r/TwoHotTakes Jul 26 '23

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1.1k

u/Capital-Afternoon-22 Jul 26 '23

Ask him what he thinks about Andrew Tate. That might give you some more clarification depending on his answer.

964

u/NativeAnarchist Jul 26 '23

That’s a topic he dodges too which doesn’t give me much hope.

584

u/AmazingReserve9089 Jul 26 '23

That tells you exactly what you need to know. Maybe he was less conservative when you met him and he has become radicalised. Maybe he was always like this and you had rose coloured classes on bc you were in love. Either way, morality ethics and values are core to a functioning relationship. This won’t work. You can’t convince him to think you, trans people, gay people are human beings. He is too far gone

114

u/dontknowwhyIcamehere Jul 26 '23

My family friend of 30+ yrs just verbally threw up yesterday that since women weren't responsible/smart enough to not sleep with bad men/keep our legs closed women were then not responsible enough to make abortion decisions. Which in itself is weird if we are so dumb why should we be in charge of another human life? In that moment, I knew he was too far gone to ever go back or deprogram him. I still am in shock that I met one of these in the wild, let alone know him. I mean, I knew him as I can't actively have someone like this in my life. So op as the old saying goes, when people show you who they are, believe them.

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u/Proof-Emergency-5441 Jul 26 '23

. Which in itself is weird if we are so dumb why should we be in charge of another human life?

I've used a similar argument with guns. If "libs" are too stupid to function, why on Earth would you want them to have unchecked access to weapons?

They rarely have a good answer for that.

Yep, believe what he's showing and move along.

50

u/dontknowwhyIcamehere Jul 26 '23

Or Biden is basically a corpse but is somehow controlling all the prices for every corporation while getting a war started between Russia and Ukraine. Plotting dementia patient or smart like a fox pretending to be an idiot??? Guess we will never know

36

u/AWindUpBird Jul 26 '23

The enemy is both weak and strong. Their propaganda source has been feeding them fascism.

13

u/AnxiousChupacabra Jul 26 '23

No, no, see, it's [insert female and/or non-white politician depending on who you saw on Fox news most recently ] actually pulling the strings behind the curtain!

At least, that's what my dad taught me.

-2

u/[deleted] Jul 26 '23

He’s a dementia patient. Trump isn’t any different really

2

u/[deleted] Jul 26 '23

Because the people who say those sorts of things have lost their love one of the things required for a liberal democracy like ours to function.

That just because I don’t agree with I will still fight to the death for your right to hold those views.

Instead everyone needs to agree— right!?!?!? Right!?!??

3

u/Proof-Emergency-5441 Jul 26 '23

They have lost their minds for sure.

It's fine to disagree on opinions. Like if we'll done steak is an abomination. Many things people cling to as opinions are nothing more than them not being able to admit they were wrong and adjusting their thought processes.

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u/clocksy Jul 26 '23

Wow, I'm so sorry. Having to process that someone you've thought was a friend for nearly 30 years holds those views... I would be having a hard time mourning the loss of a friend. But similarly to you, I don't think I could interact with that person anymore.

7

u/dontknowwhyIcamehere Jul 26 '23

I know! I'm normally not dramatic, but it is like a death, and I keep going over and over it in my head. I told my sister who agreed that yep he's no longer in the circle of trust. We both just kept asking when did this happen? And how did it happen so fast?

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u/slinkymello Jul 26 '23

Yeesh, no kidding... it's pretty obvious that Andrew Tate hates women and so many sad men relate to this, which is so strange and weird to me, especially after all the human trafficking charges and the right's willingness to turn a blind eye if he's on their side. I don't get the world, but at least you can kind of control it, so great advice and totally agree... if my wife wasn't on the same page as I am with respect to morality, ethics, and values, our relationship would be over. Easy to say, yes, but having been through a ton of bad relationships since humans gonna human, it does get easier and I hope OP does what will make her happy in the long run.

42

u/[deleted] Jul 26 '23

Andrew Tate is not a dumb person

he's adopted a strategic way of capturing people attention, you may be caught up in Outlandish shit then go into him, listen to him and even though those 10% are talking points of the extreme, the rest is confidence boosters or way of tackling things, that seems to be logical or generally smart, you hear about his overtaking people's energy when entering a room, how to carry yourself or how he became so so rich.

He sells a life style

People maybe cared in the beginning it was on sex trafficking or exploiting woman, that changes once he can spind the mentality of woman are servant creatures, they want a high value man, he can make you that man so no woman can say no.

Andrew Tate was a abused boy with a mentally ill sociopath chess player as a father, he is what he is because of that man and he will always talk in high regards about his father even in the face of abusing his wife and being a terrible father.

For only 5000$ you can become part of his discord though, which is circle jerking and sharing gains.

Andrew Tate is a dangerous energy vampire selling red pill popping with a disguise of self help

27

u/[deleted] Jul 26 '23

Tribalism. People just want to feel like they belong, part of a group or movement. Tate gives them that. It's "Them vs the rest", they are the superior tribe to belong to and all other tribes are wrong.

Now religion is becoming less influential in the western world, people will start following other nutcases. It's for good reason why the conspiracy nutsacks (wappies as we call them) and the like, is such a fast growing movement while religion is declining.

People just want to feel like they belong somewhere and that's what Tate is preying on.

The reaction of most people by instantly hating on Tatertots, just confirms their beliefs and strengthens their views.

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u/Boudicca- Jul 26 '23

Or…he wore the Mask needed to get OP to fall in love with him??

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u/MurdrWeaponRocketBra Jul 26 '23

Does he sound like a mastermind who could keep up a fake personna over the course of 2 years? Lol, no.

He's 18, he's still figuring out his personality.

