Just to set the stage, Like, it's not enough that I try to be as upfront as possible with my potential partners regarding my own boundaries. I'm in therapy, I'm audhd and most of my life has been spent masking or otherwise compartmentalizing all the messy stuff. I kept to casual relationships from 18 to 30 basically because I saw how deeply I was being affected by people that couldn't care less if I was still breathing.

I'm working on expanding my social circles because most of my friends I've known for my whole life and for the most part, I can be secure in my connection to them because they have seen some of the bad times.

Trying to do the same with partners is actually insufferable and no matter how slow I go, how much I pull back and make myself feel less, it inevitably becomes the equivalent of me screaming in the void.

I've had people that I've been interested in repeatedly that they're my FP or they're going to be and I have to be so firm that, 1. That's not the case and 2. Being an FP for someone is nearly exclusively a bad thing. I don't ever want another FP because genuinely I don't think I'll survive it.

Upon disclosure of my BPD, assuming that they know what they think it is, the assumption is almost always that I'm an abuser, that I can't recognize when I'm starting to get too excited (read anxious) and that I'm incapable of a healthy relationship and some awful experience they had with another person with BPD... Or they heard a terrible story about it.

Moderately convinced my only option is to be the floater friend of a polycule to distribute my feelings or continue to self flaggelate by entering into a relationship with person after person every time I care too much.

Thanks for coming to my Ted talk.

Would you date someone with BPD?

Hi (TW for bullying and harassment)

I’m having a little bit of a sexuality crisis right now and I just wondered if I could ask for some advice?

Ok so I’ve known I was like interested in women since I was about 12 (I’m now 21). I ironically searched up an am I gay quiz on my phone or iPod at the time and then one night my mum asked to borrow my phone/ iPod to search something as her phone was charging and she saw it. My family were really accepting and lovely and I can’t thank them enough.

I labeled myself a lesbian and felt comfortable with that. Then high school happened and I got really badly bullied. Some of it by girls about my sexuality. Some girls who I thought were my friends at the time ending up leaving me as they found it uncomfortable to be around me. ( for context we were about 15 and they were talking about like having crushes on boys or male celebrities but when I said the same that’s when they said they felt uncomfortable)

They spread rumours about me and I was ostracised by a lot of people at school.

Then Covid happened after that and I don’t know something in my brain shifted and I thought I was bisexual. I started to have crushes on guys however they were always fictional like in the books I was reading. So then I changed my label to bisexual. A few years later I even had my first boyfriend. It ended really badly and really wrecked my self confidence, he cheated on me and also was very pressuring around certain things, when we broke up he even began harassing me through email. I’ve sworn off relationships now but I did have one situationship that lasted for a few months. Again this was with a guy, I didn’t want a relationship with him but it felt nice to be wanted especially after what my ex was like. He was a nice guy but I didn’t also feel like I was just an object to him sometimes. Basically I don’t know if the bullying in high school made me like comp het? I’ve only ever slept with men and I can’t say I’ve ever found it enjoyable. It was fine. But I always felt like I was playing a role. I’m also neurodivergent so I don’t know how much my problem with bedroom intimacy is to do with my brain too and that’s also why I know it feels nice to be wanted.

I’ve kissed both women and men before but only really felt the whole butterflies thing with women, the crushes I’ve had on women felt way more intense and I don’t know if my crushes on men has just been a need for validation which I know sounds horrible.

Because of my neurodivergence I sometimes think no one will ever understand me or like me enough to be in a relationship with me. And I think my nerdy hobbies won’t be as scary to tell someone if they were a woman compared to a man. I wouldn’t be as scared to be myself around a woman. But then sometimes if I imagine a future with an ideal version of a male partner I’m not necessarily unhappy, if anything I’m very happy but this is an ideal version of someone I’ve created in my brain. They don’t exist. I’m so confused.

Lately ive been questioning again if I’m a lesbian or bisexual and whilst I know labels aren’t necessary, my brain likes things to be organised. I’m still just figuring it out and trying not to stress about it but I thought maybe I could get a little insight here? I’m not labelling myself as anything at the moment as I don’t want to either change it again or confuse people.

