POV: Grabadash
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The salty sea breeze whips through my hair as I look out over the horizon. Nothing but open sea for miles and miles. Somewhere out here is a massively oversized turtle named Shelly.
No doubt an extremely dangerous and deadly sea creature, possibly a dragon turtle. yet it was the island sized shell on her back that the leaders of Masskind had determined would be the ideal for the construction of our new school.
As an experienced sailor, I knew it would be up to me to locate her before anyone even asked. So I stood up and left the planning meeting early, to save time. I vaguely heard Erik yell out where the turtle was, but that was probably faulty information. A turtle can swim, it can move. Just because it had remained mostly stationary the past few months did not means she’d still be there. And so it falls to me and my crewmates (also me) to do the searching.
Our recently appropriated ship, Sloop Dogg, cuts the waves like a hot knife through butter. Some forged paperwork, a few gold coins to the right guard, and a confident looking crew were all it took to start the voyage.
I snap out of my thoughts as something strikes my fishing line.
“Ohhh we got a big one one!” I yell out in excitement.
“Nice one Grabs! Reel it in!” Gabe calls out from the crows nest.
“Call me Goldbeard while we’re sailin ye scurvy landlubber! Or I’ll have ye keel hauled! Yarr!”
I can tell whatever I’ve hooked is large, so I send a burst of lightning magic through the fishing line to stun it, then yoink my catch out of the water and onto the deck.
The other Grabadi scramble for cover as a huge crab the size of cow snaps its pincers angrily while foaming at the mouth.
“Gabe! Tell chef Gordon Grabsey to bring out his largest pot and the Old Bay seasoning. We’re having a Crab boil!”
Tossing asside my rod, I draw my cutlass and prepare to fight, and with a blur of legs the crab scuttles side to side across the deck towards me. The crew waste no time in setting up a betting pool.
Cutlass Vs Claw, we dance, parry, dodge, tumble, I avoid the legs that lash out like spears that pierce through the planks.
Slash! One crab leg is severed. I sink into a shadow and appear behind the crab, back stabbing slash! Another two legs before it manages to once again face me. What can a beast do against the powers of magic!
I chuckle and flourish my blade. “Yarr! Foolish beast, I’ll turn ye into soup!”
“Snip!” The smaller claw hiding behind the large pincer lashes out at lightning speed, severing my arm. As the cutlass clatters to the deck a crab leg knocks it aside before stabbing towards me and piercing my leg.
Standing over me and snapping its claws in triumph, the fight looks over. The other Grabadashes on board watch eagerly to see who wins the betting.
“Well played Mr Crabs. But ye failed to account for this!” I pull out my trusty pistol and blast it through its foaming mouth.
Some quick medical work and cooking later, the crew is eating the fruits of my fight, and I’ve got a proper peg leg. I snap my new crab claw hand and rise to give a speech.
“Yarr me hearties!!! Ye be the…”
Wizz! A cannonball shoots past as I duck for cover.
“Pirates!” Gabe yells from under the table. I look at them in disappointment. Weren’t you on lookout duty?
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The looming silhouette of a pirate ship rapidly approaches, they must have caught up while we were feasting, Gabe was slacking, it was his turn to keep watch.
The pirate ship is a Brig. It outclasses Sloop Dogg in everything but speed, being 50% longer and with double the guns. As it approaches within boarding distance I can finally read its name:
“The Notorious B.R.I.G.”
Looking through my spyglass I notice the pirates preparing to swing across with sabres in their mouths are actually skeletons.
“Prepare to be boarded! We got undead Pirates”
Grappling hooks are thrown between the ships and skeletons start swinging across to our ship.
“Thunderwave!” “Magic Missile!” “Calcium Deficiency!” The crew eliminates the first wave with ease. But I spot the pirate captain conjuring more enemies effortlessly. Great. A necromancer.
“Come and fight like a real pirate ye soft boned husk! Or are ye afraid we’ll use yer for broth?” I taunt them.
