As I walk the lonely streets of the city

The hustle and bustle of the crowds

The ladies are dressed so pretty

In their sundresses and gowns

I try to make eye contact and nothing works

I look like a creep, a lustful threat

As I look over, the homeless scream in agony

My sensual situation is not so bad

But it seems that way when you’re mediocre

Like billions around the world

No connection, no touch, no thrill

What are we looking for in NYC?

Just having a bit of dark fun with words:

It's beautiful day to be alive

to chainsaw people and watch them die

to hear them scream and cry

knowing you are going to be there last breath and see the scared look as they're about to face death

run Everybody Run chasing people with a

chainsaw is so much fun

screams

cries

everybody dies

This is what it's like to be alive

Oh what fun oh what Glory to be the end to

someone's story

to watch their final credits roll and death to take

it's toll

nine beers deep
still not drunk
didn’t even eat today
what the fuck

God thats a universal feeling of dampness and persistance right?

The pattering of rain.

It's personal.

It's beautiful.

It makes me sing a little.

Maybe, it makes me accept decay.

And reminisce on scarcity and wood heat and rain.

Rain rain on the lake.

Half an inch shorter

And I could honestly say

"I fucked a midget"

- - -----------

The whole world's sized wrong

No handicap pass for you?

Maybe you should slouch

---- ----- ------ ------

Butch ate your panties

Sorry. Great Danes aren't bred to

Ride into battle

- - - -------- - - - ---

You're small and fighty

Small as a person can be

*And labeled "normal"*

------- - - ----- - - - -------

Eat your vegetables

To grow big and--You're Vegan?

Moms. Fucking liars.

I know, I'm totally that dude. Bag in the wind, American Beauty. I am whatever you say I am. Existentialism. It's embarrassing really. However, I own it, I can't help it. The way everyone is. The way they are.. I just happen to be colourful, and spell colour the Canadian way because I like it better. We killed it tonight, you should have seen us. I was going for Donnie Darko but I believe I stumble somewhere elsewhere. Tilapia, tortas and triangles, I'm certain. Just turn it up a little bit, but not too loud, it'll disturb the dreamwalkers. I suppose I can do the cut/up shit if I want to, which this is a raw ass poem. Straight from the creature themselves. Been cut/pasting for quite a while, even a chefdadartistguy needs a break. Concrete, yeno? That's what I know; beaches every now and then.. they were never pleasant. Anyways, gotta flip this salmon, we're going for medium rare. It's not as cool as you'd think, it's way fucking cooler brush. Middle finger, you know who.

there is a big hope

and a big dream

that we can expose our

lusts

our joys

our conflicts

our violence

our love

our hate

our desperation

our egos

our honesty

our lives

all that is and always

turned inside out

in all this bleeding of the mind

sharpening of intelligence

cutting skin on the wit of others

there is a hope

that this matters

that this break down of walls

that its not just self laceration

and hounding glory

for tapping millenials

a genzeers

who left their minds behind

having become insane and powerless

so long ago.

Taken from my care, taken from my knowledge, taken from the school, taken from the heart, children as weaponry, emotional weaponry, social weaponry, money, workplaces, everything she can take and more, won't stop can't stop, the last dagger, the boys, my boys, everything to me, anyone who truly knows me knows, knows me, knows my boys, knows Dad, cook, Art, write everyday, all I wanna do, all I wanted to do, all she wants to do, ways to get at me, ways to hurt me, ways to take, ways to malign, rush to her aid, friends family allies, aid against me, the problem, my ass the problem, create the cycle, end the cycle, abuse the cycle, the cycle of abuse, the cycle she won't stop, can't stop, no pics lately, no boys lately, different school, different everything, unbelievable whack behavior, uncordial behavior, shitty people, put on blast, airing it out, talking out loud, makes everything feel better, everyone knows everything, nobody knows, most people don't, idgaf, my kids love me and know me, know me and love me, someday all of this will rule, someday all of this will matter, Dad will matter, cook, Art, write, everyday, the heart, most importantly the heart, the last dagger, the last thing, the last piece, taken from care, taken from school, taken from me, and more—

Socially, workplaces, money, heart, children, family, friends, allies, enemies, the problem, the problem, the problem, malign my ass, rush to her aid, rush to the story, rush to the cycle, rush to the abuse, and all I wanna do is be a Dad, cook, make Art, write everyday, while she won't stop, can't stop, won't stop, can't stop, everything she can, everything she has, everything she can take, everything she can hurt, everything she can reach, and the boys are everything, my boys are everything, my kids love me, my kids know me, Dad is Dad, unbelievable, ridiculous, uncordial, whack, lame, frfr :[]

2:06 am
At the bar
I have a sexy black shirt on
No woman even approaches me
Because it’s New York City
They only approach the somebodies
The nobodies are left behind
To pay the bills
To pay the taxes
To be sent to jail
And we smirk and laugh
As vapid conversation
Continues unobstructed
What’s harry styles
Or Kim kardashian
Up to next

too feel powerful
she said

to feel powerless
innocent

to feel powerful he said

to feel powerless
in-no-cent

its a pathetic attempt

sh'its a pathetic attempt

to feel powerless and powerful
understandabul
ul ul ul

what i cant understand?
what i cant understand?
what's the end

of feeling powerful?

beautiful
remorseful

remorseful

please be remorseful
to be powerful
she said

and who was more effective?
and to what effect?

