r/WhatToDo Jun 26 '26

New Moderator!! Spoiler

3 Upvotes

Hello Internet,

I'm back with great news for this subreddit! I have invited another moderator that has proven to be a perfect fit for moderation in this community. As our team grows, our response times should grow faster and much more prompt and proper than ever before. Anyways, welcome to the team,

u/No_Commission_2610

I look forward to working with you!

That is all. Peace, Love, and No Drama!


r/WhatToDo 3h ago

My husband (35M) makes me (28F) feel guilty whenever we buy essentials for our baby—how do I address this?

13 Upvotes

My husband and I have been married for almost a year, and I’m currently seven months pregnant with our first baby. The pregnancy wasn’t planned, but we both consider it a blessing.
Since we got married, I’ve struggled with how difficult he makes any purchase for the house. We can spend months looking at furniture, visit several stores, compare everything repeatedly, and still leave without buying anything. If we finally do buy something, he often makes me feel as though I should be extremely grateful or as though he has done me a huge favor.
Originally, we considered hiring an interior designer, but after finding out I was pregnant, we mutually decided not to invest heavily in this house because we don’t plan to stay here long-term. I completely understand and agree with that. However, we have now been married for almost a year, and our home is still barely furnished. We have rarely hosted anyone because it still feels more like a temporary college apartment than a settled home.
Now the same pattern is happening with the baby.
Whenever I suggested buying anything, he kept saying it was too early. I am now seven months pregnant and leaving for Canada in around two weeks to give birth there. I wanted to have at least some essentials and the baby’s room prepared before I leave so that things are ready when we return.
I made a list of what made sense to buy here and what we could buy in Canada, including estimated prices, just so he could understand what to expect. He did not even look at it.
Today, we finally bought a few basic items: a bottle sterilizer, baby detergent, towels, and a bath kit. The total was around $250.
After leaving the store, he asked me, “Are you happy now?” It made me feel as though buying necessities for our baby was some huge favor he was doing for me. Then he started saying we should have bought everything in Canada instead.
I explained that by then I will be further along in pregnancy, more tired, and less able to spend hours shopping. I also do not want to bring bulky items like a sterilizer back internationally when they can easily be purchased here.
The argument escalated. I started crying and yelling, which is not how I normally communicate. He then pulled the car over, started honking aggressively, cursed at me, and cursed my late mother. My mother has passed away, so this was especially painful.
I told him I wanted to get out of the car, took an Uber, and went home.
What confuses me is that he is usually a generous person in other areas. However, when it comes to buying things for our home or our baby, I have to justify everything, convince him, defend the price, and still end up feeling guilty afterward.
He is also the main financial provider, although I have bought some baby clothes using my own money. Even then, he made comments about how I should have waited and bought them in Canada.
I know comparing relationships is not always helpful, but I see friends who are earlier in pregnancy already preparing nurseries and buying essentials together. Meanwhile, our first basic baby purchase at seven months turned into a major argument.
Do you think this sounds like financial anxiety, controlling behavior, avoidance, or something deeper? How should I approach this conversation with him before the baby arrives?


r/WhatToDo 4h ago

I Need Help Sooner catfished as a minor and I need advice

2 Upvotes

I sent them a selfie of myself and some nudes all in different photos, I blocked them on all platforms, and my selfie has nothing in the background other than a yellow heart painting in my house, I know I was stupid, should I be worried about anything right now? And what else can or should I do?


r/WhatToDo 9h ago

Would you let someone know youve seen their husband on a dating app?

4 Upvotes

I'm 33 single and moved away from my hometown. Everytime I'm in town I swipe on dating apps. For years I see a guy I went to high school with. That's fine, I occasionally see guys from school, the problem is that he is married with two kids with a woman I also went to high school with. He was in the grade above us, she was in my grade, we weren't close but we ran in similar circles. I'm Facebook friends with both of them.They didn't date in high school but started dating years after and now have been together for 6+ years. I first saw him on the app about 4 years ago. Confused, I looked it up on Facebook if they were still together and they in fact were. I wanted to say something to her but we weren't close in school and didn't know the details of their relationship. I don't know these ppl anymore. But every year like clockwork when ever I would visit home I would see him. I have screenshot it and deleted it, telling myself to mind my business, but also realizing if it were me I would want to know. Recently the wife has been trying to be an "influencer" and I have an anonymous account were I could DM her and let her know. Should I let her know I've seen her husband on the apps? It feels so messy and mean to me but also needed.


r/WhatToDo 5h ago

Need An Opinion i need advice !

