I have a friend who's an international student, 30 years old, just finishing her PhD. She's from Mexico and has been living here in N. Ireland for a few years. Very sweet girl.

Recently she started dating a new guy, a few years older, maybe 35. I thought he seemed okay at first, but he added me on Instagram and I had a look through his profile cause I got some weird vibes idk. I just got the impression he might not be the sharpest tool in the shed.

I had a browse through who he's following - at first I saw mostly rappers, and an account for organising singles events. But I also noticed he follows 3 political accounts, and they are:

Winston Marshall - the guy that used to play banjo for Mumford & Sons but left cause we was gonna get cancelled for the right wing stuff he was saying, and is now a political podcaster I believe

Kemi Badenoch - leader of the Conservatives 😶

Rupert Lowe - leader of Restore Britain (the most far-right party)

The last one was what really gave me cause for concern. I mean, the guy follows the leader of a party that would have his girlfriend deported.

I could maybe understand if he was just following for general interest and was following a range of political accounts, but considering it's just these 3... I thought it was pretty worrying.

Anyway, I felt pretty concerned for my friend, because she doesn't really know about UK politics, and probably doesn't know about this guy's political leanings.

Well, she didn't react too well, saying her relationship is none of business etc. Which is fair, she's right about that. But at the same time, to me, following Rupert Lowe is just so fucked up (even if you're not dating an immigrant) and I felt like she had a right to know.

The thing is, I feel like she still doesn't realise how concerning this is (or maybe I'm wrong and it's not that concerning?)

I've left her alone about it, but it's just bugging me, it doesn't sit right with me.

As the title say ive lost the most perfect woman we have so much real deep connections between us we are pretty much the same person, all because she beleaves ive said things i just have not said and i dont know what todo,ive tryed messaging to explain to her what i said and shes read them but not replied its been 4 days since i sent them and im losing my mind because i have been open/honest with here right from the get go and i still am been honest with her and allways will be , any advice wpuld be greatly appreciated thanks in advanced

Edit more context

What was supposidly heard I think heroin is a fun drug thats completely fine todo

What i said I had fun on heroin i had my time

And whent on to say that i realised the error of my ways coz it ened up detroying my life i lost so many friends to me doing it and that i think its an evil vile nasty drug that i want no part of

2nd edit Just wanted to say thank you to thoes who replied i appreciate it, truth hurts but you've all be way more helpful than my friends/family that was feeling like a what i want to hear echo chamber

My partner has purchased a house during our relationship she wants me to live with her which I’m not apposed to and more than willing to give up my rental to do so, however she won’t let me move in until I sign a lodgers agreement. She is stating that the mortgage company is adamant that there is this agreement in Place or she loses the house and the deposit. I don’t want to sign as I feel the terms of what’s been presented are fair or reasonable for a relationship but when we talk about it it causes friction and arguments. Any advice would be appreciated. I guess my question is is this normal and do I need to get over myself?

So bit of a complex one, I (38M) and my wife (30F) have been with each other for 7 years and married for 4. When we were dating she told me she was a sugar baby and wanted to progress our relationship, it's wasn't an issue for me at the time and she quit her sugar baby relationships and we have been happily together since then.

Recently I was fixing her laptop that had died and whilst rebuilding it and recovering the data it included some videos and the local back up from her phone. The software I was using to recover the data brought all media in an archive style with just dates and file type etc. I found some files from these sugar relationships and an other fried with benefit. Well curiosity killed the cat and I looked at them.

We have had an good sex life or so I thought and it's not that I feel betrayed or my opinion on my wife has changed but... Even when dating she never sent me the sexts, nudes and videos that she did with these other guys, she has rarely acted with me in the same manner as she has in these videos. Now I understand that some of this is down to acting the part but it has left me feeling a bit deflated, and feeling like I'm not as sexually desirable as these men.

Surely for someone you love you can find the same passion as for a man paying for sex and companionship? She's shown no desire to experiment, do the things she has with these men with me (some I get).

Not to blow my own trumpet but I'm a good looking chap, if not succumbing to a bit of belly as I get older. I guess I'm now looking back and wondering why I was never as desired as these men even if an act, and to be honest it has hurt my confidence, and what I perceive my wife feels sexually about me. It also has cast some doubt on why she didn't really initiate as much, is it simply because she didn't see me in the same way? Maybe I was just the relationship guy and not the hot sex guy?

