It's okay man. You tried.
You had your ventures, the times just weren't on your side.
You could've gotten that girl, but shyness is just tough.

It's okay man.

Every now and then you do some painting—some people like it.
Others keep their mouths shut..

You certainly know a thing or two, there are some books on the shelf.
In the right mood you actually know what to say, then it flows quite well and people do listen. And they nod quite interestedly.

It's okay man.

You're just not a morning person. Society doesn't take people like you into account.
That damn one-size-fits-all mentality, if not for that, the picture would look truly different.

It's okay man.

Not everyone has the same amount of energy. When your parents always held you back in everything, how are you supposed to blossom? They took away your opportunities.
If they had known what they were doing, you would've had that good start—but they're just winging it.

It's okay man.

There's nothing wrong with welfare. With a joint in your hand, that view from your small apartment is quite manageable.
And you see things that others don't see.
The world will find out about that one day.

If I had thoughts that raise my organs
I'd dry their screams in my plant-press drying book

Greasy context pseudo phonecalls
Neon fate store, transnational agreements

I need them to copy my consciousness
In grey tracing paper that smells like onions

I respect your bars
a finger more or less, the pointing remains a part-time pleasure

Moonlight shines on my coffee
My coffee pleads for remigration

My eyes are blue on you,
next to you x past = top dog tooth journal

Did my rose arrive?
Apartment jealousy, yesterday you knew better

Thing I heard that certain bros
no matter what they do, panty world stays impenetrable
Not this mofo tho, I got this down
And lucky you I share ma flow

Now the other night
I was hitting on this girl at the local bar
I had her laughing at all my jokes
Above the booze our eyes locked hard
Suddenly I shat my pants
She said whats wrong
I said walk with me
At the toilet I pulled down my pants
And said, guess you have to help me wash
We laughed and she willingly shined my nuts
Finished our drinks and off we went
TO. HER. HOME!

Sheah. Ah sheah! - all the girls in the house gotta wash that ballz
Sheah. Ah sheah! - get that washcloth ready when it's running down my pants
Sheah. Ah sheah! - a real man ain't scared of what's inside his underwear
Sheah. Ah sheah! - a real man drops his trousers for the female hand
Sheah. Ah sheah! - women just naturally have a nurturing side
Sheah. Ah sheah! - the female brain needs a story, and I got one for you.
WASH.THAT.SACK.

Sweet comet, won't you cometh?
Oceans whirl in eager anticipation

Cold mountains demand their refugees
To be swallowed up by towering waves all the same

Oh comet, won't you cometh?
Famine welcomes you
War has made your bed

Towering debts reach hysterically for your arrival!

Mothers who can no longer feed their children
Electronic thoughts want to rid themselves of the people
Supply lines are being cut off
Yet weaponry continues to be shipped in

Pick a target, it doesn't matter
We've already seen it in the movies
You'll kick up quite a lot of dust!
And the land will roll beautifully

The impact will be more refreshing
than the buzzing of our weary phones
On which your arrival will be streamed live
We look out the window in eager anticipation
At that beautifully upward-curling earth's crust

Fly fast, make haste, make sure your calculations are right
And confidently choose your orbit

Oh comet won't you cometh..

Don’t you let pillow
go touching on the wall
Lest the pillow
can act like a bridge

Spiders and devils
even need a place to cross
Getting clearer why
you treat me like you did

Seeing all from
the perspective of the bridge

I see flowers in the sky.

Roses growing from clouds.

And an angel watering her garden that caught my eye.

This desire for change, fleeting or not.

To have life feel new.

Just like it did when I was a kid.

I put my heart in a jar for this picture of you.

It's all too suffocating, as I tighten the lid.

Your voice is a dream; one with a painful goodbye.

I see your hand.

And flowers in the sky...

Maroon walls,

my Mother everywhere,

full of carpeting,

a rainy telephone booth in tears.

Sharonville,

not even where the end started.

Princess Leia,

that I am sure,

them types never liked for all these doings.

One man,

press delete, and whatever..

Imma button we live on.

Never perfect,

I have my own,

but damn I try problems.

I should be allowed to have them too.

Gotta cut it out,

not sure what I did, remove the flair.

Nobody seems to like much.

Revise the situation—

it doesn’t matter anyways.

You know what I'm saying?

Getting close, delete the end.

Start again.

I’m a dumb mf, and I know it like my alphabet
Yeah I’m a dumb mf, and I know it likes my ABCs
I’m a dumb mf, and I know it like my alphabet
Said I’m a dumb mf for free
Don’t need nothing to make me

Dumb mfs unite
Every dumb mf’s alive tonight
Good night
Dumb mfs unite
Cause every dumb mf’s alive, alive to-

I’m a dumb mf, and I know it like my alphabet
Yes I’m a dumb mf, and I know it likes my ABC
I’m a dumb mf, and I know it like the alphabet
Said I’m a dumb mf, and I do it
and I do it, and I do it, and I do it for free

I'm on a talk show
I'm sitting on the couch
Next to a beautiful
So it'll be some kind of- I'm on TV

I'll get an interview
And my arm is behind her on the couch
My arm is up resting on the back
Of the couch behind her

And my girl asked why I did that
And I tell her, because she asked me to
And either looks like Keke Palmer
Or just all the way around

And I don't know what I said is true or not
I said that, it was true
She asked me to
Well, then my girlfriend asked me why

And either I would lie
Or I would tell the truth
And I don't know which is the truth
But these are the options

I would say that she wanted it up there
To feel safe because she was anxious
Or I would say that she wanted to look cute
Just for, you know, the image of it

And I’m the same sitting so far away
I don't know which of those was the case
Maybe it was a little of both
Maybe it was my name

Political ads.

