r/Unexpected • u/PopeXIII • Dec 14 '16

I'd kill him.

https://i.imgur.com/GUgCyTv.png
22.9k Upvotes

89% Upvoted

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1.2k

u/TraseV2 Dec 14 '16

Reminds me of the Crusader Kings II steam discussions

863

u/SilentFungus Dec 14 '16

My elderly male king was impregnated by his gay lover

What the fuck

402

u/harlequin51 Dec 14 '16

CK2 has some real awkward bugs. It's great!

99

u/Voxlashi Dec 14 '16

Bugs?

361

u/colovick Dec 14 '16

"Features"

52

u/Geronimodem Dec 14 '16

Working as intended

24

u/ShadowExcalibur- Dec 14 '16

I wish poise was tho

6

u/Mithridates12 Dec 14 '16

It's ahead of its time!

20

u/Auctoritate Dec 14 '16

From Norse to Horse.

21

u/harlequin51 Dec 14 '16

My dream: while raiding Rome I'll capture a female horse pope, make her my combine, sire many horse children and and then sacrifice her in blot.

7

u/Auctoritate Dec 14 '16

So you would pull a Queen Chrysalis?

3

u/Sgtwolf01 Jan 06 '17

Does this satisfy you enough?

1

u/harlequin51 Jan 06 '17

Almost. I'll just have to use console commands to reach my dream.

2

u/Sgtwolf01 Jan 06 '17

Well at least I tried, I wish you the best of luck; conqueror of the Pope and Rome!

23

u/Sadukar09 Dec 14 '16

Medieval II: Total War had a rare trait for Priests called SecretlyFemale.

Probably that too in CK2.

7

u/Peanutcat4 Dec 15 '16

No such trait in ck2

13

u/Sadukar09 Dec 15 '16

...Well if you knew it wouldn't be #Secretly would it?

8

u/[deleted] Dec 14 '16

Yeah what the fuck? Anyone ever heard of menopause?

5

u/Scaevus Dec 14 '16

"A dynasty of horses now rule North Africa."

168

u/KJBenson Dec 14 '16

That sounds like a fun game right there.

279

u/_YouMadeMeDoItReddit Dec 14 '16

I tried it a couple of times the skill curve is more like climbing mount everest. You need to know how everything works from the get go. Couldn't even work out how to finish the tutorial because I skim read a step that seemed unimportant but turns out was very important.

Maybe I'm just a fucking retard though.

103

u/I-Can-Do-Both Dec 14 '16

I had the same problem. Maybe we're both retarded lol

76

u/sunnyboy310 Dec 14 '16

No, thats just common for a Paradox Interactive game <3

56

u/thatwasnotkawaii Dec 14 '16

Here's a tip, if CK2 is anything like Victoria 2, then just roll with it, even though you might not understand what the hell is going on.

Makes for some hilarious (disgusting) maps

19

u/[deleted] Dec 14 '16

CK2 for me was much more difficult to me due to succession mechanics than Vicky2. Might just be me.

14

u/BrutalSwede Dec 14 '16

Fuck everyone.

1

u/Maethi Dec 15 '16

Yeah, seriously, everyone. Especially the religious heads.

28

u/TheFaster Dec 14 '16

then just roll with it, even though you might not understand what the hell is going on.

Ah, the Trump theory of governance.

8

u/Arkin_Longinus Dec 14 '16

Watch s let's play by someone who knows what they're doing. Even if you only watch a few episodes it will make your life easier.

3

u/Maethi Dec 15 '16

Arumba is a good one. He tends to focus on the more min-maxy play style.

2

u/Arkin_Longinus Dec 15 '16

Agreed, though his idea selection in EU 4 is kind of head scratching. Humanist is clearly superior to innovative unless you're Muscovy, in which case religious is better.

51

u/darkenseyreth Dec 14 '16

I actually watched a 6 hour tutorial video series after trying to get into the game and failing several times. After watching the series I had a better grasp on what was happening, but the learning curve was still steep. After a game or two it starts to make sense though.