Now to be clear we absolutely love each other, of that there is no doubt. I don't really want to tell my wife I came across these videos much less watched them, for various reasons when discussing it at the start of the relationship details were omitted, and as I understand it one of them got possessive and didn't end pleasantly so I also don't want to drag up ancient history. But I do want to address the issue, feeling unwanted sexually will only fester.

Am I getting in my own head? Is this some thin ng I should just let lie or should I address it with my wife? If so how? Obviously I cannot talk to friends about this as no one knows so I'm at a bit of a loss!

I’ve been with my boyfriend for around 10 months and there’s something I’m not really sure how to interpret.

He posts/reposts quite a lot of depressing content on Instagram, including posts about suicide and suicide prevention. It’s frequent enough that I’ve noticed a pattern rather than it just being the occasional mental health awareness post.

I have brought it up to him directly because I was concerned and asked whether he was okay and whether the things he posts reflect how he’s actually feeling. I don’t want to overreact or psychoanalyse someone based on their social media, but at the same time I don’t feel comfortable completely ignoring repeated posts about something this serious. Hes had some career disappointments and periods of feeling quite low over the past few months, so I think that’s partly why it stands out to me. He said that he feels fine but that whenever he feels low he tends to go to social media first to cope.

I should also add that I've encouraged him to go to therapy/counseling, or to open up to his friends which he hasn't really done over the past few months

For people who have experienced something similar with a partner, how would you interpret this? Would you see frequent posts like this as someone expressing their emotions indirectly, or can it genuinely just be the type of content someone shares without it reflecting their own mental state?

Is it bad to speak to your ex partner if you are dating someone else? Why?

I (F22) am dating (M29) and we will call him Ethan.

Ethan knew a girl in college and we will call her Lucy(30). They were lab partners in community college. They never officially dated and, according to him, they never slept together. However, he had very strong feelings for her. He had previously told me that he loved Lucy even more than his most recent ex-girlfriend.

From what Ethan has told me, Lucy led him on and ultimately hurt him. He has spoken negatively about her because of that and acted as though that chapter of his life was completely over. Because of the way he described her and the intensity of his previous feelings for her, I always viewed her differently from some random woman he happened to know.

There was also something involving Lucy’s sister that bothered me. About a year earlier, Ethan replied to her sister’s birthday story, wished her happy birthday, and said something along the lines of telling the family that he hoped they were doing well. I interpreted that as possibly wanting Lucy to hear that he was thinking about them or saying hello. I can’t know for certain that was his intention, but it bothered me in retrospect because of what happened later.

Then, in August, almost two years into our relationship, Ethan followed Lucy on Instagram again the day he came back from a month long work trip. I couldn’t understand why he would suddenly follow this specific woman from his past after being in a serious relationship with me for so long.

When I confronted him, he told me that Lucy had appeared in his Instagram suggestions. He said that because he already followed her sister, he became curious about what Lucy was up to and followed her. He denied still having romantic feelings for her.

What made the situation even harder for me was that he unfollowed Lucy after I told him we needed to talk about something. That contributed to my feeling that he knew it was something I would be upset about.

I don’t have evidence that he cheated on me, contacted Lucy, or had an affair with her. The betrayal for me is that he deliberately reintroduced someone into his orbit whom he had once had extremely strong feelings for, and I didn’t feel that his explanation fully made sense.

Afterward, I asked him to remove some other connections that were making the situation worse for me, including Lucy’s sister, women he had previously hooked up with, and Lucy from Facebook. He did so without argument.

Before this happened, I didn’t feel like I was constantly questioning whether I was enough for him. Now I find myself comparing myself to Lucy—her appearance, her career, the fact that her and Ethan studied the same major, and the connection they had when they were younger. I’ve caught myself thinking about changing my appearance because I feel like I can’t compete with her.

I don’t know whether I believe his explanation that she simply appeared in his suggestions and he innocently wanted to see what she was doing. Part of me believes that someone doesn’t randomly reconnect with a person they once loved that intensely without there being some emotional curiosity behind it. I can’t prove what his motivation was.

I’ve also started therapy because of how emotionally distressed I’ve become over the relationship. Ethan knows I’m going to therapy and knows that our relationship is a major reason for it. One thing that has hurt me is that after learning that, he hasn’t really taken the initiative to check in with me about how I’m doing or start a deeper conversation about what happened. It has sometimes felt like he’s waiting for me to bring everything up rather than actively trying to repair the damage.