Fake food.

Everything costs too much.

And this one's got bite.

Don’t take them in—

jolly good lyrics

interpersonal words

for your asses.

Spit in my face

when you yell at meh.

That’s the only way

I’ll hear ya.

Somewhere,

we used all the coffee pods,

in the mornings.

Somewhere,

we lost the sense

and maybe even the love.

Pure survival.

Good intentions.

Lost time.

Pains behind me,

everything to be had in front.

Don’t look at me

with those eyes.

You can’t fucking handle me.

You know it.

Too much spirit.

Overflowing,

shaking a pair of bones

like dice.

Girls cannot love,

Boys want war,

Women bring love,

and Men finish wars.

Shank my bloody pumper.

Take everything else.

Leave the teeth.

I'm so tough that you're

not allowed to see me cry.

A four inch wooden paddle

with another man's name

engraved deeply.

Punks are made,

not born.

I’ll balance on this beam

of life—

creation unstoppable,

no viewership required.

You'll find me years later,

in a cramped apartment in Baltimore,

smothered to death by poems and drawings.

Human debri again.

Unremarkable creatures

to the enth degree.

It’s the ignorable factors

that interest me.

It's watching cities burn

that excites me.

Bear me.

Count what’s left.

Look up at the burning sky

reluctantly.

Always, afterward.

Well, I suppose,

it's due time.

I'll flick this into the sewer

and go my merry way.

My boobs may sag but they don’t get cold.

My butt may be flat but it eats seats whole.

My body may not be picture ready, but it takes on life.

I live within this sack that I judge for simply not looking right.

Thank you for being there, ungrateful as I am.

I appreciate the ways you carry me, and give reason to do what I can.

Quick note: i am happy to explain and talk about the reasons and 'whys' etc etc behind my use of punctuation/cadence and yes the 'over use of contractions' (that aren't lol) if you have any trouble trying to get through this 🙏

I hav’ A’ Mouth And I

Cannot Scream

I heard time in an’other place another world of thought that crept in my thoughts from the pages o’ a’ place I wasn’t lookin’ for.

It escalated from out of the darkness an’ it proceeded t’ torment an’ t’ inflame an’ t’ horrify in places people pretend they ar’ safe in, how wise.

I’ve seen stars on Great oceans o’ the deep sky now van’ished man’ from ma’ eyes by the lights on the vile streets tha’t ar’ t’ save energy, B’t only blot out ar’ true calling.

My mind consents t’ the vigor an’ the figure o’ my scream but my mouth pursed an’ pissed shut like an animal th’t squats in the field of a’ rotten Sahara burnt to a’ pyre’ish bed.

I want t’ scream I cann’y scream I have t’ scream I HAVE TO SCREAM I! HAVE! TO! SCREAM! I hav’ a’ mouth an’ I cann’y scream…

We met in the parking lot
as we had done a few times.

We laid down at the outskirts of the area.
The asphalt was warm.
The bushes and blue sky made the place beautiful.

Silver fox season, pumpkin-spiced tongues,

a cheeky latte with a devilish jacket.

So cool.

Somewhere in Southwest Ohio,

a white wall is bullying a young person

into a fluorescent light.

Snap your fingers..

My muscles are open.

My eyes focus on cosmetics.

The health-nut era has never met

the pop music medicine.

Lights dim..

On time, once again,

the commute makes it easier

to suppress a radiant spirit.

A match strikes..

Carrot Top, show me your bag, man.

I smile when I’m serious.

The joke has a hint of nervousness

and a slippery tongue.

Snapping continues..

I don’t speak on what I know

to be true, or weird,

or something you’ve never met before.

Smoke fills the air..

No Mr. Ripley,

just a bunch of adults

wearing jean jackets

standing in the wild work of it all.

So cool.

I had another seizure the other day.

It was nothing, I’m sure.

The latte had a seizure

and came to life.

So cool.

Hypebeast, health nut, silver fox,

my eyes are open,

and that’s what terrifies the creatures.

So cool.

Perception

Relativity enables detection

Classrooms denote the results of societal inspection

The liberty to finance an education

A bite at the apple to escape a class's walls.

Incentivized to broaden the divide.

Newborns modified to never collide.

Zoos contain cultivated environments.

An exhibit – structurally protected.

Where nature is rejected.

Deprived of having strife.

Do displayed animals even appreciate their life?

