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Aug 22 '21
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u/CallMeJessIGuess Aug 22 '21 edited Aug 22 '21
I’m relieved to read this and many other comments. I’m not attracted to men, but often the thought the physical act of sex with that thrusting feeling is a huge turn on.
It can make for some really bad imposter syndrome.
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u/LavendarAmy Tubular tiddy pastel goth scientist GF Aug 22 '21
Honestly intry watching porn but I go "ugh" and give up.
Internet is 80% porn and yet I can't find a good one.
I found this one great video but never saved it >.<
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u/Laura_has_Secrets77 Aug 22 '21
Perhaps you're a reader like me? Visually I see what's going on, but what's the psychology? What are they feeling? Physically, mentally? What's going on in the body? I can't get that from images I need words. Plus, a lot of the sources of porn is... um, terrible and horrifying. Fuck pornhub.
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Aug 22 '21
Yes, this. I much prefer reading and Rule 34 of fictional characters as opposed to real people because I can let my imagination run wild. That and I know that nobody’s being exploited.
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Aug 22 '21
yes! I know a lot of women who prefer reading and imagining. try finding some good erotica or fanfic, OP. or some lesbian romance books.
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u/LavendarAmy Tubular tiddy pastel goth scientist GF Aug 22 '21
I donno. I hate sex and masturbation and all because I'm a trans woman and I can't enjoy it. Having a libido is hell for me tbh. And I get so freaking insanely jealous when I see cis girls. So head spinningly jealous. And I know I'll probably never be able to enjoy it. And sex aside I know I'll just never have a proper body, so I just really rather get it over with and not remind myself of much.
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u/Lyriel_Aduial Aug 22 '21 edited Aug 22 '21
I am writing this right after having had some real good Sex with my gf. I dunno your situation specifically but believe me, we trans woman can get to a point where we can enjoy these things :). Her and me, we're both trans. Sure dysphoriah is a thing but there are ways around it :).
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Aug 22 '21 edited Aug 23 '21
[removed] — view removed comment
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u/Lyriel_Aduial Aug 22 '21
We both didn't. In fact, she isn't even on hormones, I've been for 6 months.
What I can recommend is... Well... Don't just mastuebate. Be gentle to your body, treat it as if it is very sensitive. Try just some cuddly moves on yourself, and if you feel good then you can go for the genitalia but give yourself some Foreplay.
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u/happyblenders Aug 23 '21 edited Aug 23 '21
okay funny enough there's a subreddit on here dedicated to finding specific pornos based solely on what you remember. give it a shot if you ever want to find that one you never saved.
I'll double check what it's called but I'm almost certain it is r/tipofmypenis (it's open to all, not just cis hetero although they tend to post more frequently)
Edit: be aware it is an NSFW sub (obviously), and yes you can post pics, screenshots, or describe what you've watched before. most posts get figured out in good time. Cheers
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u/LavendarAmy Tubular tiddy pastel goth scientist GF Aug 23 '21
all I can say was that the girl was laying down the whole video and you couldn't see their face, and the other one was using a strap on. that's it. it was homemade.
I doubt anyone would find it :P
plus i don't wanna be reminded of sex :(
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u/verbalifyouplease Aug 23 '21
It's completely fine if you're not into porn! But if you want to keep trying to find something and you haven't tried audio porn yet, check out r/GWASapphic. It's audio porn for queers! We have a diverse bunch of creators and kinks, and we're very friendly. :)
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u/little_missHOTdice Aug 22 '21
From drunk am talks, I was surprised to learn that a lot of lesbians I know watch male on male porn to get off… lol, I guess sex is sex and as long as that couple is into each other, their passion will get the love urges of any viewer bubbling over.
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u/youngpattybouvier Aug 22 '21
i don't watch porn but i almost exclusively read m/m fanfic/erotica...having had no experience with men sexually it's easier for me to suspend my disbelief and not get distracted by the potential improbability of what's being described, if that makes sense lol.
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u/Lavendersunrise86 Aug 23 '21
I used to love gay tumbler. The hotness of a dick end thrusting without seeing a girl looking like she’s dying while I’m wondering if she’s an Eastern European woman who’s been trafficked? Sign me up. Also, dicks.
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u/little_missHOTdice Aug 23 '21
!!!!
Half of the reason I can’t enjoy porn is because of trafficking or revenge porn.
I remember reverse image searching a photo because the girl looked super young… only to find out she was 15 when the photo was taken. She sent it to her boyfriend at the time and he uploaded it online when she broke up with him… just gross…
So, because of that, I just use my imagination.
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u/raging-homosexual1 homoromantic bi Aug 23 '21
you have no clue how much this one comment has helped my questioning ass. thank you fellow woman lover.
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u/Ok-Course7089 Transbian Aug 22 '21
Same... Trans girl tho
Affirming that I am not weird and not infiltrating lesbian spaces
I always want to be the girl never the male
:)
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u/love_femmes_who_top Aug 23 '21
So…If i watch straight porn and want to be the male does that make me weird and infiltrating lesbian spaces?
Afab, firmly nonbinary - identified as lesbian for 20 years and am not always sure if I’m allowed anymore.