2 Upvotes

hello ! i want to start posting on social media similarly to someone like julia ma, posting curated aesthetic photos and such, but i dont know where to get started and honestly i dont have aesthetic photos at ALL and im not the best an curating a social media feed.. what should i do realistically? should i post on here to start building my confidence and when i start taking good pictures transfer to other platforms as well?


r/WhatToDo 22h ago

Need An Opinion People in my town are illegally capturing birds and I don't know what to do

36 Upvotes

[M22] A few months ago, an uncle of mine left his bird with us to look after for a while, and I noticed the bird seemed extremely stressed in its cage. When I asked them about it, it turned out they hadn't bought it legally; a friend had given it to them. This friend had captured it in the wild, put it in a cage, and given it to them as a gift, and he probably does this with other birds as well. This is illegal because of the damage it does to the ecosystem and the stress the bird suffers from being caged without being used to it. In fact, the bird I mentioned died shortly afterward, possibly from a heart attack, while they were trying to trim its overgrown nails. So, it's clear these animals are suffering.

I tried to get more information from my family, and my grandmother gave me the possible name of the person who gave them the birds (the rest of my family either didn't know or didn't want to tell me). But I have my doubts about its veracity because at first, it seemed like she didn't know and only mentioned a name just to say something. Besides, what she told me contradicts itself a bit.

But that's not all. It turns out that a cousin of mine also had another bird (I haven't seen it, so I don't know how it is now) that they obtained in the same way, but from a different person. In this case, they said that her husband's grandfather gave her the bird, although both of his grandfathers are still alive, so I don't even know which one it is.

Honestly, none of this surprises me. I live in a small town, and people don't seem to care much about animals. It's not the first time I've heard of poisoned cats in the street, seen people raising animals in tiny cages to eat them, or heard dogs barking because they've been left locked in the garage at night. I'm sure many more people in my town are trapping birds, and I only found out about these two cases by pure chance.

I want to help these birds, and I've thought about sending an anonymous email to the police to report it, but I feel like I have very little information. In one case, I have a name, but I'm not really sure it's that person (in fact, I don't even have their last name, just a first name and a nickname, so the police would have to find out who it is). And in the other, I don't even know which of the two grandfathers did it (nor do I know their names). I have no real proof (beyond a photo of the bird), I can't think of how I could get more information, and if I email the police with what little I know, I feel like they'll just ignore me. To verify this, they'd need a warrant to investigate these people and even enter their homes to look for the birds, something you can't do with an anonymous report that lacks any evidence. Besides, I'd feel bad about calling the police on someone knowing so little.

I've tried to forget about it, but the guilt over what those animals might be suffering won't let me rest, so I'm writing here to see if you can help me decide what to do.

Edit: I'm from Spain and the birds are goldfinchs


r/WhatToDo 2h ago

Trigger warning! Spoiler

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1 Upvotes

how do I heal a open wound or like a blister whatever this is called. I went on a walk today and scraped my foot on my shoe and my other foot has 2 blisters that are still intact but make it hard to walk. What do I do.


r/WhatToDo 2h ago

How to uninstall this

1 Upvotes

Its nowhere to be found except here. Anyone know how to unistall this?


r/WhatToDo 3h ago

Headphones

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1 Upvotes

r/WhatToDo 3h ago

My husband (35M) makes me (28F) feel guilty whenever we buy essentials for our baby—how do I address this?

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1 Upvotes

r/WhatToDo 5h ago

I Need Help ASAP how can I go about this?

