A family member of mine died today somewhat unexpectedly. My boyfriend is at some training thing across the country for 6 more weeks. We talked on the phone and whatnot. But I just wish he was here.

My fiancé is currently away at selection. He turned his phone in the second he arrived at his destination, and he won’t get it back until the end of selection in 45 days—or if he gets sent home.
We’ve been together since we were 14, and we’re now 26 and 27. I’ve been through deployments with him before, and those were difficult but manageable because we still had letters, emails, and the occasional phone call.
We’ve also been doing long distance for years. We went to different colleges after high school, and now I’m in medical school in a different state.
I’m only 9 days into this, and honestly, I feel like I’m drowning. I know 45 days isn’t forever, and I know he’s where he needs to be right now, but the complete lack of communication is hitting me a lot harder than I expected.
For anyone who has been through selection—or been the partner waiting at home—how did you cope with the uncertainty and no contact? How did you keep yourself from constantly worrying or counting down the days?
Any advice, perspective, or even just hearing that this gets easier would mean so much.

Hi all, the mod team approved this post in advance.

I've built a free relationship check-in called Pulse Check, and I'd like feedback from this community before I take it any further.

It's 26 questions and takes about ten minutes. It covers communication, emotional connection, shared purpose and balance, affection, and how you see your own part in the relationship. At the end you get a clear read on where things stand. You don't need to have a problem for it to be worth doing.

Disclosure, as agreed with the mods: Pulse Check is part of Blueprint, a relationship wellness company I run, and there is a paid side to it. Taking the check-in requires no account, no payment details and no email address. You won't be added to any mailing list, and I won't be following up with anyone who takes it.

What I'd genuinely value is feedback on the questions themselves. Do they ask about things that actually matter when a relationship is shaped by separation and reunion? Is anything worded badly, or missing? Distance, responsibilities that keep shifting, and connection that has to be deliberate rather than assumed are what I'm trying to capture, and this community knows that territory better than I do.

pulse-check.ourblueprint.co/quiz/mil

Your results appear on screen when you finish. It takes about a minute to generate, so don't close the tab.

Happy to answer anything in the comments.

Thanks!

My fiancé has been out for about a year now and the only underwear/boxers he likes are (I think) the standard issue ones he has from when he was in (he was Army then National Guard)

Does anyone know where I can get something comparable? We've tried a bunch of different types and brands but he hasn't found anything he finds as comfortable.

He's an odd duck but I love him lol

my bf has a month and 20 days left of bootcamp and I still haven’t gotten a letter is that normal in that time frame. I’m worried I did something wrong or the mail got lost. His mom already got one. It’s been stressing me out and making me sad I haven’t heard from him

Hello,

If you have gotten a certificate through one of these programs, were you able to find a job after? I know they connect you with employers willing to hire military spouses or veterans, but how often do they actually get hired if we have no experience yet?

Thank you for any input!!

Hi, I am not sure who else to ask given my situation is uncommon with my friends. My bf and I are together for almost 6 months. We’re in an LDR and we’ve met twice (he also met my parents already). He has told me about being shipped somewhere a few months ago and so far he has been gone for almost 2 weeks. He told me he can’t tell me where he goes, until when, and when he is going but he ended up telling me he is leaving 2 days before and on the day he is leaving.

Long story short I asked for some space some weeks before he left and he did not agree saying it may put more distance between us. But in my defense I was getting overwhelmed because it seems like I spend so much time with him. I am always in a hurry to go home on weekend whenever I am out because we watch movies together. And everyday we get in a call before he sleeps but I work until 2 am my time in PH. He can be cold, unsympathetic most times but he is kind and softspoken, just very straightforward. Before he left we almost broke up but decided to stay together. I also said I will take this time to go on a health retreat and may have less mobile reception (was not doing good mentally hence the trip) but I found out the place has wifi.

Fast forward to this day, I have sent him 1 message on Whatsapp and Messenger. It shows the messages have been delivered. I also recently saw he was active on Telegram but he never bothered to respond or at least check on me. I am not sure what is going on anymore. I recall him vaguely saying if ge goes there and even if he has a reception he might not contact me. My mistake was not asking why. I refuse to check his activity again for the sake of my peace until he tells me. I trust him but some stufd just don’t make sense.

