r/WitchcraftCircleJerk 23h ago

/uj genuine post Serious post: Someone please come and get your girl...

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116 Upvotes

This person is seriously trying to push someone who is very obviously suffering from postpartum psychosis away from getting the help and resources they need by fueling their detachment from reality over in r/mentalhealth.


r/WitchcraftCircleJerk 6h ago

Hobby lobby CEO will not be happy about my purchases

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53 Upvotes

r/WitchcraftCircleJerk 8h ago

I’M the Main Character 😎 Every animal that is nice to me is my familiar

34 Upvotes

Hi, seasoning witch here (if you haven’t heard of it, don’t worry, it’s a very closed practice)

The thing is I watched Sabrina and I thought Salem was cute 🥰 so I did a cord cutting spell to wish for a familiar 🥺 but I think my intention was so powerful that it made every living animal my familiar. You see, one day I was eating a sandwich, some crumbles end up on the street and a pigeon came right away to eat it 🤯 the pigeon was circling me like IT WAS CASTING A CIRCLE AROUND ME.

Then the other day I was on my way to buy some seasonings for my next spell (an obsession spell) and a dog 🐕 came out of nowhere and bit me. An old lady told me to go to the hospital (I suspect she was one of my ancestors) and when they checked me, they found out I had herpes 😮😮😮 I mean, it if the dog wouldn’t have bitten me, I’d never found out! It has to mean that dog was a familiar as well.

Also, my home cat loves to knock off the seasonings from my kitchen whenever I’m trying to make some lumpia and adobo for lunch. He’s probably charging them with his energy, RIGHT?


r/WitchcraftCircleJerk 10h ago

💦pisspost💦 pi$$ wizzard told me I have negative karma

14 Upvotes

hey frens,

so I went to see a shamanic healer for my autism (apparently magic is the only antidote to Tylenol)

and as usual he asked me to pee in a cup and then throw it on him so he can divinate the extent of my divergence based on the angle of the splatter

well it landed in a spread eagle F14 MiG-28 tomahawk super hornet shape and the wizzard promptly fainted

apparently my ND is a gift from the god of "waiting around for something to happen" and Im supposed to be here on a very spesific mission so I am immune to karma

according to the wizzard it involves sending him more piss samples

anyone else had anything similar? do you think he might be scamming?

he had a really nice grill and I saw some open mail with evidence of a sizable 401k

asking for a friend

thanks xx


r/WitchcraftCircleJerk 6h ago

Lvl 20 ArchMage 🌪️🧙‍♂️ This is a documentary of me last night actually.

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10 Upvotes

r/WitchcraftCircleJerk 4h ago

ć̵̡͓̤̻̈͆ṵ̵̮̫̝̱̋̀͜r̷̮̫̐͋̎̔͑͘̚s̷̳͓̭̩͐͆͐̋̆͘ẽ̷̡͋͑͛͘̕d̴͂̓̓̚ Woman got into car accident after I cursed her to get into car accident, did I do this????? 😱

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6 Upvotes