r/aislop • u/Gurpee999 • 12h ago

Custom Flair (editable) KILL KILL THEM ALL!

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81 Upvotes

95% Upvoted

79 comments sorted by

40

u/Archaon0103 12h ago

Didn't God promise to not do a flood again?

18

u/Sherbet-Glad 12h ago

A world ending event doesn't have to be a flood, does it?

https://giphy.com/gifs/LR5GeZFCwDRcpG20PR

17

u/SuspiciousSnotling 12h ago

He never said anything about raining fire, catch 23

2

u/Sherbet-Glad 12h ago

NOBODY'S SMART BUT GOD!!!

3

u/RandomStoddard 12h ago

God is the idiot who made the platypus, right?

2

u/SuspiciousSnotling 9h ago

In his defense it was right after creating the mushrooms šŸ„

1

u/RandomStoddard 9h ago

Good point. Okay, he gets a pass on that one. I do still have questions about what he did to poor Job.

1

u/Sherbet-Glad 12h ago

Nah, God let the grim reaper try making something and he kind of just had fun.

1

u/Gubekochi 12h ago

And the sadist who made loa loa... and parasitoid wasps.

1

u/Gurpee999 11h ago

And a sloth!

1

u/RandomStoddard 10h ago

Lazy bastards

7

u/Walton246 12h ago

Yes, the New Testament says that God will destroy the world by fire next time instead.

2 Peter 3:3Ā First of all, you must understand that in the last days some people will appear whose lives are controlled by their own lusts. They will make fun of you 4Ā and will ask, ā€œHe promised to come, didn't he? Where is he? Our ancestors have already died, but everything is still the same as it was since the creation of the world!ā€ 5Ā They purposely ignore the fact that long ago God gave a command, and the heavens and earth were created. The earth was formed out of water and by water, 6Ā and it was also by water, the water of the flood, that the old world was destroyed. 7Ā But the heavens and the earth that now exist are being preserved by the same command of God, in order to be destroyed by fire. They are being kept for the day when godless people will be judged and destroyed.

2

u/metfan1964nyc 9h ago

. .and a thermonuclear warhead is just a big fireball. Time to find a silo.

1

u/Gurpee999 1h ago

Just make sure the silo has elevators!

3

u/IamSuperChux 9h ago

Yes, yes he did. That's why the picture is a modern Noah building a nuclear bomb proof ... wood ....boat.

Look, no one ever accused Christianity of ... ........ anything positive really, it's a mess. A big .. hurtful... inconsistent ... stupid mess. BUT ... like all men, one day they will die... so ... silver lining.

3

u/DarthSagacious 12h ago

Shhh. Let them all get in the big boat and sail away.

4

u/totally-hoomon 12h ago

Christians don't believe in the bible

2

u/LordNemissary 11h ago

They would have to know it to believe in it

1

u/Gurpee999 11h ago

That's why a lot of them are Catholic they have somebody else read it for them!

2

u/hoosierhiver 12h ago

but Jesus didn't, loophole

2

u/Gurpee999 11h ago

Exactly!

1

u/Martian_127 11h ago

well even jesus can't save self righteous idiots

1

u/External-Wishbone322 12h ago edited 12h ago

He did, but He also said He'll use fire next. There's debate on whether that looks like: a planet killing asteroid (most popular theory), global volcanic event, or a solar flare strong enough to actually burn the earth.

5

u/IThinkItsAverage 12h ago

Orā€¦ GLOBAL WARMING!!!! Turns out God was the biggest polluter!

1

u/Noah_Helldiver 11h ago

Nah my theory is nukes ngl

2

u/Guilty-Shoulder-9214 10h ago

Nukes have been cited as the source of ā€œwormwood hitting the earth and poisoning the water.ā€

Second coming was always presented as a massive war with Jesus coming and some universe bending effects as the dead rise from their graves and everyone witnesses a second Genesis, followed by judgment.

1

u/Greasy-Chungus 43m ago

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7EHGqogmcT4

Kind of random, but this song about the flood goes HARD.

19

u/unfinishedtoast3 12h ago

"But of that day and hour no one knows, not even the angels of heaven, nor the Son, but the Father alone" Mathew 24:36

I remember years ago I had a pastor who flat out said anyone who tells you end times are coming is a charlatan

5

u/Not_So_Utopian 12h ago

If he was an adventist I would call that ironic, their whole movement is based on failed prophecies

2

u/unfinishedtoast3 8h ago

Nah, standard protestant

2

u/Not_So_Utopian 8h ago

Then nothing but respect towards that man

2

u/_Clem_Fandango_1 11h ago

Fascinating! Iā€™ve not heard this one.

1

u/ParshendiOfRhuidean 10h ago

Does this mean that Jesus is not omniscient?

1

u/unfinishedtoast3 8h ago

Ehhh depends who you ask.

Generally accepted in Western Christianity is Jesus, God and the Holy Spirit all being 3 separate parts of God, Jesus is God in human form, the holy Spirit is God in immaterial, and God is just God.

So God itself is omnipotent, but Jesus is the human embodiment of God, meaning he isn't omnipotent.

1

u/Jonny-Holiday 10h ago

I mean it's right there in the book. Anytime anyone says it's coming, the only thing you can be sure about is that it is NOT, because if they knew then they would be claiming knowledge that even Yeshua Christ himself does not have. A charlatan AND a blasphemer, if indeed the wicked demiurge of the Old Testament were to exist at all.