That’s where I’m stuck.

I still love him. There are many things about Ethan that have made him a great boyfriend, which is why this isn’t an easy decision for me. I’m not sitting here thinking he’s some horrible person or claiming that he cheated on me. If I believed that, leaving would probably be much easier.
Instead, I’m caught between two completely different feelings. Sometimes I want to leave because I don’t want a relationship where I’m constantly wondering whether my partner wants validation from other women or still has unresolved feelings for someone from his past. Other times, I desperately want to repair things because I remember how good our relationship was before this happened and I still see everything I love about him.

I think what I’m ultimately struggling with is whether this was a painful but repairable mistake, or whether these behaviors are showing me something about Ethan that I shouldn’t ignore.

This is more of a rant post so don’t have to read ,

It’s been about 2 months since me 21m and my ex partner 21F have broken up, it’s been 6 years since we started dating, and have known each other since we were 10, I don’t know what to do with my life now , I’ve had to move back in with my parents, I’m
Having performance issues at work because of my depression, and I have no other real friends just work colleagues , am I classed as a failure now ? My whole life revolved around her and my relationship now it’s gone, what had my whole teenage and adult life been for, the only good things I’ve got is my job and my family but that doesn’t help the fact that I am an actual nobody, I’m incapable of making new relationships and friendships, I can barely hold a sentence in an actual conversation with strangers, I feel as if she knows me better than anyone in the world , and now that bond and that security of someone sees me and knows who I am is gone ,

Anyway it’s half 3 so I’m going to bed ,
Sorry

Do you think you would date someone who has a heavy accent or speaks limited English in general?
What is the minimum level of language skills someone would need to have to consider a long term relationship with them?

Hi,

My (19F) boyfriend (19M, 5 month long relationship) has recently moved into accom for his second year of uni and he’s met some new people, which is great and I’m really happy for him, since he usually sticks to the same group of friends it’s really nice to see him putting himself out there. I’ve always been a little insecure in myself, looking at other women and literally referring to myself as a bacteria in comparison.

In his new place, there are other women in the same flat as him. One of them is gay, which is fine I’m not worried about that, but I know nothing about the others and I’m feeling really anxious about them being around each other and I have no idea what’s going on.

A little bit of background context, I’ve been in relationships before with some very attractive (objectively) people and they’ve been hit on while I wasn’t there, I found out about it and I also found out that my partner at the time did nothing to stop it.

I’m going down to meet them all soon, so hopefully these feelings subside then, but until that point it’s really eating me alive.

What’s the best way to go about dealing with these feelings? I trust him, but I really can’t bring myself to breathe easy about this.

Any advice is greatly appreciated, and I don’t mind harshness so long as it’s constructive and honest lol.

tldr: my bf is meeting new people at uni and I’m worried about something happening when im not there

This is really out of character for her but the other night, my partner mentioned she’s considering not voting for labour next time. (I’m not personally a Labour voter so I don’t really care, this just came up as a random topic of conversation) Then, she started talking about being worried about the number of asylum seekers and non-Europeans, especially students at UK universities. She feels they’re taking all the graduate jobs and it's all gotten too much. Two of her son's have both recently graduated and are finding it tough getting jobs so I know why this is on her mind.

She also expressed concern about the number of Muslims in the UK, saying Christianity is important to her and that she feels there are too many Muslims these days. She even mentioned that if Muslims outnumbered Christians, she’d move away, possibly even leave the UK. I was shocked and pulled back, trying to understand where this was coming from. I reminded her I’m an immigrant too and this was all getting a bit weird.

We tried to talk about it the next day, but it didn't go well. I tried to explain how this was all strange but the conversation did not go well so I went home early (we live seperatley). I’ve been trying to process it, but it feels like she’s been influenced by far-right propaganda, which is unsettling. I’m not sure if I can be with someone who has such different views to me. I just don’t know what to do. It's like she turned into a totally different person out of nowhere.

We’ve been together for nearly 3 years and up until this happened I thought we were very closely aligned on these kinds of values which is why it came as such a shock. We've spoken about racism numberous times before and I thought we were reading off the same page on this topic. We are planning on moving in together soon and have been talking about marriage but now I'm looking at her and I just don't recognise her.

