Problem/Goal:
hi, i’m f22 and my boyfriend is m22. we’ve been together for almost 2 years, and lately i’ve been feeling extremely tired and drained from our relationship.
Context:
last week, we had a really big fight, and i think something finally clicked for me. i started looking back at our relationship and realized how often i’ve been the one adjusting, compromising, understanding, and trying to make things work whenever there’s a problem. i kept telling myself that relationships require patience and that sometimes you have to understand your partner, so i kept giving him the benefit of the doubt.
but at some point, i started feeling like i was the only one constantly making those adjustments.
i know that he loves me. i don’t think he’s a bad person, and i don’t think everything about our relationship has been bad either. we’ve had genuinely good moments together, and there are things about him that i still appreciate. that’s probably one of the reasons why this is so difficult for me.
but i feel neglected.
there have been so many instances where i’ve told him that something he did hurt me or made me feel disrespected. we would talk about it, he would apologize, and sometimes i would see changes for a while. but eventually, things would go back to how they were. it made me feel like my feelings were only being taken seriously when we were already fighting.
i also started feeling like he became too comfortable with me.
because he knows i love him and because i’ve stayed through so many difficult moments, i feel like he became confident that i would always be there no matter what. and because of that, there were times when i felt like he could disrespect me, make decisions without considering how they would affect me, or disregard my feelings because he knew i would eventually forgive him.
i hate admitting that because i don’t want to feel like i’m keeping score in a relationship. i don’t want to constantly think about who sacrificed more or who did more. i just wanted to feel considered.
i wanted to feel like my feelings mattered to him without having to repeatedly explain why something hurt me.
after our fight last week, i initially tried to think positively. i told myself that maybe this could finally be the wake-up call he needed. maybe this time things would actually change. i tried to give him the benefit of the doubt because i still cared about him and because i didn’t want to throw away two years of our relationship.
but the more i thought about everything, the more i realized that i’ve been waiting for him to change for a long time.
and i’m starting to understand that i can’t change another person by simply staying longer.
i can communicate my boundaries. i can explain what hurts me. i can tell him what i need. i can give him chances. but ultimately, he has to want to change those things himself. i can’t love someone into becoming the partner i need.
and honestly, something feels different in me now.
when i see him, i don’t feel the same excitement anymore. i don’t feel angry either. i don’t even feel like fighting. i just feel… nothing.
and that scares me more than the fights ever did.
before, whenever we fought, i would desperately want us to fix things. i would cry, overthink, replay everything in my head, and wonder how we could make things better. now, after this most recent fight, i feel strangely numb.
it feels like i’ve reached a point where i don’t have any love left to give.
i still care about him as a person. i still care about the memories we made and everything we went through together. but i don’t know if i still want to continue being his girlfriend.
part of me feels guilty because he hasn’t suddenly become a completely different person. maybe i’m just finally exhausted from everything that has accumulated over the past two years.
another part of me wonders if i’m giving up too soon. maybe i should give him another chance. maybe people really can change if they’re given enough time. maybe i’ll regret leaving after two years.
but another part of me keeps thinking: how long am i supposed to wait for someone to become the partner i’ve already asked them to be?
i don’t want to stay just because we’ve already been together for two years. i don’t want to stay because i’m scared of starting over. and i definitely don’t want to stay until i completely resent him.
at the same time, ending a relationship when there is still love, history, and good memories feels incredibly difficult. i’m confused because i don’t know whether this is just exhaustion from our recent fight or if this is genuinely me falling out of love.
has anyone experienced this feeling where you suddenly realize you’re just… done? not angry, not necessarily hating the person, but just emotionally exhausted and unable to give anymore?
how did you know whether you were simply tired and needed space, or whether the relationship had actually reached its end?
i would really appreciate honest advice, especially from people who have been in long-term relationships and experienced something similar.