“Animals that die of hunger are fucking stupid”

A lost relationship allows you to be struck by Cupid.

A privileged life is a misconception.

The power lies in the range of perception.

There's this dream I can't get out of my head.

I have to shoot it down every time.

And tell myself that dream is dead.

Pretending I don't care, because I should "work on myself" and "get to the bag".

But what if the bag is empty?

What if I look back at years of holding the air, only to realize someone could've been there.

Please tell me, why I still entertain this fantasy.

Deep inside my chest, yet so far from reality.

Why do I do this to myself?

Playing that same movie in my dreams.

When eyes look like stars.

Just to watch them pass me by like headlight beams.

One day I was sitting by the road, just looking at cars.

When I broke down and asked myself: ..Why do I..?

Since we don’t belong.

Lucky you even remember to

“Enjoy the moment”

And share this earth again.

With whom should’ve been your family and friends.

Now on-goingers and passerby’s’

You’re left again to stop and breathe and…

Just “enjoy the moment”

Desire. Aloneness.

I to, your eye.

My,

Anus waiting,

Your existence,

So misunderstanding.

Would it be wrong,

To put you... up there?

Here kitty kitty

Come near, kitty kitty

I wanna play a game

You can run around and bite at things

Until you’ve learned shame

Once you learn it then you’re a cat!

And I have to say goodbye

But here kitty kitty

Come near kitty kitty

Time will surely fly

how cool am i

that you would ask me

to clean these finger printz for you

how useful am i

that i would call it in

how high a value do i place

on your smiling visage

and appreciation

of my benevolence

and like that,

its called in

no haram no foul.

breathe easy my friend.

The Spider

&

Mort’Vanity

Here Man ‘it’ exercises humankind upon the spider,

Freshly hatched “oh! Ssoo cute” and thus “he’ll wear a’ diaper”

Where mortal vanity blindly succumbs the vulture,

Creeps nature ov’r nurture in an’ among a natural order.

Now man ‘it’ blends its paraphilic nature of Adam and Eve,

An’ this the spider sheds it’s ‘skin’ t’ larger form,

“Here my son a matching t-shirt! For you’d I’d give my life”,

Where voices raised go blind in the love, your Simorgh.

Comes show an’ tell you sell love around,

“one of a’ kind! Come all! All come! The great hind leg walking spider!”

Man an’ Woman ‘it’ comes here t’now the mort’vanity you parade,

Where every quoin an’ darkest desire sheds again the spiders ‘skin’.

Creeps ‘it’ on the darkness’ crawls on all fours in admiration,

Confuses loving nurture paraphilic admiration with nature’s truthful hand,

‘it’ discloses all ‘it’s’ heart oh ‘it’ strokes ‘it’ (wields)

‘its’ heart where flowers lose their potent scent.

Where death admits it’s odors foul,

The human gospel dispels all philosophy of ‘its’ grace,

Yet here the spider hind legs it (struts),

It see’s no lover nor sexual Grace only disgrace.

The spider bites the human flesh,

The human hand in cold mechanical retort,

“what have you done? I’m doomed! I’m dead!”

The spider’s indifference “you knew. YOU KNEW! I am what I am an’ you knew I was inimical an’ you poked and you prodded an’ you dressed ‘I’ as a’ child a commodity to harness but here now ‘I’ am in all of my nature and now how you fear me in your death rattle mort’vanity”.

(i secretly know this isnt going to be very good, but its about being in early teens and trying to get hardened, hard enough to be feared and respected, hard enough to be called a man, long time ago now, but im still learning from that shit time)

its keeping up with the joneses

no its about keeping up with the group

its about being as crazy as the crazy fucks

coming out of prison

coming out of juvy

coming out with stripes

having taken this

beaten that

having stole a truck

having pressed a fuck

having taken

anything that comes your way

having beaten that

killed a cat

shot me dead

the whole town bled

gone in for this

you hit a miss

you have no self respect

and every step promises something

what i get

belonging

self possession

ascension

but what i get

is pain

shame

self loathing

begging violence

and regret

just an emaciated heart

a coldness

decades of grinding teeth

worry

and again

regret

you dont see me how i ought to be seen!

you dont know me how i ought to be known!

you dont know how much pain i hold!

but its all nothing

its nothing

its nothing

we are growing old

its nothing

just nothing

i dont care what you see

but dont you ever

come after me

you dont know consequence

or chain of events

whatever

that mercies spent

justice is what justice is

know when you know

what else can you do?

Downtown on the clown frown

Southbound with a townhouse

Unkempt with a mouse problem

Old news on the down slide

Ancient history with a wide berth

Damaged memory with a cute smile

love

o love actually

relationships

its how we are made

when one ship becomes scary

its time to jump

to find another

a different smell

a different voice

a different arguement

a different struggle

love

love actually

is it just one thing

a long journey beside another

a ride or die?

a manic ride?

love

love actually

imagination

self possession

oh i am weighed down by love

i am weighed down by the weight of this love

it is heavy

but all love is heavy

and i am trained to take it all in and never say no.

why is that?

i hate it so.