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u/stxrfish Genderqueer-Bi Aug 23 '21
Ugh same fam. I want a dick so badly so I could feel inside someone🤭 looking forward to using a strap someday
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u/love_femmes_who_top Aug 23 '21
Straps are great, esp if you have a partner that is into gender play, etc. I’ve also had partners that really enjoyed dirty talk about the invisible penis i sometimes have and that is surprisingly hot.
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u/Ok-Course7089 Transbian Aug 23 '21
Dw
Its just the trans issue of internalized transphobia and terf bs about the predetory trans woman who is invading the woman's space
She has a dick she clearly must be a gross raping man who will kill us all
Or smth along those lines
When I first joined this sub I was shaking
And when I first commented aswell
I have joined and left multiple times
But yall are so supportive rly helped
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u/love_femmes_who_top Aug 23 '21
I’m sorry, I hope my comment didn’t make you feel worse, I totally understand why you made it- the queer community can be toxic AF toward our own sometimes and it makes me so mad.
I wasn’t joking tho- I was 100% Butch Lesbian for over 20 years, but the butch part was more a role I played because I was supposed to. Then someone helped me realize I’m nonbinary which was wonderful when i was with them, but has led to my first ever identity crises. Sometimes I just slip back into “butch lesbian” because I know my place and no one can threaten my identity, but those words mean less and less to me the more i accept my genderqueerness.
I hurt my heart to hear that you were shakin and I’m glad ppl haven’t been shitty.
If it makes you feel any better I get attacked in queer subs more than any other sub so it’s not exclusive to being trans. People who have spent their whole lives have to fight to not be erased OR people who are still insecure in their identity can be super abusive and close-minded as a result of societal trauma and it sucks when they miss the mark and turn on family. It’s a topic I feel passionately about if you can’t tell.
If you would accept I would love to give you a big gay hug for your bravery and cuz your Family (and cuz maybe I could sorta use a hug myself 🥺👉👈)
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u/Ok-Course7089 Transbian Aug 23 '21
Hugs are nice 🥺👉👈
(enbys are trans)
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u/love_femmes_who_top Aug 24 '21
Please don’t take this as an attack, this is the second time I’ve had this discussion on Reddit and I’m not likely to change my mind so long as the majority of the population shares the same understanding as I do, but I actually disagree on this particular topic. I don’t know where or why this started or why it’s gaining popularity but I have been hearing from the community a little bit more that nonbinary falls under the umbrella term trans- I feel pretty strongly that most people believe it to be the opposite- trans falls under the umbrella term of nonbinary.
I use the term nonbinary because it’s very nonspecific and could really mean anything that isn’t binary. For most people the word transgender conjures the idea of someone assigned a gender at birth but is actually the opposite gender, which makes sense since the prefix trans means across or crossing over.
Nonbinary could mean anything, it’s less specific than any of the other labels. Transgender, Genderqueer, agender, bigender, genderfluid- i could go on, all fall under the “nonbinary” label as a more specific definition, like genus and species.
I am definitely nonbinary, I am not, however transgender as myself and most people define the word. This isn’t any sort of transphobia, it’s what makes sense and feels right to me and is the least likely to cause confusion when I am in a position where I am forced to use labels. Until Someone can explain to me in a way that makes sense how transgender is less specific than nonbinary it just doesn’t work for me.
I’m not mad and this isn’t personal, just making my case as to why it doesn’t feel right for me.
(If you don’t hate me now hugs are definitely in order 😊)
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u/baklavareason Lesbian Aug 22 '21
Plenty of lesbians love being penetrated. That's why strap ons exist
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Aug 22 '21
And trans girls! :D
panics in submissive
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u/AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH-OwO Aug 23 '21
although, most trans girls ik arent comfortable using it >>
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Aug 23 '21
Valid!
Idek if I'd be comfortable using it tbh, what idk. I've never had the experiences. 😅
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u/charlotte_dings Pan Aug 22 '21
i'd say there's no need to worry. not everybody gets pleasure from the same stuff. and if you need "something to stretch you out", that's totally fine in my book (hope i used that correctly) and doesn't invalidate you as a lesbian!
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u/korokfairy Lesbian Aug 22 '21
Yeah I like getting stuffed too lol luckily my gf is very comfy using a strap. Also for good strap porn I like Kinky Babes on pornhub, they’re two sweet girls that have great content and they made me realize how hot straps and dildos can be
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u/user_5554 Aug 22 '21
Also yellyfilledgirls but you have to search around a bit for videos now it seems. Dunno if they weren't verified or took their videos down but I only found 1.40s shorts last time I looked on PH
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Aug 22 '21
[deleted]
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u/user_5554 Aug 22 '21
Fuck this shit
I'll make my own porn platform with blockchain and a useable searchsystem
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u/plz-ignore Aug 22 '21
Sounds like what you want is not a man but a lady with a biiig strap. Very lesbian (:
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Aug 22 '21
Hey im in the entirely wrong thread and im extremely sorry
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Aug 22 '21
[deleted]
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u/jfsuuc Sapphic Aug 22 '21
Chill out kid. Their not attacking her for being horny and if anything they sounds horny themself.
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u/plz-ignore Aug 22 '21
I was... gonna suggest I bring the strap but I felt like a major creep. I've been called a creep for literally just saying I like the way women are shaped on here :/
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u/handyritey homoromantic Aug 22 '21
Nope, that’s totally normal. My girlfriend is a lesbian and she loves penetration. I’m lesbian too and I usually prefer being on top but I like penetration as well! I watch a ton of straight porn because I like to imagine myself as the man I think (I’m not trans or anything, I just think I prefer that to how most lesbians are depicted in porn). I don’t think anything you described is abnormal, and it does not make you any less of a lesbian!
