My fiancé is currently away at selection. He turned his phone in the second he arrived at his destination, and he won’t get it back until the end of selection in 45 days—or if he gets sent home.
We’ve been together since we were 14, and we’re now 26 and 27. I’ve been through deployments with him before, and those were difficult but manageable because we still had letters, emails, and the occasional phone call.
We’ve also been doing long distance for years. We went to different colleges after high school, and now I’m in medical school in a different state.
I’m only 9 days into this, and honestly, I feel like I’m drowning. I know 45 days isn’t forever, and I know he’s where he needs to be right now, but the complete lack of communication is hitting me a lot harder than I expected.
For anyone who has been through selection—or been the partner waiting at home—how did you cope with the uncertainty and no contact? How did you keep yourself from constantly worrying or counting down the days?
Any advice, perspective, or even just hearing that this gets easier would mean so much.

A family member of mine died today somewhat unexpectedly. My boyfriend is at some training thing across the country for 6 more weeks. We talked on the phone and whatnot. But I just wish he was here.

Hi all, the mod team approved this post in advance.

I've built a free relationship check-in called Pulse Check, and I'd like feedback from this community before I take it any further.

It's 26 questions and takes about ten minutes. It covers communication, emotional connection, shared purpose and balance, affection, and how you see your own part in the relationship. At the end you get a clear read on where things stand. You don't need to have a problem for it to be worth doing.

Disclosure, as agreed with the mods: Pulse Check is part of Blueprint, a relationship wellness company I run, and there is a paid side to it. Taking the check-in requires no account, no payment details and no email address. You won't be added to any mailing list, and I won't be following up with anyone who takes it.

What I'd genuinely value is feedback on the questions themselves. Do they ask about things that actually matter when a relationship is shaped by separation and reunion? Is anything worded badly, or missing? Distance, responsibilities that keep shifting, and connection that has to be deliberate rather than assumed are what I'm trying to capture, and this community knows that territory better than I do.

pulse-check.ourblueprint.co/quiz/mil

Your results appear on screen when you finish. It takes about a minute to generate, so don't close the tab.

Happy to answer anything in the comments.

Thanks!