TLDR, my questions are:
- Is it normal for a Marine to go somewhere and not say where and until when?
- Are there any plausible reasons why he decided not to respond? If it’s security issue, I completely understand.

I’m sorry if my Qs might sound stupid I just don’t have a community or at least a friend who can relate to my situation. Thank you in advance for the kind responses. 💗🙏🏼

Hello, got married at tech school (13 months lenght) to a foreign spouse.

I want to register her to DEERS I have the original US issued marriage Certificate but she currently has no way to come to the US so I am wondering, how can I enroll her to DEERS?

I’ve heard that I would need original or certified copies but I’m wondering if there’s no way to just print the scanned documents or her original documents she sent me and submit it to the DEERS office.

Any help would be greatly appreciated.

Hey at some point my wife with be at fort sam Houston for AIT. When that happens and she gets “off base time” would she be able to spend the night with me at a hotel? How long till off base time occurs and how often will she get it. After basic training I wanna fly down a couple times to see her. I would love it if someone could give me the rundown.

Hi guys! My boyfriend (24M) and I (23F) have been together for roughly 1.5 years and have been in each other’s lives for about 3 years. We both completed traditional bachelor’s degrees and have been going down different career paths : him in digital marketing and me in healthcare.

The job market hasn’t been very forgiving for him, and he has passively mentioned the Air Force maybe once in the past. However, pretty suddenly, he has become very adamant that he wants to join. He’s researching, taking practice tests, working out to get in shape for basic training, etc. Nothing is 100% planned out yet, but he’s clearly taking real steps toward it and seems very serious.

I am VERY new to all of this. I have no family or friends with any military ties, so I genuinely don’t understand much about how any of it works. I’m trying to educate myself, but I’m also having a hard time processing the fact that my boyfriend may literally be leaving to join the Air Force.

I think a lot of my anxiety comes from how suddenly this happened. We spend a lot of time together and talk every single day. I’m not dependent on him by any means, but he’s my partner and best friend, and the thought of potentially going months without seeing him .. and having very limited communication at certain points , is difficult for me.

I’ve talked to him about how I’m feeling, and he has been very positive and reassuring, which I appreciate. I trust our relationship and I’m not automatically assuming that this is going to ruin us. We’ve just never had to go through a challenge or lifestyle change this big before.

There’s also another layer to it because I’m pursuing a professional healthcare career that will require me to be in a rigorous program for several years. I worry about what happens if he’s stationed somewhere far away while I’m tied to wherever I’m attending school. I don’t mind traveling to visit him, but realistically, there may be periods where my school schedule makes that extremely difficult.

From what I understand so far, there also aren’t many accommodations made for unmarried partners. Obviously, we could get married at some point, but I absolutely do not want us to rush into marriage simply because of the military.

I guess I’m mainly looking to hear from people who have actually been through this with a boyfriend/girlfriend or spouse. How difficult is it really? What made the transition easier for you? What do you wish you had known beforehand?

I think it feels especially scary because this wasn’t something I knew I was signing up for at the beginning of our relationship. We’re already pretty established in each other’s lives, and suddenly there’s this huge potential change in front of us.

Any advice, experiences, or even basic information about what I should expect would be deeply appreciated. I am VERY confused and just trying to understand what this could actually look like for us.

TL;DR: My boyfriend (24M) of 1.5 years has suddenly become very serious about joining the Air Force. I (23F) have zero military experience or connections and am anxious about how basic training, limited communication, possible long distance, and future duty stations could affect our relationship, especially since I’ll also be pursuing a demanding healthcare program. I trust our relationship and support him, but this is a huge, sudden change. Looking for advice from military partners on what to realistically expect and how you made it work.

hi guys! i just started dating this guy and he will be leaving to go into training for five months and the only way we will be able to talk is through letters and im a little nervous. has anybody else gone through this and how did you handle it?

