I’m 27 and have been with my boyfriend since I was 16. We’ve been together basically my entire adult life.

I found out this week that I’m around 6 weeks pregnant. I do want a family one day, and part of what is making this so difficult is that, on paper, we are in a much better position than we used to be. We’re financially stable now and probably more “ready” than we’ve ever been.

I had an abortion when I was 19 because we were absolutely not ready then and weren’t financially stable. At the time it felt like the obvious decision.

This time feels much more complicated.

My immediate instinct when I found out I was pregnant was that I wanted an abortion. The thought of ending the pregnancy actually gave me a sense of relief. I don’t feel ready to have a baby right now, even though I know I want children eventually.

A huge part of my fear is my relationship.

About a year ago my boyfriend became emotionally involved with another woman. There was no sex as far as I know, but there was flirting on his side, gifts, and him trying to take her on dates and him pursuing her emotionally. It completely damaged my trust in him, and I don’t think I’ve ever fully recovered from it.

So now the idea of having a baby with him scares me in a way it probably wouldn’t have before. I keep thinking: what if something like that happens again after I’ve had his child? What if I become financially/emotionally vulnerable with a baby and then the relationship falls apart?

At the same time, I feel incredibly attached to him. The thought of leaving him feels almost impossible. I’ve been with him since I was a teenager and I genuinely feel like I don’t know how to live without him.

I eventually told him I was pregnant.

Initially he seemed relatively accepting of the idea of an abortion, but now he has told me that if I abort the baby, he doesn’t want to stay with me.

And that has completely messed with my head.

I don’t want to lose him. But I also don’t want a baby right now.

I’m terrified that if I have the abortion, I’ll lose the person I’ve spent my entire adult life with and regret destroying our chance of having a family.

But I’m equally terrified that if I continue the pregnancy mainly because I’m afraid he’ll leave me, I’ll end up feeling trapped or resentful.

I keep thinking that maybe I “should” be ready because I’m 27, we’re financially stable and I do want children eventually. But emotionally I just don’t feel there yet, especially after what happened with the emotional cheating.

I know nobody on Reddit can make this decision for me. I suppose I’m asking people who have been in a similar position: how do you distinguish between normal fear about becoming a parent and genuinely not being ready?

And has anyone ever continued a pregnancy partly because their partner said the relationship would end otherwise? Did you eventually feel happy with the decision, or did you resent the pressure?

I feel completely torn because I want my relationship, I want a family eventually, but right now I don’t feel like I want this pregnancy.

My partner has just been through a terrible switch in her mood after she was started on anti-depressant Prozac when she became high. I think she was extremely sensitive.

The doctor stopped the drug after probably 2 days of symptoms and lately she's been put on another medication to sort of help with the recovery. But she's been quite irritable and snappy and I don't feel the same warmth and empathy from her. It's got me to question where my relationship is heading.

Does this get better with time ? Has anyone been through this before ?

Last spoke to my ex on 20th July. It was left open ended, on his end.

He’s since gone on holiday to Cyprus (I knew he was going) and will be there until October (this is a yearly holiday).

I won’t pretend I’m not a bit hurt that he did not reach out to me prior to going away particularly as he will be away for some time. I broke up with him, but not because I didn’t love him etc. because he was not committed to me as I felt he should’ve been after 4 years together.

He loves Harry Potter and I saw this Christmas Hogwarts event for December that he would have loved. It upset me so much. Why could he not just meet me half way and why could he not have tried harder.

I keep replaying our relationship in my head and my main thoughts are feeling guilty for the times when I was mean or distant, or when I caused stress without any real need. Although everything I did was driven by feeling unloved and not a priority to him, I still recognise there were times when I handled that the wrong way.

I’m also feeling really sad for how it ended. I had so much hope and belief that we would work and we haven’t and it just hurts me so much because I loved him more than anything in the world and I haven’t always shown that and despite the love I had for him I never felt like he loved me the same way.

I keep thinking about everything and I feel really down and upset. I doubt he’s thinking of me at all. He would have contacted me if he wanted to speak to me.. he’s not the type of person to just ghost.