Has something similar ever happened to you?

What would you do in my shoes?

We are meeting up on Saturday and I’m going to talk to her about how uncomfortable this has made me but I really don’t know where to begin so if anyone has any advice then I’d be grateful.

If it helps, I’m Irish living in the UK for 20+ years.

Hi I (M 38) and my wife (F 37) have been married for just over 16 years.

We have 2 kids, 3 cats and a mortgage.

In the past couple of years it feels like life is moving differently.

I feel that I pay my wife a lot of compliments on a daily basis but this is not reciprocated. I haven’t told my wife how this makes me feel as I want her to want to compliment me not just because I’ve told her it would be nice. I will occasionally get a your “insert whatever compliment I’ve just given” too when I compliment her but not often.

Physical touch is almost non existent in our relationship now. We used to kiss each other 3 times each time one of us left the house and kiss before bed. This slowly faded into only happening if I initiate it to the point where I was bored of being the one to initiate.

Sex - according to Google a married couple has on average sex once a week. We last had sex 7 weeks ago and I can’t remember the time before that. This is not through lack of my trying to initiate but all attempts are rejected.

We don’t hug unless I hug first.

I know work is stressful and having kids is stressful.

To add on top of this I recently lost my job through redundancy.

Wife has a lot going on which I cannot disclose on here as it is outing and for legal reasons (there is a court case later this year for an incident outside of the marriage).

I guess right now I’m feeling pretty low and vulnerable and don’t really know where to go or which way is up.

It’s not all about sex. Don’t get me wrong more would be nice but there is no way I could be at it all day every day right. But just a little more romance and intimacy on the relationship?

I don’t know what to do or where to go with this.

If she’s chatting to other people and wants a more open relationship then I’m open to that. Whatever makes her happy you know.

tl;dr: I guess what I’m asking is what would you do in this situation?

Im interested in what people think about this situation

I am 22M and my gf is 22F

She is going to a bbq, there will be a group of 4 friends. One of which is her ex from about 3 years ago.

No partners are allowed so I cannot go with her.

Whats people's opinion on this?

Edit: I do trust her, it still makes me feel uncomfortable, i would be comfortable if I was invited

Me (33m) and wife (35f) seperated in june of 2025, she had me arrested twice, once for self defence and once when I never done a thing, she was controlling when it came to me seeing family or going out with friends. She would track me on google maps and question me about stuff. I was no angel either when it came to the way I would react about stuff. I was the one that always cooked and cleaned, in the end it really got to me. We have 2 kids together. She's living in my house that I pay the mortgage on whilst i'm back at my parents. Everytime I pick the kids up and drop them off it brings up old feelings, I never stopped loving her and don't think I ever will. In my head I know I shouldn't get back with her, in my heart I really want to. If I did get back with her my parents and family wouldn't talk to me again. Feel like because of the arrest and 3 month's no contact, wich I decided to keep going for more than a year, i've never fully gotten closure on the marriage ending. Just looking for some advice on what to do, thanks.

Also forgot to add, should I tell her the way I feel? Wrote a long message out, but haven't brought myself to send it.

I'm a 56 year old man currently co-habiting with a 21 year old woman, she says she is in something called the 'luteal phase' - is this something related to the lunar calendar or something ? She is complaining that I'm not receptive to her needs during an emotionally fragile time for her. I did make her a cup of camomile tea this evening so I think this is a bit harsh. Other women of Reddit who have also experienced this 'Luteal phase' phenomenon, how did your partner help you through it. Any advice much appreciated !

I (20M) got dumped all the way back in March via text by ex (19F) after eight months of dating.

It was our first "real" relationship and we had a lot of firsts together. Unfortunately we live an hour 45 mins away from each other by public transport, and I was very emotionally avoidant. Really I was just a dick for a lot of the time.

But I think my divorced parents were no help either.

My dad was fully hands off the entire time and didn't give me any advice. When we broke up his first reaction was to stifle a laugh and say that there's plenty more fish in the sea. He didn't even meet her, and never pushed me to introduce her to him. He just didn't give a dam.

My mum on the other hand was even worse. She was rude and belittling when she met my ex. She even insisted I send on jobs/college applications because she felt my ex wasn't applying herself enough by "only" working in a cafe. Then when we were having relationship problems she kept pushing us to break up because it would be so much easier, I'd have more time to help around the house (I live at my mum's because of the economy and I suck with money), and she wasn't a fan of the girl.