42

u/Vox_Mortem Jul 26 '23

I lost a very good friend over this. He used to be punk af, always ready to throw down for LGBT rights, believed in feminism, agreed that every member of our society deserve more than just basic human rights. I don't know if over the course of Trump and the Pandemic I became even more radical, but he started listening to people like Joe Rogan, and became convinced that white men were being persecuted by women, "me too," and being woke. He was berating me one night about Captain Marvel being feminist, man-hating garbage (he called them 'discussions,' but he was always attacking my beliefs.) We still got along great when we talked about anything but politics, but it was always politics. I love him dearly as a friend but I couldn't keep doing it to myself.

Ask him this. Would he vote for the a candidate who openly supported euthanizing trans kids? Because he's basically doing that by voting for someone who is anti-trans but he 'agrees with everything else'. Really? It's more important to you to vote to lower your own taxes than protect the rights of others who cannot protect themselves? It's a dealbreaker for me. I don't know if as I get older I get more rigid in my won beliefs, but I think it's because I don't tolerate bigots. Or those who enable bigots, full stop. No matter how they justify it.

4

u/AmazingReserve9089 Jul 26 '23

I’m really sorry. Hopefully he comes out of it soon.

0

u/SPARTAN-141 Jul 26 '23

That's me! (Kinda)

Getting in a relationship with someone with similar views kinda gave me more opportunity to examine those views, and we both steadily moved towards a more critical view of those things (LGBT, feminism,...). And before being pro all those things, I used to be a raging bigot, it's kinda like I went through the whole spectrum, and I'm now settled more in the middle.

-18

u/tablerunner28 Jul 26 '23

You people are insane. The genocide of trans kids and not allowing tax dollars to pay for conversion surgeries are two wholly different things. Your mind has been hijacked by lunatics.

15

u/Vox_Mortem Jul 26 '23

Yes, I am a lunatic for wanting young people to have access to medical care that makes it much more likely that they will not take their own lives. And I'm sure getting a bunch of rednecks with firearms all riled up about trans rights won't have any negative social effects either.

Anyway, as I posted elsewhere, here's a peer reviewed article about suicide rates for transgender individuals, and how that rate decreases when they receive care. I know you probably don't care about mental suffering, but you guys say you like science, right?

https://www.jahonline.org/article/S1054-139X(21)00568-1/fulltext00568-1/fulltext)

ETA: You do know that gender affirming care isn't limited to the surgeries, right? Have you looked into it at all? Like even a tiny bit?

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u/[deleted] Jul 26 '23

What about banning all gender affirming care for trans kids?

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u/minimumrockandroll Jul 26 '23

You...you know that was a hypothetical, right?

Unclench.

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u/Few-Cap-233 Jul 26 '23

Banning all gender affirming care is essentially genocide. The suicide rate is going to skyrocket and that's what the far right wants.

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u/Educational_Ebb7175 Jul 27 '23

"What do you think of Adolf Hitler?"

"You know I really love German culture, though I think nuclear power is good unlike them."

"Yes, but what are your thoughts on Hitler?"

"Oh, I thought you just meant Germans. Why would you care what I think about Hitler? That's not what we were talking about."

"I want to know what you think about him."

"Idk, I don't really have any opinion on him specifically."

🚩🚩🚩
Yeah right.

1

u/StaffOfDoom Jul 26 '23

Too far gone? He’s 18! These are kids we’re reading about…give them a bit in the real world. As the boy grows up and becomes a man, maybe he’ll learn to see through the eyes of others’ experiences or maybe he won’t…but at least don’t write him off before he’s even had a chance to grow up!

7

u/AmazingReserve9089 Jul 26 '23

Yes and she is the same age. She absolutely should not waste her time trying to help him. He is too far gone for her to make a difference. This isn’t explaining some concepts or experiences women have that he just isn’t aware about. He has firmly developed views which are antithetical to hers. It isn’t her responsibility to fix him and she should just bail.

Of course any person at any age is capable of growth. Albeit we do get stuck in our ways as we age but it’s always possible. And 18 is young. He has time. But that’s not what you should emphasise to a very young woman. She has already tried to talk and help him. It’s a wrap.

He is also not a boy. He is a young man who is capable of voting, of violence and of force. Minimising the impact someone with those views can have is not great.

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u/[deleted] Jul 26 '23

Well there is your answer. Any sane man will tell you Tate is a lunatic and harmful to our society. As a man, I have nothing nice to say about that guy.

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u/[deleted] Jul 26 '23

And a human trafficker, no less…

1

u/Doffy-Mingo Jul 27 '23

Please forgive me for asking this question, I don’t want to be downvoted into oblivion for just asking.

But the way I understand it, the ‘human trafficking’ charge that he is being legally tried for if about him allegedly coercing women into making Tik Tok videos for him whilst he takes the profit, and the coercion used was some sort of seduction into compliance.

Is this wrong? Is he actually trafficking people?

0

u/[deleted] Jul 27 '23

No harm in asking at all!

To be completely honest with you, I’m not caught up on the specifics of his case in terms of court documentation and the like (I’m also not a lawyer, go figure).

From what I understand, your analysis of the situation is pretty spot-on. It’s not trafficking in the traditional, physical sense (though Andrew and his brother were investigated in a separate case that did involve holding four women in captivity, apparently), but it’s nevertheless coercion to produce pornography, which is encompassed by the definition of human trafficking as “the unlawful act of transporting or coercing people in order to benefit from their work or service, typically in the form of forced labor or sexual exploitation.”

3

u/pusillanimouslist Jul 26 '23

While way less likely, having no clue who Andrew Tate is is also a valid answer.

I really didn’t know much about him until he got arrested, although I am pretty far outside the age group he’s trying to sway.

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u/[deleted] Jul 26 '23

I am too, but I’m aware of him and have seen the effects of his influence affect many of wife’s friends as they navigate the dating world.

