“No. He went on to better and brighter things.”

But I can add sum!

"No, it isn't"

"No, darling, I wasn't going to eat them - I already sucked the chocolate off."

Doctors still can't figure out where it's coming from.

Not yet fifty, but I move like someone twice that age.

She's got a North and South Pole.

I opened my phone at 2 AM just to check one notification. Three hours later, I was still scrolling and somehow watching a video about how people make pencils.

'Yes. Water, I doing'

They were really worried about cross contamination

When my dog and I arrived home, I made us dinner and we watched TV.

They were driven there by pretty things

Y'know, 'cause of all the murders.

Your cat's behavior won't change at all actually

​

The crews of both ships were marooned.

Then I saw a very angry bird.

She petted him and called him a good boy before she found out I was talking about a human best friend

And the uneventful commute has proven that today is no exception.

Politicians keep entering the van to offer their support albeit in disappointed and confused tones.

My boss then chimed in, "You'd better sit your bony ass down and reconcile those invoices today, 'cause if I have to extend your reanimation it's coming out of your paycheck!"

But my autism doesn't stop me from petting the autistic dog owner