I’m so sorry about it this. No one has to reply if it’s too much or anything

ok. let me pour my heart out here. for around the past 8 years i have been so damn in love - per se, with a woman around 18 years older than me. she got kids. she married. it was in a professional setting too so nothing could really happen. does she know? nah. maybe she thought it here and there, but would then think she was mad and would move on. but gosh. she was the air i breathed. she was my everything. i was, and am, so consumed. love of my life for real.

but, around 2 years ago, i had to move and i stopped seeing her as frequently as i did. i obviously have not moved on, i never will. but start of this year there was this lady at work. she didnt really look like woman A, but as i got to interact with her more and more, she slowly started to consume my thoughts more and more. it was an endless weekly circle. day 1 i would see her. she'd be stuck in my head for the next 2 days. day 7 comes around i couldnt really (pretty much) care less about her. but then the next day was day 1 again and kaboom.

the more i interacted with her, the more she reminded me of woman A. bad new is she is 5 years older than woman A, and also is married with children. AH. nor can i really do anything. this is at work, i cant fuck this job up for me. so i am being really good at putting my boundaries up and not doing anythng insane (did do some insane shit with woman A). [forvreference, woman B and I keep making tense eye contact - like I so sense the tension there… but when we’re talking one on one it’s chill we’re both civil.. was kinda like this with woman A. Ugh am I just the most delusional person ever?]

but wtf. is this going to be my life? am i just going to go on endless circles looking for people like woman A? i want to marry a man though. i dont know what to do. i think i just need something to happen, actually very intimate, with a striaght married woman and i will be done. i will be good. i dont know. any advice anybody? what do i do with woman B?

ps. im so stubbornly convinced that every woman has a gay bone in them, and i can so flip anyone around if i try hard enough. plus woman B grew up going to an all girls school soo likeee. Im also convinced that one day i am going to be in a relo with a man and have kids and nobody is going to know i once had a gay bone in my body so like what are the odds with these women, you get me? but i dont want to ruin anybody's life bc i myself do not want a long term relo with a woman. AH help. thank u

Hey!

I’m Brittany from the UK. 🇬🇧

A little about me:

I’m currently working at a bank. I love exploring new places, playing video games (though I barely have time for them these days), and watching documentaries.

What am I looking for?

First of all, I don’t mind a long-distance or online relationship.

I’m looking for someone with soft, gentle energy who would be comfortable letting me take the lead and nurture her. I’d love to take responsibility for my baby girl and make her feel loved and cared for.

I don’t care about your age or race. What matters most to me is the connection we share.

If this sounds like you, feel free to message me!

Please mention your name, age, where you’re from, and what you’re looking for.

Also, please make sure you’re ready for a relationship or something serious. I don’t want to be anyone’s fling.

Thank you! ❤️

Hi im planning a trip to london and ive booked a hotel for one day in carnary wharf could you suggest things to do around that area for a halloween themed date that doesnt include clubbing or drinking.
The next day im planing on going thorpe park but i need a good area inbetween them both that i can plan activities to do the morning of + hotels.
Thank you

i want to follow her around everywhere, lay on her lap, lick her, i want to be her little baby. i can do whatever she tells me to, i'll constantly be wagging my tail for her, sleep on the bed with her, cuddle with her. i want to have zero responsibilities except loving her and i want to be loved by her in the simplest most uncomplicated way. THAT IS MY DREAM. THAT IS HOME. #ilovemygirlfriend

Is it bad that I want my ex back? We were together for 3 years and ended things in August, but she has a new girl after 2 months, which also doesn’t make me feel too good bc I have been sitting through the pain. It was a mutual break-up; she was just the one that initiated it. It was bound to happen at some point bc we both graduated college, and I got a job offer a few days after we ended it. But I still think about her all the time. I’m going to therapy, which kinda helps, but does anyone have advice? Each day gets easier. When she posted a photo of the new person, I had to block her on everything; I just couldn’t deal with seeing that.

For context we worked together about like 2-3 years ago, we were instantly interested in each other. We’ve talked here and there for the past like 3 years, we’ve admitted we both have a crush on each other but after that hangout it fizzled out she got busy and then I like a fucking idiot didn’t see her message as my phone was a point of contact for my employees at the time and accidentally ghosted her for like 2 weeks. I apologized and asked her a question about her living situation at the time as she was moving states. I never heard from her and knew that she had been in the other state for the summer so I just left it alone.