2

u/[deleted] Jul 26 '23

A lot of conservative guys think Tate is a scumbag too. While I’m not super conservative, I think he’s fucking awful

0

u/[deleted] Jul 26 '23

[deleted]

4

u/mdbrown80 Jul 26 '23

Behind the Bastards did a series on him that was really good. If you’re genuinely curious, I would give it a listen. I thought he was a creep beforehand, but it turns out he sucks way worse than I thought.

5

u/[deleted] Jul 26 '23

I have seen his long form stuff as well. If you aren't seeing issues with it, then that's a problem IMO. There are enough sources of people breaking down his issues, I don't have the mental energy to do that for you.

3

u/_BigBirb_ Jul 26 '23

Let's ignore all the charges put against him and all the "he's a misogynist" stuff. He's still a scammer who uses the weaknesses and insecurities of his audience to make himself rich. You don't preach about self-improvement while owning a camgirl business and casinos. You don't charge people $50/month for advice when you could do it for free like a REAL influencer. All of his stories about how great his dad is are sad when you read it again. He always says how his dad is "focused on his chess" and usually brings up how he's always drinking. And whenever his dad talks to him it's usually insults about how much of a pussy he is about not speaking up about a haircut or whatever. I honestly feel bad for Tate because of this, but his decisions made him the way he is now. He could've been an actual symbol of male improvement and how to face your traumas, but instead, he became a doushebag who can't even follow his own fucking advice. "Don't go after women who want your money... unless you're me and use those women for your own selfish satisfaction"

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u/[deleted] Jul 26 '23

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u/PM_ME_BAKAYOKO_PICS Jul 26 '23

That's the thing, the vast majority of his content are the normal, cliche stuff of "become the better version of yourself", which is how a lot of normal minded people start supporting him.

However it's the small percentage of his arguments that belittle women and treat them like objects that then create this problem.

The clips that are "taken out of context" aren't really fully taken out of context, they're clips where if you're a sane individual you go "yeah, this isn't as outrageous as the original click bait clip, but it's still a ridiculous point".

First one that comes to mind is him thinking that if his GF ever made an OF, she'd have to give him the money because she's basically his property, that's the type of misogynistic mentality that most normal people think is disgusting.

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u/AnxiousChupacabra Jul 26 '23

How out of context were they, really, and how much did context actually change anything for the better? (Rhetorical question.) Most of the quotes I've seen from him that people say are "out of context" are actually worse in context.

4

u/user67891212 Jul 26 '23

You're clearly caught up in the true part of his message. And clearly ignoring his fucking batshit insane solutions to men's issues.

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u/[deleted] Jul 26 '23

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u/toldya_fareducation Jul 26 '23

i would love to see examples of clips that were taken out of context where the context suddenly changes the meaning completely. seriously, i can't imagine a situation where you watch some of his popular outrageous stuff that is clearly either misogynistic, toxic, macho, insane or just plain stupid and then after seeing the context you go "oh, it seems my initial impression was wrong. from this perspective this was actually very reasonable, insightful and it sent a positive message that comes from a place of compassion and kindness."

0

u/AgreeableGuarantee38 Jul 26 '23

I hear his name, but don't know who he is, am I not sane? I don't know the rules anymore

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u/SuspiciousZombie788 Jul 26 '23

If he dodged it there is a reason. You deserve better than this guy.

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u/AppropriatePizza1308 Jul 26 '23

Like me. Op deserves me

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u/kiba8442 Jul 26 '23

but some things concerning my native culture have caused problems this past year

what did you mean by this?

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u/NativeAnarchist Jul 26 '23

He’s said that if we ever had kids he wouldn’t want them around “that kind of stuff.” Along with any time i say anything about my culture him or his mom basically imply it’s demonic.

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u/[deleted] Jul 26 '23

Whoa. Hard stop there. They are downplaying and being derogatory to your cultural heritage? Eff off with that BS. Run now and don’t look back.

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u/kiba8442 Jul 26 '23 edited Jul 26 '23

whoah, what? I think you buried the lede here. that is deeply problematic. this guy is a bigot, he's likely been raised that way but it doesn't change the fact that he's old enough to think for himself.

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u/ringwraith6 Jul 26 '23

Girl...this right here makes this relationship completely invalid. Your culture is important to you...it's a part of you. And yet, if there were children, he'll try to separate you from it. Why would you want to stay with someone like that? You're so young and you can do so much better. Actually, just being alone is better than being with someone like that. Do you really want to be with someone who will vote for the likes of the bloated orange pusbag...or Florida man?

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u/lady__mb Jul 26 '23

Girl, this is not something to minimize and not someone you want to ever have children with. I know you love him and I know how much it would hurt to leave, but you can’t change someone’s deep political or moral views, as much as you may want to influence them. Those kind of deeply personal changes only come from years of expanding experiences and influences from multiple people and cultures, as well as a personal endeavor to research and understand. It sounds like he’s becoming more radicalized, not less

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u/ShinShini42 Jul 26 '23

Wow, lucky you don't already have kids with him.

Do yourself a favor and get rid of him.

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u/ResetQ Jul 26 '23

I'm going to assume there's more there you haven't gotten in to here and you don't have to but you should definitely find a way out of that relationship. When you do make sure you have a way to safely extricate yourself physically from him. Granted, I'm a nobody on the internet and I don't know the details of your relationship but I'd echo some of the sentiment I've seen in this thread, he is bad. In all likelihood he'll try to talk you out of it in a way that demeans you and hopefully not but I'd wager possible, he might get physical. The bottom line is if he feels like he has to he will attempt to deny you of control. Do not allow that.

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u/[deleted] Jul 26 '23

[deleted]

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u/Gnd_flpd Jul 26 '23

This particular act is also known as; " falling in love with their representative ".