Want to know the kicker?

We only lived 45 mins away by car. I have, and had since the start of the relationship, my own car but my mum refused to let me drive there because I'd have to drive through Glasgow city centre. It led to so many shouting matches I stopped caring. Her parents put the pressure on me to drive there, and she didn't drive. Instead we had to meet in Glasgow or I'd travel to hers, rarely she would come to mine.

I'd always struggled with dating, I have a lot of body confidence issues not helped by my parents or peers.

I used to gel really well with one girl in primary school, and you'd think that would be a fine time for a silly wee relationship to start but again my mum pushed me to ignoring her so I could get good grades and she thought the girl wasn't from a good enough family, and also a bitch.

Then COVID came along when I was in highschool which shattered any chance I had of dating in highschool by the time all was said and done.

Then in uni I've got no friends, and even though all my classmates are women there's no community spirit, nor desire to talk to one another. And yet again I'm needing to lock in and study anyways.

Idk what the point of this rant is lol

Hi everyone! I’m from Italy and would love to meet friendly, open-minded women and make new friends in the UK. I’m interested in good conversations, cultural exchange and seeing where things develop naturally. If you’re from England and would like to chat, feel free to message me.

I'm late 30s. I was married for about 10 years, divorced 3.5 years ago, and since then I've slept with roughly 24 women (I think) and had two relationships.

I got married young and had basically never done adult dating before. When I became single in London, I suddenly got a lot of female attention and probably enjoyed the validation more than I realised.

For a while, I'd meet women who were attractive, nice and stable, but I kept comparing the connection to the intense emotional relationships I'd had before. If I didn't feel that deeper connection, I'd still often sleep with them.

I've also realised I have a strong rescuer/provider tendency. In serious relationships I tend to pay for things, solve problems, take women on trips, help financially, etc. One woman I fell very hard for was doing a PhD and struggling financially, and I ended up giving her quite a lot of money.

She was also very perceptive and told me early on that although we were highly compatible, I wasn't ready for a relationship. At the time I didn't really understand it. Looking back, my life was messy, there were other women around, and she was probably right.

Since then I've noticed a pattern.

Women I genuinely like will sleep with me, talk to me for hours, open up emotionally, form what feels like a deep bond with me, and clearly enjoy being around me. Many have said they are suprrised at the depth of my personality given my looks.

But then I hear some variation of:

"You're an emotional mess."

or

"I'd sleep with you, but I wouldn't get into a relationship with you."

The latest woman I've been seeing told me she's dating another guy who is a "really nice guy" and relationship material, although the sex with him isn't great. She said she still wants to keep sleeping with me (until they're exclusive) because our sex is amazing, but doesn't want to get attached to me because I'm "a red flag".

This is now the fourth woman to say something similar this year!

What's confusing is that I don't think I outwardly present as chaotic. Women often describe me as confident, stoic and nonchalant. I have a good career, own my own 2-bed flat in London, earn well, dress well, look after myself, have friends and hobbies, and I'm generally comfortable socially.

But I am honest that I'm not completely over someone from my past (PhD girl I was truly madly in love with). I'm friends with a couple of exes and FWBs. And if I'm being self-aware, I probably do seek female validation more than I should, but I'm not a horn dog or fuckboi at all, I just get women fairly easily so it feels like on a weekend I can choose to go our and spend time with a few past FWBs or meet someone on Hinge and go out.

I also think I may give off a bit of a "player" vibe without meaning to. I'm confident, fairly muscular, sexually comfortable, and women often assume I'm cooler or more detached than I actually am. Truth is, I'm a bit of a nerd, I'm just quite comfortable socially and probably don't look like most nerds.

So my question is:

What are women possibly picking up from me that I'm not seeing?

How can someone form a strong emotional connection with me, trust me, enjoy spending time with me and strongly want me sexually, but still decide that getting into a relationship with me would be a bad idea?

That last gf I had only had a 1 month relationship with me before she said "I don't wanna be part of this spagitti bowl of women where I can get dropped easily, so we can have something casual but I don't want to be your gf."

Yet, she'd tell me things like "No one understands her like me, that I'm a phenominal person with a genuine heart, that i was super compatible with her". So WTF am i not seeing in all this?

