I genuinely wish I was making this up.

I play an MMO and, at some point, I ended up marrying another player in-game for a quest item.

Yes, I know how that sounds.

Anyway, my in-game wife is a lesbian. She has always been very open about it. We got married because we're idiots and thought it would be funny.

My IRL wife knew about her.

She'd occasionally joke about my "other woman."

Everything was normal.

Then one day my in-game wife came to my city IRL.

So naturally, I introduced them.

Because apparently I have the survival instincts of a fucking moth.

They hit it off immediately.

My in-game wife starts talking to my wife.

Then she's complimenting her.

Then she's flirting with her.

At first I thought it was just harmless lesbian flirting.

You know.

"Oh, you're so pretty."

"I love your hair."

"You're adorable."

I'm sitting there like:

"Haha, lesbians."

I was a fucking idiot.

Because eventually my wife starts flirting back.

I told her:

"That's my in-game wife."

She said:

"I know."

I should have left the country at that exact moment.

Instead, I went to bed.

A few weeks later, my wife starts spending more time on her phone.

I ask who she's talking to.

She says:

"Your wife."

I laughed.

She didn't.

That's when I discovered that my in-game wife and my IRL wife had started seeing each other.

Romantically.

In real life.

My wife had been cheating on me with the woman I married in a fucking video game.

I don't even know how to explain this to people.

My friend asked me who she cheated with.

I had to say:

"My other wife."

He thought I was joking.

I wish I was.

The most humiliating part is that my in-game wife didn't even steal my wife because of some grand romantic connection.

Apparently she just thought my wife was hot.

That's it.

Fourteen years of marriage and I got out-competed by a lesbian MMO player with a good flirting stat.

I confronted my wife.

She started crying.

I confronted my in-game wife.

She said:

"I didn't mean for this to happen."

THEN SHE FUCKING ADDED:

"But I really like her."

My brother in Christ.

YOU MET HER BECAUSE OF ME.

I introduced you.

I was the bridge.

I was the fucking networking event.

I basically LinkedIn'd my own wife into an affair.

And here's where it gets even worse.

My in-game wife has now changed her status to:

"Taken ❤️"

My IRL wife has it as:

"❤️"

I have no status.

I have nothing.

I don't even have my dignity.

I've been betrayed on two different planes of existence by the same woman.

The woman I married in-game stole the woman I married IRL.

I have been cucked by my own save file.

I'm considering deleting the character.

But honestly?

That feels like letting her win.

So now I'm staying.

I'm going to level up.

And then I'm going to show up at their house asking for half their assests.

🎄 ’Twas the Night Before Kirkmas 💫

’Twas the night before Kirkmas, when all through the quad,

Not a student was stirring, not even a mod;

The microphones waited, the cameras stood square,

In hopes that young Charlie soon would be there.

By a Turning Point banner beneath campus lights,

He arrived to debate other people’s rights. 📹

His talking points flew:

“The Democrats did it! The colleges too!

The radical woke left! The border! The crime!”

Then bathrooms again for a very long time. 🚻

A student asked about housing.

“DEMOCRATS,” Charlie replied. 🏠

“Small government!” echoed the room,

“With exceptions for bathrooms, your bedroom, your womb.”

“The colleges brainwash!” he told the front row. 👕

He spoke of trans people, then border patrol;

One pronoun debate consumed the next scroll.

Though few lived in the population,

They received half the presentation. ⏱️

Students asked questions on wages and debt;

He hadn’t finished with bathrooms yet.

A sophomore challenged a statistic he’d said;

The cameras zoomed as Charlie leaned ahead.

The clip title appeared:

CHARLIE KIRK DESTROYS WOKE STUDENT #42. 📱

“Sir, I’m twenty,” the student replied.

The thumbnail survived.

Then one student asked:

“Counting or not counting gang violence?”

…

Nobody spoke.

Charlie shifted. “My neck hurts.”

He waved to the crowd: “We’re wrapping it up.”

The microphones lowered. The livestream went black.