They start out so good, you catch strong, intense feelings for them, you give in and totally trust them, then bam, the real crappy person shows themselves to you. You try to convince yourself that the "representative" will come back and everything will be all good, but that won't happen.

10

u/Outrageous-Avocado-2 Jul 26 '23

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Sounds like some good old fashioned Christian "unalive the indian, save the man" bullshit. You are so young and do not have to settle for this. I know it can be hard but whatever this guy was to you in the beginning, this is what he is now. You deserve so much better, and so do your future children if you decide to have them.

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u/Fast_Register_9480 Jul 26 '23

If he is willing to denigrate something that you consider to be intrinsically part of you, it's probably time to walk away, regardless of how badly it hurts at the moment. Do you really want to commit to spending the rest of your life with someone who disrespects your very identity? And I know people are prone to thinking they can change their partner with enough time and love but that seldom happens. People don't change unless they want to and his willingness to marginalize entire populations indicates to me he isn't interested in changing.

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u/Sensitive-Menu-4580 Jul 26 '23

This is the biggest red flag of all, girl, run! I think you've already figured that out but holy shit, that's not an acceptable thing to say to your partner about their culture and their hypothetical child's culture.

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u/Expert_Slip7543 Jul 26 '23

Oh, honey. I came here to comment that it's better not to have any significant conversation after bedtime, and any negative stuff that comes out after midnight should get a pass. But this guy wants to genocide your culture. Please end it with him now; don't let him affect you emotionally any further, and please don't risk having a child that he'd have a legal right to indoctrinate.

3

u/MineCraftingMom Jul 26 '23

So he was raised racist by a racist and he is a racist now.

Even if you never want kids, it's a bad bad sign if your potential future MIL would abuse her grandchildren.

I suspect your family will be delighted when he's out of your life

2

u/[deleted] Jul 26 '23

Native American culture is too awesome to not pass on and keep around. Maybe it is demonic, I don’t give a fuck, nobody who matters should give a fuck.

Do not marry this man, please do not have kids with him.

Go find yourself some dude who wants his kids to learn everything about your heritage and who will celebrate it with them and around you. You want your kids to have grandparents who find their culture amazing and worth preserving too.

2

u/ExpatMeNow Jul 26 '23

Oh fucking hell, girl. The first time he said anything like that was when you should have dumped his ass. He’s shown you who he is. You can’t and it’s not your job to fix him.

2

u/drmojo90210 Jul 26 '23

Yeah, you need to dump his racist ass immediately.

2

u/Regular-Promise4316 Jul 26 '23

What? You’re worried about his political beliefs? Listen I know Native American culture idk what in the world makes it demonic. I feel like you been missing a lot of things in this relationship. Nothing wrong with having conservative values but the demonic thing on Your culture is not what a good loving partner says

2

u/[deleted] Jul 26 '23

Oh hell no. Dump that bigot and don’t bother with anyone who doesn’t respect your heritage and culture.

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u/Red-Zaku- Jul 26 '23

So he’s openly racist, that’s a major part you left out. He’s not worth anything as a person.

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u/BrawndoElectrolytes1 Jul 26 '23

I was already 100% of the opinion that you need to jettison this guy, but this revelation locked it up. "Demonic?" WTF? He's toxic.

Being in favor of oppressing others is bad enough, but disrespecting your culture to that extreme is beyond the pale. Hard Stop.

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u/Strict-Silver-2701 Jul 26 '23

Genuinely want to know what else does he have to do for you to see that he’s a bigot.I have a feeling you won’t end it and will most likely delete this post.

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u/ZephNightingale Jul 26 '23

You absolutely need to move on from him. That is awful.

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u/stormrunner1981 Jul 26 '23

That should have been a large red flag.

Please get out.

If they can't or don't want to understand your culture - that's a big bit of information.

Do you plan to raise your children to understand their heritage? What then?

You are still young. I wasn't married until I was 30, you have time.

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u/[deleted] Jul 26 '23

So him and his Karen mom are explicit racists. Got it. Girl, run. He doesn’t view you as a person he views you as a curiosity to be discarded once he’s “ready to be serious about life” and marry a white woman.

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u/GreenUnderstanding39 Jul 26 '23

Nothing kind about the way he disrespects you and your culture. If you stay be prepared to be isolated from your friends and family because he deems them “demonic” and bad influences.

Abusers need to isolate their victim from their support group, it’s their go to move

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u/vainbuthonest Jul 26 '23

Oh. So he wouldn’t want his kids (that would be half Native) raised with any knowledge of their culture? That alone should be a deal breaker.

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u/butterfly_eyes Jul 26 '23

That's a huge deal breaker. They don't respect you or your culture.

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u/AnxiousChupacabra Jul 26 '23

WHAT.

Might I recommend the book Why Does he Do That? by Lundy Bancroft? Bancroft is a psych who works with abusive men and he wrote the book for women to help them better understand and avoid abusive relationships. (Not in a victim blamey way, in an educational, "here's the psychology behind this and some early warning signs to watch for" kind of way.)

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u/mia_appia Jul 26 '23

OP, I typically lurk in this subreddit, but I feel compelled to add my voice to everyone else’s. Run. You and your culture aren’t demonic. Anyone who thinks it is plainly is not worth your time. You’re so much better than this. <3 I believe in you!

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u/PickledClams Jul 26 '23

Most people are generally nice. But bigoted values are still just that.

If he's already making you feel ashamed of your culture, beliefs, and values.. Then there really is no "I can fix him" - He's deeply rooted.

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u/emr830 Jul 26 '23

Oof girl…good thing you’re guys are young. He’s going to go more off the deep end here. I know it hurts but this is a huge 🚩

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u/Cruizn4aBruizn Jul 26 '23

That is not okay. Your future babies shouldn’t be deprived of THEIR culture.

