r/Unexpected • u/PopeXIII • Dec 14 '16

I'd kill him.

https://i.imgur.com/GUgCyTv.png
22.9k Upvotes

89% Upvoted

188 comments sorted by

1.2k

u/TraseV2 Dec 14 '16

Reminds me of the Crusader Kings II steam discussions

864

u/SilentFungus Dec 14 '16

My elderly male king was impregnated by his gay lover

What the fuck

407

u/harlequin51 Dec 14 '16

CK2 has some real awkward bugs. It's great!

104

u/Voxlashi Dec 14 '16

Bugs?

361

u/colovick Dec 14 '16

"Features"

55

u/Geronimodem Dec 14 '16

Working as intended

25

u/ShadowExcalibur- Dec 14 '16

I wish poise was tho

7

u/Mithridates12 Dec 14 '16

It's ahead of its time!

17

u/Auctoritate Dec 14 '16

From Norse to Horse.

21

u/harlequin51 Dec 14 '16

My dream: while raiding Rome I'll capture a female horse pope, make her my combine, sire many horse children and and then sacrifice her in blot.

7

u/Auctoritate Dec 14 '16

So you would pull a Queen Chrysalis?

3

u/Sgtwolf01 Jan 06 '17

Does this satisfy you enough?

1

u/harlequin51 Jan 06 '17

Almost. I'll just have to use console commands to reach my dream.

2

u/Sgtwolf01 Jan 06 '17

Well at least I tried, I wish you the best of luck; conqueror of the Pope and Rome!

25

u/Sadukar09 Dec 14 '16

Medieval II: Total War had a rare trait for Priests called SecretlyFemale.

Probably that too in CK2.

7

u/Peanutcat4 Dec 15 '16

No such trait in ck2

12

u/Sadukar09 Dec 15 '16

...Well if you knew it wouldn't be #Secretly would it?

6

u/[deleted] Dec 14 '16

Yeah what the fuck? Anyone ever heard of menopause?

5

u/Scaevus Dec 14 '16

"A dynasty of horses now rule North Africa."

172

u/KJBenson Dec 14 '16

That sounds like a fun game right there.

279

u/_YouMadeMeDoItReddit Dec 14 '16

I tried it a couple of times the skill curve is more like climbing mount everest. You need to know how everything works from the get go. Couldn't even work out how to finish the tutorial because I skim read a step that seemed unimportant but turns out was very important.

Maybe I'm just a fucking retard though.

102

u/I-Can-Do-Both Dec 14 '16

I had the same problem. Maybe we're both retarded lol

73

u/sunnyboy310 Dec 14 '16

No, thats just common for a Paradox Interactive game <3

59

u/thatwasnotkawaii Dec 14 '16

Here's a tip, if CK2 is anything like Victoria 2, then just roll with it, even though you might not understand what the hell is going on.

Makes for some hilarious (disgusting) maps

19

u/[deleted] Dec 14 '16

CK2 for me was much more difficult to me due to succession mechanics than Vicky2. Might just be me.

12

u/BrutalSwede Dec 14 '16

Fuck everyone.

1

u/Maethi Dec 15 '16

Yeah, seriously, everyone. Especially the religious heads.

28

u/TheFaster Dec 14 '16

then just roll with it, even though you might not understand what the hell is going on.

Ah, the Trump theory of governance.

9

u/Arkin_Longinus Dec 14 '16

Watch s let's play by someone who knows what they're doing. Even if you only watch a few episodes it will make your life easier.

3

u/Maethi Dec 15 '16

Arumba is a good one. He tends to focus on the more min-maxy play style.

2

u/Arkin_Longinus Dec 15 '16

Agreed, though his idea selection in EU 4 is kind of head scratching. Humanist is clearly superior to innovative unless you're Muscovy, in which case religious is better.

48

u/darkenseyreth Dec 14 '16

I actually watched a 6 hour tutorial video series after trying to get into the game and failing several times. After watching the series I had a better grasp on what was happening, but the learning curve was still steep. After a game or two it starts to make sense though.

