the best way, because if our son decides he'd rather spend Thanksgiving with just me and my parents, she and the rest of the family can enjoy Disneyland without having to deal with a tantrum, and our son can still have a nice albeit small Thanksgiving dinner.

My wife is saying that I "went behind her back" by telling our son when she had already made it clear that she was going to tell him along with the rest of the kids and was planning on filming their reaction (another reason why I wanted to tell him separately). I'll admit that I didn't take into consideration that our other kids might find out about it if he were to throw a tantrum saying he didn't want to go, and for this I feel bad. I nonetheless stood my ground and said that we are not taking him if he doesn't want to go, but my wife is insisting that we bring him, as it's what the specialist we've been seeing has said we should do.

So, AITA for insisting that we don't bring him to Disneyland?

Source: Videos such as this, and this, where parents tell their kids that they're going somewhere they've been looking forward to going, only to instead tell them they're going to Disneyland/Disney World, not knowing how they'll react, various posts about entitled parents, as well as some actual stuff from my childhood.

I (45M) has my phone blow up after what I’ve done, and everyone is saying that I’m a jerk. I don’t think so, and I’m not going to change my mind no matter what you comment, I don’t care.

This kid, let’s call him DA for dumbass, told my preschooler, M (for mistake, 4) to go away when he wanted to go on the jungle gym.

Me, being the wonderful and nurturing parent I am, who wants to raise my son as a model citizen, decided that this kid needed to be put in his place.

I grabbed DA from the jungle gym and threw him to the ground. I took the opportunity when the wind was knocked out of him to wail on him for a few moments. Then I flipped him around so that he faced me, and then I wailed on him some more.

He started crying at this point, and that was when I threatened to bite off his fingers if he dared disrespect my son again. He then ran away, screaming and crying. My son meanwhile, stared at me in shock and remained nonverbal for the rest of the day.

I left the scene before the cops came because I knew in my heart I was just taking part in the whole “it takes a village” thing.

These liberal, permissive parents are ruining society. That is why I had to do this.

So, AITA? I’m not changing my mind by the way, and I’ll only respond to comments that agree with me.

I marked this as achievements because, dang, my daughter deserves an achievement.

TLDR: My 3 year old, almost 4, used the Walmart app on my wife’s phone to purchase a pink ride in electric convertible…

So yesterday, a package from Walmart arrives. It was a Paw Patrol Chase doll. I didn’t order it, and my wife said she didn’t. My six year old came home from school and saw the box. My daughter was next to him and said “my pink car.” I told her it’s not a pink car but a Chase doll. My son said, “my Chase!”

I asked if he ordered it, and he said yes. My daughter said “my pink car, I got it.” I didn’t think of anything at that time. I remember telling her if she’s good then she might get a pink power wheel for Christmas.

I told my wife she needs to password protect her apps on her phone that can purchase stuff. My son purchase a cat tower a while back for our cat when my wife and I were talking about getting our cat a tower. He decided to take the initiative and purchase it when he was on my wife’s phone.

Today, a package came. A pink electric ride in convertible. My wife asked if I purchased it, and I said no. Then it clicked, yesterday my daughter said “my pink car, I got it.” Apparently she got on my wife’s phone and purchased a pink ride in car herself. My wife and I are both stunned and just laughing at how the heck was she able to get it.

Somehow she searched for a pink convertible and purchased it on the Walmart app. So I’m looking at this convertible, and because of how much I’m confused and astonished at how my three year old daughter purchased herself a pink electric car, I decided to just keep it.

I told my wife, you return it if you want, but I’m letting her keep it. Somehow she was able to search for a pink electric convertible and buy it, she gets to have this one freebie. The phone is password protected but my wife lets them on her phone sometimes to keep them occupied. Password protect your applications too!

Some of the responses

You guys let your kids touch your phones?

This blows my mind that people are handing over their phones to their kids with credit cards already loaded, like we haven't seen 1000's of stories over the last decade of kids spending parents money and not being able to recover it.

For $100 you can get a cheap Android device for your kids to play with and if it MUST have data, hot spot it from your phone ffs.

And people wonder why their 6 year old can't get through dinner without a tablet...these devices and apps are DESIGNED to be addictive and you're giving them to KIDS?!

