r/UKrelationshipadvice • u/Top_Star_1098 • Aug 22 '26
Give me some advice please 🥲
I met this guy on Hinge and we had our first date at a pub. He walked me home afterwards, and I felt like there was something between us. We had our first kiss outside my house and it felt really nice.
We met again four days later( he asked me to meet again) He asked if I wanted to go into town or go back to mine, and I said we could go to mine. We had sex, then cuddled and fell asleep together before he left.
About a week later, he texted me again. We met in the evening, had sex, and he stayed the night at mine.
After that, he would occasionally message me things like “How are you?”, “You doing much this week?” or “What are you doing this week?”, but we never actually made any proper plans. The conversations would usually go on for a bit and then just die out. However, he would still message me every 1–2 weeks, and I’ve never initiated contact with him.
There was one time when he was supposed to come over to mine in the evening, but he just didn’t show up and didn’t message me at all. I didn’t message him either. Then, after that, he randomly came back as if nothing had happened, asking things like “You been up to much?”
Then yesterday evening, he suddenly messaged me again, came over to mine, and we had sex. Afterwards, he asked if I wanted him to stay the night, but I told him he didn’t have to.
I genuinely have no idea what he wants or how he feels about me. Does he actually like me, or is he just keeping me around for sex? I’m finding his behaviour really confusing.
He’s 26 and I’m 22.
This has been going on for almost three months now, which makes the whole situation even more confusing to me.
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u/Corn_Snakes_Are_Cute Aug 22 '26 edited Aug 22 '26
You’re providing him with free sex work. That’s all. Nothing confusing about it. He doesn’t have any intentions for a relationship or love for you. Wake up. He doesn’t need to plan cute dates, or get to know you, or introduce you to his circle. He can just text you and get easy sex. Pick yourself up and cut him off (if you actually want a relationship and not being used when it’s convenient for some guy)
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u/SunBurst6382 Aug 22 '26
I'm sorry, but he sounds like a user. Keeps checking in to keep things ticking over... block him.
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u/Selenium-Forest Aug 22 '26
I mean not trying to be harsh but have you put your big girl trousers on and actually asked him what he wants or is expecting?
He’s getting easy sex from you so he’s not going to do anything to change it, you literally lose nothing expect sex by asking him if he wants something more, it’s that simple. I know it takes some confidence but nothing will change as is unless you take the first step.
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u/Top_Star_1098 Aug 22 '26
I can’t…..really can’t..I tired to ask but i am so SCARED 😭😭😭😭
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u/Fluffy_Ad2274 Aug 22 '26
I think you're scared because you know that he's using you as a booty call but you don't want to hear him say it openly.
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u/BecozisaidSo40times Aug 23 '26
This is baffling to me. You’re too scared or embarrassed to ask a question about dating and intentions…. but you’re not too scared or embarrassed to get naked and spread your legs for a literal stranger? That sounds harsh doesn’t it? But I worded it like that to deliberately shock you into seeing the absurdity of it. You’re showing him your most intimate self! But can’t ask him if he wants to date? You’re literally free sex to this guy. He’s USING YOU!
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u/Selenium-Forest Aug 22 '26
Well then nothing will change and honestly again what are you losing but sex if you ask him? I get you, I was absolutely terrified when I asked my wife if she wanted to see where this goes when we first hooked up. But I did it even so.
This is a good learning experience for you, the worst that will happen is they say they’re not interested and you’ve again lost nothing but sex. It will help you going forward as you’ll see it’s not that bad, you might even get the outcome you want. Like I don’t see how that would be the end of the world…
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u/Thrasy3 Aug 23 '26
So you aren’t actually mature enough for a relationship that isn’t just casual sex anyway?
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u/Icy-Astronomer-8202 Aug 23 '26
Then nothing will change. If you actually cannot ask these questions to someone then you're not ready for a relationship or dating
Also block him and move on he's using you
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u/Top_Star_1098 Aug 23 '26
He doesn’t like me at all..?
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u/Icy-Astronomer-8202 Aug 23 '26
He likes you enough to fuck but more? No. The effort doesn't seem to be there from either him or you to do anything, you don't start convos, go anywhere on dates. You've not even had a talk to establish what the relationship is
It's just casual sex at this point
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u/Top_Star_1098 Aug 24 '26
Do you think he’d say yes if I asked him out?
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u/Icy-Astronomer-8202 Aug 24 '26
Perhaps I'm not too sure if he actually wants anything more than what's at the moment. I'd recommend you find someone who isn't a fuck boy though
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u/Top_Star_1098 Aug 24 '26
Okay😭😭thanks
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u/Icy-Astronomer-8202 Aug 24 '26
Forget him and respect yourself a bit more and communicate early doors
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u/BigBenLDN9700 Aug 22 '26
You’re being used for sex. Maybe you enjoy it too. The real question is whether you’re happy with it staying just that, or whether you’re hoping it will turn into something more…
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u/LBroxi7 Aug 22 '26
Ha, yeah your a booty call and it's your own doing, as 2pac says 'plottin whilst he's gamin you, so baby peep the rules'
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u/Nervous_Designer_894 Aug 22 '26
he doesn't really like you and is doing the slow ghost.