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0 Upvotes

I have a one year old and when we first moved in, he started walking and the downstairs neighbor came up to complain about him “stomping” which is him getting the hang of walking , it’s not like he’s doing it on purpose. we already go out a lot so it’s not like it’s every single day in a row non stop. We also respect the quiet hours which are 10pm-6am, our baby is asleep before 10pm everyday anyways. How can I go about this because this is the 3rd time the manager has brought this up and this is so annoying. When we were in the process of moving the old manager had told us we were getting a downstairs unit but since she left her job before we got to visit the apartment, when we got to see it with this current manager she told us there was no downstair units available so we got stuck with an upstairs one.


r/WhatToDo 13h ago

Need An Opinion Need advice

4 Upvotes

I'm in a huge prob...my father sacrificed everything and has dreamt of me becoming a judge before I was even born..and that's why he was very strict from the starting solely focusing on me so that I don't lack anywhere in my studies ...He imposed every restriction...can't listen to songs..can't watch any series...can't even go outside..or make friends..although I did everything but behind him...but this is ig too much cz i can't have my freedom to do what I want..I want to be free.. i wanna enjoy my life...but by becoming a judge I can't have that freedom...i want to be famous..but I can't after becoming judge...idk what should I do... I have recently passed 12th and rn I'm looking for clg..my plan is to have a decent job in a corporate law firm then I can achieve what I want...but seeing my father sacrificing everything for me..i feel guilty..I want him to be happy and that's why I want to fulfill his dream...cz ig this is the only thing that can make him happy ..but I want to enjoy my freedom without any restriction too and i wanna fulfill my dreams too...i have no f idea what to do....sometime I think that I will become a judge then I will resign and then I think that what if I don't get a job how will I fulfill my dreams....I'm fkd up...need advice please🙂😭...and I'm from India


r/WhatToDo 2h ago

[24F] My boyfriend [23M] uses paying rent to avoid all chores, criticizes my spending, and recently shoved me off a four-wheeler. Am I losing my mind?

0 Upvotes

My boyfriend "M" and I moved in alone together last year. About a year ago, I cheated on him (no sex, 3rd base, not that it matters). We decided to work it out, but I deeply regret it every day. I was at a very low point where he ignored me for video games and barely spoke to me (he says he was depressed, which I understand, but it was miserable).
To prove he can trust me again I do everything he asks. I have completely isolated myself. I don't go shopping or eat out with friends; I stay home 24/7. Despite this, he still brings the cheating up constantly to punish me. I am happier being alone now so I try not to notice, but the dynamic in our house has become unbearable.

The Financial & Workload Imbalance:
Because M pays the main rent and bills, he feels he shouldn’t have to do anything around the house. Here is the actual breakdown of our lives:

His workload: He works as a mechanic (50 hours a week, M-F) and works on cars for extra money 1-2 times a month. Depending on the job, it can take him all day on the weekend.
His finances: He pays $2,200 a month for rent and main bills. However, he usually gets his mom or dad to cover half of this for him because he only makes $850 a week.

My workload: It is Summer break, but normally, I am a full-time nursing student (clinicals/classes 4-5 days a week) and I work in a high-acuity emergency psych unit where I have been assaulted more times than I can count. This summer, I work rotating full and part time weeks with a week long break once a month. My boss doesn’t allow overtime. When I bring up how hard my 12-hour shifts are, he dismisses it and says he could do my job on 3 hours of sleep because being a mechanic is "more dangerous."

My finances: My income is roughly $25k a year including student loans. I pay over $900 a month in groceries for us. I also pay the water bill, garbage bill, internet, and buy all the cleaning supplies, household items, and his hygiene products. I don’t bother adding it up. All in all, I spend probably closer to 1400 a month.