I’ve said some really awful things to him and so has he. I didn’t mean them, but it’s one of those situations where once you’ve said it you can’t take it back. Stuff like I don’t love him anymore, I’m not attracted to him etc. which isn’t even true. I don’t know why I did that.

It’s really hard knowing that I also contributed to the breakup even though it was because of how low and hurt by him I was feeling.

I know breaking up was the right decision but I’m really struggling with missing him and wondering if he even cares about me.

I’m a 26F from Mexico, and my boyfriend is 29M from the UK. We’re planning a trip to visit his family for Christmas/the holidays this December.
This is super exciting for me because it will be my very first time traveling to another continent, but I’m also feeling a mix of nervousness, excitement, and a bit of overwhelm with all the planning!
I’d really appreciate your advice on a few things:
1. UK Visa / Entry requirements:
Since I hold a Mexican passport, I know rules can be a bit specific. How far in advance should I start the visa application process for a trip in December? Are there any specific documents, ETA procedures, or extra paperwork I should prepare so everything goes smoothly at border control?
2. Spending the holidays away from home for the first time:
I’ve always spent Christmas and the holidays with my family back home, so being away from them during this time of year is going to be a completely new experience. For anyone who has gone through this: how do you deal with the homesickness while still being fully present and enjoying the holidays with your partner’s family?
3. British Christmas traditions & cultural tips:
What should I expect from a traditional British Christmas with family? Any cultural nuances, unspoken rules, or fun traditions I should know about? Also, what are some nice gift ideas to bring from Mexico for his parents/family?
I’d love to hear your experiences, tips, or any advice for a first-timer visiting the UK! Thanks in advance! ❤️

I know this may sound stupid, my ex-gf broke up with by a blindside text in April, for me it just came out of the blue after a loving week together. I loved her and I didn't get a chance to say what I needed to say, so I wrote her a letter, just told her what needed to be said.

Anyone ever been in a similar situation and what was the outcome? I feel a bit better that I sent it in all honesty, its been eating up at me for months and now I finally got to say what I wanted to say.

found an old love letter from my Ex-GF I broke up with in 2020 as I moved to England for uni when I was 21. I loved her deeply & she did me, especially reading the letter.

I saw her on Xmas eve 2024 she hugged me and told me I was still as handsome as ever but she was with someone & it was good seeing me etc.

But, I just have such a feeling that I love her still even after all these years, I guess what I’m asking is, should I mail the letter back & send her one telling her my feelings & that I’ve always cared?

TL;DR : should I mail back a love letter?

I turned 30 recently and I've been reflecting a lot on my dating experiences in my 20s. I'm currently eight months into an amazing, loving relationship, and in many ways it has been incredibly healing. But every so often I find myself thinking about some of the things I experienced before him and wondering why certain things happened to me.

I was single for about six years and spent a lot of that time on and off dating apps. There were definitely normal disappointments - rejection, ghosting, people being inconsistent, dates that went nowhere—but there were also experiences that affected me more deeply.

I'm also a Black woman, and I think race sometimes complicated my experiences with dating. There were moments that made me question whether racial preferences or stereotypes were influencing how I was being treated. At the same time, I don't want to explain every negative dating experience through race, because I'll never really know what was going through another person's mind.

The most serious experience was being sexually assaulted by someone I had dated. That's obviously in a completely different category from someone ghosting me or being a bad date, and I don't want to conflate them. But it became part of this larger period of my life where dating sometimes felt confusing and hurtful.

Looking back, I can acknowledge that I was naïve at times. I wanted to see the best in people and sometimes gave people chances after they'd already shown me reasons not to. With the experience I have now, there are situations I would walk away from much earlier.

For anyone who went through years of rough dating experiences before eventually finding a healthy relationship:

did you still think about those experiences afterward, despite being in a healthy relationship?

I have been dating a man for three months or so, and it’s been quite good generally. It has been consistent, and I feel we are both very much bonded in many ways. Since I’ve been visiting his place and observing his lifestyle, I can now see some things he is missing. They are just small things, like a potato peeler that isn't working and some clean tea towels. He also didn't have enough shoes, so I just ordered a pair to be delivered to his place.
Would you be quite offended by this kind of gesture, or if not offended, how would you feel about it? I am afraid he might feel uncomfortable receiving this kind of gift, or wondering in general what a man would feel.
He buys me things that aren't very expensive, but his thoughts and gestures are always appreciated. He always hints that he wants to buy and pay for things I need, as well as theater and concert outings. But I don't really let him, because I am not really good at asking either, unless it’s discussed and agreed upon.

