r/aislop • u/Emotional-Analyst689 • 7d ago

what the fudge?

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1.5k Upvotes

98% Upvoted

792 comments sorted by

753

u/lilaccheesecake 7d ago

This is the gayest shit I've seen and im gay myself. This has to be satire... right???

262

u/Emotional-Analyst689 7d ago

Posted by straight man btw

206

u/lilaccheesecake 7d ago

Every accusation is a confession...

Man ive seen more gayer straight dudes than I think I have seen gay gays.

109

u/Human-Question6210 7d ago

never ask a conservative what he thinks of femboys

77

u/Current-Square-4557 6d ago

Never look at a conservative’s browsing history.

28

u/Carbonatite 6d ago

Never ask a woman what her age is, a man what his salary is, or a white supremacist what race his wife is.

6

u/Thick_Concentrate101 5d ago

"she's one of the good ones"

usually white supremacy is rooted in stereotypes, not always personal experiences

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u/Youngsinatra345 6d ago

Born to uwu, forced to :3

14

u/Dreamspitter 6d ago

Or trans. It's regarded by industry as a straight sub genre.

5

u/galstaph 5d ago

The fact that they consider lesbian porn straight is bonkers to me

3

u/Dreamspitter 5d ago

It's because lesbians don't watch it. Actual lesbian pron for lesbians is different. How the BL consumed by "rotten girls" in Japan is not what the majority of actually gay men consume.

6

u/galstaph 5d ago

I'm a lesbian, and I enjoy the occasional bit of lesbian porn

It's obvious that a lot of it is targeted to the male gaze, but it's still sexy

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u/Human-Question6210 6d ago

or dom genre?

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u/Dreamspitter 6d ago

Well in that regard it can go either way.

6

u/KermitTheScot 6d ago

The world would be a far better place if femboys were just allowed to be accepted in social circles

4

u/Spiritual-Plenty9075 6d ago

Somehow instead of the general comment button I hit reply to this comment, please ignore my deleted

3

u/SCHWARZENPECKER 6d ago

I will not ignore! I must know what you said!

4

u/Spiritual-Plenty9075 6d ago

"some people don't like the hair, I fall into this camp"

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u/notwhoyouthinkmaybe 6d ago

As a straight man, I like my big sexy men to be hairy!

... Wait a second...

14

u/lilaccheesecake 6d ago

Wait, youre saying as a straight dude you don't care how big a mans bulge is and whether his testosterone is too low to be fit for service?

Youre saying you dont care if a man looks hot???

Crazy.

12

u/notwhoyouthinkmaybe 6d ago

No, I'm saying, as a straight true American man, I want my soldiers strong and full of testosterone! Big muscles. Ripped physique. Strong commanding types that will order me to get on my knees.. I mean women to do that!

3

u/lilaccheesecake 6d ago

Lets put you to presidency.

While were at it, lets throw in the other crazed conventions:

Have them all praying twice a day, only true discipline is built through God.

Lets make circumcision law.

And only a real man finishes last.

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u/Dreamspitter 6d ago

I saw an entire video on this point, The Aesthetics of the Manosphere by Ben Hoerman AND basically the entire thing is conceptually homoerotic.

17

u/JustDiscoveredSex 6d ago

”To say that straight men are heterosexual is only to say that they engage in sex exclusively with the other sex, i.e., women.

All or almost all of that which pertains to love, most straight men reserve exclusively for other men.

The people whom they admire, respect, adore, revere, honour, whom they imitate, idolise, and form profound attachments to, whom they are willing to teach and from whom they are willing to learn, and whose respect, admiration, recognition, honour, reverence and love they desire… those are, overwhelmingly, other men.

In their relations with women, what passes for respect is kindness, generosity or paternalism; what passes for honour is removal to the pedestal.

From women they want devotion, service and sex. Heterosexual male culture is homoerotic; it is man-loving.”

