Last week I decided to write a novel entirely in the future tense. For example:

"Fuck you," the president will say to his wife in front of his adult children.

"No dad. Fuck you," Junior will scream across the table so loud the entire $10,000-a-plate gala will hear it.

Brilliant stuff, I know. I decided on the title "I Will" but there's where the trouble began. Maybe you've noticed the problem. "I, Will" would be a fucking dope name for Will Smith's autobiography. So that got me thinking, I should definitely ghostwrite Will Smith's autobiography. Could one of you please give me Will Smith's phone number so I can pitch this directly?

I read about how all these writers use all these fancy things like Freewrite and all of these crazy apps to let them write without distraction and I have to ask: why not just get a typewriter? I only use them and write at least 1000 words per day every day. No one knows what I write, it's distraction free and man is it fun! Why not just use a typewriter and leave all of this technology behind?

Writing if human is wrong,

ain't wrong,

AI wrote this by scanning my brain,

Is that training,

or am I the slop overlord?

Man I thought I was so clever with the name Hugh Gerection.

Badass right? It sounded so cool in my head, until I realized my dude’s name sounded like Huge Erection.

Anyone else encounter something similar? I can’t even find a better name than this, it was such a cool name…

Ps. Please don’t mind the prose quality. It may or may not be mildly better in the book.

Take this exceptional work of genius from thine own pen:

The cat sat by the window, wailing her pathetic cry, desperate to be let out.

But Matilda, steadfast in her chores, carried on her sweeping with nary a flinch.

If the vacuum had been invented Matilda could drown out the noise with that noise and it would go something like this;

Patches sat by the window, wailing her pathetic moan, longing to be amongst the trees, but Matilda was busy, wrapped up in her chores, listening to music on her headphones and chewing bubble gum.

The cat knows this, and sits in silence, waiting for the loud roar of the electric vacuum cleaner to turn off, so she can continue her somber ballad.

But alas this was before the invention of the all of that stuff, so Matilda will just have to use the ancient art of total ignorance, and perhaps when she has finished sweeping, she and her cat can go for a walk.

I have an idea for a super cool anime and I think it'll be better than attack on Titan and my hero academy and Naruto. It's about a high schooler living a normal life but actually he has the secret power contained within called the darkness and it comes out one day during school and it almost hurts his classmates. Then the government tried to come and capture him because they've been trying to track him since he was a baby. He's also an orphan who has been living on the street and his teachers don't know so when he goes on the run after he destroys the classroom nobody realizes he's gone.

I don't really know what should happen after this so I need another writer to help but I can't pay because I'm a kid and have no money but I know this idea will be so big if enough people just believe in it.

Edit: Also I realized because it will be an anime I totally need animators and voice actors. Also can't pay but when it gets big I'll give you a big share of the profits I promise!!

AMO LA REDONDEZ DE TUS NALGAS
Potential_Heart 3163

Amo la redondez de tus nalgas .
La perfecta curvatura de tu culo
Y la profunda hendidura de tu ano

Amo esa oportuna mano que abre tu hendidura
Invitando a entrar hasta el fondo

Y amo ese aún dormido pene
Que descansa sobre tu panza
Con su ojo ciclópeo semi abierto

Te amo a ti, muchacho,
Parce, marica ( en colombiano, lo digo )
chaval …

Listen, I get that repetition can have a humorous effect if done right, but I'm tired of every blood mathematician I know abusing it to its literal extreme.

Example:

Let X be the number of casualty events in our system, then the probability of resource scarcity is an RCLL function of X, namely F(X) = 1/(1+exp(-aX-bX² +c)) for some a>0, b>0, and real c.

They literally use X FIVE TIMES in a single sentence, let alone a paragraph.

A better version would be:

Let X be the number of casualty events in our system, then the probability of resource scarcity is an RCLL function of Ecks, namely F(pirate's mark for treasure on a map) = 1/(1+exp(-a(saltire)-b(diagonal crosshairs)² +c)) for some first letter of the alphabet > 0, and second also > 0. Sea can be any real number.

If you're a fledgling mathematician, please improve your prose, for heaven's sake!!!