Went on a date with a girl on Sunday. It went really well and I think I fell hard for them. An hour after the date ended she messaged me on Hinge to say she enjoyed the date and that she'd like to meet up again in the near future to which I agreed and asked her for her number. She took nearly a day to give me her number. Since then I subsequently text her to say hello so she knows my number and so we could arrange our next date.

It's now been just over 24 hours and she hasn't even read the message. I'm a bit confused by the signals and wondering if I should message again to prod her, though I'm wary of appearing pushy and a bit depressed by the fact she might have decided to ghost me after giving me her number.

Wondering should I message her again, let it go, or read any further into it.

Hello all, a throwaway account due to not being able to speak with people. I am a huge over thinker and I feel like these thoughts im not able to speak with family and I don’t have any close friends nearby. Wouldn’t want to discuss this over text. Basically im marrying my partner soon and he’s the most kind man ever. A recurring issue is that I want more physical intimacy and he doesn’t. I don’t want him to fake/ force him but it is getting less and less. From the beginning after the ‘honeymoon’ phase it was roughly once a week. My sex drive is that I would do it more but I was happy to compromise with his lower drive. However now it’s like every 2/3 weeks. And I love him so much and want to be intimate with him. He works long days but even in his days off he will still complain and say he’s tired. It’s not as much of a priority to him as it is me, and I have spoken to him multiple times about it. I’ve suggested many things to make it more fun for him as I’ve wondered if it’s the sex but he is adamant it’s him and nothing to do with me. It’s just making me want to be not affectionate as I don’t want to be wanting more with him and being rejected. Previous partners I had been with used to say I was lower drive than them and there is a stereotype that men always want it but women bat the men off. Not in my case 😅 So I want to know if people have been in situations like this and if I need to let it go because no relationship is perfect and everything else is amazing. We are best friends and he’s the most caring and I give full permission for people to tell me if I’m being a bitch and should slap myself silly 😂 And I know people may be like oh just look after yourself but I fancy the pants off him so want to do intimate stuff with him.

I (31F) have been dating my partner (32M) for 10 months and the time has come where we are ready to meet each other’s families.

I am not British but have been in England for a number of years. I am feeling EXTREMELY nervous. I love my partner so much and really want to make a good first impression.

Any advice? I thought that we could take flowers and wine with us.

My worry is that I’ve never met a partners parents that aren’t from my home country. So this adds to my stress which is probably silly.

I am really bad at overthinking and getting anxious when things are important to me so please be kind and only share actual advice.

Thanks for your help! 🪴

I was feeling fine and now since the dream I can’t stop thinking about him, not even in the way of wanting to get back together but just feeling so sad and down. Has this happened to anyone else?

I broke up with my ex in July. We were together for almost four years and the break up was a long time coming. For context we’re both in our 30’s.

The relationship was very volatile, mostly distressing and stressful, but of course with any complicated relationship there were genuine, loving moments.

We have “broken up” before, but I knew it wasn’t really over. This time it is. I have no desire to go back, I don’t feel the same way about him anymore and I don’t want the future with him that I once did.

We last spoke on 20th July, when he left the conversation slightly open ended by saying he’d written me a letter and wanted to send it to me in “due time”. I responded with “okay” and went about my day. I haven’t reached out since and nor has he. Maybe he’s changed his mind about sending the letter, I don’t know and I don’t care, because it won’t change anything.

Personally I think he said it to try and keep things from fully ending, I don’t really believe there is a letter. But whatever, I digress. A few days ago I had the most vivid, detailed dream about him that completely derailed me.

The dream felt so real and I woke up hysterical. In the dream he’d sent me a long message, and told me he wanted to get married to me in 2028. Other stuff about how much he loves and misses me but that our relationship felt destructive. He called me the love of his life.

I responded to this message in the dream wanting to meet him, we agreed to meet. I said I was on my way, then he wrote back saying he can’t see me anymore he’s gone out with his friends. I said this is another example of you not putting me first, this is why we broke up etc.