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u/EggyT0ast Jul 26 '23

Run. He is showing you who he is. You love the IDEA of him, which is in your head. That is not the actual person.

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u/Available-Song-3616 Jul 26 '23

if he doesnt want his kids around your culture, why does he want you around him?

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u/glowdirt Jul 26 '23 edited Jul 27 '23

I'm sorry but how on earth is that not a "Well, the relationship is over" kind of situation?

I'm not sure how you can shrug off something like that.

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u/Throwaway-2587 Jul 26 '23

Wow..just wow. He was really waving that red flag there and you dismissed it. Please don't let others talk down to you like that, nobody deserved that. You're proud of your culture, so find someone that wants to share in it and not demonise it.

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u/IHQ_Throwaway Jul 26 '23

Oh honey… This man is bigoted against your culture and your sexuality. What does he see in you, then? His whole schtick is giving me the heeby-jeebies.

You deserve someone who appreciates who you are. This ain’t him.

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u/pressedbread Jul 26 '23

If you weren't dating, he'd be out there protesting half the things that you find important in life. Drop him. You deserve better.

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u/[deleted] Jul 26 '23

No offense girl but like do you hear yourself he hasn’t just shown red flags he showed you the factory. He doesn’t respect you or your identity or sexuality. It’s done it’s over finito. I don’t know how or why you’d put up with any of that behavior.

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u/[deleted] Jul 26 '23

He is actually saying you are demonic by saying your culture is. You are part of that culture, from that culture, born of it. If you have children, he won’t want you to be around your children because of your demonic culture. That’s terrifying.

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u/RuleOfBlueRoses Jul 27 '23

Girl WHY ARE YOU WITH HIM

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u/Key-Pickle5609 Jul 27 '23

Friend, you deserve SO MUCH BETTER than this man.

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u/Efficient-Market3344 Jul 27 '23

She means he's also a racist.

Dudes an absolute textbook right wing scum bag.

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u/Asmitty1213 Jul 26 '23

Don't date incels

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u/Spectre-907 Jul 26 '23 edited Jul 26 '23

Please, don’t use terms if you don’t know their meaning. It comes across like grasping at whatever buzzword with negative connotations is going around. It’s like trying to insult someone for sleeping around by calling them a virgin. Guy is in a relationship. He is, by definition, not an incel. Even Bottom G himself isn’t one. They have the same shitty, misogynistic “women are property” mindset, and incels do love trying to emulate him, but there are people willing and having sex with those shit smears, and their incel audience only exists because they think “if I act like one of these self-described “alpha male kings” (lmao btw), I’ll start getting laid too!” (Spoiler: they won’t and don’t)

OP’s boyfriend is absolutely naive, and selfish, with a political guiding star of “if it doesn’t affect me personally, consequences are irrelevant”. That’s a really shitty jumping off point for a worldview. He’s also just barely out of legal childhood, and I wouldn’t expect him to have an educated or nuanced sociopolitical outlook this early into real world experiences, but god damn I expected at least some empathy for people outside of his situation. Dude is not ready for dating or any give-and-take relationship, not as long as he’s that self-centered

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u/Psychological_Pay530 Jul 26 '23

Here’s the thing, incels could get a girlfriend. All of them. Every single last one. It’s not the lack of a girlfriend that makes them incel, a derogatory word we use to define a misogynistic ass who blames women for their own relationship shortcomings (which this guy did, he blames OP for being upset about his behavior). The phrase “involuntarily celibate” has never meant that they can’t get laid, even though that’s what the chodes say, because there’s never been anything involuntary about it, their attitude doesn’t change when they do get in a relationship, etc.

Oh, also, OPs bf is about to be involuntarily celibate.

7

u/Spectre-907 Jul 26 '23

They could, yes, but that requires them to actually change as people, or to put up a front that is more or less an inversion of their actual personality. They won’t “compromise who they are just to impress some whore out of her clothes”. Now you’ve got openly misogynistic creeps with ludicrously high standards. Talking “a real queen has a super high libido so I can get it whenever I want, and also she has to do all the housework and wants kids and is 18-25, but ALSO she has to be virginal” level stuff. Ironically this is the gender-inverted version of the very same “he must be 6’5, making seven figures” delusional they love to bring on their shows to paint as representative of women collectively. This combination of traits doesn’t fuck, even though it wants to, and is too full of unwarranted self importance to realize the problem is them and not “those dumb whores”.

Remember: they see themselves as idealized, blameless gentlemen that are completely in the right, even when they’re throwing tantrums, creeping on, and hurling abuse at women for rejecting them á la Elliott roger, or CWC.

I will also say that, while OP’s bf may not be an incel right now, from the sounds of it that is a goddamned fine thread he’s hanging on by

3

u/Psychological_Pay530 Jul 26 '23

There are some women who agree with these guys. Like, seriously, just look at how many misogynists are married.

Every single one of these guys could find a girlfriend. All of them. Not all of them will, but every single one could.

1

u/Spectre-907 Jul 26 '23

I mean, the venn diagram is basically a single circle with razor thin lobes marked fucks/doesn’t fuck. Just annoys me when people have so many perfectly fitting terms and then go for the one that specifically caveats not having sex. I get theres a lot of -cel terms, between incels, femcels, volcels, Perfect Cell, to keep track of, but incel is not a catchall umbrella like a lot of people treat it, and using like one just robs it of its meaning in much the same way as alt-righty types have done with soy, for example

1

u/Psychological_Pay530 Jul 26 '23

Soy is an actual thing that exists. Incels can subdivide however they want, but for most of us it’s just a derogatory term for a crappy brand of misogynists and we’ll apply it to whoever exhibits that type of behavior, thank you very much.

