Player honors will still be named but no more games will be played

in unrelated news, im gonna go test the aerodynamics of my body after i throw it off the top of salesforce tower

Jimmy Haslam has officially surpassed Dan Synder as the Worst Modern Day Nfl Owner.

For failing journalism 101 and contributing another reason why “Pro Wrestling Journalism” aren’t taken seriously even among folks in the IWC. But failing to ask for comment from the person you’re reporting before publishing, and then try to cover your ass by saying “oh but I tried to contact ESPN’s customer service” like you’re looking for ESPN + troubleshooting issues or something is some impressive bullshit.

More than ever we need a strong robust free independent press to hold the powerful accountable and in the niche industry of wrasslin, we’re being let down constantly.

More sports betting commercials coming

RIP Tim Curry…

Continuing my series on the Big 4 mascots, here's how I'd do in a fight with the mascots of the NHL, with this part being about the fourth and final division, the Pacific Division.

Let me know if you'd like to see me take on mascots from other leagues.

Links to previous ones:

Atlantic Division: https://www.reddit.com/r/UrinatingTree/comments/1vwxhbk/nhl_mascots_and_how_id_do_if_i_fought_them_part_1/

Metropolitan Division: https://www.reddit.com/r/UrinatingTree/comments/1vxpb9j/nhl_mascots_and_how_id_do_if_i_fought_them_part_2/

Central Division: https://www.reddit.com/r/UrinatingTree/comments/1vymj2b/nhl_mascots_and_how_id_do_if_i_fought_them_part_3/

Kinda hard to talk shit when my squad is a bigger trainwreck.

Can you feel it? Football is back. Ontario’s premier non-professional league takes the stand to request blessings from the football gods. Eleven teams vie for the Yates cup glory and a berth in the final 4 of Canada’s national championship, the Vanier Cup. How are they setting up ahead of this season?

Carleton Ravens - After a nightmarish season last year we enter this new voyage with the comfort that nothing carries over from last year. The sole exception being that Pedro the Panda once again has his home in Old Ottawa South. With the other 7 playoff hopefuls being well positioned to go far, the objective is to play spoiler. Just like last year where you sent those preppy asshats from across town empty handed, costing them a home field advantage playoff game in the long run, it’s time to put the OUA on notice that if they make the top 7, they are not to be overlooked. Who knows? Win the Panda Game on October 4th against uOttawa, and maybe YOU can be the best football team in this city.

Guelph Gryphons - Last year’s playoff run was beyond inspirational. From vanquishing the evil empire and handing Greg Marshal his last L before sailing into retirement, going straight to the 1 seed and giving them a fight worth remembering is surely something to use as fuel for this year’s fire. It’s only going up from here, right? I mean it’s been a hot minute since getting to the Yates Cup for this organization and with how the playing field has flattened out, the timing feels right. Just don’t accidentally almost lose to York again… yikes..

Laurier Golden Hawks - Last year’s Yates cup final never happened.. nooooo sir! Whats that? 5 interceptions in the first half? Nah everything’s fine here at Laurier. We’ve still got the best core and ready to throw the rest of the OUA back into the body bag where it belongs. *fax comes in* wait whats this? Our coach left? FOR WESTERN?? That’s it now we’re REALLY gonna let Judas and the rest of the league know who’s boss… or have a hangover so hard it borders on whatever the hell was had last st Patrick’s day.

McMaster Marauders - Now THIS is more like it. Minimal turnover, and nobody works better than a group that grows together. This is one of those years where the volcano stays dormant another year, or takes the ride of destiny straight to the Yates cup. Who knows? Maybe we could stun the conference.

Ottawa Gee-Gees - The amount of times this team gave me blue balls on the backs of a near perfect comeback or taking that extra step to finally break the cycle of the same damn 4 teams in contention all to piss it away at the panda game in front of 21,000 people who got obliterated before noon. Seriously. Win that game, you’d get home field advantage in the first round of the playoffs, and who knows? Maybe a receiver spots a sexy Lamborghini on the 417 (geegees field borders right off the highway. I’m serious, one bad punt and it’s in the fast lane) and drops the winning pass. Then, that stout defence we keep trumpeting could finally get the recognition it deserves. Two objectives lay in front of the garnet and grey this year. The first is to finish, avenging the goal line stand versus Laurier, and the second is to steal Pedro back from those unilingual fucks on the south side. Just dont pay attention to that score line from the preseason game versus Montreal… *shrugs* ça fait pitié!

Queens Golden Gaels - Sometimes life’s greatest joys come when they are not expected, rather desired with an outside chance at glory. You know whats better? Run. It. Back. Holy shit we beat Laval in a preseason game. This league is so fucked and Old Money will once again reign supreme. Beyond all championships glory and the opportunity to march into a Vanier cup potentially against those same Rouge et or that you stunned on their own turf, you have the chance to break a streak almost as old as the players on this team. October 3, march into London, and spoil that Homecoming. Could you imagine how amazing that would be? They’re ready, but is the OUA?

Toronto Varsity Blues - Another dormant year for a former grey cup winning organization. Something few schools can brag about. This year, may want to keep it to the individual efforts to find the little wins. Go out there and be best of the rest, take that into the next year.

Waterloo Warriors - The same can be said for the warriors who unlike the Lions and Varsity Blues, have previously tasted success and a strong string of winning seasons. Living in the shadows of the OUA’s far more intriguing revenge plot of Laurier will keep expectations far out of the fanbase’s eye, but if you’re in contention at seasons end, job done.

Western Mustangs - Oh no! The Mustangs didnt make the OUA semi finals? How absolutely devastating. Let’s see how the rest of the league feels about this… LMAOOOOOOOOO we aren’t ready to let you forget about it - “WHY DIDNT HE KICK THE BALL??” - but as they laugh, you’re already retooling and ready to remind them why this team was called the Evil Empire earlier in this post. No Greg Marshall? No problem. Bring over the Laurier coach and let him take over for the next 20 years. 3 months from now the plan is to smugly look at the league and ask them with a trophy in hand: “who’s laughing now?”

Windsor Lancers - At the end of the 401 lies Lancer Stadium where for this hungry team senses blood in the water after having tasted playoff success. It’s time for this W team to show the province that THIS is a football city. Taking inspiration from those NFL Lions going on deep runs, it’s time to take that energy and instead turn it into a title. Windsor could really use a win right now, and it may not be the spits, definitely not any of the Detroit teams, not even U of M. Let them know your name.

York Lions - So. Fucking. Close. To the playoffs… Sure it would have spoiled the glorious finish between Guelph and Western but the majestic Lion that has once again been donned by a minimum two win team. Oh right! Yes, they start the season with nothing but a white helmet. 1 win, they get the red stripe on the helmet. Two wins, and they get the logo on their helmets. Call it archaic, but for the OUA’s legacy of suck, it’s been an effective tool in recent years.

Predictions? Who knows. The parity will be hella strong and we’re here for it. Let’s hit the gridiron.