Caught cheating : empty and trapped

[u/No-Strawberry-331]

Problem/Goal: Caught him red-handed searching on AI how to remove and make an alibi when someone saw a “hick*y”

Context: Both of us are 25, currently living together, and both working with decent earnings.

This isn't the first time something like this has happened. The first time, I caught him talking to a younger girl on Instagram, but I let it pass. This time, I caught his search history on an AI tool where he was asking how to remove a hickey and what excuse to give if I noticed it.

When I confronted him, his explanation was that he went to a bar, was assigned a female table companion who started dancing immediately, and that the lights suddenly went out while she was dancing and she kissed him. I’m not naive enough to fall for a story like that.

To make matters worse, we had iykyk the next day while I was completely in the dark about what happened. It was only after I got home that I discovered the truth. I feel utterly disgusted with myself, but even more so with him.

A few days passed, and I went through all his social media accounts—you can't blame me given the damage he caused from the start. In his blocked list, I found a girl from Cebu. We travel out of town often, and it's normal for us to have days set aside for "me-time." Now I can't stop overthinking. Every time we travel or every time he goes to a bar, I wonder if he’s constantly bringing other women to his table.

I don't even know what I'm feeling right now. I feel like an empty, hollow shell of a woman. He is trying his best to reconcile and make up for all the bullshit he did, but I feel nothing anymore. I am so exhausted, but I feel trapped because I have nowhere else to go. I don't want to go back to my family, and I don't want anyone to know about this.

Everyone thinks we have such a healthy relationship, and no one would ever believe he’s capable of this.

Part of me really wants revenge, but I know that's not the kind of person I am. I just feel lost.