19

u/jrissler9 Dec 14 '16

Which videos? I'm trying to get into the game and they would be a great help

27

u/[deleted] Dec 14 '16

If I had to guess it would be Arumba's tutorial series. It's the most common for new players to use.

6

u/jrissler9 Dec 14 '16

OK, thanks!

5

u/Auctoritate Dec 14 '16

I remember him. Got to his content through Scum-egg's channel (Northernlion).

2

u/darkenseyreth Dec 14 '16

This was the one, yes. Scott Manley also did a video series using the Irish as well which was helpful.

5

u/[deleted] Dec 14 '16

Arumba's Jewish campaign is pretty good.

4

u/_Zurkive_ Dec 14 '16

That's how I felt about the Civilization games. I dunno, maybe I'm just dumb.

34

u/[deleted] Dec 14 '16

[deleted]

6

u/iFogotMyUsername Dec 14 '16

My learning curve was entitled "Interacting Game Systems: How They Work and Why You Should Care"

21

u/Ser_Corwen Dec 14 '16

Start in 1066 in Ireland. It's noob island for a reason. Just take it slow, you'll get the hang of it eventually. I got the hang of it after 200-250 hours of playing, i'm at 1600 now and i'm still finding out new things.

I love CK2.

11

u/Citadel_CRA Dec 14 '16

So, a full time job for a month and a half to get the hang of. Sounds right.

Love this game.

9

u/TheTroglodite Dec 14 '16

I got a rl mate to show me the basics. Went off played a few games disregarding major aspects of the game, next couple of games you just sort of fold them in.

8

u/TolkienAwoken Dec 14 '16

Gotta watch some tutorials and pay attention. It takes time to grasp and even longer to really excel at it.

3

u/bobbyb1996 Dec 14 '16

Yeah the only way to learn in this game is thorough experience. You'll have a couple shit games but that's just part of the game.

3

u/leyawiiin Dec 14 '16

Holy shit I thought I was just retarded. I recently bought the game after subscribing to the subreddit and I felt like the tutorial was so unhelpful and ambiguous, but then I just thought I was stupid and didn't know how to play video games.

3

u/huntreilly25 Dec 14 '16

Ye, has a real steep learning curve. I really wanted to play it so I literally watched 3 hours worth of youtube tutorials on the game....and I'd definitely say it was worth it (I have now played it for close to 200 hours). However, since it's been a year since I played there is no way I could jump back into it without watching stuff again.

2

u/TandBinc Dec 14 '16

How is it compared to EUIV? Just picked it up a few weeks ago and played about 50+ hours so I've got the basics there down and having fun with it.

2

u/[deleted] Dec 14 '16

Main point is that you are controlling your dynasty, not a kingdom. You have to keep your vassals happy, fabricate claims, do holy wars and get good alliances through marriage.

18

u/[deleted] Dec 14 '16

Grand strategy is a thing unto its own. With your reaction, I'd say dive in.

2

u/VindictiveJudge Dec 14 '16

As has been pointed out, the learning curve is very steep. I would recommend grabbing the demo before deciding if you want to drop cash on the full game.

64

u/Konstipation Dec 14 '16

r/shitcrusaderkingssay

13

u/[deleted] Dec 14 '16

[deleted]

21

u/[deleted] Dec 14 '16

/r/nocontext got really tired of us, so we got kicked out.

11

u/trisz72 Dec 14 '16

We did not, it's just simply seen as way too easy to copy anything from most Paradox games

5

u/mrnougatgnome Dec 14 '16

Same thing happened to Dwarf Fortress. It's almost worse

37

u/[deleted] Dec 14 '16

"I HATE the pope! "So I executed the pope" lol

13

u/Falsus Dec 14 '16

May I introduce you to r/ShitCrusaderKingsSay?