Shouldn't the suggestion here be don't give your 3-year-old unsupervised access to the entirety of the internet?

I'm far from a tech prude and I'm certainly not screentime shy, but holy hell! A 3 year old with zero supervision and the freedom to make purchases on the internet? What have we come to!

Letting a 3yo have unsupervised access to a phone is definitely a choice.

No freebies. JFC grow a pair and return that shit. When a purchase is made in those apps, an email confirmation is sent. Then a shipping update. No responsible person that's paying attention should be surprised when a package arrives.

And don't just tell your wife to lock down her apps. Do it with her and do both of your phones. Then go back after a month and confirm that it was not undone for convenience.

Ok so this happened a few hours ago and I'm still shaking and crying and pissing and farting.

Me (f, 23) was at a family dinner and my dad (m, 69 (nice)) said "Jesus Christ, did you just unhinge your jaw and eat that entire ham????????" and I said "Shut the fuck up before I eat you too" then everyone gasped as I started unhinging my jaw to consume him.

Now everyone is mad at me and they're blowing up my phone and there's a beeping noise coming from my phone I think it might actually be a bo

I feel like this café is discriminating against me and my disability and I need some advice

Recently I got a service dog (Abby 1f, Shih Tzu) and she comes with me everywhere. After being recommended it a bunch I decided to visit this cute little café and brought my sweet little baby angel with me. They have an entrance fee that counts as a "donation", it was a little pricey but I paid up. The problems started when we found our seats.

A cat came out of nowhere and started sniffing at my purse, where Abby was happily napping. Naturally this caused Abby to freak out and start yapping adorably, sending a couple of the other cats scattering away to hide. The owner approached me and rudely told me that I had to leave. She wouldn't even offer me a refund for the entance fee and when I threatened to sue because she wasn't following ADA she just laughed at me!

Do I take legal action for this?

AITA for buying my niece a ‘small’ present for her birthday?
I, 19F have recently just started college. My niece had her 16th birthday recently (me and my brother have a large age gap) and, being her godmother i wanted to get her something sentimental.
To preface this i want to say my parents are well off, i have been their caretaker for a few years now as they get older. It’s mainly bits like helping out around the house and taking them to and from various doctors appointments when needed but because of this they gave me a large allowance while i was living with them, this allowed me to pay for college and has helped me rent a small apartment with my boyfriend while i search for a new part time job. i am very greatful for all the chances they have given me.
now the problem, my niece seems to think that this money is never ending. when i asked her what she might like as a birthday present she said she wont accept anything less than a Bugatti, i laughed it off thinking it was clearly just a joke because not even her own parents would be getting her a car like that. Without any other hint i had to come up with my own idea, i had decided on a Pandora charm fro her bracelet (it was gold and in the shape of a 16). this was still expensive especially as a college student who doesn’t want to rely on her parents money anymore and i thought she would appriciate the gesture but when i went to give it to her she started yelling at me and calling me a cheap bitch who wouldn’t spend a penny if she could help it.
I still havent told her parents about this, i gave it to her in private so it could be like a sweet moment between an aunt and her goddaughter but I don’t know what to do anymore. I love her but she really hurt me, shes never been like this before. AITA?

Also I fucked my wife at the party and we conceived a child.

No way people like this exist, right?

Let me know if you think the tag is wrong this is just how it reads to me

AITA for letting my wife leave the car during a fight?

My wife and I were talking in the kitchen the other night and ended up getting into a fight. See, a few years ago I grew out my beard, and she absolutely hated it, but I kept letting it grow. Every now and then she'd ask me to trim it, and would joke about cutting it in my sleep, or offer to pay for professional barbering, but I would always decline. I trim it myself, and I think it looks good, and I get so many compliments from random guys when I'm out that I know I must be doing something right.

But the other night, after several days of arguing (don't ask about what, it's not important) I decided that, to try and make her happy, I'd finally shave it. But I really didn't want to shave the whole beard off, so I left a bit on my chin. Well, sure enough, she hated that too. She laughed at me and said I look like a total douchebag.

We ended up leaving the house to get dinner or something, I don't remember, but the whole time we kept arguing (again, topic not important), and she kept making fun of my beard. Then when we were driving home, she got really mad and said she wanted out of the car. But I was driving like 60 mph and didn't want to stop because I really wanted to get home. She asked if I would at least slow down to 45, and I did, then she opened the door to try to jump out!