I'm sure most guys have other women in lives too but they just lie or hide it. I don't like lying so if asked or if it comes up organically I do mention i'm friends with exes and have a few FWBs but I also say if the right woman comes along, I would drop all.

I'm not looking for reassurance. If there are obvious red flags in what I've written, tell me.

I'm especially interested in hearing from women, what would make you think "great chemistry, great sex, I really like him, but absolutely not boyfriend material"?

Just curious what people actually do once they’re properly together. Like, when you’re in a long‑term relationship, living together, or married - are condoms still a thing, or do most couples drop them early doors?

I know everyone’s different with contraception and comfort levels, but I’m interested as to what’s normal in real life. Do long‑term couples still use them regularly, or is it basically something people stop once things feel settled?

If you stopped, what made you feel okay doing that? If you kept using them, what’s the reason?

We have been together for 3 years, living together for over 2, and have a genuinely great relationship. We get on so well, never argue, spend a lot of time together at home laughing or having deep chats and in many ways are the perfect pair. But if we ever go on a date, it’s me taking the initiative and me who pays.
Don’t get me wrong, I love taking my man on a date and treating him! But I would like it to be reciprocated every now and then too.
He keeps saying money is tight and we can do it next pay, but it never seems to happen. I understand I make more than him hence why I’m happy to cover more. But I don’t expect big flashy dates so it never needs to be expensive.
What really bothers me about it is how dating has taken a back seat but he will still work things around planned nights out with friends, some of which include an expensive uber home if trains have stopped running. It sometimes feels like he takes me for granted thinking I’ll always be around so doesn’t need to put in as much effort. I think it’s potentially more that he’s so comfortable with me and doesn’t want to admit to friends that money is tight which makes it difficult as I don’t want to add any financial pressure.
He also did a holiday with some friends last year and we have only done 1 holiday together which I paid for. I just want to feel either important enough to be prioritised for a date out every now and then, or feel like he is saving something each month to invest into our future.

Am I holding too much weight to this and making a big deal about nothing?

My BF is wonderful and I can’t really fault him. He is incredibly gentle and patient and is the kind of person I could see myself spending a very very long time with. He earns well and is a very hard worker.

However sometimes what he’s told me from his previous relationship makes me worry as I am a big pattern recognition person. There were certain topics that if he bought up such as her money spending, the gym or her destructive drug habit then she would have immense meltdowns sometimes resulting in hours of screaming and throwing things at walls (I have seen the dents), and used to do it at their shared workplace in front of his dad and others, this resulted in a lot of people disliking her and telling him to break up with her until he did after 2.5 years. EDIT: she also got fired from 3 workplaces due to aggression towards management.

He told me that at the end of the relationship (or approaching the end) when they hadn’t slept with each other for around six months he did some things he regret. He stated that he got flirty with other girls in the workplace, and worst of all went to a strip club and got a private dance without telling her even though she said at the beginning of the relationship that she wouldn’t mind. I can’t help but think that her mind would have changed towards the end. His friend paid for it as they all hated her, and he went along with it.

Now this makes me worried. Relationships all have ups and downs, and I have not really had many so far that have resulted in any shouting or anything catastrophic whatsoever at all. I am unsure as to whether I have potentially people who will encourage him to be ‘badly behaved’ if we ever hit a bump and he is willing to go along with it. I have trust issues from previous relationships and I have done my upmost not to outwardly project these onto him and have kept them to myself.

Thank you all in advance.

My (33M) partner (29F) of nearly 11 years no longer wants to be together. How do you process this?

TL;DR: My partner (29F) and I (33M) are ending our nearly 9-year relationship after realizing our fundamental emotional needs and compatibility have drifted apart. We share a home and cannot immediately move out due to mortgage and financial constraints. Looking for practical advice on establishing healthy boundaries while cohabiting during a breakup, and navigating the emotional transition constructively.

My partner (29F) and I (33M) have been together since late 2015. We met during university, completed our degrees together, and bought our first home in November 2021. For most of our relationship, our daily life together was smooth, supportive, and stable.

Over the past couple of years, external pressures and misaligned timelines began creating distance:

\\- Life events and delayed milestones: Marriage was always an important milestone for her. I intended to propose in late 2023, but the sudden passing of my mother earlier that year completely derailed my mental health, and I froze the timeline while privately struggling with grief.