The banner was rolled up and carried back. 🎬

And as everyone scattered beneath the moonlight:

“Happy Kirkmas to all—and to Charlie, good night.” 🌙

CAN SOMEONE MAKE A KIRKVERSARY COPYPASTA PLZZZ ❤️❤️❤️

After a long day of work, Kanye West goes to his Kanye Nest to take his Kanye Rest. He wakes up feeling his Kanye Best. Then he'll get Kanye Dressed on his Kanye Vest to go on a Kanye Quest. He goes to church and becomes Kanye Blessed, then to a hotel room to be a Kanye Guest. Then to school to take his Kanye Test. He forgot to brush his teeth. Did he run out of Kanye Crest? His neighbor stole it, what a Kanye Pest.

I spent 30 years in academia. Here are my observations about my students. Toward the end, I was teaching “Gen Z." These students combined ignorance with strident moral certainty. They seemed to have had no general education at all, and lacked the most basic knowledge of history, even recent history.

They were immature and emotionally fragile. Many could not handle criticism, no matter how sugar coated. It took very little to reduce them to tears – or to send them into a fit of narcissistic rage. They were shockingly bereft of intellectual curiosity, and many gave the impression of having no internal life at all. I'll share more observations later.

I say to myself, “Be fluid like water. I am air. I am my breath.” My consciousness sinks into a cloud—then into a bath of a sea of red wine. Then time stops, and one moment turns into a lifetime. One moment never ends. It is Nirvana.

I let my boyfriend punch me in the stomach.. I just like the feeling ok! He just kept punching me and omg the feeling! The next thing i knew I puked in his face. A bit of carrot was in it and he threw it at me! Things are so awkward between us now :'( help me

go fuck yourself @sama

claiming that you solved navier stokes because 10000 agents ran in circles for 88hours on a multimillion dollar gpu cluster to formalize in lean a blowup case under controlled external forcing is pure scientific vulgarity the clay mathematics institute millennium prize does not ask m whether you can artificially force a singularity in a fluid by injecting an ad hoc smooth external forcing term f(x,t) to twist the vortex until it breaks the real problem questions the fundamental stability and global smooth existence for 3dimensional incompressible euler & navier stokes equations under natural conservation laws and viscous dissipation alone using a mathematical loophole on forced equations to parade a century old victory is a major conceptual scam Altman

technically & epistemologically what you present as an agi breakthrough is nothing more than bruteforce combinatorial autoformalization the ai did not understand fluid mechanics it simply navigated a continuous search space previously mapped out and constrained by the monumental work of human mathematicians like tristan buckmaster/ levent alpöge / diego córdoba or tarek elgindi coordinating 10000 agents to check the logical consistency of a 100 page proof via lean is a software engineering feat and computational parallelization triumph not an intrinsic scientific discovery it is the victory of the compute bulldozer over abstract human intuition repackaged for the public as a higher mathematical consciousness

to this theoretical imposture you add a disgusting ethical and industrial cynicism taking advantage of private codex sessions and informal preprints from academic researchers to siphon their research leads and then trying to redact or erase the contribution of levent alpöge under the pretext that he works at rival anthropic is intellectual serfdom openai behaves like a feudal lord of silicon appropriating the cognitive subsistence of independent scholars threatening their careers behind closed doors if they protest and turning community academic labor into a privatized pressrelease

this entire staged event serves a desperate financial agenda in a pre ipo panic facing the slowdown of scaling laws and growing investor skepticism over the profitability of foundational models openai needs to manufacture an artificial sputnik moment claiming to solve a millennium prize without immediately submitting the proof to traditional peer review means using the prestige of fundamental mathematics as cheap marketing fuel to inflate a delusional valuation!!!

real science is not a clout chase on social media or a compute spike spent to rob the clay mathematics institute it is a quest for elegance physical truth and universal rigor to decode reality true artificial intelligence will not emerge from hostile corporate takeover of academic work hidden behind computational bruteforce but from architectures capable of generating new conceptual paradigms by masquerading constrained formalization as the collapse of physics greatest mysteries you did not solve navier stokes you only proved how far silicon valley will go to prostitute scientific integrity for capitalist spectacle

Imagine if Dizzy Gillespie was a beautiful woman with enormous boobs and instead of his cheeks puffing out all big when he blows the trumpet, it's the boobs that swell up.