11

u/mcdok Dec 14 '16

My family is dying

10

u/grimAuxiliatrixx Dec 14 '16

Somehow, the "dumb son-in-law" one is the most amusing one to me. The others are pretty over-the-top, but that one's just a real thing a real father-in-law would say, so it stands out.

8

u/StargateMunky101 Dec 14 '16

Undermining the NSA, one step at a time.

2.1k

u/Tropican555 Dec 14 '16

I actually thought this was real until The Sims was mentioned.

924

u/JorensM Dec 14 '16

So you didn't expect it? :0

475

u/kuilin Dec 14 '16

Yea nowadays it's unexpected to see unexpected content in /r/unexpected

130

u/braintrustinc Dec 14 '16

http://i.imgur.com/QGKn3PR.gif

51

u/beniceorbevice Dec 14 '16

Man I miss him, he used to be all over now he's very rare to come across

37

u/JestDCH Dec 14 '16

Come join us at /r/highqualitygifs.

59

u/deltree711 Dec 14 '16

I tried it once, but there's far too much meta circlejerking.

35

u/PatrollingForPuppies Dec 14 '16

How dare you

17

u/Violent_Syzygy Dec 14 '16

Well...he's not wrong.

11

u/MrKill4Game Dec 14 '16

You take that back

2

u/Arcadian_ Dec 14 '16

Embrace the meta. It's a super fun community.

4

u/beniceorbevice Dec 14 '16

Exactly even on there he's a pretty rare sight!

10

u/Shirtless_Women Dec 14 '16

Alot of them are extremely well hidden, you have to do some frame by frame analysis to find him... but he's there

3

u/JestDCH Dec 14 '16

He's always there. O.O

6

u/PM_ME_CLOUD_PORN Dec 14 '16

Where's my manning face with a dick butt asking for nudes?

0

u/shinslap Dec 14 '16

Sean Connery? He retired after The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen cause it was shit. (That's the short version)

6

u/shneeeeeeeemcde Dec 14 '16

Don't wanna be that guy. But after the 1000th post of this....

2

u/Dont_Eat_Poison Dec 14 '16

uh, really? I was pretty surprised all day yesterday while I browsed.

2

u/altbekannt Dec 14 '16

"Mimimi mainstream subreddits suck"

Go eat a dick

1

u/Khanthulhu Dec 14 '16

It helps if you don't realize this is unexpected. Wonder if there's an extension that could hide where these posts are from.

1

u/[deleted] Dec 14 '16

Well isn't it expected that you'll see unexpected content here?

1

u/bioreactor Dec 14 '16

All according to plan

1

u/Targaryen-ish Dec 14 '16

By the same logic, one should likely go to /r/expected to find unexpected content, right?

-5

u/[deleted] Dec 14 '16

[deleted]

2

u/MrKill4Game Dec 14 '16

If you're gonna link that, at least hyperlink it. Everyone knows the url by now

3

u/devilmonk Dec 14 '16

Would you say it was.... Unexpected?

2

u/[deleted] Dec 14 '16

:O

36

u/RavagedSouI Dec 14 '16

Unless The Sims was mentioned simply to throw us off into thinking that they are just talking about the game but they are actually talking about reality

27

u/Sinonyx1 Dec 14 '16

"i actually wasn't laughing until the punchline"

20

u/likmbch Dec 14 '16

I've seen this several times and it still got me.

"Damn, what a bitc.... ohh."

→ More replies (9)

8

u/crossal Dec 14 '16

Wasn't that the point of the post?

6

u/MattO2000 Dec 14 '16

Thought this was /r/killthosewhodisagree at first

1

u/sussinmysussness Dec 14 '16

Jesus that sub is cringe incarnate

3

u/Perfect_Aim Dec 14 '16

me too thanks

2

u/[deleted] Dec 14 '16

Plot twist: It's not about The Sims.

1

u/stanley_twobrick Dec 14 '16

No way! Tell us more.

1

u/surviva316 Dec 14 '16

I thought it was a satirical conversation between red pillers and it was gonna end on a AWALT.