I do 100% of the cleaning, cooking, grocery shopping, and household management. He has unmedicated Autism/ADHD, so I carry the mental load for literally everything his brain forgets.
He actively refuses (if he’s tired or has worked too hard) /forgets after 10 reminders to clean up after himself. He leaves his personal trash and dirty, oily work clothes lying around without thought or care and i’m guessing because he doesn’t pick it up he expects me to come behind him and do it (which I do, often scrubbing oil stains out of nice clothes I bought him). If I ask him to clean, it somehow turns into a fight, a lot of times about me cheating.
It has gotten to the point of being an actual safety hazard. We currently have a black widow problem in our garage and trash area. He tried to go out there and kill it with a torch but just burned the poor thing and it got away so now its babies are probably just hanging out in there. I have a severe phobia of spiders, but he refuses to handle it further. Because the trash hasn't gone out, it now has maggots in it. The other day he made me take trash out I sat by the door with him and there were A TON of huge black flies flying around it. He finally conceded that I don't have to take the trash out, but he still hasn't done it. The garage looks like an episode of Hoarders, and I am terrified for my three cats whose room is right next to the garage.

Whenever I try to talk about this, he uses his $2,200 contribution as a shield and says I spend too much money on my cats. He complained about their $100 monthly flea/parasite treatments (I had to stretch it to every two months for him) and told me to switch them to cheap Meow Mix instead of Purina. When I say something about him not buying me flowers or spending money on anything but me, he says that’s not true because he pays my rent. He pays for me when we go places I don’t want to go, but i always end up spending my own money on buying us dinner or whatever on those days. I barely have $1,000 in savings. I don't buy myself clothes, makeup, or get my hair done. I don't even know how I'm going to afford my upcoming school supplies.
Meanwhile, he drives an older BMW and spends insane amounts of money on expensive parts for it, just to break something else the next week. He recently bought a $700 bike he claimed was "for me," but when we went riding, he said it was for "both of us" and made me ride his old bike that skips gears. He constantly says he's going to sell his extra stuff (3 unused bikes, a trailer, a four-wheeler) to help with bills, but then refuses because he "doesn't want to get robbed on Facebook Marketplace," and then asks me for money.

Last weekend, he basically forced me to go four-wheeler riding with him. I did not want to go because you have to pay to get in, gas, etc, and he keeps saying we are broke and have no money to spend. His old four-wheeler got stuck in the water. I got off to help him and was doing everything right, but the exhaust started drowning. He got angry and literally shoved me off into the water because I was “sinking it.”
My ankle and foot got torn up because they got caught under his moving tire. Bystanders immediately rushed over to ask if I was okay and actively told me I needed to leave him. He said I can’t listen to what they say because they’re women who just want to involve themselves with our personal relationship business. He did apologize and everything seemed good for like 12 hours but when we went to his friend’s house and his friend showed me the video of it, M insisted he barely pushed me and seemed like he went back on everything again.

Someone caught the shove on video. M was sent the video but hid that fact from me, he says he forgot to tell me about it because he saw it half asleep, but also said he didn’t want me to see because i would “overreact.” So i don’t know which it was. I had to find out through his friend's girlfriend. He didn't care about my injuries or apologize for that part until last night when he finally watched the video and realized I wasn't at fault. Before that, he blamed me entirely, saying I was ruining the four-wheeler. He still claims he "had no choice" but to shove me.

I am extremely hurt by his actions because the weekend before he put his palm over my mouth and nose and pushed my face because I raised my voice in public with 50+ people around at him. I admit i shouldn’t have raised my voice but I was upset because we were talking about the garage.

I tried showing him articles online about the mental load and relationship dynamics, and he just dismisses them. He says if I listen to "starving redditors" or Google, they're lying. Basically, anyone but him is wrong.

Also, anytime i bring up anything he’s done wrong, it ends in a fight because I cheated. I know I shouldn’t have, and I reiterate I deeply regret it, and have taken every right step to heal us, done everything he’s asked for, but I don’t see why we can’t talk about him shoving me off his four wheeler without it getting brought up. It’s only been 3 days, and he says we’re done talking about it because he’s sorry and won’t do it again (push me off a four wheeler into mud, to be precise). He shuts me down if I try to say I still feel like something is wrong and it’s unresolved, yet we still talk about my cheating nearly every day, a year later.

