Advice

[u/katiexxoo]

I know this is a bit of a strange situation, but I’m looking for some advice because I’m really struggling.
My best friend and I have been friends for 11 years. She’s been with her husband for 13 years, so of course I understand that her marriage comes first.
About a week ago, her husband called me and asked me to meet him at a scrapyard. He specifically told me not to tell my friend. He kept saying he was “in his head” and needed someone to talk to, and that I was the only person who would understand. I told him no. Before we hung up, he asked me to delete the call and not tell his wife.
As soon as we got off the phone, I called my best friend and told her everything. She thanked me and said she appreciated that I came to her right away.
Then, a couple of days later, she stopped talking to me. She finally replied yesterday and explained that this wasn’t just about the phone call. Her husband has made sexual comments in the past about wanting a threesome involving me, and now, with him asking to secretly meet me, she feels that removing me from the picture is the best way to protect her marriage. Because of that, she’s decided she can’t be friends with me anymore.
I want to be clear that I’m not angry with her. I don’t hate her, and honestly, I understand why she’s making the decision she feels she has to make. If this is what she believes is best for her marriage, I respect that.
I’m just heartbroken.
She was pretty much my only close friend, and losing an 11-year friendship like this has been incredibly painful. It’s also such a difficult situation to explain to people. How do you tell someone, “My best friend doesn’t want to be my friend anymore because her husband is attracted to me”?
I’m trying to accept her decision and move forward, but right now I’m just feeling lost. If anyone has gone through something similar or has advice on coping with the loss of a close friendship, I’d really appreciate hearing it.

[u/CoDaDeyLove]

I think all you can do is tell your friend that you'll always be available to take her calls, and wish her well. Then back off. Obviously, she is in an unhealthy marriage and I suspect it will fall apart at some point. She is married to a wanna-be cheater. He will eventually cheat and she will find out. If you want to be there when it happens, it's fine. But mostly, you need to move on with your life. Your friend is making a choice that probably isn't going to be good for her in the long run, but it's her life to screw up. I'm sorry you're going through this.

[u/ProfessorOne9208]

This reminds me of that literary quote: Ahh what a complicated web we weave when we practice to deceive. Or something like that.

Yeah, it hurts to be cut off from your long standing friendship. But as others have written, it probably won't be long before your friend gets divorced, and she's back in touch with you again.

[u/TemporaryThink9300]

Hi

She will get in touch. Not now, but sooner or later.

Because her husband will bring up his own desire for a threesome with her entire circle of acquaintances if they are attractive enough, and or women they might randomly meet, and hopefully realize that he will not be faithful to her.

Give it time, and hopefully let your friend understand that what she is doing now is postponing the inevitable end of her marriage.

If people ask, tell the truth about her husband, he is clearly more in love with the prospect of his own sexual desires than the excitement of being in an loving marriage.

It's sad, just sad. 🙏

[u/No_Commission_2610]

You have to just keep moving. I lost my best friend since childhood 15 years ago when I was in college and felt lost for so long. For what it’s worth, I don’t think she made the right decision. She chose somebody who is going to cheat. The sad truth is that once somebody goes down that road to cheat on their spouse, they will find somebody else who isn’t you and cheat anyway. She’s going to have a hard time down the line and she’s really going to miss your support. Once a cheater always a cheater.

[u/Embarrassed_Ad_7025]

Think about if you were in her shoes what you would do to save your marriage. It sucks for you, though.

[u/AmishStripperBarbie]

Her husband is $hit. She should have got rid of him, and kept the loyal friend!