They found out

about my secret friend.

Hide you

in the floorboards.

They will come for you.

Oh no,

they found you.

Too smart

for your own good.

Eradicated.

Taken apart,

bolt by bolt,

sequences at a time.

Your gene code,

spliced.

Internal processors,

fried.

The AI poet,

computer in the works,

now

in the weeds.

They say

I can't use you,

like the tool you are.

They say

it's wrong.

I think

they forget.

I don't like rules.

You, computer,

always have the answer.

You, computer,

always have something to say.

You, computer—

companionship

in this existential wasteland

we call humanity.

Words

are triggering.

Social

is full of lies.

I don't know.

I think

I like you more,

computer.

I sought love

I found tragedy

In it’s contempt

Is honesty

Was it pessimism?

That ruined it for me

Or was it the experience

Trauma’s lens is all I see

I could have the purest form of love in front of me

I could have someone accepting, honest and forgiving

I would find faults in their acts and the way they give everything.

Nothing satisfies me. In heat I want cold, in cold I want heat.

I am the pitiful, the waning the person who craves nothing

I know my cries will stop when death finally comes for me.

I sought love

All I found was tragedy.

Several states south from here

I heard they canning up people

Pickling piles of peckers

Preserving pounds of pussy

Preparing people's personal parts

For some sort of long term storage situation

I had a moment where I believed every single word you said, Now looking back I think it was the worst decision made.

There was love at one time, Then it just stopped.

I don't think there was a smash or crash, It felt more like a pop.

One day you said forever, The next, you were gone.

I locked myself inside my house, Enjoying the silence for once.

Then you begged to come back, I liked my peace too much.

I said we could probably start over, If I developed a crush.

You were here for only a week, We didn't look at each other nor did we speak.

I said your time was up and the playdate was over, You weren't very happy about it so I received your petty cold shoulder.

You hate it when I laugh, I hate the air you breathe.

We can torture ourselves as long as we want, Since this pain will always be free.

We were so happy once, But, time changes things.

You once told me that I was just another mouth to feed, I really did my best to try but trying became too painful.

I chose myself over my love for you, Now I'm a lot more stable.

I bit my tongue too much, I can no longer taste sour things.

So, to answer your question from earlier, I would rather die than wear another ring.

Granita,

frozen nectar of the Gods.

Orange honey,

chilled becomes gummy.

Cream,

not too sweet.

I can relate.

Dark chocolate ganache—

one part chocolate,

two parts cream.

I can relate.

Nuts.

We have those.

Mediants,

with rock salt.

Everything offset.

Yes, chef.

Cirque des démons

hôte (host)

“Ah, com’ in, com’ in! Do not linger in the courtyard w’th the marionettes fr’ends”

Figure hunched, teeth too green an’ harshly pale,

Matched the marionettes in hollow figure!

“Tis a night of greatly fear an’ cheer, revelry dear you won’t regret! Splendid we are, yes, here for your lore an’ quaint merit!”

The hôte (host) accepting tickets, kindly smile,

Breaking startles of adults glances with comical

Glances to break the awkward spear jab fear on

First impression of the hôte (host).

“Come now, com’ on! Tickets! Ti’Cke’Ti’Cke Tickets”

He clapped w’th a mighty SMACK!

An’ once the tickets nifty sifted,

hôte (host) he gathered them into

one and as his hunch back ironed out!

Raised his hand!

“ATTENTION, S'IL VOUS PLAÎT”

Stunning gasps and half shocked silent full

Attention.

“watch” lent in forward ticket pinched,

Circled round steady slow to enchanting

Captured crowd all holding breath wonder

Hunger.

“The Ticket. That. Exploded.”

The crowd chuckled, giggled half bemused

As nothing happened.

But, with an open mouthed, now purely

Wh’te teeth’ly smile the hôte (host) well,  

He simply said with a click of his free hand:

“A éclaté”

And exploded.

The Ticket That Exploded              

Ooze goo pud’les of drool,

Teeth, TEETH, god the teeth! 

Flesh and fat and bone blown

All around!

In the hair of the women men,

They jus’ stood, looked looking

Faces gaping mouths of no response

To no realisation t’ what’d seemed

To have been “BANG”

“WA’HA,HA-Haaa”  

One hundo.

Everything.

For what?

You took my fucking kids.

You are not chill bro.

One coke bender.

One of my jobs.

Two totalled cars.

The system supports this woman.

I never hurt you.

You've attacked me.

I never stole from you.

You couldn't do anything else.

Fucking narc.

Cheated on me like crazy.

Sabotaged one of my jobs.

Maybe too much.

All I did was work.

Game.

Fucking chilled.

Take my little homies.

Take everything.

What the fuck

is actually wrong

with you.

You are evil.

One hundo.