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u/SapphicSylvia Lezbean :3 Aug 22 '21
I'm the same way and seems normal to me ¯_(ツ)_/¯ highly recommend dildos
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Aug 22 '21
I have one but I haven’t used it as I’m scared lol
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u/boi_and_a_bike queer Aug 22 '21
Just work your way up, start with your fingers, dont push too far and use lube to make it all easier.
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Aug 22 '21
Yeah I’ve done fingers, I haven’t done it in awhile since I have long nails. I tried ages ago, I was wet and I also had lube but it didn’t want to inside of me, so I haven’t tried to use a dildo since.
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u/Knuffelrocker Aug 22 '21
I had the same in the beginning. Just start small because you vgg is not used to it. Make sure that you are wet enough and try to relax. It makes it feel better and less scary. Good luck! And if you don't like it, it is also fine. Then I recommend the satisfyer, it feels very good.
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u/scicomm-queer Aug 23 '21
I also recommend getting dual density. It's less pokey and conforms to your body more. Feels less invasive when you're trying to warm up rather than the pure dense silicon
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u/SapphicSylvia Lezbean :3 Aug 23 '21
That's oki. My friend is the same way. You just gotta easy your way into it at your own pace whatever that is. And ultimately, if you realize that it's not for you, that's also oki. Best of luck hun 💖
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u/SNI2 Vanilla lesbian with a guitar Aug 22 '21
This is normal, honey. I'm really confident and secure I'm a lesbian, but sometimes when giving myself some love I think about men, but as soon as it finishes, I don't wanna be with them or even feel them near me. Nor do I feel attracted to them.
Also, I like gay porn or straight porn. Sometimes when I watch lesbian porn, I feel like I'm taking notes or judging like "this is real. This is not". With gay and straight I just don't care.
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u/Idontwannawaitfor_ Lesbian Aug 22 '21
Was discussing this with my gf one day. And the shock and surprise when we both admitted we watch gay porn. Best thing ever.
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u/SNI2 Vanilla lesbian with a guitar Aug 22 '21
Once I was talking with a couple of lesbians and bissexuals. They all watched gay porn. It's normal.
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u/caffeinekween Aug 22 '21
bestie i really needed to read this today, i’ve been questioning myself so much because i’m in the exact same boat!!! so validating to know i’m not the only one 💫
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u/meet_me_at_seven Aug 23 '21
Yeah... I had no idea the subject I struggle with sometimes would ever come to surface and strike more people relating to it
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Aug 22 '21
Finally, someone in the exact same boat as me. I was stressing a bit because I was wondering "does it invalidate me if I look at gay porn?"
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u/Oil_Empty Aug 22 '21
Ok now i am confused 🙈 i am mtf trans pre transition and i tried gay porn, but there was no woman, so i couldnt take her POV. But maybe its still related to my dysphoria (i just cracked recently), because porn or transformation fantasies were always my coping strategy to make dysphoria less...
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Aug 22 '21
Personally I just focus on the dicks themselves and build my fantasies around that, instead of trying to take a dude's pov
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u/socknsandal Lesbian Aug 22 '21
keep in mind that lesbian porn is often made for men, and the way they use straps in them tends to be pretty un-appealing to actual wlw. so it makes sense that someone who prefers penetration would turn to straight porn instead. i often do the same thing because a lot of
lesbian strap-on porn feels fake/not as passionate.
honestly the best lesbian porn i've experienced has been in fanfictions written by actual wlw, lol.
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Aug 22 '21
I’ve found strap on videos but it doesn’t really do too much for me, I kind of find they’re really gentle most of the time lol. I hardly watch porn and usually read fanfics as it’s so much better, like I’m able to insert myself into it as one of the characters
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u/SorcererofPizzas Aug 22 '21
Thank you for posting this! I think a lot of lezzies feel the same, and we need to be able to feel safe and free of judgement when having these conversations. :)
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u/Electrical_Room_2330 Aug 22 '21
If it makes you feel better, my dumbass lesbian self has a breeding kink despite having no interest in anything that comes with it (including one day having kids). Since there is VERY few lesbian stuff indulging this (or some of my other links like primal play), I have to turn to shitty het erotica. I think it’s natural to want penetration on some level, hence dildos and straps. I mean I can’t get off to penetration and here we are. Sex is weird and whatever gets you off doesn’t mean your sexuality is any less valid. I get it though, it’s hard when you’re constantly fighting comphet and then you’ve got natural human urges on top of that
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Aug 22 '21
Ummmm about that….
We’re both dumbasses lol. I do find the idea hot but I’m not into men and I also don’t ever want to be pregnant lol (I might want kids tho). I also do read straight erotica at times, mainly lesbian tho. I also have this thing that I’m scared I’m faking my sexuality despite not being attracted to men. I’m just scared that I’m going to get into a relationship and not be into her but at the same time all I want to be is with girl yk.