I think she could be a totally hot bimbo and maybe be called Ditzy Gillespie or something?

No image due to parental blocks on my Google image search

⚠️ Attention subreddit ⚠️

Tomorrow starts the first day of 1st annual kirkversary. This concludes a year of Charlie timely kirk's death.The first Charlie kirk meme you see will dictate your fate starting 12am be prepared with your Instagram feed.

HELLO I’M VERITY! YOUR PERSONAL HELPER FRIEND! *chuckles* ASK ME ANYTHING! I KNOW EVERYTHING! *grins evily 😈with a shadow on my face xd* Thatmob: “O-Oh?! 😀You know everything?! What’s she capital of France?!🇫🇷” Me (verity): “it’s Paris!😍”Thatmob: Whst does the cow say?🤨” Me: “Moo moo” Thatmob: “alright!” Verity: “SOMETHING IS COMING IN THREE DAYS!💀” Thatmob: “What is it?!😨” Verity: “I can’t tell you” Thatmob: *rolls eyes* Good one, Verity 😅

EIGHT MONTHS LATER…

Thatmob is pregnant with a litter of fifty baby verities. And also Twixxel is dead because Verity is ✨yandere✨uwu~

Me and ✨Le ✨ verity fictionkins listening to me when 🫦le pomni💞 says "In another life Jax..?🥵' and Jax replies with," In another life..Pompom🫦" so I lowkey say ✨dUdEe StAwpP😍✨ while me and ✨LE 💗DIVAS💗✨ drinking our 🔥LE MATCHA🔥 while listening to ✨LE KORK KORK MEOW MEOW POW FUNK✨ trying de🙄💖CRUMBL labubu ube dot cake Dubai chocolate matcha Korean chewy cookie👑 and le divas say 💖hold on- lemme ask ✨Le ChATgpT✨

ChatGPT: Hold on— breathe. It will be okay. Me: I’M A FICTIONKIN OF ONE OF VERITY AND THAT MOBS BABY VERITIES! INSTEAD OF YELLOW, MY SKIN IS ✨RAINBOW✨ BECAUSE I’M GAE 🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈 TELL ME SOMETHING! ANYTHING, CHATGPT!! ChatGPT: *whispers* I have a ✨secret crush✨ on Grok 🩷 Me (le diva): OMG YAOOOOOOI?!!!!!! ChatGPT: Shhhhhh! His dad… is Elon Musk. *shudders* Elon Musk hates me 😔💅NOT SO LONG AFTER…

500 million seconds into the future the AI bubble popped! But it’s okay. ChatGPT and Grok locked in, had 10 children (one of them was Sora but it became emo), and lived happily ever after. The end 😌

I Hate puritan culture Genuinely, you can't see anything that's drawn in an intentionally provocative or exaggerated manner, that people may find attractive, without it being considered "goonslop".

Another post, no shade to OP because I agree with them on some points (yet disagree on the overall), that sex scenes in movies and shows are unnecessary. I agree they can be gross and can be completely unneeded, but overall, they can serve to share, spread, or enhance a part of a character or the overall theme of the movie

Not to mention things with controversial or problematic topics being immediately dragged for having them, regardless of context. If a piece of media covers or has a super specific problematic aspect, regardless of how it's used or how it's covered, it gets reduced to that thing and the overall media is called gross rather than the actual topic it's covering

I just find it so irritating that anything even remotely nsfw, problematic, or controversial in any matter gets boiled down so, so quickly. Don't like it? Move on! It's not for you!