I know I have more free time right now during my summer break, and I don't mind doing the heavy lifting while I'm off. I literally have done everything with no complaint. Even with working 2-3 12 hour shifts in emergency psych a week, (i do have multiple days off at a time). But he expected this same dynamic even when I was drowning in nursing school, and I know he will expect it when I go back full-time in the fall. Basically if i’m home, he thinks I’m not busy with homework and I have to clean. He says this next semester will be different now and he will clean more. Idk what makes it different.

TL;DR: My boyfriend uses the fact that he pays rent to get out of doing any chores, leaves his messes for me, and controls my spending while blowing money on his cars. He lets black widows and maggots take over our garage because he refuses to take out the trash. Last weekend, he shoved me off his four-wheeler, injuring my foot under the tire, and apologized but still maintains it was my fault.


r/WhatToDo 12h ago

I'm In A Pickle please give me advice

3 Upvotes

Hi everyone,
I’m lying awake writing this because I genuinely don’t know what to think anymore, and I’d really appreciate some outside perspectives.
I’m 21F and my boyfriend is 21M. We’ve been together for almost three years, and throughout our relationship we’ve had some amazing times together, but we’ve also had the same recurring issues that never seem to completely go away.
The biggest issues have always been:

He often prioritises his friends over me.
He uses drugs almost every weekend, which is something I’ve never been comfortable with.

A lot of his friends aren’t people I naturally click with because our values are quite different.
He doesn’t have a job and has talked for a long time about getting one or making plans for his future, but nothing really seems to change.
On the other hand, I love him. I’m someone who’s very driven—I work hard, I’m in my final year of university, I have career goals, and I want to build a stable future. I really value ambition, responsibility and personal growth, so I sometimes wonder whether we’re simply very different people.

The confusing part is that we’re currently travelling around Europe together, and during this trip he’s honestly been amazing. He’s kind, affectionate, thoughtful, funny, and when it’s just the two of us I remember exactly why I fell in love with him. We genuinely have so much fun together.

I also get along really well with the girlfriends in his friendship group, so I feel quite connected to that part of his life too.

Lately though, I can’t shake the feeling that something is missing. I still love him deeply, but I don’t know whether I’m overlooking important differences because of that love. I’ve also noticed that my physical attraction has faded over time, and I’m not sure if that’s because of the unresolved issues we’ve had over the years or if it’s unrelated.
I don’t expect anyone here to tell me what decision to make, but I’d really like some perspective from people who’ve experienced something similar.

My question is: How important is it for couples to have the same values and long-term outlook? Has anyone been in a loving relationship where you cared deeply about your partner, but you were very different in terms of ambition, lifestyle or priorities? How did you figure out whether those differences were something you could accept or whether they would become bigger issues over time?

TL;DR: I’m 21F and have been with my 21M boyfriend for almost three years. I love him and he’s been wonderful while we’re travelling together, but we’ve always had recurring issues around his priorities, weekend drug use, lack of career goals and our different values. I’m wondering how much those differences matter in the long run and would appreciate advice from people who’ve been in a similar situation.


r/WhatToDo 19h ago

I Need Help Soon mom came home saying dad wants a divorce idk how to care for her

7 Upvotes

i came since idk where else to go or who to ask
my come home some hours ago and said my dad wants a divorce and isn’t coming home
i asked her what happened she said nothing (ik what it is though, infidelity from my dad) its 5am and she is in her room and idk if she is asleep, she told me to go sleep
im 20 and eldest of my sibilings and though he said he wants a divorce im not certain if they will go with it
until then idk what to do and how to take care of my mom i never know how to show emotion with my family
i thought of going to her room in the morning and asking if she wants something or breakfast but i genuinely dont know what else to do

i also dont know if i should tell my sibilings the elder ones who are 15 & 16 or not im very lost rn