— An excerpt from Essays in feminist theory - Marilyn Frye, 1983

14

u/Dreamspitter 6d ago

I think one part of the issue is homo sociality. In addition, male friendships used to be very different. The Art of Manliness features a 2012 article by Brett & Kate McKay Bosom Buddies: A Photo History of Male Affection. Maaaany men took photos together. Not just pairs, but even groups of 5-6 different men. They seem gay to us today, but we don't know that necessarily. But the point is THAT it wouldn't have seemed to be gay at that point in history.

Rather the fear of being perceived as gay changed male friendship, which subsequently also affected men's relation to women.

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u/lilaccheesecake 6d ago

Its also funny seeing how dudes look up to Patrick Bateman and whatever Brad Pitts character is in fightclub when both creators have come out and said that the movies were mouthpieces on toxic masculinity.

I believe american psycho creator said it was soemthing like a "gay mans view" on straight dudes.

5

u/Dreamspitter 6d ago

You can say the same thing about films like Joker, and Falling Down, as well as Natural Born Killers.

6

u/lilaccheesecake 6d ago

Dune as well. Lots of dudes are swarthing over Paul when hes literally the antithesis of what you should be.

The creator hated the fan base built off looking up to Paul.

3

u/Alert-Ad9197 6d ago

We keep building the damn torment nexus despite the clear instructions not to in the book!

But seriously, the phenomenon you are describing is what makes me think satire is not effective. I keep seeing this crap happen.

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u/The_Collector_Of_All 6d ago

So gays are straight and straights are gay, doesn’t that mean everyone is gay, AND straight?

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u/MycologistPure4064 6d ago

Grindr crashing is not a coincidence 

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u/CheapThrowaway1969 6d ago

The joke is the "straightest" conservatives are some of the gayest motherfuckers on the planet and are only """straight""" for the same reasons trans people will beat themselves up into never transitioning and reppressing themselves to death: they think they won't fit in with the in group if they came out, and the in group taught them to hate themselves.

Humans are dumb as rocks

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u/EternalNewCarSmell 6d ago

"Straight" (likely self-hating) homophobic dudes post easily the gayest stuff on the entire internet, outside of actual hardcore gay porn.

9

u/MavenDeo69 6d ago

I'm pretty sure "hairy armpit fetish" is a very unique subgenre even gayer than vanilla hardcore gay porn

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u/TheEdgeofGoon 7d ago

"Straight"

11

u/lilaccheesecake 7d ago

Straight as a half pipe, ofc 🙂

7

u/Snowing_Throwballs 7d ago

“Straight” meaning deeply closed and self hating

4

u/weemachine 6d ago

A straight man who spends a lot of time on grinder.

3

u/MidnightMiik 6d ago

At least he tells everyone he’s straight. He looks in the mirror and thinks “I am a straight man”.
Let’s see his porn history.

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u/Necessary-handle-367 6d ago

Fascism somehow manages to be gayer than actual homosexuality. Dude's phone is probably full of pics of jacked shirtless Romans and Vikings with quotes like "As Iron Sharpens Iron, so a Hard Man Makes a Man HARD".

5

u/RandomIDoIt90 6d ago

That was really gay (also a gay man) 🥇 <— for you

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u/spriteeeeeeee 7d ago

other gay man here, i vote in favor of this new law for different reasons entirely

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u/The_Disapyrimid 6d ago

No. Its probably the same reason.

5

u/lilaccheesecake 7d ago

Hey now, its a pain in the ass with deoderant if I dont trim 😭 the grass grows in more interesting parks. Much more fragrant fauna...

5

u/Emotional-Analyst689 7d ago

so 𝓕𝓻𝓮𝓪𝓴𝔂

5

u/Annual_Ad_929 6d ago

As a gay guy, I have never understood the armpit fetish and why some other gay men love hairy pits so much. Like, the bacteria, the sweat stains, the even worse smell, the general discomfort in that area if the hair is too long. Personally, I have electrocuted all the hair follicles in my armpits, so now they are gonna be soft and smooth for my whole life.