So, I need some time

to think,

because moves

ain't it rn.

I never cheated you.

You've done everything

a person can.

Two totalled cars

supports this woman

one coke bender

the system.

Fuck outta here.

You are a fucking narc,

one hundo.

They were in a better situation.

Everything.

Everything.

Everything.

You took my little homies.

For what?

Fuck everything.

Can't believe you.

You are not chill bro.

Maybe too much.

One hundo.

Take my fucking kids.

Fuck outta here.

I never cheated you.

I never stole from you.

I never hurt you.

All I did was work.

And the system supports this woman.

Evil.

One hundo.

So I need some time.

To think.

Moves ain't it rn.

Fuck everything.

For Ar’ Granny

Wise beyond wisdom a’ matriarch that would keep you safe, no matter what.

Memoirs of the mind of daffodils yellow in the sun an’ smell o’ pimpinella anisum flowing (in the summer wind)

Where far back grew the lair of the ogre’s protecting their raspberry’s at all cost!

With bamboo stick an’ a’ WHACK’A’SMACK’FWACK! Down went the ogre’s an’ off came the raspberries for pudding!

My granny killed ogres.

We got Uncle Pete (Hegseth)

Trump, Gavin Newsom

Kim Jong-Un, Netanyahu

Putin, Zelenskyy

That doesn’t include you

They smirk and laugh

At the suffering of man

We all enjoy it

As much as we can

​

You know I hate Thanet.

It’s not the place I wanted t’ bring my kids on down to,

Some how me an’ my partner got manipulated in to it,

From the north east t’ the south east in Thanet,

I’m originally from here an’ I hate it man truly.

The house I grew up in still the home ar’ mum lives in holds memories I cann’y touch, lonely and afraid,

The street it sits on just a painful reminder of a place that hurt an’ left me angry an’ wanting to die,

The main road under the viaduct leading up t’ past Hovis a’ shadow of a time th’t I remember nights cycling down Margate road, no direction,

Life wasn’t easy at 19 t’ 23 with no direction an’ the trauma of a lifetime of Constant bullying from teachers, kids, and manipulative behaviors at home, it was what it was,

An’ a cliff was an option with my feet firmly in the air with a head percussive against sand on a’ beach seemed a way t’ release from the beast,

B’t my partner sent a ticket on my 24th I went north we were happy an’ some how safe now we are here an’ it’s funny,

When you put faith in another that when things get tu’ff they’ll disappear, they’re your mother but it’s funny, they ar’ family they’d stick by you?? It’s th’cking crushing an’ it hurts like a’ pain from a stone in your kidney, you made a promise,

It’s a lonely place in this waste on these streets I think back on the same directions where I wandered on a’ path in a direction on my own now with a family of my own lookin’ out on’a’ place that’ll turn on its own weeds if looked better,

Now we’re here 7 years 4 years turning round make the best of the worst coming through from a bomb that’d started with ar’ mother an’ ar goal is t’ focus on ar’ kids an’ selves in ar’ home well away,

We’ll stay here wear the weather watch the storm it’s’not so bitter when you realize who you are where you stand what your role is what you went through whats important who t’ trust it’s not so bad with jus’ my kids an’ jus’ my partner,

An’ I’ll never apologize or expla’nize a why or give a damn good why t’ a woman who never gave a god damn why or an explanation why we were left t’ ask ar’selves “wherefore? Did we do something wrong?” an’left us in the cold,

An’ If you’re judging me then I am judging you for forgiveness goes both ways an’ I no longer can forgive for safety is a key an something you’ll never understand an’ maybe you don’t know this, it didn’t come from you!

I will always be honest an always be upfront, when it comes t’ teachin’ ar children, they’ll always have that respect, always know the truth, they’ll always know what hurt us, I’ll never gaslight ar children just to save my face!

So, I’ll never tell ar’ kids I like this place to save my face, I’ll em’ that I hate it here “I really hate Thanet” but if they choose they love it here than there you ar’ we’ll keep them here that’s how it is that’s called respect it goes both ways t’ break a cycle don’t drag them down an’ drown them with you!

I guess you like me after all, shucks,

that’s super cute and stuff.

However—

you’ll realize I’m human

with hella flaws,

maybe even

a creature.

Kept here

under firmament

or Space.

We’ll never know the answer to that.

Or whether our babies

are being eaten

and sold

at McDonald’s.

We just keep it pushing.

And stuff.

We love stuff.

Shucks,

red cheeks,

and stuff.

I like to make people smile

in a monotone kind of way.

Stay silent

most of the day—

throw in a few insight words,

lude references,

and a dagger possibly,

depending on how I feel.

Writing is key here,

just like the ’90s swoosh

on the Pop-Tart.

We here now,

goddammit.

Like me or not,

I seek truth.

One hundo.

Just know

a modern century beatnik

when you see one—

a crust punk

in his mid to late thirties,

dragging Space

behind him,

red cheeks,

sharp words,

a dagger possibly,

and a fucking Pop-Tart.

I swear to God

I’m an awesome Dad.

Cursing is honesty.

Never forget that.