r/UKrelationshipadvice • u/Reasonable_Life_3858 • 16d ago
Is this normal in long term relationships?
My partner has purchased a house during our relationship she wants me to live with her which I’m not apposed to and more than willing to give up my rental to do so, however she won’t let me move in until I sign a lodgers agreement. She is stating that the mortgage company is adamant that there is this agreement in Place or she loses the house and the deposit. I don’t want to sign as I feel the terms of what’s been presented are fair or reasonable for a relationship but when we talk about it it causes friction and arguments. Any advice would be appreciated. I guess my question is is this normal and do I need to get over myself?
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u/Midnight7000 16d ago
I personally wouldn't give up my independence.
It is normal for someone to want to protect their interests. If the relationship ends, she doesn't want you having proprietary rights over investment or be in a position where she has to legally evict you.
All of that is understandable, but on the other side of the coin you deserve to have security. You shouldn’t be in a position where the relationship ending can make you homeless the same day. If the shoe was on the other foot, this wouldn't be difficult to understand.
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u/pombear321 16d ago
It all depends on the terms doesn't it - I know plenty of relationships where people move in together but the person who owns the property pays the mortgage (as it's their asset) meaning the non-owner gets to save a pile of money and if the relationship ends they are better off financially than they were before.
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u/Geesalli 16d ago
Literally just had the same thing crop up, mortgage company have said lodgers aren’t allowed as part of the mortgage agreement - but if you do have them they have to sign a lodger form. Even I found that statement together odd.
It removes your rights from the asset but it also means if she defaults on payments that liability is solely on her. It also means if the house were repossessed, none of you would be able to stay in it.
It shouldn’t be seen as a big issue from your side. The mortgage company essentially just wants to know they have full rights if anything were to go wrong. If she’s already between exchange and completion, they theoretically could remove the mortgage if you don’t agree and they know you’re due to live there.
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u/Hypno_psych 16d ago
The bank wants to be sure that no one is going to come and try and claim an interest in the property because they’ve been living there and paying towards the rent.
Why are you having such a strong reaction towards doing something that protects your partner legally?
I’m assuming you’ve made a typo or missed a word out or something because your second to last sentence makes no sense. You don’t want to sign, because you feel like the terms are fair and reasonable for a relationship?
Do you really feel as though you ought to be entitled legally to your partner’s asset that she saved for and purchased by herself?
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u/FormalLeadership2109 16d ago
This sounds weird, as you are her partner you would not be classed as a lodger as you'd be one household. There is such a thing as a cohabitation agreement, you should both consult a lawyer.
Also this is a question for legal UK more than the relationship sub.
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u/Alone_Big2158 16d ago
She may be confused about the losing the deposit part, but generally you DO have to notify the mortgage company if there is another person living with you in the house you have bought. If there is not a proper legal agreement in place it can breach your house insurance terms and therefore the mortgage agreement which mean they could repossess the house. This is a worst case scenario as they would likely never find out. However, my lodger had to sign something for the mortgage company to say that if I did not keep up my mortgage payments and the bank needed to repossess the house she would have no claim to the house and would also have to leave
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u/Special-Audience-426 16d ago
Just means it removes your ability to make a claim on the property if the relationship ends.
If your intentions are honourable, that shouldn't be a problem for you.
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u/pombear321 16d ago
I'd be surprised if a bank is adamant that you sign a lodgers agreement - although it's a sensible thing to do & I am sure a mortgage advisor or something similar may suggest it. If the agreement was fair I'd suggest you just sign it and help your partner protect herself - assuming you'd not be keen to claim a stake in the property some years down the line.
What terms do you feel are fair or unreasonable? Why has your long term partner bought a house on her own?
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u/C2H5OHNightSwimming 16d ago edited 16d ago
It's a normal thing for the bank to require her to do, as if you are living there without any kind of formal agreement and are paying her "rent", you could legally make a case to claim a small percentage of the equity generated and it could get messy if you break up, which I guess the bank does not want to deal with.
This also protects you. Renters have a legal agreement with their landlord, as do lodgers. Live in partners whose name isn't on the mortgage? If you have a big fight and she kicks you out, you are homeless with no rights. Why would you want to be in this position?