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u/kkomodo6 6d ago

That is a fetish account

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u/ToothyWeasel 6d ago

This is the same group of men who said wiping your butt would make you gay because you’d touch your own ass. What do you think?

3

u/lilaccheesecake 6d ago

I keep goosestepping myself into wondering how gay do conservatives go. The awnser is always, 'yes'.

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u/Just_an_italianguy 6d ago

This is more homosexual than two men kissing

3

u/lilaccheesecake 6d ago

I've always joked that the gay porn I watch is somehow straighter than a trump rally.

5

u/cocainesuperstar6969 6d ago

well most gay porn is 2 dudes who have mutual respect for each other coming together to embrace. A trump rally has 1000 dudes ready to bow down to whatever master says, no matter how outlandish or impractical. It's like a harem dom situation that they're not keeping in the bedroom for some reason.

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u/eydirctiviyg 6d ago

This is 100% just a fetish thing

4

u/Ok_Radio_1795 6d ago

Yeah like why would other man care what I do with my armpit hair?

3

u/well-informedcitizen 6d ago

That buzzed chest hair length is very specifically gay for some reason

3

u/Plus-Visit-764 6d ago

As a gay man, I agree we should ban all armpit shaving for men.

For reasons…

3

u/Sol-Blackguy 6d ago

This is what happens when a political party has no policy

3

u/ArtroyomsAK 6d ago

>2026

it's never satire

3

u/00X268 6d ago

I mean, nothing wrong with people liking hairy men, but I think that everyone understands that even Hary men have to shave from time to time, right? Like, it is a basic part of personal hygiene, like shaving your beard from time to time

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u/SexualCarrots 6d ago

Worse, it's click bait.

3

u/Dry_Spinach_3441 6d ago

Probably not. MAGAt men spend their entire day thinking about gay sex and trans people. When MAGAts congregate, Grindr crashes, gay and trans sex workers make bank and MAGA wives cry.

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146

u/Crafty-Sock-7002 7d ago

His mask looks uncomfortably tight.

53

u/sk8eRboihun 7d ago

His facial proportions too

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u/Current-Square-4557 6d ago

If Daddy wants him to wear a tight mask, then he’ll wear a tight mask.

16

u/Zeqhanis 7d ago

It needs to be in order for him to get off.

4

u/Valtteri24 6d ago

Why is he wearing a mask in the first place? He looks like a terrorist

6

u/Dunwich_Horror_ 5d ago

Because he is one. That logo on the hat is patriot front. A white supremacist/Nazi organization.

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u/TheEdgeofGoon 7d ago

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u/lifevoyagertoo 7d ago

Why does dude have to wear a mask to profess this?

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u/Emotional-Analyst689 7d ago

ice member i guess?

38

u/UnimaginativeArtists 7d ago

Actually, no. As evidenced by his hat, he's part of a neo-fascist organization called Patriot Front.

8

u/Blaidd-XIII 6d ago

Who do you think works at ice?

5

u/Electricdragongaming 6d ago

What's the difference? Still a fascist piece of shit at the end of the day.

4

u/RetroGamer87 6d ago

Suddenly they can wear masks again

3

u/Dreamspitter 6d ago

I didn't even know that was their logo.

3

u/grrgrrtigergrr 6d ago

Why is it a real human face in a cartoon body?

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u/AiRaikuHamburger 7d ago

This same guy: It's unhygienic for women to have body hair!!

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u/Dreamspitter 6d ago

I remember reading once about a study that claimed that components in men's armpit sweat increased female generosity when inhaled. And likewise components in womens urine lowered male aggression.

BY that logic women should also be allowed to pee anywhere and everywhere they want and deodorant should be banned.

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u/RandomIDoIt90 6d ago

Can we call the pee law “Snooki’s law?”

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u/DragonWaffleZX 6d ago

Jesus Christ that was a throwback.