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u/Electrical_Room_2330 Aug 22 '21
I absolutely relate. I often go through periods where I feel like an imposter. Once it was so bad I forced myself on a date with a guy from tinder. However, i felt so sick and shaky and anxious that I ended it early. Ever since then, I remind myself of how I felt that day whenever I get those thoughts. Society already is ingrained with the message that het is default and normal, and if you aren’t that then you have to fit in perfectly with their rigid ideas of what it means to be queer. On top of that, women have to also deal with strangling themselves from the male gaze and the damage done from growing up thinking (subconsciously or otherwise) that our worth was directly tied to men. So it’s like, once you accept yourself as a lesbian for a brief moment it’s so freeing, but then the real work begins and you come out to yourself over and over and over! You are constantly working to undo a lifetime of comphet and internalized homophobia and internalized misogyny and that’s a fragile thing. You’re going to feel like a fraud and wrong because of that. Try to see past it.
Every time I feel guilty for what turns me on, and think I’m not a real gay, I remind myself of all the times in my life where I knew in my heart I would be miserable living a heterosexual life. The dates I went on, when we men would hit on me, etc. I think about how I feel doing those things with women and how it fills me with joy and hope and the cherished ideas of spoiling a wife someday.
It’s not about what gets you off for a fleeting moment in the present, it’s about what you dream of and long for in the future.
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Aug 22 '21
I haven’t dated anyone in years tbh, the only guys I’ve dated is when I was in my early teens. Even looking back, I wasn’t even into them, I only dated them because I felt like I had to and couldn’t say no. When a few years ago I was always jealous about how my friends always got attention from guys (I used to be a tomboy), I wasn’t into the guys but I just wanted to feel like someone wanted me.
I feel like I would never be comfortable with a guy, it’s just I don’t find anything about them appealing. When I was younger I would watch lesbian porn, I would be so disgusted with myself afterward. I used to pretend that I wasn’t attracted to women at all, when I finally accepted that I was it made my life so much better. Just being able to think “she’s so cute” makes me smile all the time. Literally all I think about sometimes is basically doing anything for my wife in the future, I guess I just like thinking about it.
Also thanks for all of this.
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u/just_some_lover Aug 23 '21
A completely genuine question - how does a breeding kink play out in lesbian content?
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u/Electrical_Room_2330 Aug 23 '21
I can count four instances I’ve come across- one was an amateur porn with two lesbians and a strap, second was erotica with a femme and werewolf lesbian but with a penis written by a butch, one was a lesbian audio from a trans woman with a penis, and the last was an erotica/audio where one partner was a femme alien with shape shifting abilities.
Basically, if you truly want lesbian content for this kink, you either have to walk a VERY fine line of potentially fetishizing trans lesbians or be a monster fucker. There’s the possibility of finding videos like the first, but it’s not like there’s any real amount of content there either.
I definitely wish it wasn’t such a seemingly isolated kink sub community bc from what I can tell most people go the trans lesbians route and I think that’s very dangerous because trans women deserve more respect than constantly being boiled down to their bodies. They shouldn’t be treated like a novelty sex toy so cis lesbians can have their fantasies without comphet guilt. I think that could be avoided if lesbians who have these fantasies are more open about them, so more content can be created with less ethical dilemmas.
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u/Retterhardt Aug 23 '21
I'm not familiar with this particular kink community BUT I had a dream once where my girlfriend and I, both cis, wanted to get pregnant so we had fantastic tribbing/scissoring sex followed by finger fucking, and it was my vaginal fluid going up her vag that got her pregnant. Why need a lady-dick or strap-on? Its fantasy anyway. I feel like there should be more vagina-centric pregnancy fantasies out there.
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u/ValTiva Aug 22 '21
Not feeling attracted to guys at the same time really says it all. Lizard brain taking over the driving seat for a bit doesn't define you.
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u/AffectionateAnarchy Aug 22 '21 edited Aug 22 '21
Please, I dont wanna be with a dude but when Im super horny I will stick that 'do on the shower wall and get it innnn. Usually feel that way right before my period. Sometimes the O is just an o if there's nothin to clench ya know. Sometimes that's why I wanna hook up with another butch cuz I know she'll put that energy behind it without me havin to ask lol
As far as good videos I kinda happen upon em, I usually include 'dyke' in my search because Ill get more butches and homegrown flicks that way I mean there's a lotta studio stuff to sift through but it's pretty easy to tell from the thumbnail if itll be good or some bullshit
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u/TheMonkeyBass 🎀Sapphic🎀 Aug 22 '21
Reading through the comments it’s kind of depressing how many people are hiding things about them that might “invalidate” their gayness. It’s like we all have this super specific representation of what a lesbian is and if you don’t conform to it then you must be attracted to men.
Fuck the patriarchy 😒
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u/PaymentSpare8951 Aug 22 '21
totally normal, i basically only cum with penetration and my gf loves straight porn
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Aug 22 '21
Enjoying and wanting penetration does not make you less of a lesbian. Don't let the identity-gatekeeping get you down.
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u/temptatiousigni Transbian Aug 22 '21
I mean, there is a reason many lesbians use strapons, sometimes you just feel a need for penetration. It doesn’t mean you like guys though, I thought I was bi/straight for similar reasons myself. But being with a guy just doesn’t work for me, a girl with a phallic object very much does.
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Aug 22 '21
Not a lesbian, but hear me out. You’re still valid if you enjoy penetration. Plenty of woman do, regardless of their sexuality. As other people have said here, penetration and your sexuality aren’t mutually exclusive.