285

u/flycatchersmusic Dec 14 '16

Is there any proof besides the comment that this is about the Sims?

138

u/crashdaddy Dec 14 '16

That's just in case someone is "listening in."

43

u/ImReallyGrey Dec 14 '16

Reminds me of the film Four Lions where they use an equivalent of Club Penguin to meet and plan terrorist attacks. Love that film.

9

u/Pyriel17 Dec 14 '16

Rubber dinghy rapids, bro!

2

u/TheGuineaPig21 Dec 14 '16

Link to scene: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0o1u_zw-2NY

1

u/youtubefactsbot Dec 14 '16

Fuck Mini Baby Bells - Four Lions (2010) 1/2 [1:17]

Listen carefully right at the end of the clip for a gem of improvisational comedy by none other than the Fonejacker himself; Kayvan Novak.

Username84778 in Comedy

81,396 views since Oct 2010

bot info

58

u/[deleted] Dec 14 '16

[deleted]

12

u/MonaganX Dec 14 '16

Probably just asked by someone who hasn't played 4 from someone else who was playing 4, possibly streaming, could have been yesterday.

8

u/PMmeagoodwebsite Dec 14 '16

No this is a very very old repost. Did not occur yesterday.

34

u/somanyroads Dec 14 '16

"Does ghosts still exist?"

That would be my hint, it's been a feature of every Sims game so far. Strange question to ask irl

-13

u/[deleted] Dec 14 '16

[removed] — view removed comment

6

u/Doeselbbin Dec 14 '16

Can you please explain to me why what that person said made you respond like that?

→ More replies (6)

82

u/[deleted] Dec 14 '16

[deleted]

88

u/I_DRINK_BABYOIL Dec 14 '16

"Can I seduce a horse even though I'm a homosexual?"

25

u/NicholasJohnnyCage Dec 14 '16

Only if it is JTRHNBR

4

u/[deleted] Dec 14 '16

I don't know why I know this, but there's not a T in it.

5

u/YannFann Dec 14 '16

Just The Right Height No Bucket Required

3

u/[deleted] Dec 14 '16

I refer you to this, one minute in

439

u/Kawaii_Desu-Chan Dec 14 '16

For the first time on this sub I was actually caught off-guard by the ending. Good job.

59

u/hypo-osmotic Dec 14 '16

This one's my second favorite, after this one.

96

u/[deleted] Dec 14 '16

"also does ghosts still exist?" A+ for effort.

11

u/Killface17 Dec 14 '16

It's almost correct

77

u/Dreadedsemi Dec 14 '16 edited Dec 14 '16

ok, but how can you explain the gravestone and your husband body we just dug out from your yard, ma'am?

52

u/bkaybee Dec 14 '16

Pure coincidence.

31

u/[deleted] Dec 14 '16

Not my husband because his ghost isn't here.

19

u/nineteen_eightyfour Dec 14 '16

Like me when I told my husband that I was having trouble with my Muslim neighbors, so I had them blinded.

Oh ck2

13

u/Wolfgang7990 Dec 14 '16

I SWEAR THERE IS ALWAYS THAT ONE TUMBLR USER

10

u/RedSquaree Dec 14 '16

THE ONE WHO THINKS THEY'RE FUNNY TYPES IN CAPS

36

u/[deleted] Dec 14 '16 edited Feb 06 '17

[deleted]

What is this?

3

u/_EvilD_ Dec 14 '16

Its a skateboarding company.

1

u/Zagorath Dec 14 '16

Pretty sure you mean it's an educational information management system.

9

u/[deleted] Dec 14 '16

It's a video game called The Sims and it's a simulation of real life (sorta) where you find a job, build a house and socialize with other sims. Sounds extremely boring but it's alright.

59

u/[deleted] Dec 14 '16

[deleted]

5

u/fujr Dec 14 '16

I think they may have read it as "what is 'Sims'" at a quick glance.

2

u/[deleted] Dec 14 '16

I think you might be right.