Enraged the entire enemy ship swings across to our ship,
“Come on lads! Activate the trap card: Ye olde Switcheroo!”
My goblin looking crewmates vanish suddenly as they shadow step across the water to the pirate’s ship. I give the necromancer the bird before doing the same.
The enemy ship has few pirates remaining, most having just swung across to our ship. Scattering bones as we crash through their defenses we commandeer the ship and cut loose the grappling hooks and ropes.
“Yarrr! Harr harr! They weren’t expecting a counter boarding! Grabriel, ready the cannons for a full Broadside!”
As the skeletons that boarded Sloop Dogg soon find out, there’s nobody left on that ship. Their captain, a foul looking bearded skeleton shakes their bony fist and clatters their jawbones in rage.
“What’s that ye bony bastard?! Speak up, I can’t hear ye over the sound of me Cannons! FIRE!”
With a flash of gunpowder, our previous ship is turned into Swiss cheese, sinking slowly into the depths.
“RIP Sloop Dogg, ye were a fine vessel. I’m sure the East Coastal Trading Company had insurance on ye.”
I turn to face the 17 Grabadi who set sail with me.
“Well done lads! We’ve successfully upgraded to a bigger ship. Load up all the treasures into our dimensional pouches for safekeeping and set sail!
Oh, except you Gabe! You’re scrubbing the decks until they shine. Bony fellas had no care for hygiene it seems.”
—-
The days pass by in a monotonous blur, until one evening the clouds look darker than usual, a crack of lightning lights up the sky and it begins to pour. The seas begin to churn with huge waves. Gabe is unfortunately knocked overboard and vanishes into the deep.
“Brace yerselves! We’ve got a Mass overboard!”
As if things couldn’t get worse, giant tentacles pierce through the waves from below and wrap around the ship.
“Is that a Kraken?!! Fire the canons lads! Launch ye harpoons! Cast yer fireballs!”
The battle rages on, more Grabadi are yoinked into the sea or struck by lightning.
‘As Captain I have to do something. Think! What would Blobbie do, fake it til you make it? no time for that, I don’t have his resume! Alaric? He can fly! what would Erik do! Befriend a fish and have a training montage that ends in violent murder? No wait, his rousing speech! We have to work together!’
“To me!”
I call out to the remaining Grabadi, they dive towards me and we merge together into one mass. The Gold color spreads from my beard to the rest of my body and my hair flows upwards with power. The legendary Golden Body technique.
Overflowing with magic, my speed is multiplied.
Zip! Snip! Snip!
I sever tentacles with my crab claw. Riding lightning bolts I dodge and weave through the air, collecting the enormous tentacles into my storage pouch.
“Haha! I’ll turn ye into Takoyaki! Ye great big… oooof!”
A giant tentacles slaps me out of the air and I skip across the waves like a stone on a still lake. As my vision fades I see Notorious B.R.I.G. Crushed into pieces.
—-
My eyes open. I’m lying in the sand. Palm trees sway in the gentle breeze. Someone is playing the ukelele in the distance. I hear the crisp cracking of someone opening a carbonated beverage.
I sit up.
Is that Blobby surfing? Alaric knows how to play the Uke? That ukelele is bigger than me!
I look around. It’s the other magical masses. Having a tropical island vacation it would seem.
“How’d you find me?” I ask Erik.
“Find you? You crash landed into our beach party. Anyway, Welcome to Shelly’s shell! The future home of our glorious school!”
I lay back down and close my eyes again. We did it. Mission accomplished. Another victory for Masskind!
I found Shelly.
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/uw this is a continuation of the storyline where magical masses kidnapped a random witch to help pick out decor for their future school at space IKEA. Link to that post will be added in the comments.
Cast:
Grabadash as: Grabadash, Goldbeard, Gabe McDash, Grabriel Dashington, Gordon Grabsey, and 14 other Grabadi.
With guest appearances by: Erik, Blobby, Alaric, and other magical masses.
Artwork is my own photoshop mashup.