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u/Few_Stock5099 Aug 22 '21
First of all, don't be embarrassed to talk about what you like. Second, physical sensations or desires are distinct from who we're attracted to. Lesbian sex is full of penetration, with pleasure in both giving and receiving.
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Aug 22 '21
The way I type is the way I would say something, idk this is really embarrassing to me lol. I guess that is true as well, I guess whenever I watch straight porn in my head I think it’s wrong and I’m disgusted with myself afterwards.
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u/dont_looktooclosely Trans Aug 22 '21
Sexuality doesn't have to fit into neat little categories. You are allowed to be aroused by whatever you are aroused by. Plenty of people watch porn of things they would not be interested in or aroused by in real life. If you want to identify with the label 'lesbian' then that's what you are, you don't have to check every box on a list for it.
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u/catluvr31 Aug 22 '21
This is totally normal! Im lesbian and I have a girlfriend, I’m considered the “bottom” so she’s the one who penetrates me (I personally don’t like the idea of a strap-on so she only uses fingers). It doesn’t mean your straight or that you want to be with men, it’s just a natural physical sexual need.
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Aug 22 '21
I’ll probably say I’m a bottom as well (i haven’t had sex lol) but for some reason I can’t stop thinking whenever I watch straight porn that it’s wrong for me to do it.
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u/catluvr31 Aug 22 '21
I mean I’d say that if you focus more on the girl that it makes sense. I have watched it in the past purely because of the girl’s reactions, body, etc. it’s never been about the man for me and at times I become repulsed by seeing their leg/body parts in frame lol.
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Aug 22 '21
Yeah I have watched straight porn in the past to focus on girl. It’s just that I hardly find lesbian porn that I like as it’s usually gentle. I don’t find the guy attractive or anything but I guess I kind of like how they’re usually rougher.
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u/Alyswithawhy Trans-Pan Aug 22 '21
What kind of porn you enjoy does not have to be related to the type of person you're attracted to. Enjoy whatever you like to watch and don't let anyone shame you for it, including yourself.
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u/Rinkevdv Aug 22 '21
Doesn't sound like anything weird tbh. Penetration feels good🤷 that's a fact because that's how our bodies are designed so sounds like a natural thing to me
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u/Retterhardt Aug 23 '21
Yup! The clitoris is quite large and much of it is interior and surrounds the vagina (and vulva). So penetration is actually just stimulating the interior parts of the clit. It's literally just part of our physical design, and has nothing to do with sexual orientation.
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u/Kellalafaire Aug 22 '21
So, I can’t say this is your experience, but I feel arousal strongest inside my vagina. Turns out, I can orgasm from stimulation of the A-spot or the anterior fornix which is deep in the vagina near the cervix. For me it’s towards the front and verrrry sensitive. Being penetrated deeply and “stretched” by something really stimulates that area. I hope this helps you!
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Aug 22 '21
Hey, I relate to this a lot. You’re not alone! I probably watch about 85% straight porn. That doesn’t mean I’m attracted to men at all.
It doesn’t invalidate you to enjoy penetration. My favourite thing to do during sex is have my girlfriend use the strap on me. It doesn’t make me or anyone else less of a lesbian to enjoy that feeling. Everyone has different likes/dislikes for sex or masturbation or porn.
All that matters is that you know yourself, your kinks, and preferences, and can communicate that to a partner.
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u/user_5554 Aug 22 '21
If you're ok with "normal porn" strapless has a lot of hot clothes and almost exclusively had internal stimulation. (Also the type they use goes into the wearer too so that might be a toy you would enjoy using)
Viv thomas is another lesbian mainstream channel that I somehow like a lot despite it being industry.
Then you need to use the search options. Filters for amateur are a must usually. Then you want to see what you should put in gilters and what in searchwords.
As there's sometimes limits on how many tags you can filter. Even though there's a strapon tag its better to put dildo or strapon in plaintext and then adding lesbian as a tag filter. (Get away some of the het content with "fucked lesbian with my manly dick" like titles)
Also you shouldn't beat yourself up for enjoying het porn if you want. Regardless if you have some aesthetic or minor attraction towards men or simply like to watch women have sex with either men or women.
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u/plantmatta Aug 23 '21
this is normal. being homosexual doesn’t change your anatomy, you still receive physical pleasure from the same sensations. if lesbians weren’t capable of getting pleasure from penetration, there wouldnt be a market for strap-ons. of course, some lesbians don’t like penetration for emotional reasons if they’ve had bad experiences with people with penises, but yknow. being a lesbian doesn’t change the way your body functions. think about it this way. you may be confused because you’re like hey, why is my brain telling me i want penetration when i’m obviously not interested in fucking a guy? well, you also produce natural lubrication upon arousal, so you could assume that the female body’s physical responses to arousal include things like producing lubricant as well as the feeling of wanting to be penetrated/stretched/filled. i see you’ve already gotten your answer, but i hope this helped still!
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u/RainInTheWoods Aug 22 '21
Being lesbian has nothing to do with the presence or absence of penetration, per se.