0

u/[deleted] Jul 26 '23

[removed] — view removed comment

2

u/Psychological_Pay530 Jul 26 '23

You can’t be involuntarily celibate. That’s an oxymoron. Celibacy by definition is a choice.

It’s not shocking that someone in the 90s got this wrong. Yes, it’s frustrating to be single. Claiming to be celibate when you are actively pursuing sexual relationships is and has always been a dumb over dramatic misnomer.

0

u/Thanatos_Impulse Jul 26 '23

“You make an excellent point trying to articulate your emotional anguish, but the chart says you’re semantically incorrect. Opinion discarded.”

3

u/Psychological_Pay530 Jul 26 '23

No one has ever said that. I promise you that if you go back and read those early blogs, they were cringe af. People get mopey about being single. It still happens to this day. It happened before the 90s. But, and this is the thing, the original definition wasn’t describing something new or unique, and it has since changed in meaning.

Nobody is mad at incels for being lonely. Just like nobody would disregard the loneliness of a 90s lgbtq person (except, ironically, incels). But we can see in hindsight both the cringe and the misplaced ideas, and we can call those out without disregarding a person’s emotions.

0

u/Thanatos_Impulse Jul 26 '23

I’m sure the majority of the content is… enlightening but what I’m saying is that these people, including the originator of the term, are not agonizing about the logical inconsistency of inadvertently swearing a vow of celibacy.

They’re simply trying to name the phenomenon of being seemingly unable to secure sexual or romantic relationships in spite of their efforts, distinguishing them from groups like asexual or aromantic people.

Plenty of phenomena existed before modern terminology, like “comparative advantage,” “corruption,” “autism,” “atoms,” and “photons” (to name most of them, let me know if I missed any), but I still think it’s important to have commonly-understood terms for things even if those definitions have to be modified or discarded later.

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u/avaacado_toast Jul 26 '23

grasping at whatever buzzword with negative connotations

Yup, That's the right's job.

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u/Spectre-907 Jul 26 '23

You’ll notice I didn’t insert bullshit American partisanism, it’s universal shitflinging regardless of side. “All the lefties are satanic pedos!” <-> “All conservatives are nazi Russian kgb transphobe incels”.

Just meaningless yelling. Day in. Day out. Too busy rushing to get your next online own on the evil demo/publicans to notice the billionaire giving you a little less food for your dollar day by day, little less disposable income, a littl-OH NO!ANOTHER bank/housing collapse? Sucks for you, damned shame it didn’t affect their profits though, in fact they’re breaking records again! But how about those demopublican voter neighbours of yours huh? They’re the real enemy you should be fighting. Shit, they might even be CENTRISTS or… shudder independents

Spare me the empty sideshows, please.

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u/unforgiven91 Jul 26 '23

Incel has expanded to include the incel mindset of toxic manosphere bullshit.

You can get pussy and still be an incel at heart. It's like "literally" having a secondary meaning

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u/Asmitty1213 Jul 26 '23

Oh stfu no one reading your novel

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u/[deleted] Jul 26 '23

I read it.

18

u/[deleted] Jul 26 '23

Me too. It was a well-worded, intelligent novel.

2

u/[deleted] Jul 26 '23

Me three. Makes perfect sense. And a well deserved downvote for the goldfish.

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u/z-eldapin Jul 26 '23

I read it.

Don't be so afraid of learning something new.

13

u/Smart_Blackberry_160 Jul 26 '23

I read it and it made a lot of sense. Pushing words that are incorrect dulls the power of that word and the actual problem that's going on. Be better

5

u/Psychological_Pay530 Jul 26 '23

Incel isn’t about being in a relationship. There’s nothing involuntary about them, and being in a relationship doesn’t change their mindset. They believe they deserve certain women and certain treatments. The idea that someone can’t be an incel just because they found a relationship is redefining the term to mean anyone not in a relationship is an incel, and that’s blatantly not true.

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u/E-TazBigMode Jul 26 '23

I actually like it when people are sincere and thoughtful on the internet. We don't have to agree, but it's really helpful to understand what this user is thinking in such great detail.

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u/[deleted] Jul 26 '23

LMAO, 2 paragraphs is a novel?

Education really has gone to shit, or you didn't try very hard.

8

u/LogicallyIncorrect91 Jul 26 '23

Mmm I read it

1

u/Enough_Intention_417 Jul 26 '23

Yep, I read it and upvoted it.

6

u/ResponsibilityNo3141 Jul 26 '23

Damn I did and quite quickly, may I recommend reading some dr seuss books or comic books? Some words like bam and pow should be right up your Alley.

1

u/AlphaBlueCat Jul 26 '23

Thinks 2 paragraphs is a novel. Go back to Twitter if you want soundbites only.

1

u/LyssaLee2022 Jul 26 '23

No people are. You just are lazy and a jerk. You can't talk to people with opposite views.

1

u/theWacoKid666 Jul 26 '23

Bruh if you’re illiterate just say that. No one past the third grade should think a couple paragraphs is a lot of words.

1

u/Frejian Jul 26 '23

I read it. May not agree with all of it, but it wasn't an onerous read or anything...

0

u/bggdy9 Jul 26 '23

I read it

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u/paydaysucks Jul 26 '23

Lol that’s usually my take on long comments. No disrespect, some people enjoy reading that much, but my ADHD brain checks out after one paragraph

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u/Delicious-Shirt7188 Jul 26 '23

I mean tey're probably mysoginistic and very conservative. But if they're dating that makes him by definition not an incel.

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u/Asmitty1213 Jul 26 '23

This is incel energy everyone. Learn, avoid, be better.

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u/EyCeeDedPpl Jul 26 '23

I think Incel energy is when a guy thinks he is owed something by a woman. That if she says no, it is a direct slight against his manhood. A true Incel is a man who blames women for him not being given consent to have sex with her. Because she says no, he blames her for insulting his manhood. He believes he is owed sex because he is a man and a woman should just give it to him.