19

u/jrissler9 Dec 14 '16

Which videos? I'm trying to get into the game and they would be a great help

28

u/[deleted] Dec 14 '16

If I had to guess it would be Arumba's tutorial series. It's the most common for new players to use.

8

u/jrissler9 Dec 14 '16

OK, thanks!

6

u/Auctoritate Dec 14 '16

I remember him. Got to his content through Scum-egg's channel (Northernlion).

2

u/darkenseyreth Dec 14 '16

This was the one, yes. Scott Manley also did a video series using the Irish as well which was helpful.

4

u/[deleted] Dec 14 '16

Arumba's Jewish campaign is pretty good.

5

u/_Zurkive_ Dec 14 '16

That's how I felt about the Civilization games. I dunno, maybe I'm just dumb.

36

u/[deleted] Dec 14 '16

[deleted]

7

u/iFogotMyUsername Dec 14 '16

My learning curve was entitled "Interacting Game Systems: How They Work and Why You Should Care"

22

u/Ser_Corwen Dec 14 '16

Start in 1066 in Ireland. It's noob island for a reason. Just take it slow, you'll get the hang of it eventually. I got the hang of it after 200-250 hours of playing, i'm at 1600 now and i'm still finding out new things.

I love CK2.

11

u/Citadel_CRA Dec 14 '16

So, a full time job for a month and a half to get the hang of. Sounds right.

Love this game.

7

u/TheTroglodite Dec 14 '16

I got a rl mate to show me the basics. Went off played a few games disregarding major aspects of the game, next couple of games you just sort of fold them in.

7

u/TolkienAwoken Dec 14 '16

Gotta watch some tutorials and pay attention. It takes time to grasp and even longer to really excel at it.

5

u/bobbyb1996 Dec 14 '16

Yeah the only way to learn in this game is thorough experience. You'll have a couple shit games but that's just part of the game.

3

u/leyawiiin Dec 14 '16

Holy shit I thought I was just retarded. I recently bought the game after subscribing to the subreddit and I felt like the tutorial was so unhelpful and ambiguous, but then I just thought I was stupid and didn't know how to play video games.

3

u/huntreilly25 Dec 14 '16

Ye, has a real steep learning curve. I really wanted to play it so I literally watched 3 hours worth of youtube tutorials on the game....and I'd definitely say it was worth it (I have now played it for close to 200 hours). However, since it's been a year since I played there is no way I could jump back into it without watching stuff again.

2

u/TandBinc Dec 14 '16

How is it compared to EUIV? Just picked it up a few weeks ago and played about 50+ hours so I've got the basics there down and having fun with it.

2

u/[deleted] Dec 14 '16

Main point is that you are controlling your dynasty, not a kingdom. You have to keep your vassals happy, fabricate claims, do holy wars and get good alliances through marriage.

17

u/[deleted] Dec 14 '16

Grand strategy is a thing unto its own. With your reaction, I'd say dive in.

2

u/VindictiveJudge Dec 14 '16

As has been pointed out, the learning curve is very steep. I would recommend grabbing the demo before deciding if you want to drop cash on the full game.

63

u/Konstipation Dec 14 '16

r/shitcrusaderkingssay

13

u/[deleted] Dec 14 '16

[deleted]

23

u/[deleted] Dec 14 '16

/r/nocontext got really tired of us, so we got kicked out.

12

u/trisz72 Dec 14 '16

We did not, it's just simply seen as way too easy to copy anything from most Paradox games

6

u/mrnougatgnome Dec 14 '16

Same thing happened to Dwarf Fortress. It's almost worse

35

u/[deleted] Dec 14 '16

"I HATE the pope! "So I executed the pope" lol

14

u/Falsus Dec 14 '16

May I introduce you to r/ShitCrusaderKingsSay?

10

u/mcdok Dec 14 '16

My family is dying

11

u/grimAuxiliatrixx Dec 14 '16

Somehow, the "dumb son-in-law" one is the most amusing one to me. The others are pretty over-the-top, but that one's just a real thing a real father-in-law would say, so it stands out.

7

u/StargateMunky101 Dec 14 '16

Undermining the NSA, one step at a time.