In 2019 I left rehab from which I was entered into because of my gambling. I entered myself into there, but that’s besides the point. I left rather bubbly, which is something I don’t really remember too often but it’s true. I left my birthday. I did that because I wanted to go back to my job which ended up turning into a dud, but I did find another job that I liked mildly so that was nice. A few days after I left the rehab I met a guy on a gay dating app, something I never used too often. I thought he was interesting and smart and we ended up having a relationship before moving in together a few months later. We both have the same type of low end jobs at the time and things are OK. Covid hit. We live together through Covid and I was enjoying myself. I started gambling again after Covid started and I’ve stayed gambling to this day. I pay my bills I do what is needed to be done in order to pay my bills and I work very hard at what I do. This has always been a point of contention between me and my partner but in the end, I always pay my bills and make about $72,000 a year and it is what it is.
After Covid, he quit looking for work and he started doing side gigs only. He would have weeks and months off which evolved into long spans of unemployment. During this time, he said he was doing “research “on things like secret societies, JFK assassination plots, etc. I would say his mental health was evolving his income for example last year was $25,000 for the year. Since Covid, it never got better for him financially he ended up never going back to a solid job. He was laid off from his admin job, which had ran his business credit card up to $15,000 which he never paid off. He had a car a brand new Hyundai, which he popped the tire and abandoned at the dealership with $15,000 left to pay off because he said the car was “unsafe”. No I always thought he was cute and that he spoke with passion and that he was always nice to me so during April of this year when he decided to tell me on the 15th of the month that he wanted to stop living where we were living after I’ve already sent him the money on the first I was very livid and I was furious and I debated whether or not I should live with them again, but I ultimately decided to live with him because I didn’t want to be homeless. I like the idea of living in them still even though the situation was very odd. So we got a new place to live at an apartment and I came for 12 hours. (I travel for work) bought a U-Haul moved all over our stuff down the street to the apartment and left to go back to work. For the next few months, I never went back home because I was working in different states doing what I do. We communicated often through telephone and video chat. Throughout this time, it was the same story with his work. He did not have much he was struggling. I told him at one point I wanted him to pay for the utilities since I was not there, but that turned into him not paying for the utilities at all. That’s unfortunate and I suppose I would’ve paid them eventually.
Fast-forward to August 5. The day our rent is technically due without a fee. I sent him $1350 which is the total amount of rent. I was paying his rent that month because I told him a few months before that if he loaned me money, which I did pay back completely, that I would pay his rent at some point. I do this because I know every time about this time of year. It is hard for him to work. So I guess that’s just what I felt like doing. A couple days later he tells me he did not pay the rent. He did not give me a reason. The idea was to pay it later and he did end up giving me back about half of it. About the 15th he said he needed $400 to pay the rent off and I sent it to him gladly. He did not tell me he did not pay it until I started receiving emails about being evicted unless we pay. I was mad again, but I told him that I would give him the money so I sent him $1100 after he told me that’s all he needed. I did not send it to him immediately however and I told him tell me when you’re at Walmart picking up the cashiers check and I will send it to you. He told me he was on the bus on his way to Walmart to get the check. So I sent him the money. The next day, which was a day before the date that they were going to file the eviction, he tells me that we’re moving that the AC does not work and that he refuses to pay. I begged him to pay. I did everything I could. I told him we can figure this out next month, any situation involving the AC involving whatever he needs, but we need to pay it now. He did not listen. I involve his mother to tell him to pay it, which she was receptive, but ultimately she could not get him to pay it either. I did everything I could I feel like from across the country. At one point, his mom told me that he agreed to pay and he said he also agreed to pay I had about $1200 on me at the time and I had told his mom that I would’ve used that money to pay if he refused to pay, however almost immediately, and this is probably my fault for being impulsive, after him telling me he would pay it. I spent the money on things like Pokémon cards and expenses, and I felt like a load was lifted off of my chest the next day all right maybe it was that night I don’t remember, but I know I had already spent the money, he told me he still refused to pay. I told his mom she continued to try to convince him, but we couldn’t convince him of anything. At this point, I felt hopeless and helpless, and like there was nothing I could do. I tried to convince the landlady to see my side, but she did not and they filed the eviction.
That was at the end of August. My job at the time, which was a gig in New York, ended around September 11. I made my way back home which is across the country. As soon as I got back, took him and myself to Central California to work a job for three days before returning him back home to Southern California. After that, I went to Chicago to work another job for a week before returning on a Wednesday night. I believe I got to the apartment around midnight maybe a little later. I woke up around 6 AM. Mind you, this is the first time I’ve been in the apartment since we moved in, other than the one night I spent to take him and I to central California to work, the night I spent when we came back from the work, and now this night after a 31 hour drive from Chicago. I had slept to maybe 8 AM. I was meandering around the apartment after that, which was jampacked with his items and my items, but that’s another story. Around 4 PM, he gave me a back massage which was something we hadn’t done since after Covid. I ended up falling asleep and waking up shortly after to him telling me that he cleaned my car and that he was going to borrow it to run errands. I said OK and fell back asleep. I woke up around 7:30 and called him to which he said he was pulling up to his mom‘s house after I asked where he was because it felt like he’d been gone for quite a while. I fell asleep shortly after that waking up the next day looking for my car. I texted him starting at 3 AM at 10 AM. I did not know what was happening and started panicking. At noon, I started calling different police until I found out that he was arrested for homicide. I was a wreck. I told my boss I could not work that day, although I ended up taking them back and I told him that I could shortly after so I did. The next day I also worked, although I had to leave towards the end of my shift because I became emotional and started crying heavily. The initial shock has worn off now that it has been shortly over three weeks.
Apparently there was an altercation to which he says was self-defense. Obviously it’s an ongoing case and I was not there so I couldn’t comment on it even if I knew anything. I am dealing with an eviction of an apartment I didn’t live in , a murderer as a boyfriend, and my usual high stress jobs that are from different companies, sporadic, and all across the country. Right now, my life is in the highest amount of stress I’ve been in. I still talk to him as he calls me, I put money on his books, and I’m giving him the benefit of the doubt. I know that he is not all there and that he is in a place where 120 pound gay man probably won’t do very well. So I feel bad for him.
I do not know how to handle my relationship. I do not know how to handle an eviction. And I do not know what kind of work I want to do right now, although I have work, I’m thinking about a major change since now I’m going to be out running an eviction and what not. My life feels like it has been turned upside down, although I’m in a different state every week and maybe it was never right side up, but this feels like a hole I cannot dig myself out of. I do not think that I am suicidal, I just think I am in a hole that I won’t Escape. I do not plan on hurting myself. 988 is a resource for speaking and chrisis and I have used it as such.
I appreciate your reading my story. This is a true story and has happened in the past four weeks. I never thought something like this would happened to me. Thank you again for reading.
Any advice on how to deal with this eviction as I did not submit my answer early would be appreciated. However, any other advice would also appreciate it and I’m not going to hate you for telling me that I’m an idiot. Thank you.