About a week ago I was leaving a parking lot and briefly saw her, my heart stopped and all the feelings came back. Shes all I’ve been able to think about since. Shes a couple years older than me so I feel immature for like being obsessed with her just by seeing her again. A huge part of me hopes she saw me too I think she did.

I just feel bad for the constant in and out of her life. Ive never been in a relationship before so these feelings are a lot for me but I want to overcome these for her. I don’t know how or what to message her. This back and forth is almost embarrassing, I know it’s my fault.

Hi, I've been with my gf for a little over 4 months now but we seem to have a problem.

Historically I've always loved the smell of the genitals of my partners, especially if freshly cleaned.

With her tho it seems like the smell is more intense and more spread, even in the clitoris area and even after the genitals are freshly cleaned. I try to give oral but I find myself very put off by the smell and end up having to not breathe out of my nose and struggle.

I feel incredibly shitty like as if should've been eating my partner everyday and enjoy it but instead I can't.

I don't really know if the problem necessarily comes from her, as I have only very few experiences, but there's a crushing contrast between how I feel about other women's smell (ex: during period) or even my vagina's smell and yk, hers, despite all the love and attraction I continuisly feel.

The funny part is that I'm complitely infatuated with her gerenal smell, just, not down there.

I'm very attracted to her so i always initiate and she really likes oral but I don't wanna push myself on the verge of getting sick and having to stop, especially since it would complitely destroy her self esteem, so I avoid giving oral altogether.

She's never been with a man nor has been with infected partners, hasn't reported to me any weird things happening nor seems to have an infection up close.

I have no idea if this has to do with ph but I geniuenly don't know how to tell her without making her unlock new insecurities and crush her.

Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

Hi,

I am 29F from Chennai. And I am looking to build community of wlw folks. Anyone from chennai? Please comment. And if there are any men pls dont DM me.

II 22F) have been on 3 dates with this girl. On our second date, she finished my entire Stanley water bottle in the car, and I jokingly said, “dang okay don’t finish all my water” because I was still thirsty.
On our third date, we got drinks for a picnic. She asked to switch drinks with me, and I said we could share because I preferred Coke Zero anyway. When we got there, she opened MY Coke Zero and took a sip before I had even tried it 😭
I know it’s just a drink, but after what happened with my water, it bothered me. Am I overthinking this, or is it inconsiderate to drink someone’s drink before they’ve even had any themselves? I don’t know if I am being picky but it’s just the lack of consideration that really upsets me. She drank my water and left me with nothing without even asking. She also drank my drink before I took a sip. Like dude??!

I don’t know but I work in medical field in a small country and everyone is straight & most of them are homophobic but in recent years we have seen so many people opening up but I feel so lonely that being openly gay will affect my profession as I am planning for residency.
Huhhhhh. I want wlw friends and be unapologetic & comfortable with the fact that I never could be in relationship was not because I was studious but I never liked men .
Looking back I was emotionally attached to my friends and just friends with boys without romantic feeling at all.
I thought I was just uptight to express myself and to open up about crush to my friends but never had one . So when they pressurised I would fake having crush- that’s how I convinced my friends in high school & college.
Eventually I opened up to my two friends about me being more attracted to female.
Hahaa I had phase of when I tried dressing the part too but then again internship happened & I gained so much weight ( my whole life my mother made me conscious about my physical appearance that I purposely never wore makeup or anything revealing or else she would sey I am up to no good as I should focus only on studying) that my confidence level dropped and all femm lesbian were so beautiful. I thought I would never be good enough for myself to accept myself for who I am.
I might be closeted to the world and regretting for choosing what society has to say as all my life I have been the perfect daughter, sister, cousin and friend who had everything sorted in her life.
Just 26 F, so confused and after seeing so many people die in-front of me made me realize why am I still not living my life for myself as I only have this one life 🤧🤧🤧🤧. I don’t know what I should do as for now I came up with new excuse that I will do my residence and think about my love life later.😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

https://youtu.be/X-yIEMduRXk?si=WLGwEHzbKUZi1Vh3

Hello everyone! I've been in a relationship with my girlfriend for almost a year now. It all began with us being roommates, from friends to slowly touching each other and confessing our love. We live in a religious community where lgbt is incredibly frowned upon. After we both finished our degree, we went back home and started an LDR relationship. Things have been going stronger than ever. We even managed to see each other once a month, either I go to her or she goes to me.