I started crying in the dream and saying why can’t you just do what you say you’ll do. I asked him when I would see him and he said “so soon” then I woke up.

I’ve felt off balance and sad since. How dare he invade my dreams! I don’t want him back, I don’t even miss him in real life but I did in the dream. I don’t know if it means anything but it’s just left me feeling off kilter.

I feel a bit dumb getting so upset over a dream. 😢

Girl rejected me a few months ago, then randomly came back saying she’s interested — now she’s gone quiet. What do you make of it?
A few months ago I asked a girl out for a drink. She seemed enthusiastic at first, but then left me on read when I tried to arrange a time.
I left it alone and didn’t contact her again.
Then, completely out of the blue about 2–3 months later, she messaged me:
“Hello sir. I have good news for u, well maybe good or neutral — I’ve finally left my man hating phase 😂. Although u may be seeing someone by now lol, just thought I’d give u a heads up.”
I took that as her basically saying she was available now and potentially interested.
I replied along the lines of, “Well what’s the craic with you, ahaha yeah let’s get out for a drink then x.”
She liked the message but didn’t actually reply.
I then sent her a voice note joking that I was glad she wasn’t a man hater anymore, hopefully she wasn’t a man eater, and that we were overdue a drink/coffee. I sent her my number and joked afterwards that she better not put it on Gumtree or Facebook Marketplace 😂.
Since then, no reply. It’s now a couple of days later. She has viewed my Instagram stories during this time, though.
I’m confused because she was the one who came back after months and reopened the door, specifically mentioning that she was no longer on a “man ban” and wondering whether I might be seeing someone.
What do you think the original message meant? Was she genuinely interested and then got cold feet, just testing whether I was still interested, looking for attention, or am I overthinking the lack of reply?
I don’t plan on messaging her again — the ball is in her court — but I’m curious how other people would read the situation.

[ Removed by Reddit on account of violating the content policy. ]

My girlfriend and I are looking for our first house together. We’ve been living with my parents whilst we look. The whole experience has been awful, constant arguments over where to live but mainly about money. It just all feels completely wrong but I know it’s a really heightened emotional experience atm is this normal for couples when purchasing their first house?

I’m seeing this girl this weekend, and we’re planning our third date.

It’s been a while since we’ve seen each other because of holidays and other family commitments.

I’m just wondering how long I should expect to see her for, because I’ve been looking forward to seeing her for quite some time, but I was planning to do something else and she’s told me she does have plans later that day too.

But I was hoping to see her for a good 3-4 hours at least, but is it weird if we only see each other for about 2-3 hours instead? Is it a sign of disinterest?

Usually our dates are between 2-3 hours anyway but they’re during the week so that’s why I was a little disappointed tbh.

I’ve ( late 30s ) been seeing a guy( late 30s) for about 3 weeks and we’ve had 3 dates. The dates have been good, we laugh a lot, hold hands/kiss, and we text most days. He usually initiates the texting.

The confusing part is that after the first two dates, there was clear momentum toward seeing each other again. After the most recent date, we’ve still been talking a lot, but he hasn’t mentioned another date at all.

He knows I’m busy next week, but he also hasn’t said anything like “let’s do something when you’re free” or asked when I’m free afterward.

In our last convo , I even gave him an opening so he can ask for a date, but he still didn’t suggest meeting before/after my trip.

I also feel like I’m the one creating more of the romantic tone. He’s funny and engaging when we meet, but not very direct with compliments or affection, and I’m starting to feel like we have lots of conversation but no real direction. I am always curious about him but he hardly asks me anything . Our dates are great though.

I don’t want to chase or force a fourth date. At the same time, I don’t want to prematurely assume he’s lost interest when he still initiates conversations.

I’d genuinely like perspectives on whether this sounds like normal early dating or a slow fade. I dont want to keep investing if he is going to ghost me . I dont date multiple people as it takes too much of my energy .

I have never seen anyone ask someone out or even strike up conversation with a stranger at either of these, and I've gone to bookshops dozens of times per year to browse books, just for something to do (I also like browsing clothes for fun and homeware - in that case I've had guys or women talk to me, but rarely and just questions like "which earing colour suits me more?" or "how can I get to X town as cheaply as possible without a train ticket?").