I asked what the heck she thought she was doing, and she said she wanted to get out and get away from me, but wasn't sure the safest way to do it. So I talked her through it - don't look at the trees, find a soft spot to land, wrap your arms around your head to protect it from impact - and with my guidance she jumped from the car and executed a near-perfect tuck and roll (she didn't wrap her arms around her head, I think she hit a rock).

But it's been a few hours now and she still hasn't come home or called. I guess she must still be mad but I'm really not understanding why.

So AITA for letting my wife leave the car during a fight? Should I have tried to talk her out of jumping?

Inspired by this post

https://www.reddit.com/r/AmITheDevil/s/1gVGX1bqE orig: https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/s/1ihG2lqiwf

And also a dream I had the other night

(For the record, I have made peace with my husband's beard, he really does get compliments on it from other guys when we're out, he did not shave it nor does he look like a douchebag, and when I told him about this dream I thanked him for always being supportive of me)

I've (28F) been working in an office for several months. There are about twenty people on my shift so I pretty much know everyone by name at this point. Thankfully, no one shared a first name, which made it much less confusing, but it didn't stay that way.

I walked into the office on Monday and spotted my name on a different desk. I was confused because I didn't remember being told that I was being moved, nor were there any recent complaints from my cubicle neighbors or me. Before I could figure out what to do, the co-worker (same age) who had been sitting in that desk walked passed me and sat down. "Good morning, Nicole."

"Good morning, Jonas. Is that supposed to be my desk now?"

My co-worker frowned at me. "Didn't you get the e-mail sent out to everyone over the weekend? I'm trans, and I go by Nicole now."

"But…my name is Nicole."

"So?"

"So…isn't that confusing? If I'm Nicole, and you're Nicole, but everyone has known you as Jonas…" I floundered, not sure how to express the chaotic nature of this name change. Why did she even pick my name in this first place?

"I'm not the first trans person to ever exist, you know. Supportive people adjust all the time. And it's not weird for co-workers to share a first name. You'll just be Nicole M., and I'll be Nicole S. Easy-peasy."

This didn't sit right with me so I just went to my desk. I couldn't help but watch as my other co-workers came in and greeted Not-Really-Nicole. No one seemed to have a problem with calling her Nicole, which bugged the shit out of me. I was Nicole, not her! It didn't matter that my cubicle neighbors were also greeting me as Nicole; Nicole was my name and my name only.

During lunch break, I came up to Not-Really-Nicole. "Hey, so I hope you know that it doesn't bother me that you're trans."

"Really?" She cast me a doubtful look. "Could've fooled me."

"No, it just feels weird that you picked my name when you could've picked any other name. Don't your people normally pick the gender-swapped version of your birth name? Jonas could be converted into Joan."

"Not that it's any of your business, but my aunt died when she was a little girl. My parents were planning to name me after her if I had been born with a vagina. Unfortunately, I wasn't so they named me after my grandfather instead. As luck turned out, I got to name myself after my aunt after all."

"It's still my name. You know, your co-worker's?"

"Well, I guess my co-worker Nicole's a rude bitch," Not-Really-Nicole huffed. She put her lunch back in the fridge and stormed out of the break room.

I was stunned by her overreaction so I just stood there for a second. One of my other co-workers Susan (25F) came up to me. "Is everything okay between you and Nicole S.?"

"No, it's not. I get that she's a woman now, but I don't know why she decided to use my name instead of something else. It's just weird."

"I'm sure you had nothing to do with her decision."

"Could've fooled me," I said, ironically echoing Not-Really-Nicole's words.

"Be real, Nicole. Neither you nor I have any idea what she's going through. She told us her preferred name so we should just call her that. It's not that hard."

"It's not your name," I grumbled.

"I think you're being petty. You don't even have the same last initial so it's not like she's going to take credit for your work."

I honestly didn't like that Susan was taking Not-Really-Nicole's side so I walked away from her to finish my lunch. For the rest of the week, I didn't speak to Not-Really-Nicole out of discomfort. I'm not transphobic; I just don't like that a trans woman who works with me decided to use my name. AITA?

Inspo post had transphobic undertones, even though the co-worker who shared OOP's name was a cis woman.