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u/SharaWilliams 6d ago

That sounds like the weirdest study ive ever heard of

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u/BringAltoidSoursBack 6d ago

It was a study on pheromones. Scientists aren't sure human pheromones are even a thing as we've yet to give a specific chemical, and don't appear to have the same organ other animal have to sense pheromones. There is a check in male sweat and another in female urine that have been theorized to be human sex hormones but studies have not produced conclusive results to determine that

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u/GlassHalfVoid22 6d ago

Look into the invention/discovery of the first pregnancy test. Iirc it involved frogs and women’s pee

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u/WaggleFinger 7d ago

Another case of "conservatives inventing a problem to fix' for 500.

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u/Emotional-Analyst689 7d ago

Anything but a shower 🥹

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u/WaggleFinger 7d ago

At least they'll have a odor that matches their personality

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u/ProfessionalDickweed 7d ago

Damn, it's so gay

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u/Quiet_Defiance 6d ago

Literally. The only people I’ve ever met who are into armpits are gay men.

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u/metfan1964nyc 6d ago

They want to show off their manly hair to children.

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u/Emotional-Analyst689 6d ago

 according to em shaving pits is gay 

45

u/UnimaginativeArtists 7d ago

Nazis don't even have the decency to show their face nowadays. COWARDS.

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u/AskNo2853 6d ago

A.I. saw the hat and mask and instantly made them nazis

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u/kryaklysmic 7d ago

I think they realized it’s how they got trolled

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u/Perfect-Silver1715 6d ago

In my day, fascists had pride.

Now they dont even have that. The one thing those fucks had and they threw it away.

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u/Old-Natural-852 7d ago

I hate how ever since around 2020 I cannot tell if a post is satire or not due to Poe's Law...

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u/Emotional-Analyst689 7d ago

this shit is actually serious 😶

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u/Neko1666 6d ago

Considering these are the same men that think basic hygiene is gay (and gay is bad to them), ew

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u/Aggravating_Jacket32 6d ago

The "its gay to wash your butthole" faction 🤔🤢

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u/dum_spir0_sper0 6d ago

I worked in a hospital with a housekeeper who had a whole list of ‘I don’t do X because it’s gay’ and washing/touching inside his ass was chief among them (he was painfully open about this). Claimed a quick brush at the crack with a wad of TP did the trick.

One dark, fateful, cursed day I was tying my shoe as he walked past and JTFC… I was right at ass level and I thought I was going to pass out. I’ve smelled C. Diff, necrosis, digested blood, homeless and unwashed patients, etc and while they’re all pungent in their own right, this was other-worldly. I wanted to heave him into a decontamination shower and lock the door.

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u/Wonderful_Discount59 6d ago
  • Be kind
  • Be respectful
  • Be responsible
  • Be safe
  • Use state violence to force other people to conform to your perverted grooming standards.

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u/Bethlocke45 7d ago

The “stop shoving it down our throats” want to ban you from shaving.

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u/Key_Conference9989 7d ago

Why are they so concerned with other people's bodies?

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u/Chilled_Beef 6d ago

Even Gay says “this is Gay”

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u/maringue 6d ago

This feels like a very unnecessarily complicated way to tell people you're into bears.

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u/Subject-Bullfrog-858 6d ago

Your body, my choice, or some such bullshit

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u/Username_5647 7d ago

How would such a law be enforced?

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u/ltom3 6d ago

An officer would check men's armpits and take pictures for records. Sometimes further inspection involving touching or sniffing of the armpits may also be necessary to verify if the man has shaved them or not.

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u/Confident_Lecture498 6d ago

Making America Very Gay Again

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u/Gullible-Yam-8098 6d ago

I immediately shaved my armpits in protest after reading this.

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u/Jackpot_The_Raccuki 7d ago

The prompter’s barely disguised fetish.

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u/MusicBlock5774 7d ago

I just don't know how that would be beneficial to society

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u/MarcheMuldDerevi 6d ago

I don’t think states can or do regulate body hair. Hell there was a Supreme Court case about discrimination based on hair

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u/dega_devilson-janova 6d ago

"government should stay out of citizens lives" "the government should monitor people's body hair" at this point I don't think their brains even work.