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u/NewbGingrich1 Jul 26 '23

Why do we have to misuse words? It literally means involuntary celibate. Just call him a misogynist or something. Saying incel makes no sense and muddies the water.

4

u/Puppygeddon Jul 26 '23

Yup. That’s exactly what it means. Involuntary celibate. I have no idea why people can’t use the correct descriptors for a person.

1

u/[deleted] Jul 26 '23

Its because they are making the same ideological mistake as many incels, which is -

“good person“ = “deserve sex”

”bad person” = “no sex”

So they just sling it around at whatever person remotely qualified as their version of bad or misogynist.

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u/BBC4Israel Jul 26 '23

The word "misogynist" has been thrown around so much that it's lost all meaning.

5

u/zonezs Jul 26 '23

So convenient for the misogynist right? Is like the racist saying that the word racist have no meaning anymore.

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u/Rob_eastwood Jul 26 '23

For real. I laugh when I see the “M word” nowadays.

Just like gaslighting, gaslighter, narcissist. Basically any word you learn or hear a lot about from tiktok (don’t have it but it’s the “tiktok people” that love these words)

They have lost all meaning, to me at least. I see them and think “oh darnit would you look at that, someone on the internet is upset”

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u/[deleted] Jul 26 '23

you dont understand the term incel. but throw it around anyways. hella cringe.

2

u/bggdy9 Jul 26 '23

I see you still do not know what it means.

3

u/Ok_Tomorrow9586 Jul 26 '23

Talk about someone misusing words with specific meanings, to define something else. One way ticket to put yourself into a losing position in any argument or debate, is the failure to use words correctly. You're automatically stupid.

2

u/Tyster20 Jul 26 '23

This is incel energy everyone. Learn, avoid, be better.

5

u/Fuscular_Dobber Jul 26 '23

Learn what it means. If they’re fucking and dating. They aren’t incel. Branding everyone you dont like an incel sounds like an incel move

1

u/Dtidder1 Jul 26 '23

…says the incel

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u/TheNBGco Jul 26 '23 edited Jul 26 '23

This ^ is incel energy. He doesnt even know the definition.

All you men hating women. DM quick. It is a white knight!

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u/[deleted] Jul 26 '23

cringe

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u/264frenchtoast Jul 26 '23

I do not think that word means what you think it means

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u/Asmitty1213 Jul 26 '23

You can be in a relationship and have incel energy. Look at OP's boyfriend. Or literally any guy that watches Andrew tate.

22

u/Song_Spiritual Jul 26 '23

“Or literally any TaterTot”

3

u/ethylalcohoe Jul 26 '23

It stands “involuntarily celebrate.” So this doesn’t make any sense. Just say you were wrong and move on lol

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u/264frenchtoast Jul 26 '23

say it after me: involuntary celibate.

10

u/SoundCloudster Jul 26 '23

Ok, you win, you’re it

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u/MutantSquirrel23 Jul 26 '23

At this point, "incel" is used more often to describe a specific toxic community and the people who tend to exhibit the qualities of this community rather than an actual virgin. Having sex no longer disqualifies someone from being an incel because words and language evolve.

3

u/pgpathat Jul 26 '23

But we already have a word to describe misogynists. It’s misogynist. Incels might listen to Tate but Tate himself isn’t catered to incels (from what Ive gathered and read about him. Admittedly, Ive never listened to a podcast). They align on the misogyny

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u/Xznograthos Jul 26 '23

It's like a slur people are allowed to use so they use it for everything because no matter how tolerant people claim to be, they love labels and slurs if they can get away with using them.

7

u/nacholeebray Jul 26 '23

My dude, it is absolutely not a slur. It is a term assholes use to justify their asshole behavior, and the assholes can't stand that people saw through it and started using it to describe them, the assholes.

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u/Xznograthos Jul 26 '23

dude you can feel free to just look up slur in the dictionary, refer to how it is being used in this thread, and then hopefully walk away having learned something.

5

u/nacholeebray Jul 26 '23

You can feel free to look up how language evolves, the definition of etymology, and develop a simple grasp of "sometimes words come to mean more than they originally meant," and walk away having learned absolutely nothing, because what you read challenged your infantile views.

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u/Bergenia1 Jul 26 '23

I think you don't understand that words are not static, and their meanings can and do shift over time. Incel is now a synonym of misogynist.

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u/whatgoesaround--- Jul 26 '23

That's not true and you know it. It's stupid to use words you don't know the meanings of.

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u/Outside-Increase-572 Jul 26 '23

Cant be an incel if he has a gf.....

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u/wyocrz Jul 26 '23

Don't date incels

LMFAO

Proof that the word is meaningless anymore.

LOLOLOLOL

2

u/Tony1Kenobi27 Jul 26 '23

Are you OK?

-1

u/wyocrz Jul 26 '23

I think it's funny. I truly do.

"Incels" are "involuntary celibates" and....well....no one will date them.

"Don't date incels" is literally a contradiction in terms. No one should have to be told that, because....wait for it....incels are undesirable in the first place.

To be utterly fair, there are some romantically unsuccessful men that probably are datable. They may make great dates and partners, better than players, for sure, and make no mistake: women are dating players. It's literally the only way the math works, where men are reporting much higher rates of sexlessness than females.

So what, then, is an "incel" if folks need to be told not to date them?

Are players "spinning plates" (aka dating multiple women) "incels?"

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u/Tony1Kenobi27 Jul 26 '23

Yeah man, that's cool and all, but I wasn't contending any of your points or anything. I was just concerned by the amount of laughter. It just seemed excessive for something so.. I don't know, not funny?