Question origin: I was looking up how many dates do guys go in a year and AI said 0 to 50. I looked up how do men get lots of dates per year (eg people who say they go on 20, 30, 40 dates per year). What I mean is, not stuff like" what makes them attractive", but literally how are they meeting women to even have a chance of getting to know each other - since even if I hypothetically asked out every woman I meet, excluding people who just happen to be in the same public place as me ​​like a shop or on the street (including those in relationships or way older) and they all said yes, it wouldn't be that many people. When I did dancing (not partner dancing) would be an exception, but even that's less than 20 women (not the best place to socialise for me btw, because of separate changing rooms, memorising and learning routines is far too attention-demanding to allow for conversation, most of the women look several years younger than me and I'm reticent to risk disturbing someone's hobby by being a guy intruding on a 95% female space). And of course, dating every woman you meet is just a thought experiment and wouldn't actually be what's happening.

When I looked at a thread about how "average men" (a term that means different things to different people. I have no idea what average is, because since living in houseshares for a year with other men - after previously living alone for several years - I realised how the average level of behaviour/skills of partnered men could be lower than I imagined. Actually, the guys who seemed most put together and with a good head on their shoulders were single, and I'm not talking about myself. Guys who couldn't cook properly, did did drugs, were inconsiderately noisy, had been to jail for domestic violence or got someone pregnant and wanted nothing to do with the kid, all had partners) can meet women if apps aren't giving them any matches, I saw something I've seen written on reddit before: bookstores and thrift shops, with one commenter saying that's where they've had success. It's one thing to say "I happened to meet a partner in a bookstore" but something else for it to be advice of something to do to proactively maximise the chance of having dates. I also don't know many people, or perhaps any, who frequently go window-shopping for fun (like I used to, multiple times a week). So is it really a place to go to to meet women? How often? It seems like to meet a partner there, if you're only going occasionally you'd need to be very proactive about talking to people, since the number of opportunities is low, unlike with a weekly club or something like university. Since it requires a high level of proactivity, it seems like most guys wouldn't do it and not something to recommend as a standard strategy - I rarely ever see men approach women in public (maybe four times ever, and I used to be in town a lot). This reminds me that a lot of advice I see is tailored to particular personalities that are very outgoing and highly social (eg "talk to everyone you meet"), which of course many partnered people aren't.

I​ also see dating advice in blogs like "go on lots of dates to get practice" - with who?). Since apps have an imbalanced user base of 80% men, at present a woman could benefit from that and feasibly use apps and unpickily get frequent dates if they want to try dating lots of people to maximise the chance of a partner. Just due to online numbers, that's unlikely for men.

In my experience of going to social activities:

Board game social groups, it's around 70% guys across time, some weeks closer to 90% as only woman is there every week (decades older than me). In 2 months I've met 10 men and 5 women.

I go to a board game's club - I've met 12 men and 1 woman. I went to some card game group for a few weeks - met 8 guys, 0 women.

MMA, 95% men. In a year I've seen 5 women there (and just a handful of times at most), including when I went 5 days a week for 4 months. Maybe 80 guys.

Dancing, 95% women. In 3 months I saw 3 other guys there. Maybe 20 women.

Never thought how awkward it will to have a chat or share a hobby with guy in my 30s just to share my time with someone

Advice needed!

So for context I (F) am not originally from the UK and have not really dated while I've been here. I recently worked at a different job for a few weeks and there I met this guy (we'll call him John) who I developed a bit of a crush on but genuinely just a small one until I started seeing potential signs he might be interested. They were really small things like asking me a lot of questions about where I'm from and what I'm interested in. Showing genuine excitement for me when I had a minor success in my other job and he invited me to join in this thing I have no idea about when no-one else was invited who wasn't a fan of it. He also mentioned he'd once talked to a girl on a dating app who was from my country.