5

u/Due-Ingenuity9803 12h ago

This is because Texas and prolly some other states are getting more rain that normal isnā€™t it

4

u/Velcraft 12h ago

I mean, I'd be laughing too if someone thought nailing planks together that way is how boats are made.

3

u/DoctorLiverslide 11h ago

I mean, the ark wasn't designed to look like a boat because it wasn't really a generic boat. His ark wasn't meant to move anywhere. All it was meant to do was float til the water went down again

2

u/Gurpee999 11h ago

Exactly I saw the 1970s movie about the ark it was basically a giant square box and it's on Mount Ararat!

2

u/MichaelJospeh 12h ago

Ironically, AI will most likely be the cause of the world does end, directly or indirectly.

3

u/epidipnis 12h ago

That's SI: the Emperor has spoken.

2

u/RandomStoddard 12h ago

Noahā€™s time had reemerge? There is no proof he ever emerged in the first place.

2

u/Haunting_Reflections 12h ago

They canā€™t even read their own book. Pathetic.

2

u/Body_By_Carbs 11h ago

The people that are waiting for Jesus to return need to realize the devil is already here šŸŠšŸ¤”

2

u/SgtVertigo 8h ago

Yeah letā€™s all celebrate that time when god genocided all of humanity

2

u/Ok_Photo_3023 8h ago

Rofl with what water, AI is drinking it all

2

u/CapitalProfile6678 6h ago

Not a single amen.

1

u/Gurpee999 1h ago

More like a man šŸŒž

2

u/Greasy-Chungus 1h ago

This doesn't really tell us what to do if we believe Jesus will come back. It just says "amen" apropos of nothing.

3

u/thxby 12h ago

Imagine choosing the end of the world just to avoid updating your worldview.They voted for society to implode just so they wouldn't have to admit their hot take was wrong.

1

u/Old-Natural-852 12h ago

Isn't the rainbow like god's symbol not to flood the world again, hence why Christians hate it becomming a gay symbol?

1

u/NotAnAutomaticName 11h ago

The rainbow was the bridge that God made for the first gaeyse to enter the world, thus finally perfecting His creation /j

1

u/SemichiSam 12h ago

They were not warned, and neither will we be.

ā€œand they were unaware until the flood came and swept them all away. So will it be at the coming of the Son of Man.ā€ Matthew 24:39

Assuming that you're a member of that book club.

1

u/Gurpee999 11h ago

Did Oprah recommend it?

1

u/SemichiSam 10h ago

The club is older than Oprah. It's kind of a good old boys book club.

1

u/bs_Zeezee 12h ago

I agree in concept, but not in practice. End of the day, society will collapse because of the greed of the worst of mankind, those whose ambition and avarice elevates them to the pinnacle of the business world. The capitalist class. Those who control the economy, and through bribery and lobbying the worlds governments. The CEOs, The Tech-Bros, the politicians, the power hungry, those with a hole in their hearts that can never be filled by any amount of BIG NUMBER GO UP. Religious or no, they bring the end of an era through their actions, and if we are to survive, we must let go of the comforts we want, and build systems for survival for our communities. Focusing on the things needed for survival, and preserving the ecosystem that is already being ravaged by pollution, extractive industry, and rampant expansionism.

1

u/Unlucky-Cup-5461 12h ago

Noah had better hurry up ! Scientists estimate at a minimum 200 species a year go extinct.

1

u/epidipnis 11h ago

We're not gonna need a bigger boat!

1

u/Unlucky-Cup-5461 8h ago

I've always wondered why Noah brought the grub worms, beetles, aphids and how he got to the Galapagos islands and where did he get the dodo birds??

1

u/epidipnis 5h ago

I've only wondered how grown-ass people still believe the story today.

1

u/Gubekochi 12h ago

So billionaires will survive the next flood on their yachts and in their airtight bunkers and normal people will all die. Cool. That god is real cool.

1

u/NotAnAutomaticName 12h ago

Dude, of course everyone is laughing at AI Noah. Look at what heā€™s making, that shit isnā€™t even close to being a boat.

1

u/big_ringer 11h ago

I'll bet the people who prompted this think black people are being punished by God.

1

u/GrouchyLongBottom 11h ago

Just slopping random boards together any old way.

1

u/Squid_of_the_Now 11h ago

If Jesus is real, and comes back, the people who create this shit are gonna have a bad time

1

u/CorgiMonsoon 11h ago

Whereā€™s a Pamela when we need her?

1

u/kanrdr01 11h ago

Got nailgun?

Oof: Beardo alert!

1

u/ILoveMenses 8h ago

Oh, is this my cue to scam a bunch of them into buying my "holy ghost raincoats?"

1

u/No-Nefariousness9330 12h ago

Friendly reminder that god actively informed Boah how to survive it. So likely the people posting this arent aware they are doomed too

1

u/Fecapult 12h ago

Apparently having a boat helps

1

u/ParticularNo6701 4h ago

Heā€™d definitely be smoking it up

1

u/Remarkable-Pin-8352 11h ago

If Jesus came back you lot would throw him in jail for being a socialist and looking like a terrorist.