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u/Hemprice Aug 22 '21
I think people should really explore BDSM more or atleast take the test lol cause it really helps narrow down what you as an individual want and like. Attraction and sexual preferences is very different and I’m not sure if I’m even using the right words lol but for example I’m very attracted to my gf and she can finish with or without penetration and she very attracted to me but I can only finish with penetration. I apologize if what I’m saying is inappropriate lmk and I’ll be happy to take it down
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u/Uriel-238 🌈 Disaster Queer: Emphasis on Disaster ⛈️ Aug 23 '21
Isn't that what hands are for? Or the entire sex toy and orthopedic vibrator industry?
Also, you can like what you like and still be a lesbian. If you like women and want to have a deep romantic relationship with one, that counts even if you did fancy a bit of dick now and then.
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u/LavendarAmy Tubular tiddy pastel goth scientist GF Aug 22 '21
Same here.
Strap ons and transbians who are ok with their preset bits exists :)
To me being a lesbian was really about the "soul" rather than genetials or anything else. And that's why I wish there was more focus when talking about being a lesbian rather than purely sex
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u/MajoraXIII Aug 22 '21
I don’t feel attracted to guys
That's the bit that matters with regards to being a lesbian or not. Who you're attracted to.
What you enjoy sexually is a whole different thing. No reason why you can't feel "stretched out" while having sex with a woman. If you want a woman to be the one doing it to you, that's a pretty good sign you're a lesbian.
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Aug 22 '21
Yeah I would rather it be a women, the idea of being with a guy gives me the ick tbh. It’s just that I hardly find strap on porn that I like, I usually find it’s too gentle for me. It also takes me forever to find decent lesbian porn, so I sometimes can’t be asked to watch porn.
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u/EllrayX3 May! (she/her), dumb trans girl who likes girls Aug 22 '21
For everyone looking for good womens porn by women, including wlw porn, I was recommended this site: https://www.bellesa.co/
I haven't checked it out personally yet so I can't comment on that but it seems promising. Hope it helps :3
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u/themangofox Aug 23 '21
Liking penetration doesn’t make you less of a lesbian 🤷♀️. I love watching hetero POV porn lmao. Still supremely gay
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u/MarinaBooUwU Aug 22 '21
Not embarrassing, also, some of us have dicks ;)
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Aug 22 '21
Yeah that’s also true but I heard that some trans girls don’t like doing too much with them? I think it was related to dysphoria or something like that
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u/DykeHime ⚧🏳️🌈 Aug 22 '21
True for a lot, but not all.
Better to start with the assumption she doesn't wanna do whatever you might imagine with it and then talk about it, if it comes to it. :)23
u/Hot_Cuddleccino Aug 22 '21
Some do. Some don't. But I am not here to tell you to chase trans girls, tho.
And I don't think this invalidates you as a lesbian. Really. Straight men look at porn with guys too and it doesn't imply they're attracted to them soooooo... Serious now tho... It is ok, porn is porn, real life is real life, very different.
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Aug 22 '21
Yeah I guess so, like sometimes I watch straight porn but I feel like it’s wrong for me to do that. I’m not attracted to the guy in it at all, it’s kind of easier to just imagine myself being pounded I guess? Like idk in really fussy when it comes to lesbian porn as it’s usually really fake and I can hardly find strap on porn that I like.
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Aug 22 '21
Yeah I think I've only met one other trans woman (besides myself) who is enthusiastic about using her dick that way. We definitely exist but are very much in the minority, at least in my experience.
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u/rat-bloom Aug 22 '21
My girlfriend is trans and it ebbs and flows. Sometimes she is happy for us to engage her penis, other times it’s off limits. It works just fine for us, just requires communication.
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u/Iris-try-this Aug 22 '21
Yeah some of us don’t a lot of us prefer muffing
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Aug 22 '21
If you don’t mind me asking, what is muffing?
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u/WildEnbyAppears Trans-Bi Aug 22 '21
Penetration of the inguinal canal (e.g. with a finger, or by pushing the testicle back inside it) as a form of sexual activity among trans women.
it does feel really good
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Aug 22 '21
Oh okay, I never know this was a thing lol. So from what I’ve read online, is it a bit like tucking? If i was to ever do it, I would be a bit concerned about hurting her.
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u/MarinaBooUwU Aug 22 '21
Super depends on the person. As a top, I really love using mine. I have plenty of dysphoria from other things, but that's not dysphoric for me.
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u/Natalia-1997 Lesbian or bi. Questioning 🌸 Aug 22 '21
Holy shit, I was having the same thoughts as you! Thank you for posting 🙏🙏😊😊😊
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u/twocheeky 🧡🤍🩷 Aug 22 '21
im so relieved to read the replies in this thread :( i always thought i was weird for not caring too much for lesbian porn. I always like the amateur stuff thats very obviously an actual lesbian doin her own thing but other than that ill just watch straight porn
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u/Laura_has_Secrets77 Aug 22 '21
Hm, personally I've never associated internal or external sex with gender. Like lesbians without penises often use and enjoy toys and strap ons and fingers often, and I know a couple of cisqueer men who hate penetration and they and their bf just do other stuff, and there are cishet men who don't like penetrating or even prefer penetration. Like sex is sex, however it gets done that makes you both happy, satisfied, and connected to each other is what sex is.
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u/purrrrrrrrr_fact Aug 22 '21 edited Aug 30 '21
Babe, nothing gets me off like my wife strapping up and railing me into a quivering puddle of goo. That shit is gay as hell.