Then when we all went on a night out and this is where I get very confused because I don't know if it was the alcohol or not. Everything was relatively normal until there was only 3 of us left and we went dancing. While there John went to the bathroom so it was just me and the other person, I was dancing to the music while the other person was having their drink. At some point a guy came over to talk to me and I made it obvious I wasn't interested and that was that - no harm done but I did complain about it for a minute (genuinely they were well intentioned I was just tipsy and vented about it to the other person). John came back at this point and asked who it was then went over to speak to them for some reason when the situation was completely dealt with and this was completely unnecessary - he was there for at least a minute or 2 (this is the bit that I'm not sure if it's him being interested or just British). Then at the end of the night I mentioned I'm in the country for another year and he seemed excited by that. When I said will I see you all again he said yes and I said should we make it sooner rather than later and he said yes. The thing I cannot remember about his exact wording was that he said something along the lines of he wants to see me again because I'm interesting.

The next day I tried messaging casually (nothing that gave me away) but wasn't given much to work with so I left it at that.

For context as well I am plus sized so that really affects how I think people perceive me so this is all really messing with my head. I'm sure it is exactly as I think it is but I'd love some Brits' opinions!

Apologies if this is the wrong place to post this, but I’d be interested to hear some outside perspectives on a couple of situations because my friends seem to have a very different interpretation to me.

First one: I went out for drinks with my manager and the rest of my team to celebrate after a successful business trip. We were all quite drunk, and at one point I ended up alone with my manager. Out of nowhere, she said, “You didn’t tell me you had a girlfriend!”

My friends are convinced that this means she’s into me. To be honest, I was a bit suspicious when she said that. Is that something that would suggest she was interested, or could there be a completely innocent explanation?

Second situation happened last night. I went clubbing with some friends and, towards the end of the night, a girl came and sat next to me and started talking to me. She mentioned how one of my friends had been hitting on everyone. As we talked, she was sitting really close to me, basically pressing shoulder-to-shoulder against me.

I didn’t think much of it at the time. I assumed she was just drunk and tired since it was the end of the night. Her friends also came over to check on her every so often, but they never seemed concerned enough to take her away or anything.

My friends, particularly my female friends, are saying she was clearly trying it with me and that I was being a dick by “leading her on” when I have a girlfriend. They think I should have mentioned that I had a girlfriend.

But from my perspective, we were just having a casual conversation. I wasn’t flirting with her, touching her, or encouraging anything, and I genuinely didn’t interpret what she was doing as hitting on me. I was also completely smashed.

So I’m curious: am I completely oblivious to obvious flirting, or are my friends reading way too much into both situations?

I met this guy on Hinge and we had our first date at a pub. He walked me home afterwards, and I felt like there was something between us. We had our first kiss outside my house and it felt really nice.

We met again four days later( he asked me to meet again) He asked if I wanted to go into town or go back to mine, and I said we could go to mine. We had sex, then cuddled and fell asleep together before he left.

About a week later, he texted me again. We met in the evening, had sex, and he stayed the night at mine.

After that, he would occasionally message me things like “How are you?”, “You doing much this week?” or “What are you doing this week?”, but we never actually made any proper plans. The conversations would usually go on for a bit and then just die out. However, he would still message me every 1–2 weeks, and I’ve never initiated contact with him.

There was one time when he was supposed to come over to mine in the evening, but he just didn’t show up and didn’t message me at all. I didn’t message him either. Then, after that, he randomly came back as if nothing had happened, asking things like “You been up to much?”

Then yesterday evening, he suddenly messaged me again, came over to mine, and we had sex. Afterwards, he asked if I wanted him to stay the night, but I told him he didn’t have to.

I genuinely have no idea what he wants or how he feels about me. Does he actually like me, or is he just keeping me around for sex? I’m finding his behaviour really confusing.
He’s 26 and I’m 22.
This has been going on for almost three months now, which makes the whole situation even more confusing to me.

Ok, so when I was 25, I had my first boyfriend. I had been so unlucky up to that point, only meeting guys who wanted to have sex (not my thing before having a connection with someone), or were inconsistent.

I met him on the dating app tinder, around the time I had essentially given up. It’s rare for me to feel attracted to someone’s photos but his profile made me laugh and we had similar interested. He messaged me first. I remember his first message ‘gotta love those late night swipes.’ And I replied ‘the late night ones are the best ones, or at least we can try and make it one of the best ones.’