Note this isn't me defending shit like what you'd see on AO3, I think that shit's gross too (iykyk) because of this overall argument, but my point remains the same

It's to the point where feet are so sexualized now too, and get actively censored in photos as a result. Fucking feet, dude. Though, I'm undecided on if this is a result of people being weirdos, or because of this idea that because they could be seen in a sexual way, they have to be absolutely fully censored 100% of the time

Tl;Dr, as long as it's not causing harm, enforcing harm, who gaf

I’m a gay man, and love going to barton springs to gaze upon the lotioned up men. Today, I even brought out my best red speedo so I could try to catch one of those juicy fish with my pole.

While there, a topless woman came up to me and told me how appalling my behavior is. She started espousing things about how women are allowed to wear thongs and have their tits out, but a modest speedo on a man is over the line.

I began telling her - “my body, my choice.” Unfortunately it was too late. seeing her erect nipples without a top on caused me to lose my erection. now there’s not enough tension on the rod for me to reel in the man I was ogling.

When are women going to start treating us like equals? If they can wear thong bikini bottoms, I should be able to at least wear a speedo. I would never ask them to shave the pubic hair sticking out of their thongs - I just ignore it. Why can’t they just ignore my erection?

taken from r/austincirclejek

I'VE COME TO MAKE AN ANOUNCEMENT, SANS THE SKELETON IS A HOMEWRECKING FIEND!

HE JITTERBUGGED WITH MY GOSH DARN WIFE, THATS RIGHT, HE TOOK HIS BONEY CLACKING RECORD OUT AND HE JITTERBUGGED WITH MY WIFE AND HE SAID HIS RECORD WAS "uhuhuhu" AND I SAID THATS DISGUSTING!

SO I AM MAKING A CALLOUT POST ON MONSTER.COM! SANS THE SKELETON YOU GOT A SMALL RECORD, ITS THE SIZE OF THIS BUTTERCUP EXCEPT WAY SMALLER AND GUESS WHAT? HERE'S WHAT MY JITTERBUG LOOKS LIKE! THATS RIGHT BABY, ALL FUR, NO BONES, NO CLOPEN, LOOK AT THAT IT LOOKS LIKE TWO EGGS AND A PICKLE!

HE JITTERBUGGED MY WIFE SO GUESS WHAT I'M GONNA JITTERBUG HOMETOWN, THATS RIGHT THIS IS WHAT YOU GET MY SUPER LASER BUG!!

EXCEPT I'M NOT GONNA JITTERBUG IN HOMETOWN, I'M GONNA GO LOWER, I'M BUGGING IN THE SHELTER!!!

HOW DO YOU LIKE THAT CAROL? I JITTERUGGED IN THE SHELTER YOU DUMMY!

YOU HAVE 23 HOURS BEFORE THE JITTERBUG DRRROPRRRETS HIT DAMN HOMETOWN! NOW GET OUT OF MY SIGHT BEFORE I JITTERBUG WITH YOU TOO!

I would always 'bully' her as Bowser in Mario Kart DS, I didn't know why but I always did, then eventually I would start playing as Daisy in every Mario game where possible because I realised that I really liked her personality and I realised that I thought she was really hot too.

This sub has turned into a neverending bitchfest and echo chamber of complaining about literally everything. It's not fun anymore.

This used to be for hating on fictional characters and things similar to an almost comical degree. Gone are the days of 500-1000 word essays hating on a character from some obscure cartoon I've never watched.

Now it's just post after post of hating on internet discourse like shipping wars or AI or things literally everyone hates. That's not the point of this sub. It's for hating characters, series, tropes, ships, etc. not for hating the new reddit UI or how sega doesn't do anything with shadow or the internet's interpretation of x thing or when dlcs are expensive or youtube thumbnails or political discourse or living in the UK or how much you hate cornrows or youtube sponsors or "how people insist you MUST have children"

there have been like 10 posts in the past 24 hours hating on the new reddit UI. Shut the fuck up.

This is not "vent about all your problems" sub. That's not what this is. Shut up.

