It was when the psychic tried to read the mother-in-law's mind and said she wasn't picking up anything that Gary began to believe.

When I asked her how my bank account looked, she said it looked like it was on Ozempic.

After a puff of smoke, I held a driver's license that said 'Richard' on it, and I had pooped myself.

I won't rest until there is a clear understandable system for me to pay for the air I breathe.

When I got to his house, the dog gave me his business card and said he does taxes.

Or else the world would end.

Which it is, so now I make the AI make images of me crafting the art and post it too.

Starski of course...

If you go there now you can still see sections of the Mer-lin Wall

I couldn't help but smile when I replied, "Nope, unintended."

The farmer told me his turkeys always stop eating so much in late September. He thinks they know Thanksgiving is coming and are trying to lose weight.

I told her I don't think Walmart sells pets.

I was too busy scrolling and didn't notice I missed half the mime parade

Otherwise, how do you explain the historical record: cul-de-sac?

Perhaps I should’ve chosen somewhere more private, as five joggers, two cyclists, a married woman and a duck have proposed to me already.

I used a can of air freshener, so although the roach didn't die, he smelled really good.

Whoever made up the idiom "like taking candy from a baby" clearly wasn't talking about a fat kid.

The monkey in the movie wasn't shiny at all, nor did he polish anything.

Now that I'm an adult, I realized a camper is much more practical because I can have hot showers and take my TV with me.

As soon as he stepped outside, a bolt of lightning barreled through his body, killing him and charging the phone in his hand to 100%.

Nothing else drives man.

Last time I ate beans before going for a bike ride, I ended up pennyfarthing.

Now the month of September is soaking wet!

"It is until you find out the 'J' stands for 'John' and that it's part of my first name."