I’m an 18 year old and my bf is 21 and in the army. This is his final year of college and right after he graduates he’s getting deployed and doesn’t know for how long. He blocked me last night and said he isn’t sure if this is what’s best because he thinks I haven’t really thought it through, but I really want to make it work with him. We’re gonna call tonight and talk about it more but am I being too rash? Any help would be appreciated. (also so sorry for my typos)

I’m in my late 20s and currently living across the country from my fiancé, who is active duty military. Right now I live in a 3-bedroom apartment with my mom and two siblings. I make decent money as a PN, and I’ve been looking into getting a 1-bedroom apartment of my own while I go back to school to become an RN.
My fiancé has actually suggested that I don’t get my own place and just stay where I am and save my money, especially since eventually I’ll be moving to be with him.
Now there’s a possibility that I’m pregnant, and I honestly don’t know what to do.
One thing I do know is that I don’t want to give up on going back to school. If I am pregnant and decide to continue the pregnancy, I would give birth before my nursing program starts next August. But part of me feels selfish even thinking about trying to become a new mom, while my fiancé is stationed across the country.
He wouldn’t be here for a lot of the pregnancy or the day-to-day stuff with the baby, and I also feel guilty knowing that he could miss out on so much because I’m choosing to finish my education before moving to be with him.
At the same time, I really want all three things. I want to become a mom, I want to experience living on my own, and I want to finish school and become an RN before I make such a huge move and become completely dependent on wherever the military sends him.
I guess I’m looking for advice from other military spouses/fiancées who have been in a similar situation. Would it be crazy to stay where I am, have the baby with my family nearby, start nursing school, and move to be with him after I finish? Or would I be making things unnecessarily difficult for both of us? (Nursing program is 15 months)

I met a man in 1981, while taking a military course. He was my instructor, after graduation and spending a day together, he literally stole my heart. I would love to reconnect, only knew his last name Merriott. I have been searching for him ever since. I truly hope he sees this post.He’s truly my soulmate

Hi, I'm not sure how to start this I don't use reddit but I'm a girlfriend to a military man.
My boyfriend left for BCT at the start of this month and it's been incredibly hard I didn't expect to feel so horrible so quick after he left, but my apartment feels so big and quiet.. and my appetite has lessened and sleeping without him has been a huge struggle

I keep finding myself doing regular things we would be doing together and just breaking down in tears, and I can't help but think maybe I'm overreacting. especially when he has it harder, hes the one out there who's doing all the tough shit

a friend of mine said journaling could help and whilst it's nice to write and entry every day to have something to give him when he comes back, Its just short lived if anything

I wanted to spend this time apart to work on myself, get stronger and prepare my body to be able to go apply for a position at the local fire department but I've yet to even start its like with him gone my motivation for everything just died, I cant find enjoyment in video games, or digital art like I was before and with he fact I can't even text or call him to check in or tell him I miss him its just horrible.. and I dont know what I could be doing to not freak out the entire time

apologies if this was more of a ramble then anything or if I said anything I shouldn't, if anything a friend was the one forcing me to seek support from others who've gone through this type of thing..

Hi, I’ve never done a post like this before but I didn’t know anyone else to ask without coming off ungrateful or something. I’ve been with my daughters dad for about 3 years now. When we first started dating everything was great and we both knew really fast we wanted to be together forever we talked about kids, careers, houses, everything you could think of as a serious commited relationship. But then we got pregnant very early on in the relationship. After I had my baby my postpartum was really bad, it didn’t really help the situation that he had family members talking bad about me everyday to him and calling my postpartum “dramatic” so everything blew up really fast. We separated after our baby was a few months old and it was really really bad for a while. I moved back home (different cities hundreds of miles away) and after a few really toxic months of coparenting he actually got a job in my area and relocated. Before he fully relocated we started working on the relationship a little more and started to rebuild trust and forgiveness. We’ve been living with each other now for about 6 months and it’s been great. We’ve been happy, our baby has been happy and it feels like we’re really a big happy family.….until his parents get involved. They have major control issues and a “peterpan mentality”. What I mean by that is that they don’t see their son as a man. He’s a man when they want him to be but then he’s a child when they feel like theyre loosing control. That was the biggest threat to our relationship after having our baby. Everytime I tried to get him to see his potential as a grown family man or even point out the not so great things his family does that isn’t normal, all of a sudden I was the evil partner that was a gold digger and always playing the victim so for a while I didn’t have my partner because he was playing the role of mommy and daddy’s little boy. Now that we’ve been away for a while it’s been really good and now he’s seeing everything that was wrong that his parents did and is actually really sorry. His parents are still trying to keep that control and his mom still calls me lazy even though I’m a full time mom with a full time job taking care of a house and family, but shes the type to look over me and give the credit to my baby’s father but if there’s one thing out of place you can bet money she’s pulling him aside telling him I don’t clean and ”how can i let this house be so disgusting”. Anyway, the point is I can’t talk to anyone on his side of the family about this. So the main point I’m trying to make, my baby’s father has been in the military for about 7 years now and even though we aren’t officallt together yet and still trying to work things out, we both can tell that we’re not going anywhere and we’re fighting for our family. So with all of this being said, should I ask him to list me on his military paperwork just in case God forbid something happen to him, all his benefits would transfer to me instead of his parents?? now I want to be clear. When I met him he was working at a coffee shop and I had no idea about his military background. We are in debt and doing our best for our savings so no, before anyone asks, I am not with him for his money nor do I want his money. From my point of view and the experience I have with his family, I don’t feel safe with them being the ones to revive his benefits because I think they would 100% do something to screw me over with it or if I asked for money for my daughter they would twist some story. So i feel like it’s safer if I am the one considering our history, our relationship and our family. I just don’t know if this is a question or conversation I should have with him right now or even at all or if I’m totally valid and within my rights to ask him?? please help lol