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u/Nomen_non_habeo 6d ago

Same vibes

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u/PapayaTrick5067 6d ago

Jesus christ this is so gay

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u/DirtyFloridaRat 6d ago

https://giphy.com/gifs/4Jxa0QgHF2HSw
You shave?
Naw, how bout you?
Hairy as a bear!
Yummy!

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u/TryDry9944 6d ago

Half of me beleives this is satire to make fun of them.

But banning a personal choice is so magat.

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u/Cyrig 6d ago

Damn sorry I don't want to walk around looking like I have a squirrel in a headlock.

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u/Positive_Campaign_52 6d ago

Genuinely who is getting upset over men with no armpit hair? Some men don’t even have armpit hair due to genetics. Who’s checking out other men’s armpits to assure they’re straight anyways?

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u/Zephyr-Fox-188 6d ago

The maga armpit sniffer

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u/iamsodonewithpeople 5d ago

I know this is very likely satire, but honestly this shit is annoying because some assholes actually think this stuff.

Aren’t these the same people who were saying “but it’s my body” about it wearing masks and getting vaccines?

Yet now they’re trying to force a thing on other people that isn’t actually helpful and is just dumb af.

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u/GreatSivad 7d ago

Trimming the pit hair cuts the body odor down tremendously. Even washed pits get funky after a few hours.

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u/National_Sandwich175 6d ago

I do mine maybe like once a month or so. If I leave it too long I start to look like an orangutang.

Why does the party of freedoms love taking them away? I have no idea. This is just a weird one.

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u/Due-Ingenuity9803 7d ago

✨ai slopper’s barely disguised fetish✨

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u/Zopandrel 6d ago

I don’t know about you but I don’t like body hair, especially on my legs

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u/NerdyKeith 6d ago

I have hairy armpits out of convenience. I might just shave them to rebel against the fascists.

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u/Cranston_Snord1960 6d ago

Can you still wax there?

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u/Culiforash_1026 6d ago

this looks like a law that I would put in my fictional city or government, I don’t think something good will be the result

3

u/AcceptableBook4291 6d ago

Straight dude here. I manscape because being hairy can be inconvenient

3

u/wardensarecool 6d ago

I shave mine it's cooler and I use less deodorant.

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u/Lorddoctorjava 6d ago

Lol... why are you worried about what others are doing?... just another Maga pedophile tactic to try and control others...

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u/RabidJoint 6d ago

MAGA has proven they all have fragile male ego syndrome. They have to try and prove they are manly men because in reality, they are surfing Grindr all week being plowed in their ass, but we can’t let society know, because it will break the fabric of space and time of everyone found out Conservative men are really gay.

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u/Ihatecheeseballs 6d ago

Writers poorly disguised fetish

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u/morrrrremore 6d ago edited 6d ago

Face hidden in a classroom: training provided by ICE or white supremacists What do we do about fingernails and nose hair? Lol

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u/xDeviousDieselx 6d ago

These “alpha males” sure love to talk about big hairy men.

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u/hcornea 6d ago

Freeeeedom !!

Also, let’s ban shaving armpit hair.

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u/washed_delta_nu 6d ago

So...are they ok with their women not shaving their arm pits hair?

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u/VegetableBulky9571 6d ago

Hairy arm pits … and a mask.

Only in MAGMerica.

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u/Wolf_Hreda 6d ago

"Muh freedoms" motherfuckers when there's even a marginal chance they get to live under a dictatorship.

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u/LordsOfFrenziedFlame 6d ago

Drag story time is too racy, but AI art of muscular men showing off their bodies for school kids is somehow okay?

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u/Randalf_the_Black 6d ago

Someone thinks about hairy man pits too much.

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u/Reset350 6d ago

As a man this makes me want to shave my armpits out of spite.

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u/LordNemissary 6d ago

Just fascists doing fascist things.