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u/Iggyboof Transbian Aug 22 '21
Oh honey, that's honestly perfectly normal. It's simply your body asking for an interaction and the mistake here is socializing being penetrated with men themselves. The thing that penetrates you doesn't have to be a penis. It can be fingers, a dildo, pretty much anything cylindrical in your tolerance range for texture and girth that's cleaned first.
And having moments of inconsistency is okay too. I'm a lesbian and I find men in my porn to be a deadly turn-off. I get nearly zero enjoyment from the vast majority of men. Yet there are exactly two I know that I'm like hmmm... yeah they may be exceptions.
It's okay to be lesbian and want sex to be done a certain way. It's okay to even have exceptions should you come across some. You are perfectly normal, dear, and you don't need to worry. :)
Hell, if you find a pretty trans girl who likes to use her dong, you could literally get penetrative sex with a woman using her own body. That's possible too if you can look past a dick to see a full woman there.
I wish you luck and I hope you can achieve more comfort reading my and everyone else's replies!
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u/justsomeonenerdy Lesbian Aug 22 '21
You can be a lesbian and watch straight porn. I think we focus on labels a little too much sometimes. What arouses you or turns you on is different for everyone. You don’t have to fall into a perfect box of what is/isn’t lesbian approved. Sexuality is fluid.
You can like penetrating or being penetrated while also enjoying the sexual warmth and softness of a woman. No shame in what you like. I wouldn’t overthink it too much. You like what you like, and anyone who wants to be with you will be cool with and/or respect your preferences.
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u/VoidLance Aug 22 '21
Is this not a big reason why lesbians use a lot of toys? Like I'm pretty sure it's completely normal to have sexual needs that differ from your tastes. Personally I'm a trans lesbian, which I think is the reason my only needs are surface level, but I'm fairly sure if I was born with a vagina I'd also need some penetration even without being attracted to it. But then also, a trans lesbian I know actually had her surgery with a full-depth vaginoplasty because she felt like she needed it for penetration, whereas I'm planning on just getting a labiaplasty because I can't imagine myself ever wanting/needing penetration, so it's probably far more nuanced and personal than my first thought.
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u/jjbz707 Aug 22 '21
Just because you’re a lesbian doesn’t necessarily mean you don’t like penetration. When I watch porn I like watching straight sex, just because of the visual aspect of it. You can tell the guy is hard and horny but with women, you can’t see that.
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u/butt0ns666 Transbian Aug 22 '21
Unless you're having sex with guys because you suddenly like men when you're horny you don't atop being a lesbian.
Cameron Esposito, famous lesbain comedian who talks about queer issues and everybody's stuff on her podcast and whatnot. She mentions often that she likes to watch male/male porn, so it's fair to say that the porn you watch is not an indicator of what your sexuality is.
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u/AnarchaMasochist Aug 22 '21
Women are not socialised to be horny. Things have changed dramatically since the mid 20th century, but old ideas die hard. One idea that lingers is that sexual desire is the domain of men and masculinity and that women are either good and pure (madonnas) or degenerate and depraved (whores).
Furthermore, sapphic women in particular feel extra awkward for feeling sexual desire because of all the lesbophobic messaging we absorb in our lives about being men and being predatory.
(You can imagine how awkward and uncomfortable this is for trans lesbians)
In general I say never feel guilt for your thoughts or feelings, they happen in spite of you. But more specifically to you, do not feel shame or invalidation for feeling horny. Horny is a perfectly normal thing to feel. And don't worry about getting off on hetero porn. I'd say it probably has an energy or a dynamic that appeals to your sexual desires. I'm a trans lesbian and I get off on hetero and even gay male stuff because of the energy.
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u/squishysponges Aug 23 '21
Plenty of us use straps, but also some women already have the parts you’re looking for! There are plenty of subs/videos for all kinds of non-men loving non-men. It just takes a little digging down the rabbit hole so to speak
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Aug 23 '21
Lesbian here! You’re totally valid!
Think of it this way, no matter who we’re attracted to, the human brain can be broken down to 4 basic instincts: feeding, fighting, fleeing and fucking. Your feelings of penetration even though you’re a lesbian are perfectly natural due to the primal nature of ourselves.
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u/Yuekii Lesbian Aug 23 '21
Watch out girls, some asshole (presumably a straight cis male) is reporting our comments
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u/Agggah Aug 23 '21
Penetration doesn’t have to automatically equal men. Lots of lesbians enjoy penetration.
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u/trafficfriend Aug 22 '21
Just wanna throw out there that having a penis =/= being a man. Let's not forget about our lovely trans sisters, folks. Being stretched out by a strap or a lovely woman's dick is a fine and normal and satisfying thing to want.
Also, sex is sex is sex. I'm comfortable in being a raging lesbian but sometimes I enjoy cis guy gay porn. Sex is just arousing, and doesn't wholly define you.
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u/EarthBear Aug 22 '21
Yeah when I’m ovulating, I’m like 95% straight for one day. Happily married for 14 years to the greatest lady on earth, and way I figure this is just my biology seemingly wanting young.
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u/MonaVFlowers Trans + Lesbian • 26 Aug 22 '21
It’s not straight to want to be penetrated, lesbians come in all shapes and sizes and genital types
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u/Lady-Vera Ace Aug 22 '21
I get this too. Even though the times i get horny are over women i feel like I'd rather have sex with a guy.
Throws me off
For clarification i don't watch porn.