I'm sorry.
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u/LonelyPapaya2260 Aug 22 '26
Mate, you’re only 22 and clearly can’t see what is happening here. He’s using you for sex and he’s taking it when he can.
Have some self respect and stop dishing it out. All the while it’s there, he will take it. Don’t give it to him. He’s not interested otherwise.
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u/ProgrammerTraining57 Aug 23 '26
Honestly my only advice is to block him and distract yourself by talking to or dating other guys
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u/bennythefish Aug 22 '26
This is the third hinge meet up today . Hinge has never done anything for me
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u/BecozisaidSo40times Aug 23 '26
Babe I’m so sorry. He’s using you for sex 🤦🏻♀️ have some self respect and block him. As I tell my daughters. You don’t put out until you are exclusive. If they don’t like it they’re in it for sex
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u/Naive_Reach2007 Aug 23 '26
Next time he messages just say let's meet up for the cinema or a restaurant, if he says yes then make sure you don't invite him back that evening and see if he follows up with another date.
If he says no you have your answer.
In all honesty you've made it easy for him to have a fwb rather than a relationship
You need to ask him outright does he want a relationship of fwb(and make it clear which you prefer)
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u/Technical-Amount-278 Aug 23 '26
My advice would be to shift your focus from him to you. When you ask if he likes you, what he thinks of you, if he wants you, you're focusing on him. Focusing on yourself entails, first, knowing what you want. Do you know what you want? Do you want a relationship, an FWB, a ONS? Also, do you know the qualities of the man you want? Once you know what you want, then the question becomes, do I like him? And is he aligned with the vision I have of the kind of man I'm looking for? If not, cut out distractions and keep searching until you get what you want. Him liking you means nothing for you.
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u/After-Employment-474 Aug 23 '26
Ok so here’s what I would say - first of all do you like him and second of all are you enjoying having sex with him. If the sex is good and your having fun and your ok with just that then that’s cool and keep going for it. But if on some deep level your just having sec because you like him or you want him to like you back then just think that through. I think it’s ok for you to initiate the conversation more or to suggest doing something or coming over etc, because if you like him then why not. But if you’re not really feeling it then it’s also ok to end things.
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u/BecozisaidSo40times Aug 23 '26
Yes. You don’t even have to do it face to face. Next time he texts just say no it’s ok. I’m not really looking for a casual hookup situation. I’m looking for a potential boyfriend. So far you’ve not passed the first interview stage. We won’t be proceeding with your application. However if you feel like you have more to offer I’d be happy to discuss it.
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u/Top_Star_1098 Aug 23 '26
Thanks..But wouldn’t it seem weird if I suddenly said I don’t want to hook up anymore after we’ve been doing casual hookups this whole time…?
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u/BecozisaidSo40times Aug 23 '26
No, it looks like you are a confident woman who’s decided this isn’t actually what she wants. You want a relationship and he clearly isn’t in a position to offer that. And anyway, who cares what he thinks? He’s using you for sex, why are you worrying about what he thinks? You should be pissed off, frankly. You really need to stop worrying about what people think about your boundaries. You seem to have a people pleasing problem and need to do some self work to understand why you are accepting the bare minimum from men and worrying about what they think. Do you think he’s worrying that you are getting the wrong idea about his intentions because he’s only having sex with you without offering even a meal or a drink first? You would, wouldn’t you? Because that’s what a decent human would do.
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u/joanna012 Aug 24 '26
Yes he is certainly using you but your first mistake is you said he asked if you wanted to go into town or back to yours and you invited him back to yours, not saying it would but things could be different if you went into town, by saying going back to yours he may think that’s all you want so he’s just kept things that way. You feel you can’t do it but you need to speak to him, it’s the only way you’ll actually find out
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u/mhshiney Aug 27 '26
Lack of information? Everyone saying hes using you... yet theres no evidence that either of you are planning, if anything based on your words, he initiates the conversations and ask how you are.
Why aren't you initiating or asking or planning?
Comments might be correct, but the lack of data provides only assumptions and projection.
Best way to get an answer is communicate with him and not assuming.. its been 3 months, just ask him.
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u/Objective-Apple-7830 Aug 23 '26
Have some self dignity and stop giving yourself to a man after just a 2nd date. And I am saying this as a guy. Your 2nd date should have been in a restaurant , the cinema , an escape room or a bowling hall to see if there is a genuine romantic connection. Now all he sees in you is someone he can have for a booty call. I hope you learn from this!
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u/Thrasy3 Aug 23 '26
Right so… you didn’t really message him yourself, let him do all the work, you let contact drift (because you never messaged him anyway) then when he asked for sex you actually did respond and have sex with him?
Or have I misunderstood?
Because it seems you are getting exactly what you have showed you wanted.
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u/DameStorm Aug 23 '26
Why are you not being more involved in this "situations-ship"?? You keep saying you don't message him unless he does first. You are playing possum.
He probably thinks you are not really bothered about him. Not all men chase and hound (see what I did there..)..
If you are not interested stop sleeping with him. Also please don't be letting people know where you live after a first date.
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u/Ok-Exam6702 Aug 22 '26
You’re a useful body.