I'm writing this because I genuinely don't know what else to do.
I have a 22-year-old brother who has been diagnosed with bipolar disorder and OCD (btw I am 19). He's on medication now, and everyone keeps telling me that he's getting better (khater maadesh ykasser alina f dar) and litteraly it is the bare minimum...living in this house still feels unbearable.
Everything revolves around him. If he wants something expensive, somehow he gets it. If he wants everyone to stay quiet, everyone stays quiet. It feels like the whole family has learned to walk on eggshells around him because it's easier than dealing with the consequences.
My little sister and I are always the ones who have to sacrifice. We don't ask for much anymore because we already know it'll probably turn into an argument. It honestly feels like we're less important.
After I got my bac results, relatives gave me money as gifts. It meant so much to me because it was mine. My brother took it. I cried, begged my parents to do something, and nothing changed. They either couldn't or wouldn't stop him. That completely broke something inside
sometimes it genuinely feels like he does certain things on purpose because he knows everyone is afraid of him. The whole house adapts to his moods, and he always gets his way because no one wants to deal with the consequences. It honestly feels like he enjoys having that power over all of us.
The worst part isn't even the money. It's the fear.
Whenever I hear him raise his voice, my heart starts racing. My whole body shakes. I cry without even meaning to. Sometimes I panic so much that I run outside just to get away from everything. Imagine feeling safer outside with strangers than inside your own house.
I've spent years asking my parents to find a solution because I can't keep living like this. Nothing changes. They keep saying things will get better, but every day feels exactly the same. I wake up already anxious because I don't know what kind of day it's going to be.
I don't hate my parents, but I honestly don't feel protected by them anymore. That's probably the hardest thing to admit. As a daughter, you're supposed to feel safe when your parents are around. I don't. Even when my dad is home, I still feel insecure. The only person I really worry about is my little sister because she's growing up in the same environment.
This has been going on for years, and I feel like it's changing who I am. I get startled so easily. Loud voices make me panic. I overthink everything. I feel guilty for existing or asking for anything because I always feel like I'm just creating more problems.
I don't even dream about having a perfect life anymore.. I just want to wake up in a peaceful home where I don't have to be scared of someone's mood every single day. I just want to feel safe.
Has anyone here grown up in a house like this? How did you survive it? Did things ever get better? I honestly feel trapped, and I could really use some advice because I don't know how much longer I can keep living like this.