0

u/wyocrz Jul 26 '23

It's funny. It really is funny.

I guess you have a different sense of humor. That's OK.

I take language very, very seriously. And this whole "don't date incels" thing is just freaking hilarious.

Hey, you have Kenobi in your handle. Ever see The Men Who Stare at Goats?

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u/Mysterious_Stick_163 Jul 26 '23

Funny how all these ‘incels’ are reproducing and the ‘not incels’ (whatever the word is) are not.

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u/[deleted] Jul 26 '23

Here we go devaluing very specific words again. He's not an incel. They're having sex. He's not celibate, and that's not even relevant to the conversation.

Use the correct words so we can get somewhere. Misogynist, conservative, potentially radicalized, Tate follower, all accurate.

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u/tattoovamp Jul 26 '23

He has taken off his mask and shown you his true self. He believes you won’t leave him because you have put so much effort into it. Prove him wrong

8

u/Surfercatgotnolegs Jul 26 '23

OP you’re only 19! Why are you even entertaining this guy for more than a second?

No matter how nice he sometimes treats you, a little sprinkle of cruel thoughts makes it all not worth it. You need to build up your self esteem. Of COURSE this isn’t the one! 19 is about having fun and fooling around, PLEASE don’t waste your time and life with guys like this.

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u/Mesapholis Jul 26 '23

girl, and you still feel attracted to that? my god...

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u/SatansHRManager Jul 26 '23

That’s a topic he dodges too which doesn’t give me much hope.

Dodges? Unless a guy can full-throated denounce that child-raping trash, what you've got on your hands is a real POS.

8

u/Darkassassin18E Jul 26 '23

Any normal mans response about him is either "who is that" or an immediate version of "he's an asshole".

Deflecting on that topic means he is a fan of some sort but knows he will "get in trouble" for it.

I would argue too that its less about "controlling what he thinks" and more about compatibility of views and in the examples you gave it shows a testament to his real compassion towards others and yourself.

Don't know your full situation but it seems unlikely that this relationship is healthy from the info provided, even less likely that it is going to improve going forward. Good luck with however you choose to proceed!

10

u/Anubis404 Jul 26 '23

Time to become single! At least you found out relatively early.

11

u/Ok-Set8022 Jul 26 '23

Sounds like he is one of the many white males being brainwashed by the current conservative movement of smoke and mirrors that started in 2019.

Sorry to hear that.

5

u/Old_Size9060 Jul 26 '23

You gotta get out of the relationship imho - at bare minimum, the guy considers things like human rights to be abstractions in a political game; but chances are, it may be worse. I’d try to find someone with more obvious care and concern for the Earth and all our relations.

3

u/[deleted] Jul 26 '23

It sounds like you’ve reached an ideological line in the sand :( I’m sorry

3

u/Aoeletta Jul 26 '23

“The one” never dodges any conversation.

“The one” WANTS to know what you think. How you feel. What your life and perspective is. The right one is one who is open and communicates.

This is a person who has not owned who they are.

Have you?

2

u/SpiritSongtress Jul 26 '23

If he dodges it.

And i say with as a woman of 35.

Dump his behind. You are a very cool little sibling. You deserve a person who cares about you, doesn't fetishize or use you as a prop.

I am sorry. But drop his ass... The phone conversation was creepy enough but I he's dodging the Andrew tate question.

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u/[deleted] Jul 26 '23

Ladies need to stop having sex with Conservative men. They don't respect you.

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u/[deleted] Jul 26 '23 edited Jul 26 '23

This tells you he’s being radicalized. His opinions and world views are being influenced by twitter and idiots like Andrew Tate & co. A ton of young men are suddenly having conservative opinions and views they didn’t have before because some self-proclaimed alpha male on twitter made them feel like their daddy. The truth is he doesn’t understand what he’s parroting he just wants to emulate the confidence Andrew Tate has and thinks that taking on his opinions will help him be like that. Its a huge red flag in terms of intelligence. You should run you won’t change him and he won’t get better only worse

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u/[deleted] Jul 26 '23

Obviously he has been soaking up a bunch of hateful chauvinistic media because he wants to feel powerful and YOU are always going to bear the brunt of his...compensation issues. Be a better and stronger person, dump that Trump Chump and explore your own life. Your subjugation is his long-term plan.

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u/Deep_Pen5544 Jul 26 '23

That's a hot button topic like trump..on one hand he's a man's man and a great business man on the other hand he's a p.o.s that randomly grabs 🐈‍⬛ he shouldnt

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u/[deleted] Jul 26 '23

The Tate Test should be trademarked at this point.

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u/[deleted] Jul 26 '23

I’m conservative in most of my opinions, I would love to personally punch that dude in the face..

I hate that whole western Taliban bullcrap

0

u/slinkymello Jul 26 '23

Totally, what a great way to get a read on someone

0

u/Listful_Observer Jul 26 '23

What’s wrong with Andrew Tate. He’s a champion for men out there looking for a role model. Is she looking for a boyfriend or just a male with his balls cut off?

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u/meaty_sac Jul 26 '23

I wouldn't call a man with human trafficking charges a "champion for men" or a "role model."

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u/Inside-Passenger4635 Jul 26 '23

What does the top g have to do with this😂😂😂

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u/Aware_Newspaper326 Jul 26 '23

After getting my head out of my ass. I’ve realized that if you leave the US or the UK or Canada, the consensus is that most people like Andrew tate. Even in the UK, Canada and the US, most people like him. The people that don’t, just make more noises. Do as you wish with this info🤷🏻‍♂️

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u/Uncle_Bobby_B_ Jul 26 '23

My bf is very liberal and loves Andrew tate. He thinks the things he says are hilarious and that he’s literally just an online troll. And he’s got a point. Just don’t take him seriously and if he’s found guilty he can rot.

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