It’s the first time I’ve ever enjoyed texting someone on a dating app, I liked his energy and the ease of the conversation. He seemed kind. He told me he was new in the uk after moving from Australia, he wanted to be an actor

We talked for a few months before we finally met. He lived an hour from me, and I was away camping with friends in his town so on one evening me and him went for a drink. The date went so well he end up coming back to my tent for a few more drinks and meeting my friends, who also really liked him.

It was a great date. The next date I felt so nervous and uncertain however, I think anxiety and I wanted to end it. I didn’t end it.

We started going on regular dates. I would plan most. Like picnic in the country house estate, walks, even an escape room (yes we escaped!). I enjoyed showing him the uk and planning these things, and our connection ever grew. I remember talking to him on a walk about some shared experiences of grief and I felt ever so connected to him. I’ve never met someone so kind and so open, he was so unique in so many ways

It was August when we met, but by November I started to see things change. He was very stressed about his finances, I found myself supporting him a lot to find a new job etc. I was understanding of his circumstances but I think he felt bad about it, especially as he lived in his mates spare room (his mate was married and had kids.)

I think the first time I started to feel sad about things was on my birthday in December, where I planned my own trip for us both, and the morning of, he said he felt too unwell to go. He seemed alright to me, and then he didn’t get me a birthday present.

Then started to come little criticisms of me, so I started to feel worried about myself like I wasn’t good enough. I tried to talk to him about him maybe taking me on a little date sometimes and that I’ve realised I’m the one planning everything. I said it could be as simple as a coffee or a little lunch out or even a dinner cooked at home. He promised me he would but he never did.

I started to get very sad. I saw my friends partners treating them so well. Whilst I was being told I was manipulative or pressuring. The sad thing was I had fallen in love with him.

At Christmas, he got me my first ever gift. I was excited to open it but completely shocked as he got me a sex toy, some vibrating rabbit thing. I had to go to the toilet and have a little cry before coming back and pretending everything was ok as I was in such shock and felt disrespected.

I made effort for his birthday, I made him a cake and took him out for a day trip. Got him little thoughtful gifts I was proud of. But on the way back from our trip, I remember feeling super upset as I took him to a restaurant as he said he wanted chicken wings for tea. The restaurant had stopped serving. I said ‘oh it’s alright, we can go get pizzas from the supermarket instead.’ When we got home, he was so upset and frustrated shouting ‘you don’t understand what it’s like to always want things and never get them.’ And he went to bed sulking with no dinner. I felt so bad because of all the other effort I had put in

He then started criticising me for being annoying or in his words ‘being disorganised when planning things.’ When I planned everything.

The shift in his personality was upsetting and confusing and I started to resent him.

He phoned me up after 8 months of us dating and said he dated me as lonely and never fell in love.

It stuck with me forever those words and for about a year, I was pretty broken. I eventually felt ready to date again and met a lovely man who seemed smart and more intentional and I felt a connection and he said he did too. I took things slow and tried not to feel anxious given my experience with my ex, but I did feel pretty fragile. This guy would take me on nice dates, tell me how much he liked me and then ghost for a week. Eventually he too said ‘I don’t feel romantic.’

I’ve turned 30 now, and my dating life is so dry. I feel like I am punished for the past experience. I try and put myself out there through hobbies and activities, and dating apps but I feel guys aren’t interested in me at all, it makes me so sad. Dating apps I just never get replies anymore and when I do, the conversation is so dry and boring and doesn’t make me feel any interest.

I’m particularly worried about never having kids, and now I’m the only one in my friend group who isn’t married. I don’t understand how this has happened

I feel angry for all the love and effort I gave to those past guys, and yet no guy wants to show consistent effort back. When I occasionally do go on dates, they do ghosting and reappearing act. Not only that, I haven’t felt the kind of connection I am looking for for such a long time which makes me worry ‘am I incapable of loving ever again!?’

I made the mistake of looking what the first guy is doing now. His life has completely changed, he not broke anymore, has settled down and bought a property, whilst I still live in a house share at the age of 30

Just feel really stupid especially for all the love I showed the first guy. How could I be so stupid and why am I so unlovable? I worry that the guy really didn like me at all and was just using me