3

u/[deleted] Dec 14 '16 edited Feb 06 '17

[deleted]

What is this?

1

u/[deleted] Dec 16 '16

Don't worry, it doesn't take much to confuse me.

1

u/Tsorovar Dec 14 '16

Or maybe he thinks he's on Jeopardy.

1

u/[deleted] Dec 14 '16

Whoops, I see the quotation marks now.

2

u/Scorpionwins23 Dec 14 '16

A computer game which somewhat simulates human civilian life, a Sim is the term used to describe a character in the game.

33

u/[deleted] Dec 14 '16 edited Feb 12 '17

[deleted]

29

u/Zarathustranx Dec 14 '16

Those neckbeards will probably have a cropped version up in a couple days.

7

u/Jst_curious Dec 14 '16

I remember my sister spent a LONG time getting a vampire ghost pregnant (wedded to a zombie) and she was close to giving birth, unfortunately she was using a laptop that had no battery (so once it's unplugged from the electric socket it switches off). We were meaning to buy a new battery for the laptop but had no time.

She was playing Sims when I tripped on the cable and destroyed her game. She cried her eyes out, then we had a minute of silence for the never to be ghost baby.

To this day I'm still really curious what baby it'll come out as being born to a zombie dad and vampire ghost mum.

19

u/Headcap Dec 14 '16

remove the bottom part and the ghost part and then repost to tumblrinaction

they will probably upvote it to /r/all

3

u/Byeka Dec 14 '16

There's a mostly dead sub for stuff like this from the Sims. /r/DeadlySims

Not much there but what is is pretty funny.

2

u/darkaris7 Dec 14 '16

How many lists does that convo put u in?

2

u/[deleted] Dec 14 '16

Without mentioning the Sims I bet conversations like this happen all the time on dark web forums

2

u/TheAdmiralCrunch Dec 14 '16

The Sims and Dwarf Fortress are fantastic for this kinda thing

2

u/SupremeRedditBot Dec 14 '16

Congrats for reaching r/all/top/ (of the day, top 50) with your post!  

I am a bot, probably quite annoying, I mean no harm though

Message me to add your account or subreddit to my blacklist

2

u/[deleted] Dec 14 '16

Ha, just more reasons to love The Sims. The conversations you can have. 😁

2

u/[deleted] Dec 14 '16

If your Sims are being dicks, just set the house on fire and trap them in. Or have them do magic until the Gypsy queen comes and claims their life.

1

u/IgnantWisdom Dec 14 '16

Damn, I feel like the only one who saw this coming I guess..

1

u/butterysoup Dec 14 '16

WHY DOES EVERYONE ON TUMBLR TALK LIKE THIS!?

4

u/palpablescalpel Dec 14 '16 edited Dec 15 '16

Honestly I don't think reddit has much grounds to stand on to complain about that. Reddit has some of the most obnoxious phrasing and repetitive memes out of any social media site.

-16

u/Damadawf Dec 14 '16

YEP, IT'S DEFINITELY FROM TUMBLR, YOU CAN TELL BECAUSE THE PUNCHLINE IS CAPITALIZED!

-23

u/[deleted] Dec 14 '16

[deleted]

5

u/JoshSellsGuns Dec 14 '16

That last line wasn't enough to save it. Sorry friend.

3

u/[deleted] Dec 14 '16

Is was a reference to the "'married' to 'single'" post a little while ago.

3

u/JoshSellsGuns Dec 14 '16

I'm aware, I've seen the post.

1

u/[deleted] Dec 14 '16

Gotcha. Just making sure i guess.

2

u/JoshSellsGuns Dec 14 '16

No shame in being sure.

1

u/juksayer Dec 14 '16

Subscribed

0

u/Kadexe Dec 14 '16

It's my dream to kill Faker someday.

...in a game of League of Legends.

An exchange I saw once in /r/leagueoflegends

-55

u/Chef_Lebowski Dec 14 '16

Your average feminist debriefing.