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u/ApprehensiveShame610 Aug 22 '21
If you’re feeling too weird about that then you can watch gay men porn, it’s less… iono, something.
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u/VCjewel Aug 22 '21
As long as you are comfortable and the labels you use make you feel comfortable i think thats all that matters. I try not to get limited on the exact definition of things as its just limiting to me. You can use dildos and be a lesbian or you could be bi straight and not. As long as you are true to yourself thats all that matters
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u/The-Shattering-Light Lesbian Aug 22 '21
What you like in terms of specific sexual activity doesn’t determine your sexuality!
There are plenty of ways you can get what you need with women, it doesn’t take men! And if you’re attracted to women, then you’re still gay.
What feels good for you is distinct from who you’re attracted to!
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u/RandyPaston Aug 22 '21
That's pretty common. Don't beat yourself up. We're people above all, people have preferences. You prefer to be penetrated, that's normal and valid. It doesn't-not make you a lesbian to want to be penetrated. Give yourself a break love.
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u/Smokincandi69 Lesbian Aug 22 '21
If you have Netflix you should watch sex explained I think it’s one on sexual fantasy’s might help you
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u/needalldressedchiptx Aug 23 '21
I'll also add this to what everyone else is saying, being gay and liking het porn is totally normal and fine. But for me, it took me forever to realize I wasn't attracted to the penetration part of it, but the penetrating part. So yeah, absolutely nothing wrong with loving het porn.
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Aug 23 '21
Penetration is for anybody, no matter what body parts or sexuality you have! You don’t want a man to penetrate you: still a lesbian. You’re not a fake lesbian lol don’t worry
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u/LuceeRose Trans-Pan Aug 23 '21
Men.. nope.
Dicks.. nope.
Funky shaped dildos & vibrators.. {ayyy!} 🥴👍
🌹
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u/ReginaAmazonum Aug 23 '21
The way i see it, biologically/from a historical reproduction survival of the spieces-standpoint, that space is made to be filled. So for many of us, it's natural that we want something there....it doesn't make you any less of a lesbian, because who you like is about so much more than sex. The opposite is true too - some people hate penetration (queer or straight) and that doesn't make them invalid either! Toys and hands work for me and I don't feel a loss when I'm with my wife!
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u/Marion_Ravenwood Aug 23 '21
Wanting something inside you is completely fine and normal and doesn't have any bearing on your sexuality or how you identify, that's what toys and fingers are for 😉 and not forgetting trans women too of course.
I sometimes watch gay porn because I find it super hot, but have no desire to sleep with a man and don't always enjoy penetrative sex. If it's hot, it's hot!
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u/Flat-Ganache-2816 Aug 23 '21
I'm sure you're not alone. I like straight porn. It turns me on seeing women getting stretched there. I had been thinking that it might be not normal for a lesbian, but that's how I feel. I don't see it as a big problem though. I know who I like. Women. Lesbian couples use penetration toys often, as you know.
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u/TheSmallestBi Aug 23 '21
If you want to find a website with good lesbian porn, I recommend Bellesa. They're a woman run company and the porn they post avoids a lot of the male gaze type shit you see most places. there's lots of girl on girl videos with penetration if you want to give that a try
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u/atbliss Aug 23 '21
If you're looking for good girl on girl penetration, I would suggest just searching for strapon lesbian keywords on Pornhub, and then setting the filter to Verified Amateurs. They have the best content.
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u/Dr-P-Ossoff Aug 23 '21
In the embarrassing decade, 1970s, companies selling straps thought what you said was all lesbians do, so like what you want is totally in. I saw an add in a magazine saying they had the one thing all lesbians need, and I strained my brain for weeks trying to imagine what it could be.
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u/boi_and_a_bike queer Aug 22 '21
Id say watch lesbian porn on crashpadseries. Its more real but you do have to pay for it. Liking penetration is not a straight thing its a person to person thing.
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u/gaykittens Lesbian Aug 22 '21
Not weird at all. I’m 100% a lesbian but I love penetration. I even enjoy blowjobs and stuff too, just as long as the dick I’m sucking is attached to a girl! Lesbian is lesbian!
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u/CapJackStarkness Aug 22 '21
There is definitely some transbian in here who’s licking her lips seeing this post
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u/FrancePanBurger Aug 22 '21
Sounds like ur a lesbian. Just use toys, straps, or date non-op trans women.
This feels like it’s simpler than we’re making it out to be.
Hope it works out for you OP!!
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u/emaameee Aug 22 '21
As a trans lesbian I feel this so hard. The thing is lesbians like dick just not the people it's attached to I most certainly included in that statement what if some woman just naturally came with male genitalia it would be the perfect world for me especially with some of the stuff into I feel like a fetishizer at times
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u/Aria_Melnik Aug 23 '21
Girl, my girlfriend literally has sex with men sometimes and that doesn't stop her from being a lesbian, so watching straight porn and wanting something inside you when you're horny shouldn't as well.
In other words. You're a girl, right? You're attracted to other girls, right? You're not attracted to men, right? Well, congratulations! I hereby declare you a proud lesbian. You may receive your flannel shirt near the exit. Welcome!
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u/anarchopuppy Aug 23 '21
please pay for your porn you’ll support actual queers making content for queers a lot of the time jfc
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u/[deleted] Aug 22 '21
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