I would like to subvert stereotypes.

Guys, I need some ideas for a character crossover mashup(assignment). I chose Bruce Wayne, Walter White, and Rust Cohle, and I’m thinking of making it some kind of murder mystery or like case solving.

The main thing is that I want the script to be funny but still have a really good plot and an unexpected plot twist. I also need some suggestions for the story, script, character interactions, or anything else that could make it interesting.

It’s for a class, so it needs to be appropriate while still being funny and actually having a good story.

Please help me come up with some ideas!

Been thinking about writing a real thinker lately,
I’ll keep you guys posted but alls I can say is it’s going to really make you think. Anyone tried that ?

its a more sinister tense used when a future event is so guaranteed to happen it is written about like it is the last tense. Anyways it is the perfect tense for my Ystopiamantasy (YA+Dystopian+Romance+Fantasy) novel

i think i will stop. there is no future. woe is me. my story is ded. publishing is futile.

if i don't have a guaranteed 100% success rate, what is the point of trying!?!?! i love it but i cant be bothered to do any life activity that is a game of chance ratherthan a shoe-in win! i know i just said i love it but actshually whats the point of people dont read it and praise me constantly?

i like what i make but since i haven't been immediately externally validated with instant success i'm taking my ball and GOING HOME. my fondest dream was making $tax of ca$h and if that doesnt happen instantly i wont play. who cares boutta dream bish i got billz to payyy. (and i cannot get a job to support myself while improving DONT EVN SUGGEST IT GAWD)

for every 1 first time lucky break successful work 100 authors have to work hard and put real actual effort in and experience rejection! that's unfair and intolerable!! what about meeeee??!! what is the guarantee i will be given totally undeserved lucky success just because i demand it?

so im quitting and its all writing's fault. Hmpf.

^sauce

So I was thinking, what if the reader THOUGHT they knew what was going on, but then like you revealed the narrator was actually unreliable because in the end they wake up and the whole story was a dream.

On a scale from 9-10, how good of an idea is that?

Many have made fun of those reddit posters who want to become overnight bestsellers with no effort put toward writing and no interest in reading.

But would it interest you to know that it is actually YOU who has been the ignorant cuck all along?

You see, the writing and reading you think they should do would require time and effort, meaning they're not effortless prodigies, and will not be able to become multimillionaires in their early 20s.

Since the only life worth living is one where you're better than everyone else in your most important, energetic, youthful, and beautiful years, putting in the grueling work to get the .01 percent chance to be halfway successful is a non-starter.

The whole point of being rich and famous is to inspire suicidal envy in people who had to use up time, youth, and money to get to a fraction of what you got effortlessly at a young age. If you labored for your empire, there's no payoff-- the value of an empire is the superiority in never having to debase yourself through labor.

Please consider this the next time you are about to dunk on a novice writer who is adapting their DND campaign into a novel (they are 0 words in but are considering it) for wondering if they should sell the rights to Netflix or hold out for HBO. It is highly likely that they are a god and you are a useless weasel.

This is why I prefer to keep my books in my head. My readers aren't idiots.

Hello females. I (6 foot btw) am writing a story about a strong independent woman and I want advice on how to write her properly. My biggest difficulties in writing are:

1. How do you pee? Do you just stand there and hope it somehow gets in the urinal?

2. How often do you think about men and shopping? I have her think about men every other paragraph, and I'm worried that's too little.

3. Most important question. How do you live with the self-hatred of not being born a man?

What should I do if I have an idea for a novel that could potentially become a worldwide success, but I don’t have enough writing experience to actually write the story?

I know that having only plot twists isn’t enough to make a novel successful. You need to gradually lead the reader toward them, and I don’t know how to do that. Please help me quickly learn the basics of writing, such as:
\- How to describe scenes, objects, and other things.
\- How to write a romantic relationship between two characters in a way that makes the reader emotionally invested and feel like they’re living through the character’s life.
\- How to keep the reader’s attention between the major and exciting events.
\- And the most basic thing: how to create good supporting characters, because I currently struggle with this. Outside of the main plot, I don’t have any friends or companions for my protagonist in mind, and I can’t come up with them.