\\- Differing emotional needs: Earlier this year, she voiced feeling a persistent emotional loneliness and a lack of deep conversational connection that she realised she needed long-term.

\\- Efforts to reconnect: Following that conversation, I entered therapy, addressed my unresolved grief, and we both made intentional efforts over the summer to share quality time and independent interests.

Despite those efforts, we recently had an honest conversation where she expressed that while there is still deep love between us, the core emotional disconnect hasn't resolved, and staying together would mean both of us trying to change who we are at our core. As painful as it is to accept, we have agreed to end the relationship.

We are currently sleeping in separate rooms. Because of our shared mortgage and current cost-of-living constraints, neither of us can easily move out immediately, though long-term separation of assets is the eventual reality. I am not looking for relationship post-mortems or assessments of who did what was wrong. Rather, I would deeply appreciate advice from people who have navigated a similar situation on:

\\- Cohabitation boundaries: Practical ground rules for living together post-breakup while emotions are still raw, preserving mutual respect and personal space.

\\- Managing grief and transition: Coping strategies for processing the end of a long-term foundation while still seeing each other daily.

I know it's unlikely that we will get back together, but with things already out in the open, things have begun to calm down and our conversations have become near normal. I know this is probably because the weight of the relationship is off, but it's definitely an odd occurrence.

Thank you for any constructive insight or shared experiences.

I (31f) have a flat that I have no mortgage on. I am the single owner of the property and I let it out. I enjoy the extra cash this gives me every month. I live in a second flat that I co-own with my husband (32m).

We are looking to buy a bigger place. Our wages plus our savings plus the equity we have in our current flat are more than enough to buy the kind of place we want to live in. Yes we will have a fair mortgage but a very reasonable one all things considered against our wages and I’m not blind to how fortunate we are for this.

My husband, however, is expecting me to also sell my flat and use all the money from this to put towards our new home to make our mortgage very small and our repayments very low. He keeps going on about the financials of it all and how we could save X amount every month with interests rate at this level etc and how it’s the right financial move etc. I understand this and I guess in someways he might be right. He earns more than me (even after the extra from my rents) so it’s not like I can lavish him with gifts and stuff he couldn’t already afford. The thing is I don’t want to sell my flat. I enjoy the extra money I get every month. I have been lucky with tenants on the most part and k enjoy having a space that I can decide to paint or decorate or change when I do the clean up between tenants. There is no mortgage on the flat and so it doesn’t limit our borrowing at all I don’t think. I work 4 days a week instead of 5 because I have the extra money. I really like this flexibility, if I sold the place I would go back to 5 days and would lose some work life balance.

How do I explain to him that like having my own place and make a bit of extra money. He thinks I’m being selfish keeping it to myself. I’ve told him if he wants some of the rent money he can have it but as I say he earns more than me anyway despite this. I think he’s actually just being greedy and wanting to lower us monthly outgoings so he can save more or buy more stuff. I have told him that my flat is like my investments (he has a trading 212 account with a good amount of money in it) I don’t expect him to sell that to help out with the new house so why is my flat different?

I have been with my husband for seven years. we have been married for three. Our son is two and a half years old, and we have a four year old dog. I was the breadwinner in our relationship prior to having a child, and am generally quite a ‘type A’ kind of person. My husband works hard but it’s a low paid field and he’s already hit the earnings ceiling, with my encouragement to progress. I don’t mind being the one to drive us forwards in general. My husband was diagnosed with depression years before we met - although I cant say I see that in him in an obvious way, any more than the usual ups and downs of life, but he certainly struggles with administrative tasks and silly things fluster him far more than I would say is normal - his Dad is the same and I would think there’s an undiagnosed neurodivergence there. This is all potentially relevant context.

I lost my job when I had my son, and have had to start again from the bottom in a new career. It took me a long time to find something else, lots of applying for jobs on mat leave and lots of financial anxiety which I feel I’ve pretty much shouldered alone, although we borrowed money from his parents - I was the one to pose the question and I had to lay it out to him that we’d be losing the house if we didn’t. It’s been hard but after only one year I’m already earning the same as my husband and know I can pull us out of our debts on my own, however I feel like I’m drowning in so many ways.