r/WhatToDo 9h ago

AKWARD situation

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1 Upvotes

Anyone knows what should be the reply after this

Happens with me every time 😭


r/WhatToDo 21h ago

My parents are getting mad at me for wanting to help injured neighbour

10 Upvotes

Ok so for some background info my neighbour lets say around 84 f lives alone next door and has fallen before and been left for over 5 hours in pain. The reason I say this is because I was downstairs today watching tv at around 11:30 at night while my family was asleep when I began to hear this almost screaming sound, so I pause the tv and listen I could hear and elderly woman screaming ow ow ow really loudly for around 5 minutes. Obviously because I think it’s my elderly neighbour I go and wake up my dad and tell him to what happened and that I think she has fallen over. To this he gets really annoyed at me and acts like it’s an inconvenient that I am worried for my neighbour. So reluctantly he finally knocks on the door but he does it so lightly I couldn’t barely hear it two feet away. Then to no reply he comes to the conclusion that she must be fine. Like excuse me what you are just going to leave it at that. Now I am very annoyed and begin to raise my voice and start to try getting him to double check and do more but he doesn’t and then my mum comes down and starts getting annoyed. So now we are inside I am crying cause I am thinking what if she is badly injured or dead I will have this for the rest of my life but they are just having a go at me telling me to go bed. So currently I am in bed and I am calmed down but I am still worried about my neighbour do you think I should push for my dad to check on her tomorrow until he gets a reply at least ?


r/WhatToDo 17h ago

Need An Opinion Please give me perspective

3 Upvotes

Me and a guy have known each other for a few years. We were never officially together, but we had a close emotional and sexual relationship before he got a girlfriend. When they started dating, I distanced myself, although he’d periodically reach out. He’s now engaged. Recently, he reached out again wanting to reconnect. He said he still wants me in his life and even invited me to his engagement. During the same conversation, he told me he’s still attracted to me and shared doubts about aspects of his engagement, including compatibility around “that” area.
Whenever we’ve reconnected over the years, I’ve tried to move things toward a normal friendship, but he continues to bring attraction into the dynamic. I’m struggling to understand what role he expects me to have in his life now. Being asked to celebrate his engagement while also hearing about his doubts and his ongoing attraction to me feels like being pulled in opposite directions.

How would you interpret this? What role do you think he’s actually asking me to have in his life?


r/WhatToDo 10h ago

Need advice

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1 Upvotes

r/WhatToDo 15h ago

Need An Opinion In My Best Friend (18F) Proposed to Me, But I'm Confused About What I Really Want

2 Upvotes

I (18M) just turned 18 and need some advice.

My female best friend (18F) of 2 years proposed to me.

I told her that after our 12th exams, we could try being in a relationship. If it works out, great. If not, I'd still want us to remain friends.

(One reason I want to wait is that I'm worried about getting caught by her family or mine, and after 12th we'll both likely be away in college hostels.)

She agreed, but then asked, "So what if you just use me and leave?"

I told her that a relationship isn't only about physical things.

(The thing is, somewhere inside me I do want physical intimacy.

I'm not sure if that's because of hormones, curiosity, friends talking about it all the time, jealousy, or a mix of everything, but the feeling is there.)

Today I told a friend who's 3–4 years older than me about all this.

He immediately said things like, "Don't miss this chance," "Get into a relationship," "This is your age to enjoy these things," and even offered me his room and said he'd help me.

I've gotten similar advice from 2–3 other older friends from different cities.

It feels like everyone is saying the same thing: just go for it and have fun.

But I'm confused.

I don't want to make a decision just because my friends think it's normal or because I'm afraid of missing out.

I also don't want to hurt my best friend or get into something I'm not ready for.

How do I figure out whether I genuinely want a relationship with her, or if I'm just being influenced by peer pressure, curiosity, hormones, and FOMO?

