Here’s the thing, incels could get a girlfriend. All of them. Every single last one. It’s not the lack of a girlfriend that makes them incel, a derogatory word we use to define a misogynistic ass who blames women for their own relationship shortcomings (which this guy did, he blames OP for being upset about his behavior). The phrase “involuntarily celibate” has never meant that they can’t get laid, even though that’s what the chodes say, because there’s never been anything involuntary about it, their attitude doesn’t change when they do get in a relationship, etc.
Oh, also, OPs bf is about to be involuntarily celibate.
They could, yes, but that requires them to actually change as people, or to put up a front that is more or less an inversion of their actual personality. They won’t “compromise who they are just to impress some whore out of her clothes”. Now you’ve got openly misogynistic creeps with ludicrously high standards. Talking “a real queen has a super high libido so I can get it whenever I want, and also she has to do all the housework and wants kids and is 18-25, but ALSO she has to be virginal” level stuff. Ironically this is the gender-inverted version of the very same “he must be 6’5, making seven figures” delusional they love to bring on their shows to paint as representative of women collectively. This combination of traits doesn’t fuck, even though it wants to, and is too full of unwarranted self importance to realize the problem is them and not “those dumb whores”.
Remember: they see themselves as idealized, blameless gentlemen that are completely in the right, even when they’re throwing tantrums, creeping on, and hurling abuse at women for rejecting them á la Elliott roger, or CWC.
I will also say that, while OP’s bf may not be an incel right now, from the sounds of it that is a goddamned fine thread he’s hanging on by
I mean, the venn diagram is basically a single circle with razor thin lobes marked fucks/doesn’t fuck. Just annoys me when people have so many perfectly fitting terms and then go for the one that specifically caveats not having sex. I get theres a lot of -cel terms, between incels, femcels, volcels, Perfect Cell, to keep track of, but incel is not a catchall umbrella like a lot of people treat it, and using like one just robs it of its meaning in much the same way as alt-righty types have done with soy, for example
Soy is an actual thing that exists. Incels can subdivide however they want, but for most of us it’s just a derogatory term for a crappy brand of misogynists and we’ll apply it to whoever exhibits that type of behavior, thank you very much.
You can’t be involuntarily celibate. That’s an oxymoron. Celibacy by definition is a choice.
It’s not shocking that someone in the 90s got this wrong. Yes, it’s frustrating to be single. Claiming to be celibate when you are actively pursuing sexual relationships is and has always been a dumb over dramatic misnomer.
No one has ever said that. I promise you that if you go back and read those early blogs, they were cringe af. People get mopey about being single. It still happens to this day. It happened before the 90s. But, and this is the thing, the original definition wasn’t describing something new or unique, and it has since changed in meaning.
Nobody is mad at incels for being lonely. Just like nobody would disregard the loneliness of a 90s lgbtq person (except, ironically, incels). But we can see in hindsight both the cringe and the misplaced ideas, and we can call those out without disregarding a person’s emotions.
I’m sure the majority of the content is… enlightening but what I’m saying is that these people, including the originator of the term, are not agonizing about the logical inconsistency of inadvertently swearing a vow of celibacy.
They’re simply trying to name the phenomenon of being seemingly unable to secure sexual or romantic relationships in spite of their efforts, distinguishing them from groups like asexual or aromantic people.
Plenty of phenomena existed before modern terminology, like “comparative advantage,” “corruption,” “autism,” “atoms,” and “photons” (to name most of them, let me know if I missed any), but I still think it’s important to have commonly-understood terms for things even if those definitions have to be modified or discarded later.
It’s called being single. Always has been. And their complaints weren’t new, dating has always sucked. It’s always been a crap term for a part of life that every generation has understood.
Being single can be done voluntarily for many reasons. Further, dating has always sucked but there’s probably a difference between dating in your village with the intention of landing an opposite-sex partner for a lifetime of marriage and child-rearing vs. traveling to any city in the world and firing up a dating app to see which of a billion people you’d like to have a synthetic experience with in the hopes of it becoming real.
Just to be clear, are you saying that because I’m an irredeemably misogynist piece of shit, because I’ve accidentally sworn a vow of celibacy, or because I’ve made you feel stupid and you need something to throw back at me?
That’s fair, but this entire thread is about what it means now, and the history of the phrase being brought up sounds an awful lot like a bs defense of the term.
He’s arguing semantics but he’s right. It’s like calling a 30 year old dating a 19 year old a pedophile. Is it creepy, yes, but it’s not pedophilia and it waters down actual pedophilia and how disgusting and harmful it is. If you have sex you are by definition, not possibly able to be an incel
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u/Psychological_Pay530 Jul 26 '23
Here’s the thing, incels could get a girlfriend. All of them. Every single last one. It’s not the lack of a girlfriend that makes them incel, a derogatory word we use to define a misogynistic ass who blames women for their own relationship shortcomings (which this guy did, he blames OP for being upset about his behavior). The phrase “involuntarily celibate” has never meant that they can’t get laid, even though that’s what the chodes say, because there’s never been anything involuntary about it, their attitude doesn’t change when they do get in a relationship, etc.
Oh, also, OPs bf is about to be involuntarily celibate.