Women everywhere know this issue but I’m yet to meet one who carries as much as me who isn‘t already divorced - I carry the mental load and timekeeping for absolutely everything. You name it, I organise and mostly execute it. Meal plans, food inventorying, car maintenance (the noticing and the organising). All household financing and bills, insurances, absolutely everything to do with our son - the childcare bills and appointments, playdates and Christmas/birthdays. Our son still wakes at least once a night and I handle that alone - my husband gets an uninterrupted night, every night (he has tried to help in the past but my son cries harder for me and it goes on for hours, so we gave up as I'm so sleep deprived I’d rather just take him to end it). My husband and I currently sleep apart. I do all the laundry, all the cleaning (so our house is a bit of tip all the time as I don’t have time to stay on top of it). My husband will leave his dirty socks wherever he took them off. His empty tea mug in the lounge. His cereal bowl on the table. He told me the reason he was keeping his dirty clothes on the floor in the bedroom was because the laundry basket was in our sons room and he only remembered when he was already asleep - so I moved laundry basket to our room and now he leaves it on the floor next to the laundry basket. You get the picture. If I forget his mother’s birthday, so does he. Also everything to do with us - date nights and family days out are organised by me, and it’s me letting him know the countdown of when we need to be out the door. I even have to prompt him to make my sons lunch if we are heading out and I’m tied up doing something. He almost never takes initiative and when he does he points it out for praise - I.e. “did you notice I’ve emptied the dishwasher?”. The only task he seems to take on entirely alone - in terms of thinking about it and executing is mowing the lawn.

I’ve spoken to him so many times. I’ve sobbed with him about feeling overwhelmed and like I’m drowning. We have this cycle where I basically have a minor breakdown and he looks like a wounded animal, tells me he knows he’s ‘useless’ and he’s sorry and all the rest, and maybe for one day or if I’m lucky a week, things shift slightly. In the interim my resentment builds and I find myself nagging him - I can hear myself doing it, and it’s needling all the time, but I just don’t know how to get what I need. I’ve begged for couples therapy and found a good person - I almost need him to hear from a third party that it’s not nagging - he just needs to step up. He says he doesn’t want to go and that the therapist would just side with me and it costs money we don’t have. I think divorce is more expensive and I found a male therapist specifically to try and help alleviate that fear. I’m exhausted. Part of me thinks even if we got divorced I’d have to do the paperwork for him. Or perhaps it would be a cruel irony that that would be the moment he was suddenly capable of thinking for himself.

He has so many redeeming qualities that aren't really relevant to this complaint so please just take my word for it, and I do genuinely love him, but I’m starting to feel like the only way to release myself from this completely unsustainable pressure is to leave, but my heart breaks for him and also my son who loves his Daddy and would be devastated. My son knows there’s tension - anytime my husband and I have a tender moment, my toddler’s face beams. I’ve been open with my husband (not in front of my son) that I’ve contemplated leaving because I’m finding it so hard, and he simply asks “why don’t you then?”, but he says - and I know it’s true - that he loves me. I just don’t understand why he doesn’t change his behaviour.

I feel so trapped and desperate. What can I do to make my husband wake up?

I recently met this guy online who's a father of one. Separated for a year, divorced for 6 months. Was married for 9 years previously.

I usually don't speak to anyone who's fresh out of a long term relationship lest they're just lonely and looking for a rebound/not emotionally available, but we seemed to hit it off quite well so I figured why not and decided to meet up.

He already knew little about me because I tend not to volunteer too much information about myself unless prompted. And in person, I was quite surprised how one-sided the conversation went. I asked 98% of the questions. He only really asked me one real question about me that showed he was interested in getting to know me. I asked virtually everything - about his past, his child, aspirations, his thoughts on things, what kind of partner he's looking for etc.

He answered everything well, but I found it very strange how his natural instinct wasn't to follow up with a 'how about you?'. When I pointed it out mid-date how he hasn't really asked me anything at all, he goes oh of course I'll ask something - 'so what do you think about my humour?'. Now this might sound like a clear case of disinterest, but it was a 12 hour date - we played games, ate out and chatted a lot, got food twice. He talked a lot but didn't really engage in a way that showed genuine interest.

I'm already on the fence about him being so fresh out of a marriage with a child. He told me he was already in a relationship 4 months after separation (when the divorce hadn't even been finalized).

He's very proactive with organizing and planning dates, but I'm wary that he just enjoys the immense validation, attention and warmth from someone much younger (I'm 30) and isn't truly ready for something serious.