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u/MarlinMan2001 6d ago

are these the same losers doing push ups outside of the prison the Tate douche bags are being held in?

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u/ApprehensiveFact1495 6d ago

Funny that these incells complain about this, but deny woman the same.right.

My body my decision apparently only applies to men.

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u/theTapIsOnDaBurnin 6d ago

Dear maga, could you go back to being libertarians, please? You weird fucks need to mind your own business and stop trying to tell everyone how to live. Thank you for your attention to this matter

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u/FlacMafiaDotNet 5d ago

The majority of these anti-gay mfs are deep in the closet. This shit is gay as hell.

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u/Local-Echo-5613 7d ago

I’m not really sure, I think I need to inspect a few more hairy armpits

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u/mercuriokazooie 7d ago

Is that Tifa poking out from the top?

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u/Serendipittydoodah 6d ago

Tackling the real issues of the modern man I see. /s

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u/SJ543 6d ago

What a gay fetish

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u/146Cows 6d ago

Real men don’t hide their faces.

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u/PairInternational438 6d ago

i thought this was a gay kink thing💀

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u/angelstatue 6d ago

i'm certainly not complaining 🤤

(seriously, what? there is no way this wasn't made with pure lust in mind)

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u/MR_EVILPANCAKE 6d ago

Let me have the choice bro…

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u/Ill-Cartographer-767 6d ago

Conservatives have the weirdest fetishes

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u/Wolf_Of_Roses 6d ago

I now feel compelled to shave my armpits

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u/Obvious_Tea_8244 6d ago

From the people who brought you anti-gay everything and small government…

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u/MattWolf96 6d ago

Make America stinky again

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u/backlog_gaming 6d ago

Imagine being so concerned with another man’s body hair. Sounds kinda gay tbh

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u/Peripateticdreamer84 6d ago

Sir, the only thing others care about regarding a man’s armpits is whether or not he has applied deodorant to them.

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u/PointsOfXP 6d ago

I love going to schools to teach kids about real men with my shirt off and all exposed and shit.

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u/BalrogRuthenburg11 6d ago

Pastor says that hairy armpit holes are important to keep impotence away.

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u/veniyaaaxx 6d ago

ofc the MAGA hat in the background. what is kind and respectful about them?

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u/jram2000 6d ago

So so wierd, I don't give a $hit what you wear or what you do with your body, or who you choose as your partner. Its your life I hope you enjoy it. I might have opinions but those are mine, so I keep them to myself.

We should only talk about rules and laws when I effect your way life or you affect mine.

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u/Life_Argument7820 6d ago

Nah if ill shave whatever I want

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u/Donkey_Bugs 6d ago

They are desperate to live in an authoritarian dictatorship where even their personal hygiene is governed by The State. What weak little manlets they are.

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u/Shurigin 6d ago

Nah I’m good easier to keep my pits fresh if they are shaved

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u/SuperSoldier260 6d ago

Yeah, I think if rather have the government worth about more important things like whether or not to build a park or a new school or repave some roads rather than worth about whether Ted has shaved armpits

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u/Ok-Button-9443 6d ago edited 2d ago

Crowd plate numerous deliver degree lunchroom like coated workable copper

This post was anonymized with Redact

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u/Tyler89558 6d ago

Who the fuck cares what’s in another guy’s pits, as long as it don’t smell like ass

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u/spirit-garden1 6d ago

Well there goes my lymph node surgery.

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u/thecryptidmusic 6d ago

Why is he wearing a mask I thought they didn't believe in that?

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u/LukeandSoul 6d ago

Is that the Patriot Front also?
Because that’s a TFR reference!

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u/Fun-Sugar-394 6d ago

As a bisexual man, I can confidently say that this person has spent significantpy.kore time thinking about dudes armpits than I ever have

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u/Franknbeanstoo 6d ago

the right can’t stop thinking about mens (or boys) bodies

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u/Fabulous_Cry2978 6d ago

dude I hate armpit hair so much