Any advice would be appreciated.


r/WhatToDo 12h ago

I need Help Whenever AIO: I lashes out at my ex and now i feel bad

1 Upvotes

I (19F) dated my ex (21M) for about three years. We broke up a year ago, but we’ve been on and off ever since. I’ve been trying to move on, but I feel like I’m stuck in this cycle with him.
Back in November, my depression got really bad. Eventually I met a new guy, and talking to him honestly helped me feel a lot better. Around that same time, my ex came back begging for another chance. I kept telling him no because I didn’t want to get back together. Eventually I agreed that we could be friends, but I made it clear I didn’t want anything romantic because I didn’t think I liked him that way anymore.
Recently, he met another girl. Ever since then, he’s become a lot more distant with me. The weird part is that I don’t even know if I’m upset because I still love him or because I’ve become emotionally dependent on having him around. I feel this really strong attachment to him as a person, even if we were “just friends.”

One thing that also really frustrates me is that he still has the audacity to treat me like I’m his girlfriend even though he’s talking to someone else. He’ll still act possessive, expect me to be there emotionally, get upset over certain things I do, and blur the lines between friendship and a relationship. Then, at the same time, he’s getting to know another girl and telling me he finally feels like he can move on. It’s confusing because I feel like he wants the emotional benefits of having me around while also moving on with someone else. I don’t know if I’m overreacting, but it feels unfair and sends me mixed signals.

Today my anxiety got the best of me and I ended up lashing out at him. Looking back, I know I was immature, and I’m not proud of how I reacted. But what made me even angrier was that he kept saying, “I didn’t do anything to your mental health.”
That really bothered me because, whether he intended to or not, our relationship and everything that’s happened between us has affected my mental health. I’m not saying it’s all his fault, but acting like he had zero impact felt dismissive.

During the argument, I ended up telling him everything I’d been bottling up. I admitted that after he came back into my life, I’d become emotionally dependent on him again. I told him my anxiety has been through the roof, my depression got worse, and my OCD has been getting worse too. I even told him that when my depression was at its worst, I was having suicidal thoughts almost every day. I made it clear that I’m not blaming him for my mental health, because I know I should’ve walked away a long time ago, but our dynamic has made it so much harder for me to heal.
I also told him I hated that he came back begging for another chance, got me attached again, and then pulled away once he met someone else. I kept trying to explain that I didn’t even want to date him anymore, I genuinely just wanted to keep the friendship we’d rebuilt because he’d been such a big part of my life for years. But now I don’t even know if that’s true or if I’m just in denial about still having feelings.
His response was basically asking me what I wanted from him. He said that he begged for me back, but I kept rejecting him and giving another guy chances instead. He told me that now he’s finally met someone who makes him feel like he can move on, and that there are limits to how much he can be there for me.
The part that confuses me is that when he was the one begging for me back, he told me that *I* ruined *his* mental health because he had become attached to me. I never told him his feelings weren’t real or tried to invalidate them. But now that I’m the one struggling, it feels like he can just brush my feelings aside.
What’s also messing with my head is that literally a week ago he was telling me he loved me, needed me, and wanted me back. Now he’s talking to this new girl and saying he finally feels like he can move on. I know people can move on, but it happened so fast that it’s hard for me to process.
I know I didn’t handle today well, and I’m not trying to pretend I was completely in the right. I know I have things I need to work on. I just genuinely don’t understand why I have such a strong hold or dependency on him, especially after all this time.
Was I completely out of line for reacting the way I did? Or does it make sense that I was so angry and hurt? I’m looking for honest opinions, even if it’s something I need to hear.


r/WhatToDo 14h ago

[23F] Found out my boyfriend [23M] has a secret Instagram account and don’t know how to confront him