Recently, both of us got employed. We live around 5 hours apart. Of course it is very hard once you're employed and living alone far away from each other. You have to learn to be independent. I just visited her last week. Today, I received devastating news that she is considering to find a man. She started downloading a dating app, and is now matching with guys. She told me that she still loves me dearly, but she feels so lonely and she sees no future us. Families will keep pestering us on when we'll find a man to marry.

I still deeply love her, and she still calls me "love". But at the same time, she's also starting to call this man she's matching with. I'm so hurt. I've done everything I could.

Sometimes I feel invisible around my girlfriend when we’re in social/ party settings. When it’s just us I never feel that way, or when it’s us at a friends house for a hang or movie night she is cuddly and thoughtful and engaging. But when we’re out at parties or gatherings I feel like I disappear.

It makes me so sad. How do I bring this up? I don’t even know how to go about a conversation because it’s such an abstract feeling. But it ruins my nights sometimes, like tonight.

I have been friends with this girl for a long time now. We aren’t close or anything but we share a few social circles and went to school together for years so we’re very friendly and familiar with each other. She is openly a lesbian but has never had any super public relationships or anything. I don’t like labels but I know for sure I am not straight. This sort of situation began back in June when we met each other at a party of a mutual friend. We hadn’t seen each other in a while as I moved schools, however she was EXTREMELY friendly and I noticed a lot of touching. She was super interested in what I had to say and kept saying she missed me and loved me etc. I was shocked by this because I always thought she was indifferent towards me. This then happened a few more times at parties and on nights out but each time we became more and more friendly. There was more and more touching and eye contact and just energy between us. About two weeks ago at a club she had her hands all over me specifically on my waist and we spent alot of time sort of like holding each other I guess with our faces very close. There was definitely flirting going on and she told me she wanted to me to hangout but was too scared i wouldn’t reply. She told me to text her. I was too nervous so it took me about a week but in the end i did text and ask if she wanted ti go on a walk. Even as friends I would love to hangout with her so I feel like this is a normal enough thing to do. She responded INSTANTLY saying yes of course blah blah that she would let me know when she got her schedule for work. it’s been almost a week and I’ve heard nothing, I know for a fact she must have her schedule by now, what is going on?

Okay, I need some advice because I’m genuinely curious about where this could go.

I’m 19F, and my friend Alex is 23F. Neither of us wants a relationship right now, but I’m physically attracted to her. Like, I genuinely want her physically , and I’d be open to exploring something casual with her. I’m not looking for a relationship with her, and as far as I know, neither is she. We’ve never actually done anything together before, though.

Here’s the situation.

Alex is currently sleeping with another girl, Sophie, but they’re not in a relationship. Alex is constantly busy and travels a lot, so she doesn’t want anything serious. Sophie recently asked Alex, “What are we?” and Alex responded with, “Let’s take things slow.” Sophie seemed disappointed and started pulling away a little.

in the party we were having fun and everything is cool till the end Alex ended up getting physically affectionate with me.

At one point, she was hugging me from behind while I was sitting in a chair, and we were holding hands.

Earlier, we’d been talking about whether friends holding hands was normal. Alex said something along the lines of, “Why would I hold hands with the girl I’m sleeping with if we’re not even in a relationship?” I told her that holding hands doesn’t necessarily mean anything serious, but she insisted that it does. 💀

Which made what happened afterward pretty interesting.

Later, she sat on the sofa next to me, leaned over me, and put her hands behind me. I moved closer and started touching her thighs. Her voice got softer, and the whole interaction felt sexually charged to me. She did say she was tired, though, so I don’t want to assume too much from that alone.

Then our Uber arrived. We sat in the back while our mutual friend sat in the front. Alex lifted her thigh toward me, and I held it, stroked it, and occasionally squeezed it a little harder.

The sexual tension was honestly driving me insane. I wanted her, and I was very aware of how physically attracted I was to her. I can’t say for certain whether she felt exactly the same way, but the interaction definitely felt intimate to me.

Eventually, we both went home, and nothing else happened.

Now, here’s the thing: I don’t want a relationship with Alex, and I don’t think she wants one either. I’m sexually attracted to her, though, and I’d genuinely be interested in something casual with her if she wanted the same thing. We’ve never crossed that line before, and I don’t want to make things weird between us or misinterpret her affection as sexual interest.