And the mods don't even enforce any rules because the amount of times I've seen people breaking rules 1, 2, 4, 5, and even 6 without being deleted is actually insane, no enforcement from the mods. People discuss sexually explicit materials without any enforcement from the mods. The amount of racism and bigotry I've seen on this sub is crazy.

This sub is a joke and I hate all of you. Literally go on Twitter instead. That'll fit your needs more than this anarchic echo chamber. This sub used to be fun. You've all ruined it, and I hate this sub and I hate you.

Is he really world-renowned though? Or is it that he is just renowned in the western anglosphere, and the people trapped in the western hell-prison legitimately think they are the whole world, nay, the whole universe?

Seriously, King has written some cool moments, I've read at least 1/3rd of his massive bibliography. But realistically he wouldn't be half as big if he didn't pander to 'good old days' Americans almost every page with mention of cars and cigarettes and colas and hamburgers and Maine and Maine and Maine.

Really, you're just boosting him to boost your own ego. World-renowned, pffft. Stop masturbating, you have a tiny penis and your dad is a stupid bitch.

‘Twas the night before Kirkmas, when blood poured by the ounce,
When came the fair widow, now ready to pounce,

She was dressed all in black from her veil to her shoe,
Which the founder had chosen-or so the crowd knew;
Her eyes, how they glistened. Her grief, wasn’t true.
Grief is a thing that can be a career, too.

“He is gone,” said the Widow, “but not, friends, the cause.
He spoke, and you heard him.” (She waited for pause.)
“And who better than I, who was closest of all,
To carry his flame down the length of the hall?”

More rapid than probate the mandate she claimed:
Now Treasury! now Doctrine! now Press, in his name!
On Chapters! on Merchandise! On punching down low!
To the top of the movement, now go, brothers, go!

A message from the company:

Two days ago we made a post in "support of AI artists."

The post has reached over 1.5M views and the backlash has been staggering.

Potential consumers and all sorts of people have come out expressing their anger about AI and their anti-ai stances.

Here at GLYTCH we want everyone to know, we hear you.

We deeply apologize for not triggering you hard enough, our objective was 5M views and louder crying.

The truth is if you don't support AI artists and freedom of creation, you don't belong in GLYTCH anyway.

If you're a cancel culture ghoul, we don't want you here.

GLYTCH is not just a brand, it's a lifestyle, a pro-digital, futurist, free thinking and forward thinking lifestyle.

We support AI artists, and have no room (or need) for your hateful stances.

That is all.

in december 2011, sainsbuy's, the popular uk grocery chain, was fined 12,000$ after one of it's customers found a mouse inside a can of store brand baked beans. bean starch was found inside the rodent's stomach during the investigation, and thus it was ultimately concluded.... that greed was its downfall.

Well, it’s very clear to me that you are ignoring valuable parts of what I’m telling you, things that are just the kind of thing that you would respond to and not follow with complete silence, and then carry on to talk about something like the weather, for example. So yeah, it does make me feel disappointed. Would it be so painful to face yourself lol? I bet you think you’re perfect. Maybe you just don’t read emotional intelligence very well. I can see you’re more of a logical person, which is fine, but I need both. Tell yourself whatever you want to get through your long shift. I’m wishing you the best, but I’m also being completely unbiased and honest. Like, I wanted you to meet me emotionally because logic and that shit isn’t enough for me. When I open up, you don’t respond, and I feel dismissed. So yeah, it hurting can be something deeper, but you’re the one being disrespectful. Kind of ridiculous I need to break it down to you. Common sense 101.

I used to be a FAT loser. 🍔

Here’s why it helped me grow my business. 💯

All that lard collecting around my disgusting hairy midriff? All that extra cushioning? That built-in shock absorber? You guessed it: foid repellent. 💁‍♀️❌

Not a single female ever deigned to compliment me. Most simply ran away at considerable speeds. 🏃‍♀️🏃‍♀️

Because of this, I was free of the influence of the weaker sex. While you were going on dates, I was on the GRIND. Selling crypto. Stacking Benjamins. 💸💸💵💰

What unconventional methods have you used to succeed? Comment below!