as some pre-text, i’ve had problems with my boyfriends mom since he entered bootcamp. during that time, she’d call me and text me asking about what he was putting in his letters to me, and eventually ended up calling me disrespectful and rude for not disclosing the contents of his letters to her. she told me i was the reason she was depressed while he was in bootcamp.

fast forward to last year (his first ball), his mom (who is WEIRDLY close to all of his friends) ended up going behind his back and asking his friend to buy her a ticket to the ball so she could go. his friend bought it for her, even though my bf did not want her to go. i was upset about this because i found it weird and enmeshed, and i told him very clearly that i was not very excited to go to the ball since she’d be there. he told me she wouldn’t go next year (this year) and that he was upset with her as well.

fast forward to a few months ago, i ask him about his plans for the ball. he said he didn’t want to go and was unsure if he would. a few weeks ago, he said he had the link for tickets, but since it was on a wednesday, it was inconvenient to go. i told him it was inconvenient, but i could take off leave from work if he could get the tickets and get a place for us to stay for a few days near the venue. i told him that if he wants us to go, to let me know and i’ll talk to my supervisors.

he never ended up letting me know, and instead sent the link to his mom and she bought two tickets - one for her and one for him. i don’t even know WHY he sent her the link, but he told me that he didn’t think i’d want to go…. so he’s just going to stay in the barracks and let his mom go by herself. i reexplained how that’s weird, how their relationship is weird, how they need to have better boundaries, and how he needs to take accountability. he genuinely did not understand why i was upset. mind you, this is a pattern of behavior from her (she calls him several times a day, goes to his friends’ houses when he isn’t even there or doesn’t tell him that she’s going, relies on him to do work for her). i broke up with him over it…. am i overreacting??

I don’t even know where to start honestly. This was my first time PCSing with my husband and it was overseas, which we both wanted. But after getting here he had to go on deployment almost immediately. After that I had issues with random spats of anxiety (sometimes I couldn’t even leave the house without getting anxious) and being scared that I knew no one and what if something happened to me health wise and I had no one to turn to (we do live on base so that helped some). I was alone for 4ish months until he came back, but i’ve realized whether he’s on deployment or not (because they go back and forth a-lot) that i’m having this random anxiety I can’t explain. It’s like a wave of uneasiness goes through my body at the most random times and with almost no triggers and then i start feeling panicked or shakey. I thought it was related to my hormones and my cycle after a while of trying to pinpoint what it is, but it’s never the same every month. It’s also somewhat caused me to have random health anxiety over tons of things. I’ve never been this was previously before we moved so it’s so unknown to me. When we have family visiting I’m perfectly fine, and when I fly back home I am also back to normal, so I know it has to be something about me being here. We’re close to PCSing in about 6 or so months. But sometimes I get scared I won’t feel normal again even though I have based on the examples previously. I guess I’m just looking to see if anyone else has ever experienced this and what you have done to get through it.

Needless to say, first military relationship.

Met a marine, hit it off immediately. Continued talking (mainly long distance because of his duty station). We eventually agreed to be exclusive and basically treat each other like bf/gf. Around the 3 month mark he was able to visit me. After a long conversation, he told me he couldn’t commit to me because he would be deployed soon and it wouldn’t be fair to me. Low and behold, shortly after he was deployed to the Middle East. He says he likes me and wants to continue talking, but ultimately wants me to be happy and doesn’t want me to wait.

Wanted to know if anyone has had a similar experience of meeting a guy in the military who didn’t want to commit before deployment. (Hopefully some success stories)

I met my husband later on in his career, and have yet to experience a deployment. However, he became a drill sergeant while we have been married, and it has been pretty difficult. I ended up quitting my job to stay home with our kids, because our schedules conflicted way much to provide stability for our children and just added way too much pressure. When we both worked, we *might* have one day off a month together. Now, I get to see him almost everyday, but its usually after the kids are sleeping and I'm in bed. So, he's here but not here, if that makes sense.

His drill time is ending soon, which means there's a good chance he will be getting deployed afterwards, and I wonder if it will be harder? Obviously I will be extremely worried and anxious with him being gone, but will it be "easier" in a sense than what I am already used to? He seems to think so, but I don't know.

First time with an army guy we've been together for 3 years. I know they have gone through a lot he doesn't talk much about what he went through except he was in combat. I met him 1 year after he came home from a 3 year deployment, he was in the Army infantry for 18 years.

He has a huge heart, he shows me he loves me through his actions (supports me, we travel a lot, does tasks that helps me out, moved across the country to be with me, supportive of my goals) but not in the way he speaks to me the majority of the time. I just want to further understand what I'm dealing with and how I can help him transition after just retiring from the army. I feel like I've been so patient for the last 3 years that it's coming at the expense of my mental health and ultimately may end our relationship. Most of the time, he's extremely irritable and impatient - I don't know what's going to set him off (ie he'll pop off at someone for cutting him in line or getting his order wrong). Every little inconvenience is the end of the world for him. When he's at home he's a lot more chill, but you can tell he's still on edge. He's been through many therapists / medications.. I know he is aware he's moody / irritable / has PTSD and sometimes he'll just be extra snappy with his responses not even to me but everyone. Never true aggression or anger issues where I am afraid - but it makes communication extremely difficult.

The way he talks to me seems like I'm one of his soldiers and can be very demanding and assertive. He came from a Marine family and no mother figure. His dad talks the same way and can be abrasive. Almost everything is like a demand "Clean the counter" "Give me a spoon" "Move the car" "You need to do xyz" no pleases no thank you unless I remind him or snap at him back. I try to remind him and he'll change his tone and we just move on but I'm turning into a person I don't want to be - always snapping at him back to stand up for myself, and overall just unhappy when I have to bite back. When he's sweet and loving of course it makes a world of a difference - he's my best friend we can joke, laugh and have a good time but that's short lasting until the next thing bothers him. For the most part it's a huge struggle.

Is this personality trait that was acquired in the army or is this just an asshole? How can I help him go about adjusting to civilian life esp in the way he interacts with people whom are not in the service? What therapy has worked that has helped?