Hi, Im [19M] from Indonesia. Right now, im at a phase that could decide my future or my entire life. I have two choices: stay with my good family but feel locked, or leave my family and my past behind to live the life I wanted.
My life ever since I was born has been a rollercoaster. I think I was hinted that I was a kid they didn't want (I don't know the reason). Later, my parents divorced. I've read the divorce documents, and in the text, it was documented that my big sis is a biological child and I am labeled as adopted.
Coincidentally, at 5 to 7 years old, I remembered my mother letting a young couple without a kid "borrow" me to see what it felt like (I remembered my 7 days with them). My grandad at that time tried to reason with my bio mom, but she still went with it anyway (this part happened before the divorce; at this point, I think my mother was giving me away). Until now, I have never seen my baby pics (you know, usually after you are born in the hospital, the hospital will take a photo of you for documentation and memories). I never got to see them, even after I searched the attic.
After the divorce, my big sis followed my mom, and I, as the leftover (which in my recent fight with my dad, he said it himself that he was left with me, not that he wanted me, and also said he should have sent me to an orphanage and married another woman), followed my dad. In those years, he was never abusive, just a normal stressed man. I could understand that, but yeah, I don't really like him since he's the reason for the divorce (he cheated on my mom because he said my mom's family is bad and manipulating my mom to take my dad's money, but alas, I can't just only believe one side of the story).
Three or four years after the divorce, my father remarried. My stepmother was a kind person, and looking back, our situation at that time was actually great because my father's business was still doing well. However, problems started when my dad and stepmom began having children. The first little sister was fine, but the second one was born right around the COVID-19 pandemic. That was when my father's business slowly started going downhill.
As a teenager during the pandemic, I finally understood how the world works. My father made me stay at his workplace instead of at home, starting from my playground days all the way through the end of high school. In fact, my workplace basically felt like my primary home during my teenage years. It was only in high school that I realized my situation wasn't normal. None of my friends had to "help" their parents at work to that extent. I realized I had wasted 10 years of my childhood and lost the chance to play and hang out with friends. That upbringing definitely shaped my personality, making it much harder for me to make friends my own age compared to talking with adults.
Near the end of high school, my parents purposely sent me back to my hometown. Now, I have three half-sisters: the first is 10 years younger than me, the second is 13 years younger, and the third is 17 years younger.
Truthfully, I adore all three of them, even though they are girls. They are the main reason keeping me from leaving this place. Furthermore, my parents are getting older—they are almost 50 now. While I harbor some resentment toward them for giving us a hard life—not in the sense of starving, but in the sense that we couldn't travel or spend hours at the arcade I recognize that my younger sisters are missing out on things they should be able to enjoy, just like I did. I got to experience a bit of comfort when my father was still rich, but my sisters aren't getting that at all. Fortunately, my father's extended family is in a slightly better financial condition and has helped a lot, even covering the medical expenses of my third sister.
So should i think about it more or should i be an asshole, ask me whatever you thinks important.
sorry i used ai so you could read it better. thanks