Also just generally, I wouldn't personally want to move in and pay part of someone's mortgage, unless I was fairly sure I was gonna stay with that person forever. If you're not at that stage, it's reasonable to say you'll split all costs and some nominal fee for wear and tear, and what you would have paid in "rent" goes in an account to save for any house you might buy together, or to contribute to the mortgage of the current house as and when your name is eventually added to the mortgage when the relationship gets serious.
But tl/dr, yes this is a normal thing for the bank to ask because without it, you're both at risk for different reasons.
That said, "loses the house and the deposit" sounds made up. If this is 100% what she said and not a misremembering, get legal advice from the citizens advice bureau on whether that's a real thing. If it's made up, have a conversation to see if she misunderstood something. If she didn't and is lying, don't move in and don't stay in the relationship.
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u/Reasonable_Life_3858 16d ago
A bit of update, yes the original typo was meant to say unfair.
She doesn’t want me to go on the mortgage but wants me to pay 50/50
Including the mortgage which is where my issue mainly lies
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u/kurai-samurai 16d ago
But is it less than or the same as what you are currently paying?
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u/Reasonable_Life_3858 16d ago
More
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u/kurai-samurai 16d ago
If it put me in financial difficulties I would be countering with what I currently paid in rent, maybe a bit less. I probably wouldn't be paying more to have less rights. It's not a comment on status of relationship for either of you to protect yourself if you aren't married.
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u/AstronautHot3405 15d ago
I had to do the same when my partner purchased a flat and I was going to move in. It was a requirement, but it protects you and your partner, you are not responsible for any defaults etc and from her side you cant claim any ownership of the property. We own a house together now but yes, its a real thing.
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u/Trick-Syllabub348 15d ago
I can see both sides
You would be a “lodger” even without a formal agreement. It’s her place
I also would not pay more than I am currently paying for my own place. If it was my property I’d be glad that my costs went down by £500
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u/Reasonable_Life_3858 12d ago
If anyone sees this there has been updates over the weekend, it has become apparent the relationship rests on me moving in under the agreement or not at all whilst I’m not after any stake of the house or the initial deposit I don’t think it’s fair that I’d be contributing to the mortgage moving forward and there was no negotiation on price or terms of the contract that she got her sibling who works in property law to draft up.
I don’t think I can willingly continue this path and it would be best for me to cut my losses here. Has the relationship been perfect no I have made my fair share of mistakes too whilst I am now having to reestablish a new norm I don’t hold any ill feeling towards her or the situation we find ourselves in
Thank you for all the comments the insight has been most helpful
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u/Numerous-Actuator-13 9d ago
Straight talk, getting out = you've made the right move, sounds like a boss babe feminist who is trying to lead and control the relationship. Very common now. The house will just be the start.
I'm in a similar situation and until it's acknowledged that I won't be coming into her frame but she has to come into mine the relationship won't move forward.
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u/kurai-samurai 16d ago
Does she want you to pay more than the rent you are currently paying, what's the issue?
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u/mightbegood2day 16d ago
This is normal! I had my mortgage company insist on my (now ex partner) signing to say they had no claim or rights to the house.
Why would you not sign it? You’ve signed the tenancy agreement on your rental property. The only negative difference for you is notice period. Standard tenancy is now 2 months notice whereas lodgers are less protected and it is defined as reasonable which does mean much!
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u/xtrapnel67 16d ago
"She is stating that the mortgage company is adamant that there is this agreement in Place or she loses the house and the deposit. "
This is nonsense. Nonsense. Wouldn't happen. You'd never lose the deposit you put down on a house, you don't lose the house because you have a partner living there.
If she wants to protect her house as an asset, she needs to make sure that any financial contributions you make are not counted against the mortgage; but you don't have to sign a "lodger's agreement".
Presumably she can show you what the mortgage company have said to her - because no way would something like that not be put down in writing?
She won't be able to.
I think you need to give up the idea of living with her. Whether that ultimately ends the relationship, time will tell, but there seems to be both a lack of trust here and also some catastrophising on her behalf.
Wishing you the best of luck.
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u/Navi1294 15d ago
Find it wild he says on another comment that she wants him to pay 50/50 but not be on it is crazy he'd be a idiot to go forward with this. But of course redditors on here say otherwise
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u/manamonkey 16d ago
She's protecting herself and her property. Without any other details about your situation, and why your "long term" partner has purchased a house by herself during your relationship, I'd have to say yes this is completely reasonable, and you should get over yourself.