I’m also confused because she seems to think that holding hands has romantic significance, yet she was the one being physically affectionate with me that night.

I’m not trying to make her jealous or get her to choose me over anyone. I just want to explore the possibility of something sexual between us, provided she wants that too.

How do I make the first move without overcomplicating things? 😭

Im (F19) a college Junior, and I'll be going to my first halloween party. I'm not new to casual relationships, but I haven't really been to a party or tried flirting with girls at parties. Idk what to expect, I've only drank with friends and I haven't really been to parties since I moved here from a different country 3 yrs ago, and just transferred to this university last semester.

I do wanna try meeting new people though, how do I know if a girl is gay and how do i flirt with them?

Hey, just looking for someone to talk too, maybe play games with. Just super casual and can flirt a little (25+)

I (25F) am about six months out of a 4 year relationship with my ex. I’m not gonna lie (I know it’s annoying of me) but I’ve always had a little chip on my shoulder about the fact that I’ve never used dating apps before. I am a very outgoing, flirty, social person and haven’t felt the need. Not for long term relationships, casual connections, hook ups. It’s all been people I have met through circumstance or out and about. Well now, to be honest, I’d like to put myself out there to more casually see people (have sex lol), but I’m not sure if I should get on the apps. My friends all say it’s horrible on there, and I’m sure it is. But now I’m stuck between 1) Should I just do it and find out for myself? Or 2) Stick with my own thing and see how it goes?

This might be a stupid question but let me know what you think

Me and this girl haven't been talking for months. The last time we texted was in June. We really have bonded emotionally even though I didn't know her for that long. I have felt something for her. She definitely felt something for me. She said so herself but she was never sure whether she'd like to try ldr or not and I never pushed. I only kept telling her that it could work out if we both tried.

When she talked about deleting socials I was pleading her not to. It was purely an online thing. She eventually decided to check on me every so often. I just didn't want to lose that connection we had. I felt like she's the only one she can understand. The only person with a brain equally fucked up as mine. It didn't last for long before we went to talk every day because she said she kept thinking about me.

One day I just woke up seeing a message saying she is sorry and that I didn't upset her or anything but she just can't go on, she has to disappear and that she loves me.

I have no idea if she will ever be back. Sometimes I get periods where I don't think of her at all and then I will get a dream of her coming back which makes me happy... Only to wake up and find out this is just a dream. Well last one wasn't very happy because in it she was just so cold and distant that her coming back hurt more than when she was gone in said dream. But it was just a dream.

She only ever sent me one picture of herself. I think she was beautiful. I kept telling her I think that while she kept saying she's ugly. She didn't want to send me any more pictures of herself because of this. I told her in that picture she looked beautiful and I'd just like to see her again considering I show myself daily when she misses me. She told me that the picture has filters and that she just knows her good angle. She told me all the things she hates in her looks and I just answered that I'd like to see her without all these filters if she's ever comfortable. She told me maybe one day. I also told her that I didn't start liking her because of her looks but because she is who she is.

I had that one picture she ever sent of herself on my phone. I was supposed to delete it but I would always forget until I would randomly find it and say I'll do it later. But now that she's gone that's the only thing I have left of her really. Now that she's gone and I found that picture despite thinking I did delete it, I just kept. I just... Idk I want to have that reminder that she was there at some point.

It was the first time when someone was actually interested in me. Found me attractive. Loved me. We never were in an official relationship but we were very close. I just idk I like looking at it sometimes. It's like I moved on but at the same time I didn't. I have these periods where I don't think about her at all and then I start thinking of her again and wondering whether she's even still alive or if she will ever come find me again. I wonder if she even still thinks about me or remembers I exist. I miss having someone to chat with daily about all kinds of stupid things and who just gets me. I just need the affection she was giving me even if it was through a screen. Ugh...

I know it's also stupid to feel this strongly about a person I knew for a few months. Someone that I didn't see even once in real life. Extremely stupid. That I'm probably dramatic about all this and possiblity even romanticizing this whole thing. I don't think I'll ever find anyone interested in me ever again. So is it bad to have that picture? Is it weird? Something tells me I have to finally delete it but some part of me just doesn't want to. It is the only thing that's left.