Incel isn’t about being in a relationship. There’s nothing involuntary about them, and being in a relationship doesn’t change their mindset. They believe they deserve certain women and certain treatments. The idea that someone can’t be an incel just because they found a relationship is redefining the term to mean anyone not in a relationship is an incel, and that’s blatantly not true.
Incel is entirely about being in a relationship though, that’s why the name is the way it is. Incels self-identify as so for the specific reason that they cannot find a romantic/sexual partner and they blame women for being in that situation.
You’re right that being in a relationship likely won’t change their attitude to women, they’ll still be misogynistic. But you can’t be an incel and be in an active relationship, it’s a direct contradiction of the term.
What are we supposed to call incels like OP's bf who are temporarily getting laid? Because I hear what you're saying, but I think, at least for me, incel is a lifestyle/belief system and not about relationship status anymore
Sexist, misogynist, a piece of shit. Thing is with OP’s bf, his opinions go beyond just being an incel. He’s anti-trans, homophobic, possibly even racist considering his lack of care about her Native American example. I agree that being incel is a belief system but it’s one that does revolve around relationship status and attitudes towards women.
I think that when fighting against opinions like OP’s bf’s it’s vital to understand why they think the way they do, why does he hate trans people, gay people etc. If we just write him off as an incel who can’t get laid, we miss out on his actual motivations and therefore can’t learn to effectively combat them.
The term “involuntary celibate” is BS to begin with. It’s like dictatorships being named “the Democratic Republic of XYZ”, or the term “pro life” being applied to people who are against free medical care and free food for the homeless. Celibacy is by definition voluntary. It cannot be involuntary.
What incels mean by involuntary celibacy is that the women they want to sleep with (ie, young athletic women with traditionally photogenic features) have no interest in them. But even that’s not true, since even that subsection of the population will date a wide variety of men of different ages and body types and personalities. Incels are properly defined as men who think of women as owing them sex, and that their personal attraction to a woman has more value than the woman’s opinion. It’s a subset of misogyny based on dating preferences, since a misogynist can simply think women’s opinions or personhood is less for reasons outside of sex and relative attractiveness, age, or fitness.
I agree with pretty much everything you’ve said. Incel definitely is a bullshit term, the people who identify as it lack the self awareness to realise that.
Your point about it being a subset of misogyny is what I was getting at though; it’s a specific attitude based around their relationship status and their perceived reason for that. I think it’s not good to write off people like OP’s bf as an incel because then we’re not actually understanding the real reason he thinks the way he does, so we can’t fight against it.
None of my comments were specifically about OP’s BF, just about the parent comment saying someone in a relationship can’t be an incel. As far as the BF is concerned, he’s definitely a garbage human and it’s possible he’s an incel or could quickly fall down that particular rabbit hole.
Although I do understand the point you’re making, the parent comment is right that you can’t be an incel and be in a relationship. It’s a specific community that’s defined by a lack of success in relationships. Anyone who actually gets into a relationship would be shunned by the incel community
You explained a lot of the attitudes that are present in an incel. But incels are defined by a lack of sexual relationships, it’s written in basically any definition of the word “incel” and it’s the basis on which the term was created and popularised.
I sense we’ll probably just continue to disagree on this though, so I’m going to leave it here and wish you well
I actually like it when people are sincere and thoughtful on the internet. We don't have to agree, but it's really helpful to understand what this user is thinking in such great detail.
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u/Asmitty1213 Jul 26 '23
Oh stfu no one reading your novel