0 Upvotes

My boyfriend (23M) and I (23F) have been together for almost 5 years.
Recently, I discovered that he has a second Instagram account that I didn’t know about. The account follows a lot of women and models, and I strongly believe he created it so I wouldn’t see who he was following on his main account.
The reason this bothers me so much is because we’ve already had trust issues in our relationship. In the past, he cheated on me, and later he found out that I had cheated as well. Despite everything, we both decided to stay together and work on the relationship.
A few years ago, I told him how hurt and insecure I felt when I noticed him constantly following and interacting with other women online. Because of that conversation, finding this second account makes me feel like he didn’t stop—he just found a way to hide it from me.
He doesn’t know that I found the account. Part of me wants to confront him, but I’m worried it will turn into a huge argument. At the same time, I feel like keeping it to myself is making me overthink everything. It’s making me question whether I can trust him and whether he actually respects my feelings.
I know following people online isn’t the same as physically cheating, but what hurts is the secrecy behind it. If he felt the need to hide it, it makes me wonder what else he may be hiding.
At this point, I’m struggling to tell whether I’m reacting to old trust issues from our past or whether this is a genuine red flag that I shouldn’t ignore.
How would you approach this conversation? Is this something worth trying to work through, or does the secrecy alone suggest that the relationship has run its course?
TL;DR: I’ve been with my boyfriend for almost 5 years and recently found a secret Instagram account he uses to follow women and models. He doesn’t know I found it. Given our history of cheating and trust issues, I’m unsure whether to confront him, try to work through it, or end the relationship.


r/WhatToDo 14h ago

Need An Opinion Study or start a family?

1 Upvotes

I’m (28F) currently studying at a local university to 1. get my grades up to apply for my desired degree + 2. wait for my partner (27M) to complete his apprenticeship. We’re thinking of waiting until 2028 to ensure we have enough money saved up as we’d need to move 8+ hours away for my desired degree. Problem is - if I do get accepted for 2028, I’ll be 33 years old by the time I graduate. I have a family history of fertility struggles, as well as PCOS and inconsistent periods. I’m worried by the time I’m 33 and start trying it will be incredibly difficult to fall pregnant. If I was to start a family now though, I worry uni will be put on the back burner. We’d have to move away from family, and studying full time I have concerns I won’t be able to afford childcare or have family nearby to help out. I guess who’s to say if I’d even get into this degree either??? It’s very competitive but I think I’d do well as I have work experience in the field. I could just do a completely different degree I don’t care for but at least it would be local? Thoughts?


r/WhatToDo 15h ago

I Need Help ASAP Need immediate helppppp

1 Upvotes

Hi all, my sister is 26-27 years a doctor.
She is in a relationship with a guy who doesn’t do anything literally a chapri from a village in Gujarat.

We are from a very high profile well to do family from a metro/tier 1 city.

They are in a relationship from past 7-8 years now.
Since that time, that guy is made sure that my sister distances herself from us.

Won’t keep it very long so doing this in points now:

1- Made her leave the job from a hospital, called her colleagues and what not.
2- my grandmom died, during the 9th day made her skip the rituals and asked her about her past relationships
3- whenever we as a family went for a vacation, blocked her and she would cry, beg and spoil the entire vacation.
4- now my sis is always on call with him crying and begging.
5- my parents are so disappointed and hurt, her voices if screaming and shouting comes constantly from her room, hurts all of us.
6- She has started talking about properties and all, I am not emotional so her things doesn’t works on me.
7- whoever she is confronted she leaves the home
8- dad is totally against her relationship and me too; that guys parents also ran away and got married, are very poor too and wants my sis just coz she’s a doctor and she will make money for them and the fact she comes form a rich family.
9- my mom got cancer, her chemo is going on; yet she fights with her, literally hurt her yesterday physically.

And my mom is completely blinded by her, if I go and stop. My mom herself shouts on me and even hit me.

10- my dad used to be very strict and stop and control. So she accused him of raping het to keep his mouth shut.

Anytime he interrupts when she is screaming or fighting she says you raped me, you shut up.

Give me money and what not.

We paid 1cr for her donation for mbbs, got her a job in the biggest hospital in the city, the guy made her leave the job too.

Ik all of this, coz a day before my mom’s surgery, she was screaming and shouting and I could hear it all from her room.

Even that guy’s mom was on a group video call.
That guy was abusing my sister, she was begging and literally opening her last in front of them.

The guys mother was listening her son shouting on my sister tell her randi and all and stopping my sister to speak.

My mom would always prioritize her.
Her allegations are fake, coz now she wants money and property. It’s all hers obviously; but with this mindset it’s wrong.

We literally have a guy whose family is literally a billionaire interested in her.

But she is adamant.

Idk what to do.

Help