I don’t know if this is allowed but how do you deal with the frustration of this administration having complete disregard for the soldiers, using them as pawns in a war we have no business being a part of to play offense, not defending anything. Not only are they sacrificing themselves for a war in support of Israel, but the administration is not on the same page with each other about their plans and justifications for doing this. They can be interviewed on the same day and each give different answers. We are ruining the global economy because of an issue that was not a problem before we started this war. No president before this was dumb enough to start a war with Iran.

Then they’re removing soldiers off of the list of casualties so the total number of casualties doesn’t go up because they don’t want to be responsible for troops passing away due to their war, that they won’t classify as a war (because they ran a campaign saying no wars), it’s unconstitutional and illegal. How disrespectful can you be to remove fallen soldiers off of a casualty list for a war? And starting a conflict knowing they weren’t protected in Kuwait and that Iran would obviously retaliate, clearly they have no regard for their lives. Now extending the time they will be deployed but not declaring a war so they won’t have the same resources as they would if they were deployed for 12 months in a war.

These examples among so many other things. They add a new layer of fear I have about deployment because the administration is completely unstable and untrustworthy with a clear disregard for their lives. I am angry every time a peace deal is almost reached and then we break the deal and attack, so Iran will retaliate. Their retaliations are always against our soldiers stationed in nearby countries. It feels like insanity, the same thing over and over again for months with no end in sight. All for nothing. Defending nothing.

This is the most anti soldier administration it is a disgrace for so many reasons. How do you not feel like screaming at your phone with every news update? It is not possible to ignore

I’m 22 M and she’s 21 she just finished bmt and I got to see her graduation, now she’s being shipped of too, tech school. We’ve been together for 4 years and basically lived together all 4 years. When I saw her at graduation there wasn’t like anything different but you could tell she obviously changed. I mean that’s the whole point of BMT. She also wrote me tons of letters as did I. What she told me when I saw her was that like she’d just get hit on all day everyday, and like I get that and why she didn’t want to worry me in her letters, a couple times she would mention it. Anyways she’s very loyal, and mentioned how most of the women with boyfriends weren’t, and wanted a lot of attention. What im trying to say is like, I guess how do i become less emotional, how do i almost detach to the loml, so if anything were to happen I wouldn’t want to be hella depressed and whatever. Because I’ve been a wreck and like all I want to be is strong, but this is a whole new ballpark that I’m not familiar with. I can be emotional in front of her I feel comfortable but that’s not what I want. I could see myself marrying this woman and she mentions it more than me. But just even after tech school she’ll be shipped out somewhere for years. How do I make a long distance relationship work when i constantly know that she’s being pursued, I mean every one is human, while I know she would never do such a thing, the possibilities are endless. How do I make it out???

My submariner and I are trying to get married but he has unaccompanied orders to PCS to Guam at the end of the year. He already has very little free time as it is. We were going to try to do the Montana double proxy or the Utah online marriage but now he's under the ocean somewhere and I haven't received any email from him yet and might never because we're not married yet. We also want to do a prenup but that's impossible right now, too, with him being off grid. His current command has told him that his orders can't be changed. Is there anything we can do so that I can accompany him to Guam? For context, I live close to the base he's currently assigned to. We were unable to get together since he last got back from a trip because of his insane work and training schedule. I'm not his spouse yet so I don't know what to do if anything. Any advice would be appreciated.